All through dinner, I blushed uncontrollably. Sweat formed on the back of my neck, making it seem 20 degrees hotter in here.
"What's wrong, Wanda?" Ian asked, his eyes full of concerned. I turned crimson. His hand brushed my cheek. I'm sure he felt the heat radiating off my face.
"Nothing," I muttered and shook my head, looking down. Melanie raised her eyebrows. I mouthed "later" and shook my head. She nodded and turned towards Jamie, asking him how his day was.
I picked at my food, moving it across my plate. I kept my head down, and the blush didn't fade. It hasn't faded all day. Ian has been on my mind a lot lately, but not just his face. His broad shoulders tense from working, his chest, his long and musceled arms, they all flashed through my thoughts. I blushed again from thinking about it.
When everyone was done, Ian took my hand and we walked in the direction of our bedroom.
I shook my head. "I want to talk to Melanie. I'll be there in a minute, okay?" He nodded and reached down to kiss me, cautious and unsure. When I kissed back, those emotions disappeared.
"Wanda?" Melanie asked, "What is it?" I didn't meet her eyes. Jared was still beside her.
"Can I talk to you?" I asked and glanced quickly at Jared. Melanie looked at him and then raised her eyebrows. He took the hint and left, thankfully.
"So, what is it?" She asked again. I glanced around the kitchen, we were almost alone. I locked eyes with her, half hoping that she would just know what I was thinking. "Wanda, we don't share a body anymore. I can't read your mind."
"Okay," I gave in. "Well," I began, no idea how to start this. "Remember when you and Jared had that talk," I emphasized and looked at her with pleading eyes, begging her to understand. "And you wanted to, you know, have sex." I looked at the ground with I felt blood rush to my face.
"Oh," she said, nonchalantly. "And you want to, with Ian. Tonight. That's why you were blushing," she pieced it together aloud. "Have you talked to him about it?"
"I was going to tonight," I mumbled.
"Wanda, it's not really a big deal. It's all in instinct." She waved her hand expressively.
"Oh," I tried to look up at her. "Instinct?" I asked, unsure of what she meant.
She nodded, "It just happens. There's no other way to explain it. It doesn't take a lot of thinking, it's instinct. It comes with the body," Melanie explained.
"Okay," I said slowly. I don't want to give away the child part of me. I still had no idea what she meant. I suppose I wouldn't until it happened. Which might be soon. I remember Melanie and Jared from her memories, but I don't quite understand them.
"I'm sure Ian has some contraception," Melanie thought out loud. I nodded. "Is that all?" She asked, the big sister part of her showing.
I shook my head. "Yeah, I'm fine." I gripped the hem of my shirt to keep my hands from shaking.
"It'll be fine, Wanda, really. Okay?" Melanie questioned. I nodded my head. "Okay," she said warily. "Goodnight, then." Melanie winked at me before she turned and left the kitchens.
I took big breaths all the way to the room I shared with Ian. I've been nervous plenty of times before. There was the kind of nervous I felt when Jeb found me, when Jared came back from the raid, when Kyle came for me in the bathing rooms, when Jamie fell on the knife, when the Seeker approached Jared and I in the car, and when I walked to Doc set on giving Melanie back. This was different. This nervous made my abdonmen ache, my heart beat unevenly, and my breath become shaky.
I knocked on the red door and Ian came to move it. "Sorry, I couldn't get it myself," I admitted.
"It's okay," he said and leaned down to kiss me. Before he could pull away, I held his shoulders close to me. Everywhere he touched burned me. My hands tangled themselves in his hair while his own rested on the bare skin that showed when I lifted my arms up. I gasp when his fingers slowly trace my spine. The memory of when Ian thought I didn't respond to emotions the way a human would lingers in the back of my mind. Am I still doing it wrong?
Our actions become desperate and hungry. I'm suprised when Ian lays me down on the bed, mostly because I didn't realize we were moving. He let's me catch my breath while he kisses my neck, moving down to the hollow in my throat, and then my collar bone. I take his head in my hands and bring him back up to me, kissing him more. I take his bottom lip between my teeth like when I lost Mel. A low sound comes from the back of his throat. I watch for when he starts to gain control, but it doesn't happen. His fingers trace where skin isn't visible, up and down the sides of my stomach.
A different sound escapes from his mouth this time. I open my eyes to see his staring back at me. Instantly blood rushes to my face. I didn't blush when he was kissing me, so why now? Or maybe I did and didn't notice it. I liked it when I had control over my body, finally able to shove the small and shy part of me down.
"Wanda," Ian said, his voice hard. I doubt it was because he was mad. His hands didn't leave my skin, burning me yet sending shivers down my spine.
"What?" I replied, with the same hardness. It took everything out of me to not look away. My eyes never left his. Ian shook his head, sighed, and then slowly got off me. "What?" I demanded. It wasn't Melanie's fierceness that seeped into me. This was eniterly my own. He sat up and I followed him.
"Do you know what you're doing?" He asked softly. He was the one to look away. A hole opened up in my chest. I wonder if this is what rejection feels like, or maybe this is something different.
"Yes," I stated. I started to calm down, my own shyness creeping back up on me. My emotions betrayed me, I flush.
"And it's the first time you've ever done it?" He asked. My face grew hotter.
"Yes," I said. I was a virgin, and so was Pet's body. I wonder if I was in Melanie's body if I would still be a virgin. Her body wasn't, but I was. I settle on the answer that yes, I woud still be a virgin.
"It's, something important, okay? Once you decide to do this you can't take it back," He explained. I frowned, Melanie said it wasn't a big deal. "You are sure you're not just trying to please me, Wanda? I can't make you do this, okay, it's a choice that you have." His own face was flushed, too.
"I know." I thought about the images that flashed through my head earlier, and the way my skin burned when he touched me. "I'm not just trying to please you," I say quietly. "You're my partner, Ian. I don't want anything more than this." I say, my voice small and my face hot. Here's the Wanda that everyone knows and loves.
He was fast, faster than anyone I've ever seen. His face came at me, and before I could prepare for the rough, fierce lips that were there before, soft ones met mine. His kiss made something deep inside me ignite. My hands ran across his jaw and down his neck, resting at his shoulders once again, his found their way back to my bare skin, but stopped before they could go further.
"How old are you really, Wanda?" He asked, his eyes closed and forehead resting against mine.
"Seventeen," said in an unsure voice that didn't sound like mine, though I moved my lips and made the words come out.
"Wanda, you're a terrible liar, you know that," he laughed. "I know why you lied, and I'll keep that in mind, but tell me, please." I stayed silent and he sighed. "Or you could just not tell me and I'll keep thinking that you look your age, which is fourteen." His forehead didn't leave mine. "Wanda, that's half my age. At least if you tell me the truth it will be older," he said, his voice strained.
"I've lived eight full lives, why should it matter what age I am?" I asked. I didn't want to tell him, remembering the way Jared acted when Melanie said she wanted sex.
"I just want to know," he pleaded, his eyes still closed. Maybe they were afraid that I was actually fourteen.
"I'll tell you," he breathed a sigh of relief, "but only if you don't think I'm inexpirienced, or niave, or too young," I said silently. He nodded tightly. "My real age is sixteen," Ian's body went rigid. "But I wasn't lying about my birthday. Now it's in a week."
"Okay," Ian said. It was probably all he could manage to say. Ian didn't move, he just sat there. My hands started shaking, so I balled them into fists. The hole in my chest grew bigger. This is definitely what rejection feels like. If it was possible, my face grew hotter. I turned my head and looked at the ground.
"Are you sure about this?" Hot breath against my ear sent shivers down my spine. I was suddenly aware of his finger lingering on the skin just under my breast.
I turned to look him in the eye. "I haven't been more sure of anything else," I whispered against his lips. I flushed again and shut my eyes. Ian closed the gap between us. His calloused hands were pressed more firmly to my chest, but his finger tips were barely touching. My body wanted to be closer to him, like we were attracting magnets. He slid his hands down towards the hem of my shirt and pulled it off with my bra while I reached my arms above my head, making it easier for him.
His hands held my breasts perfectly, setting them on fire. "Beautiful," he murmured, and kissed my skin that was in his hands. A tingling feeling, one I can only describe as lightning, erupted from the spot he kissed and was felt below my stomach but higher than my hips.
I noticed Ian was wearing a button up shirt. Forcing the fearless Wanda out of me, I grabbed the top of his shirt and used all of my muscle to rip the buttons off like I've seen Mel do to Jared in one of her memories. My strength was not enough, I was forced to undo each of the buttons until I got access to his chest. I felt Ian slightly shake and I realized he was laughing. I scowled and bit down lightly on the skin I was kissing. When I looked back up, Ian had a surprised look on his face. I was wondering whether or not he liked my fiercness when he cut off my thoughts by kissing me, pressing me against him. I smiled against his lips.
Nervousness bubbled inside my stomach when his hands hovered just above my hips. I started shaking again removed my hands from his chest to help him unbutton my pants. While I slid off my jeans and threw them across the room, he took off his shirt. My mouth found his again. I needed him like humans need water. Ian's hands covered my whole body, starting at my waist, then across my rib cage, and then the covered my shoulder blades. My own hands found there way back to his chest, resting there. He rubbed circles on my skin and I started shaking. The nerves never left.
"Wanda," Ian said before he broke apart the kiss. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked again. I knew Ian's eyes were on me, waiting for me to open them.
"Yes," I breathed. My eyes were kept closed.
"You're shaking," he noted. I balled my hands into fists again to try and stop it.
"I'm just," I say between shaky breaths, "nervous. That's all." I opened my eyes and looked into the only thing I could see clearly. The saphire of Ian's eyes.
"Don't be afraid," he kissed my forehead and brushed my hair behind my ear. I could feel the red form in my cheeks. I thought it would be dark enough to not see, but the moon shone through the cracks of our cave.
"I'm not afraid," I managed to get out. I nod my head. He lays me down on my back, kissing me and rubbing the same circles, this time on my thighs. Before I noticed it, his hand was in my underwear, making my shaking grow stronger and my breaths shakier. I felt his finger slide into me, and a new feeling made itself present in my abdomen. The heat between my legs grew hotter with each passing second. Ian pressed against the muscle inside me and something that sounded like his name mixed with a whimper escaped my lips. I realized he heard that and I flushed.
"If it gets too much, or too uncomfortable, tell me. Okay?" He asked. After I nodded my head a second finger went into me. At first there was a pinch of pain but it became more tolerable.
When his fingers left me, I tried to regain control of my breathing before I realized he was removing his jeans. The nervousness, that had only been shoved down, now made it's way back up to my heart making it beat faster. I closed my eyes as my face flushed and tilted my head back.
He left trails of kisses down my body. Stopping at my hip bones, his fingers hooked under the waist band of my underwear and slid them off. I sat up when they got stuck on my foot. Frustrated, I threw them across the room like I did with my jeans. Ian supressed a smile. He slowly pushed my legs apart. In front of me was my Ian, all of him. The only word to describe him was beautiful.
I could feel him between me, pressing against my entrance. His eyes were full of worry and concern. "Wanda." The way he said my name, the way it rolled of his tongue effortlessly only added fuel to the flame that was ignited a while ago. He continued, "This... Wanda, it'll..." Ian was talking in circles.
It would hurt. I knew it would hurt. Melanie's memories reminded me of what it was like for her. She drawn blood when she dug her nails into whomever's back. It would hurt.
"I know." I tried to say it like I meant it, but it came out small and weak. In Pet's voice the statement came out airy and scared. "I love you," I breathed.
"I love you, too." He pressed in, slowly. Pain hit everywhere. I bit my lip to try and take my mind off of it, but it didn't help. When a tear fell, I bit my lip harder. The only thing I was determined to not let escape was a scream. I couldn't let Ian hear that, all he wanted to do is keep me safe and if he found out he brought me pain... I sucked in a breath and whimpered. Ian noticed the pain on my face. I tried to cover it up by closing my eyes, but that didn't help. He pulled out and bent down to kiss my eyelids.
"Damn it," he mumbled.
"Ian, I'm fine, really, I'm okay." Words rush out of my mouth. He took my chin in his hands.
"Really? Because the wound in your lip begs to differ," he replied at my feeble attempt to reassure him. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair.
"Well I'm okay now," I say quietly. "Ian." My tone made it clear that this was what I want.
Slowly, he pushed back in. It was uncomfortable, but as soon as he pressed against the same muscle, the feeling washed away. His eyes never left my face. When the heat returned between my legs and I started to shake again, a low moan escaped from his chest. His noise made my stomach jump. I wanted him to make the noise again. I moved my hips with his and slightly arched my back, whimpering in the process. Melanie was right, it was all about instinct.
Everything that made it hurt before was feeling better every second. Something happened that made the fire in my abdomen explode. Ian might have angled his hips different, my arched back might have arched more, or the timing was right. I heard another moan, but this one was more feminine. Hearing my pleasure must have sent Ian over the edge. All the control he has tried to keep these past few days was lost. Since he knew it wasn't hurting me anymore, he let everything go. The slow pace he had sustained grew faster, pleasure almost to the point of pain.
When I felt his muscles flex, I finally understood human emotions. They were so intense and uncontrollable that it made you want more. These emotions could never be shared with anyone else, and that's why Ian was my partner, on this planet only. Even if he were a soul- and God forbid that ever happens- I could never feel this way with him unless it was on this planet equipped with these human emotions. I didn't think anything could ever burn hotter than when Ian touched me, but I was wrong. This burn was the intense fire mixed with molten rock mixed with boiling lava, all moving through me. My muscles constricted around him and I screamed his name, though my voice was barely above a whisper.
He gently pulled out and collapsed beside me. I curled up next to him, feeling his repid heart beat become slower and his breathing even out.
"Is this okay?" I whisper, echoing my question when the rains began. Ian absentmindedly stroked my hair. He nodded, lost in thought. I wait until he came back to me to question him. "What were you thinking about?" I ask, curious, my voice not above a whisper.
"You," he answers. I feel my face start to go hot.
"Oh." I fall silent. "What about me?" I say in a small voice after a minute. My heart speeds up as I wait for his answer. Ian hasn't stopped stroking my hair.
"Nothing in particular," he answers. He sensed me waiting for more and went on. "The way your eyelashes look in the moonlight. The perfect curve of your sides." I close my eyes and try to see myself the way he sees me. "The silver that outlines your dark pupils. The way you say my name. Not just the sound of your voice but the way you pronounce it. The way it feels to carry you in my arms. Everything about you, Wanda." I was flushed.
"Oh," I whisper. I took in a shaky breath even though my breathing has just become even. Exhaustion washes over me and my eyes struggle to stay open.
"Are you tired?" He asked in a low voice. I didn't want to move when the sun came up. This was the perfect position, tucked into him lighting my whole left side on fire.
"No." My answer came out muffled against his chest. I shook my head to emphasize that I wasn't going to fall asleep, I just wanted to lay there. "Are you?"
"No," he replied. I could hear the smile in his voice. I giggled to myself and flushed. It was frustrating how easily he could make me do that.
We must have both denied we were tired, because I woke up in the same position before I fell asleep to orange sky through the cracks in our cave. Ian was still sleeping, his breathing even and controlled. I didn't want to wake him, so I didn't move to get rid of the ache between my legs and through my muscles. I layed in the almost uncomfortable position watching his chest rise and fall. He looked so peaceful when he slept, very angelic like. We were truly partners now, I felt empty without him making me full.
"Good morning," whispered a low voice. I blushed and giggled, estatic Ian was awake. We had our whole lives in these caves, and it will be perfect for each day to start like this.
That's the first smut I've written, so I'm sorry if it wasn't what you were expecting. If you liked it or have any comments on it, please review or pm me. I could really use constructive criticism to make my writing better. :)