A/N- Ok, i'm going to warn you now. I know absolutely NOTHING about homicide detectives! And i know it takes a lot longer to become one, just go along with it please? I didn't want to make Bella too much older. But yeah, I'm sorry if a lot of stuff in inaccurate and stuff. DON'T HATE ME!!!!

Disclaimer- Stephanie Meyer owns the story and the characters, I just get to play around with them. MUAHAHAHA! :P

Anyway, proceed and I hope you enjoy my new fanfic! Title of the story comes from the song "I Don't Want to Want You" by Lesley Roy. I might change it...but i'm not sure.

Chapter 1- What I Wouldn't Give

What I wouldn't give just to forget
What I wouldn't give to get some rest
So I can remember how to live again
I wanna live again

~Holly Brook

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely. He opened his eyes, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.

"You…don't…want me?" My voice cracked throughout the whole sentence. I was confused by the way the words had sounded, placed in that order.

…………

"You're not good for me, Bella."

…………

"Goodbye, Bella," he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice. A single tear fell down my face as I tried to reach out for him, but his cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. I opened my eyes as he was backing away. "Be safe." And then he was gone...

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

WHACK!

Damn it.

This is how every morning started out. I would dream about the day Ed- he- left and then my alarm would go off scaring the shit out me.

Mornings suck.

Well… pretty much everyday suck. Ever since that horrible day in the forest when I lost the love of my life, my life has been full of hurt, doubt, and anger. I spent the first few months after Edward- flinch- left pretty much catatonic and zombie-like. Every night I would leave my window open, no matter what the temperature was, and hope and pray that he would come back for me.

He never did.

Charlie was so worried about me. He actually had Renee come and try to take me back to Jacksonville and to try and talk to a shrink.

Yeah, that would turn out well. 'Yeah, my vampire boyfriend left me after his vampire brother tried to eat me and he said he doesn't love me anymore'. Oh yeah, that would be a great little therapy session.

I did feel for Charlie though. He cared about me so much and I was treating him terribly by not talking or eating and just being distant and pretty much gone.

But I was crushed. The only one I would ever love to me he didn't love me anymore and when he left he took my heart and soul with him. Jerk.

Well after I graduated high school, and that small amount of hope I had left disappeared, I attended Washington State University. I minored in Language Arts and majored in Law Enforcement. It was an interesting four years. And I can tell you that both Charlie and Renee were very much surprised when I told them what I would be majoring in. Let's just say after I graduated, I got over myself and didn't sulk about my life anymore. No, I didn't do that, I just became really angry.

I didn't have many friends in college and that was my fault. I didn't want to become attached to anybody. Though no matter how hard I tried to distance myself from people, there was one who insisted on being my friend; and that's Jamie.

He. Is. Amazing. Enough said. Jamie is the only one I've talked to about him…minus the vampire details. You see, Jamie is gay and it was completely hilarious to hear him tell me that guys suck. He was having some relationship problems when I told him the story of my previous relationship. Jamie is the greatest friend a girl could have. He like the guy version of Alice- flinch-, when it comes to fashion he is, if not worse.

At the beginning of my college years Jamie always criticized my choice of clothing. He would always meet me at my dorm so we could walk to class together and if he didn't like my outfit he would make me change, even if it resulted in being late to class. He was crazy, but still amazing with his hyper, sarcastic attitude. He almost always had a sarcastic comment to everything. He somehow always found a way to make me laugh when I was having a my-life-sucks-I-want-to-die days.

Now, back to the present. It is 5:33 am and I'm fucking exhausted. Remember when I said how morning sucked? Yeah, well, today is even worse. It's September 13. My birthday. My twenty-fourth birthday. I hate birthdays, definitely mine. Now I'm twenty-four and still getting older everyday, thought Jamie tells me pretty much everyday that I don't look a day over eighteen. Really? I guess I haven't changed much in the past six years. So yeah, it's my birthday.

At least I have work to take the thoughts and memories of that horrid eighteenth birthday out of my head.

Oops! I guess I forget to mention what my job is.

I'm a homicide detective. Awesome right? I get a gun and everything. This was not my dream job eighteen years ago, but with all the anger going through me this was the perfect job, at least the part with the gun is. Although, Jamie always tells me that with my anger I don't need a gun, I could end up hurting somebody, and possibly myself. Charlie was actually worried about me handling a gun because of my clumsiness, but over the years, my clumsiness has disappeared. My aversion to blood is also gone. It's kinda difficult to be a homicide detective and have an aversion to blood. I have seen a lot of blood and other disgusting things, which would normally make me pass out, the past year.

Oh I love this job. I'm not really sure why. I think I thought that since I'm so angry all the time and if they ever came back I would have I gun and I could just shoot them if they pissed me off even more. But since they're vampires and can't die, shooting them wouldn't work. So I'm still not sure why I took this job.

God, what I wouldn't give to just forget them! But I knew that was never going to happen.

"BELLA! You better get your skinny ass out of bed right now or we're gonna be late!" Jamie was shouting outside my door. We are roommates. I opened my eyes just a little so I could see my clock. 5:40 am. That made me groan in unhappiness.

"No," I mumbled back.

"Isabella Swan, if you don't get up right now I'm coming in there with a bucket of water!"

Shit. He would do it too. He did it to me our second year of college. Not a good way to wake up.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I said sitting up and running my hand through my messy hair in frustration.

I stood up and made my way towards the bathroom. I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, applied very little make up, and put on my gray Calvin Klein pant suit and jacket and some comfortable shoes.

When I walked out of the bathroom, I was hit with the amazing aroma of bacon and eggs.

'Jamie'. I thought to myself making me smile. Jamie was a big believer in breakfast. He never made a big breakfast unless there was a special occasion that day, and today was my birthday.

That thought wiped the smile of my face. My smile was replaced with frown and a groan.

I slowly made my way out of my room and into the kitchen where the wonderful smell was coming from. Before I had a chance to think or notice Jamie in the room I heard:

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

"Jesus Jamie! Do you have to yell?!"

"You're yelling." He replied with a huge smile. I couldn't think of anything genius to say back. When I didn't respond he repeated himself. "Happy Birthday." This time he whispered it.

"Smart ass," I mumbled making him laugh.

"Cheer up Bella! It's your birthday!" Jamie set setting a plate down in front of me and getting a plate for himself before sitting down.

"That's exactly why I'm like this, because it's my birthday."

"Bella, honey, you need to let it go. Seriously, it's not healthy. That boy was an idiot and he doesn't know what he's missin'". I forced a small smile on my face before looking down at my plate of bacon and eggs the were placed in a certain way so it looked like a smiley face. "Now eat Birthday Girl!"

Ugh. Birthday.

A/N- I wanted this to be a little longer but oh well. I hope you guys enjoyed it! Want me to continue? I'm also going to warn you, if I do continue, I'll never know when I'll have another chapter up because school freaking SUCKS! Please review and tell me what you think! And leave suggestions! I might use them! If you do i'll credit you and love you forever! :D