Author's Note: So, just a little drabble from BonesBird's song drabbles that I thought I'd post over here. It technically goes ten words over the 500 limit, but I removed ten when I posted it on FB. Kept those ten here, though. Forgive me. I have a slight fascination with J/P hook-ups...
I'm kind of pretty, I'm pretty damn smart
I like romantic things like music and art
And as you know I have a gigantic heart
So why don't I have a boyfriend
It sucks to be me
"It Sucks To Be Me" - Avenue Q
He had heard about his former captain's retreat into herself, but he hadn't actually believed it until he had shown up at her apartment that Friday evening. The ironic thing, Tom Paris thought later, was that his wife had been the one to send him there. The Captain – Kathryn, as she insisted they call her now, had been an excellent hostess, attending to his need. Another man might have missed the underlining sadness in her eyes, the tension in her shoulders, but Tom had always been a keen observer of human behavior and Kathryn was one of his favorite studies.
It took a bottle and a half of Irish whiskey, but Tom finally got her to open up about her loneliness since Voyager's return to the Alpha Quadrant. She talked about how she didn't quite fit in with her family anymore, how they treated her almost as if she would break. Kathryn told him of the problems she was having with the other admirals; how half of them seemed in awe of her and the other half were waiting for her to mess up. She mentioned how she missed the Voyager crew, that she never seemed to see or talk to them enough to stave off the feelings of desolation.
It was only after he put his arm around her in front of the fire that he built in her fireplace that she admitted that she no longer felt like a woman. The few dates she had managed to go on the last year or so had all ended disastrously. Kathryn was sure she was destined to end up alone, an untouchable princess locked in an ivory tower. As Tom gazed down into her despondent blue eyes, his heart broke. He intended only to make her feel better for a moment, but as his lips grazed the softness of hers, he lost all sense of himself. He forgot he was a husband, a father, a seemingly rehabilitated member of society. His entire world narrowed to her and now.
They spoke no words when it was over. Kathryn turned away from him as she dressed, afraid to see the look of shame in his eyes. Tom feared seeing the disgust in hers. When they finally glanced into each others' faces, they saw nothing but peace. Kathryn walked him to her front door. With a kiss to his cheek and a squeeze of his shoulder, she tried to reassure him that everything would be okay. When he arrived home, Tom found his wife asleep. He took a shower to wash away the night before curling in beside her.
Tom didn't see or hear from Kathryn for nearly a month. He and B'Elanna were stronger than ever. If she suspected anything, she never let on. Tom felt his heart drop as Kathryn entered the bar where the crew had gathered for their monthly getogether. But as she turned and took her former first officer's hand in her own, he felt a rightness come over his soul. All was as it should be.