"My beautiful employees," boomed Michael.

"Today, we will be welcoming a new member into this office who will be replacing Ryan as the most attractive worker here. His name is- drumroll, Dwight - "

Dwight vigorously slapped his knees and then proceed to slap Jim's knees like he was playing a drum set. Jim got up and walked away.

"His name is," Michael continued, "his name is... Harry Kotter."

A half hearted clap resounded through the office. Harry stepped into the spot light. He had a voluptuous nose and a tight fitting white shirt that showed his breast through his shirt. He had always dressed a little too slutty for those Brits, but he fit right in here. Michael pushed Harry out of the way.

"You may have noticed that Kevin is no longer with us. That is because he has died," said Michael.

Hands rose into the air. Michael looked discerningly at his options before reluctantly selecting Phyllis.

"Michael," whined Phyllis in her usual confused sing-songy drawl, "how did Kevin die?"

"Well, Phyllis, details aren't important right now. What's important is that we work together in welcoming our new friend Harry, who is British. God save the Queen!"

Michael motioned for Harry to speak.

"Thank you," said Harry, before freezing. "Oh no," he thought. "Not a speech!" Harry had a tendency to freak out and get paralyzed when speaking in front of large groups. Out of nerves, he automatically reverted to his default speech.

"People of the Scranton branch! Some of you may see me as a hero. You might call me the Great Savior of Britain, the Boy Who Lived, or the Amazing Wizard, but I don't want you to treat me any differently..."

"Blimey!" cried Harry. "I just exposed the wizarding world! Obliviate!" With a wave of his wand, Harry Kotter wiped away their memories and tried again.

"That is to say, hello! I'm Harry, Harry Kotter, Kotter with a K. I come from England, in the United Kingdom, the United Kingdom with a U."

Suddenly, Toby came in from around the corner, rudely interrupting Harry's introductory speech.

Harry's eyes began to leak with tears as he was reminded of his once best friend. "That red hair..." he whispered. "Ron..."

Toby gave him a wary look before taking his seat.

Michael interrupted Toby's interruption. "Toby! You are such a maggot! Just... go buy Harry some fish and chips to make up for this. And maybe some meat pies. Now, take a seat Harry."

Taken aback, Harry seated himself across from Angela in a cleared out area.

"Alright, back to work everyone!" Michael declared with a clap and retreated into his office to play with some Pez.

"Hi," said Harry, holding out his hand for Angela to shake. Angela glared at him leaving his hand limply hanging out in front of her.

"I like your cats," said Harry softly, indicating to a golden framed photo of felines. "My friend turned into one once."

Angela, who for a second seemed to be coming around, gave him a look of grave disapproval and turned away.

"Don't mind her," said the short, curly- haired man next to him with a smile, "She'll come around. I'm Oscar by the way."

Harry blushed, and managed to stutter out: "Oh, good. And, nice to meet you, I'm Harry." He pushed his hair back briskly. Harry couldn't quite put his finger on it but he suddenly was reminded his feelings for Dumbledore back in the days.

"I know," said Oscar with a wink.

"Oh, right." Harry laughed awkwardly. "I did just introduce myself, didn't I?"

Oscar gave him a knowing, superior smile before getting back to his work.

Harry sat there for a few moments, playing with a miscellaneous rubber band, before abruptly saying "So I guess I'm an accountant now."

Angela raised her eyebrows. "Is that supposed to be a joke?"

Oscar cut in reassuringly, "Don't worry, you're just replacing Kevin; he never did any work anyways, all he did was count. And all Angela does is plan parties."

"Oh, that sounds fun," said Harry, "can I join?"

"No!" hissed Angela. Oscar wondered after all these years if Angela really had turned into a cat.

Phyllis cut in- "Angela," she drawled, sing-songing, you can't exclude people from being members if the party planning committee!"

"But he's a man!"

"Or is he," questioned Phyllis, looking at his breast.

This proved to be a sensitive subject for Harry, who, enraged, stood up to his total height of 5'7 and let out a deep roar. "I am man!" he bellowed. "But I also want to plan parties!"

"Ok, fine!" spat out Angela. "But if I see any funny business, I can easily disqualify you!"

Harry glared at her. "Fine. ... so whose party are we planning for next?"

"Dwight," Angela said with an oddly erotic tone.

"I think we should have a piñata," said Harry.

Angela looked taken aback, and her erotic air rapidly faded. "No. I wanted to go with a beet theme, in honor of Dwight's trade. I also wanted to include assorted carols such as "Little Town of Bethlehem," playing from a little jewelry box, also featuring a spinning Ballerina."

Harry leered at her threateningly, alluding to his vast height, before telling her that he needed to get back to work and would she stop bothering him please!

Then, he returned to his computer, where he began to type numbers vigorously.

"72 times 86 divided by 7" he mumbled to himself, "Ahaa, there! Yes! Good Harry!" He nodded so rapidly that the desk shook.

"That's it!" Angela blurted out, slamming her hand down on her desk. She hurried away in a tizzy.

"Wow, they didn't even mention math in Hogwarts. But ahhh, who knew numbers could be so satisfying!" Harry exclaimed. "Count with me, 10, 82, 73!"

Oscar reached out and touched Harry's hand. "Are you okay there?"

But Harry was more than okay. In fact, he hadn't felt this normal in months, years, decades, even!

At Dunder Mifflin Scranton, Harry truly felt like "just Harry."

He knew it could only get better from here.