"I'll Take my Chances"

Post-season 2 ep. 10. Marian confronts Guy.

I'm going to marry Robin Hood.

Was this what I really wanted? Give up everything to go join him and his gang in the forest? How was I going to tell Guy? Did I even want to? I had been selfish, using a man like Guy for my own ends, giving him hopes in every lie. It's not like he hadn't been selfish either. I was the one who had saved his life and he couldn't have been more ungrateful for it. I stayed at his request in the castle when I could easily have left. Perhaps I should have escaped earlier when I had the chance. When I became engaged to Robin Hood I had felt so elated, but something was keeping me from going forward with that life.

Marian?

I glance up from gazing into the fire. There's Robin sitting across from me interrupting my thoughts. Surrounding me are members of Robin's gang finishing up their meal.

What? I ask.

Nothing, Robin shrugs. You just looked lost in thought.

I shake my head. He wouldn't understand my conflicted feelings for Guy. It's getting late. I should be heading home.

My mind was too restless; I had to go somewhere, anywhere, but home.

Are you alright? Robin asks me as I mount my horse. You don't seem yourself.

I'll be fine. I'm just trying to deal with my father's passing. Thank you for helping me through it.

Robin sends me the smile of his I've always loved. That's what I'm here for. Take care.

I leave him with a gentle smile in return. Now the road lies ahead of me. I could get lost in Sherwood now from my uncertainty. What do I want? Out there is a man who hasn't lost all sense of compassion. If he can hold onto it for that long, surely there is some good left in him. I have to see Guy. Shame it's getting late. No matter, I can't hold out until tomorrow. I'll just have to take my chances.

The lights are dimmed inside Locksley Manor. I try to calm my heartbeat as the guards outside let me in and summon Guy from upstairs. Tired and disheveled, he couldn't look more surprised to see me.

Marian? What are you doing here? It's late.

I…I had to come. Words were failing me; my throat had become parched.

Guy raises his eyebrows at me for a moment trying to deduce my possible reasons for coming. I glance over at the guards watching me at the doorway. Can…can we speak…alone please?

Guy nods, gesturing to the guards to leave us as he leads me toward the burning hearth. Are you unwell?

I shake my head, unable to meet his eyes. Before my legs fail me, I slump down into a nearby chair fumbling my fingers on the arm piece.

Guy's voice is frustrated. I fear this conversation might get out of hand. Marian, what's this all about?

I'm sick of pretending with you, Guy, always asking you for favors, using you like the Sheriff does.

What do you mean? His voice is hard; how can I possibly soften it?

When the Sheriff was gone, I saw a different side to you; someone who was willing to die with the people and fight for what's right. Where did that man go?

You rejected him once.

I cringe at his words, as if he was rubbing salt into the old wound where he had stabbed me when I was the night watchman. If only he had somehow known what he had done, could he have found some way to forgive me? And I'm sorry for it.

Ah, he says, leaning his back against the mantle place. Is that all?

No, I quickly respond. There are things you don't know about me and I just want to trust you.

And I you.

What's stopping you?

Guy sighs, his eyes piercing into mine. I thought I'd lost you after you disappeared when your father died. It tore me apart, Marian. You wouldn't understand.

Please, I gently murmur, rising from my chair. Slowly I walk over to where he stands, my heart pounding. Tell me.

Marian, you're the only chance I have. Since my finding you in Sherwood, I've been hoping that you would stay at the castle. It's a heartless place without a woman like you. When you're there I can bear every reproach, every humiliation from the Sheriff, just to know that you're safe. All I want is to protect you.

And you have. I am grateful for it, but you don't know me, Guy. If you did, then you wouldn't be so eager to help me.

Yeah? Try me.

This is my only chance. If I tell him, I risk everything. It's now or never. The longer Guy is under the Sheriff's influence since his return, the more vulnerable I become. I take a deep breath before meeting his eyes.

I am the night watchman.

Silence permeates the room, so much that you could hear a pin drop.

My God, his eyes widen in disbelief. It can't be you. You're lying.

No, I'm not and I'm asking for your forgiveness, not for helping the poor, but for stealing from you. I thought that when I'd marry you I would lose that freedom to help people of Locksley and everywhere else in England. You don't understand what it's like trying to fight for a cause you believe in and having to hold back because of being a woman. It's torture and if I had my choice I would run far away from here. But I can't; the people here need me.

You would think of leaving Nottingham so you could run off with Hood's men? Guy sneers. I wondered.

You misunderstand me, Guy, I plead, touching his shoulder. He slowly backs away from me. If you hate me now for telling you the truth, how could you possibly have loved me before?

You don't know that, or the torture you've brought me. I can't sleep because every night I yearn to be with you, to know that someone in England doesn't hate me. He's moving closer to me now, until his hands grab my arms, making me face him. I've done such awful things, Marian and whenever I'm around you I regret them. I know that I could have been a different man.

It's not too late. Let me help you. Don't shut me out.

I've lost all train of thought; nothing holds me back now as I let down my walls. I kiss Guy tenderly, unwilling this time to break away from him. He quickly responds, drawing me in closer to him, his arm wrapping themselves around my waist. I can be there for him. Why did I wait this long? He won't let go of me. He only lets out a shuddering breath, before I feel his hands stroke my face. If I'm engaged, then why does this feel right?

I'm already engaged! I break our kiss quickly, regretting it. I slowly catch my breath. Where is this going to go? How can I face the possible consequences?

What is it? Guy murmurs in my ear, stroking my hair the way he did when I was grieving for my father.

I shake my head. It's nothing. I lean my head against chest, pulling my hands in close. He doesn't ask further, instead enclosing me in an embrace. I never want to let go. Guy surprises me by his next few words.

Marian, can you forgive me?

I glance up at him, meeting his eyes. For everything you've done?

Yes. I've hurt you far more than I ever thought. Even as the night watchman.

I wanted to tell you, but I feared what you would do if you knew.

You haven't lost anything from me. So, do you?

I nod, meeting his lips once more. He enfolds my hand in his own, stroking it gently. Slowly I move his hands to my tunic, allowing him to lift it up slightly. He looks intently at the scar where he had stabbed me in the side, his fingers tracing it in horror. I almost killed you.

I nod, trying not to soften the truth at the damage he had inflicted. Death had nearly taken me and I had come back. Now I had made my choice. The man who had dared to be so cruel and a few times kind to me I was willing to accept. I loved him. I loved Guy of Gisborne and I was not ashamed of it. Never had I felt so brave about something since I had lasted acted as the night watchman. How in the world was I going to tell Robin? I would have to wait until the morning.

Guy and I stayed up all night talking. I was surprised that he had been so willing to stay up. I went about his home lighting more candles to keep me awake. Just because he cared for me, did not mean Guy should have Robin's home. Somehow I needed to persuade Guy to return it to him.

Sitting down in the chair by the fireplace, Guy handed me a goblet of wine that I sipped mulling over my thoughts. Guy sat close across from me warming his hands from the heat of the fire.

What are you thinking about? he asks me.

There's so much I still have to tell you. I don't want to go yet.

I don't want you to go, he replies, sending me his rare smile. You've been far more direct than usual. I'm not ready to lose that side of you.

I smile in return. It's nice to realize that another man besides Robin appreciates that side of me. It's always rare being a lady that I ever get to be direct with men.

It takes a lot to bring myself to confess things to Guy. I did have feelings for Robin Hood, but they've changed over time. I was torn because I stood for what he believed in, but when the Sheriff was gone, I realized I had feelings for you that I had been trying to repress.

Guy sighs, trying to take it all in. Mine never stopped.

Guy, I say, finally able to really meet his eyes. Can we start again, please?

He looks at me, his eyes full of hope. Yes.

There are just some things we have to settle first.

Like what? I thought you said you were tired of asking for favors.

I know, but this is important. Robin Hood must have Locksley back. It is rightfully his.

I've hit a sensitive point with Guy. He rises from his seat, pacing the room. And what do you propose I do instead? Give up my title, my position with the Sheriff? I can't protect you otherwise.

I know. If you want to achieve position where the Sheriff won't use you anyway, I suggest you side with Robin Hood and the people of Nottingham.

Siding with outlaws? They already hate me.

That's why you have me, I reassure him, walking over to him and taking his hand in mine. If I, the night watchman can trust you, so can they. We can together help restore England to its rightful place as a good and just country that it once was under King Richard, whether the king returns or not.

Guy hangs his head in shame. Marian, I've lied to you.

It's not too late to tell me the truth.

Guy's hand brushes my cheek, perhaps wary of my reaction. I tried to kill the king in the holy land. I wasn't ill like everyone thought.

I know.

You know?

Robin Hood told me.

Guy sneers, brushing past me. So we've both been playing games, haven't we?

Yes, so it would seem. That's why I came tonight: to end that.

Guy turns to me, taking my hand in his, drawing me closer. Well, then you're a godsend.

I send him a smile, one of the first genuine ones I've ever given him. A rush of relief sweeps through me. He draws me in to kiss me once more. This time there is a tenderness about his caresses, a sense of vulnerability he is willing to reveal. He needs me. I don't pretend to not know this.

Marian, he murmurs to me, will you marry me?

This isn't for once an offer under duress, or an alibi between choosing him or death. It's just love as it should be. My hand touches his cheek and I can tell he savors my touch. Yes, Guy. I will marry you.

Never had I seen him more elated.