The holiday season was afoot people were decking the halls and being a little to over jolly for Damon's taste, honestly he had trouble understanding what the big deal about Christmas was. Sure once upon a time he had enjoyed it, but that had been in his human years, simpler times and a time where his mother was still very well alive and his father actually tolerated him, but the moment his mother passed away his father had changed becoming colder and deflected all of his anger out on his eldest son to who could never live up to his expectations. There was also the fact that way back when people weren't selfish if you got one gift you were happy but now in today's generation most little brats would pitch a fit especially if it wasn't the new high-tech toy. There had also been a time back in Damon's humans years where Christmas was actually celebrated and people took part in the celebration, but now you had those who acted offended if they were wished a Merry Christmas, so offended that instead of saying Merry Christmas it was happy holidays, and when Damon had heard about the individual who pitched a fit over a Christmas Tree being in the airport saying it wasn't part of his custom Damon actually had to restrain himself from finding the holiday bastard and shoving that tree right up his ass to give him a real reason to say ho, ho, ho.

Tonight of all night's Vampire Barbie had decided to get everyone into the holiday cheer she had declared enough suffering and heart break had occurred that one day of putting a pause on their hectic and chaotic lives wouldn't hurt anyone. Everyone who was part of the Scooby Doo Gang was there decked in Christmas colors and wearing ridiculous hats that Blondie had said was mandatory to wear, he couldn't help but wonder if Stefan had actually agreed to it, but seeing as how close him and Caroline had gotten lately it was safe to assume he was wearing some type of Santa hat. Surprisingly Damon had gotten an invite from Caroline but it was more so she had felt obligated to invite mostly because Elena had said something, and of course Damon being Damon coolly delivered he'd stop by if he didn't have anything better to do. Being the Bad Ass Vampire that he was he had pulled up to the house decked in his protest simple black sweater, but to humor the crowd he had a red Santa hat sported on his head. Killing the engine he slides out of the car, grumbling slightly as the white puff of the hat falls over his face causing him to whip it back, trudging up the cobblestone pathway he's about to raise his hand to the door to knock against it, but pauses when his attuned hearing picks up on the sound of laughter. Sidestepping he glanced inside the window catching sight of the gang drinking eggnog and looking quite normal. Removing himself from the window he releases a heavy sigh, this wasn't his scene, this wasn't his element the second he'd walk in the laughter would cease and awkwardness would ensue.

Damon knew this wasn't where he was suppose to be as much as he wanted to be part of something there was a nagging thought in the back of his head that he should be somewhere else. Turning on his heel he reaches for the cotton of the hat pulling it off him and raking a hand through his dark locks as he steps off the porch and silently heads straight towards his car hoping that no one will catch his exit, but knowing honestly no probably even has mentioned his missing presence. Getting into his car he tosses the Santa hat into the backseat, inserting the key into the ignition he allows the car to roar to life before peeling out onto the street, deciding to make a quick pit stop before he heads towards his destination.

—

"Once upon a time Christmas was a beautiful thing people celebrated the birth of a savior" his gaze glancing skyward making sure he's actually allowed to say something without being smited considering what he is "everything was calm and everything was bright…..there was a peace to this world and it wasn't just Christmas when peace occurred way back when man use to love one another….one was able to keep their doors unlocked without the fear or someone breaking in and" shaking his head "stealing things….or killing…..peace use to exist in this world….neighbors did things for each other without expecting something to be given in return….the world was beautiful and now" shaking his head he gives a slight roll of his eyes "it's doomed." Silence completely encases the conversation as Damon raises the bottle to his lips taking a heavy swig "there's these idiots all in a panic and uproar thinking the world is going to end….foolish for believing some calender that someone probably created when they were buzzed and high as he" catching himself "heck…..you know who's the only one powerful enough to know when the world is going to come to an end" raising his index finger up he points towards the sky "that big man upstairs." Taking another swig he enjoys the way the alcohol burns his throat as it slides down "want to know my opinion on this" he pauses for a moment "I think the world has already ended…..mankind is killing the world…..darkness takes over this world completely covering the light…there's only a shed of it left, but it's mostly encased in this black cloak….people turn on each other….and the more it happens the darker this world gets."

Flicking his gaze upwards he notices a snow flake gracefully falling down, continued by another and another "how fitting" he mumbles "I get that there is evilness in this world especially the supernatural kind….hint….hint Vampires I've done things I'm not proud of but there's still good in me…..man kind they are the true evil…..they are the ones that need to be locked away" nodding his head "if I had things my way any individual who caused harm to someone….taken advantage of them or had blood on their hands I'd happily kill a quick little snap of the neck or heart ripping through chest and you'd call it a day….there was a time where eye for an eye tooth for a tooth was seen as justice and now you have all these damn rights and codes….and crap" waving his hand around "it isn't right to take the life of another….well tell that to the idiot who did it in the first place."

Taking a step back he takes a seat on the marble bench setting his bottle of bourbon by his side as he releases an amused and slightly drunken laugh "did you know I wanted to be a lawyer back in my human years" his brow raising waiting for an answer and then continuing on "I believed every human being should be treated with the same rights no matter race or color…..I didn't believe in war…..when I saw a person I didn't see the color of their skin I saw a human being…..father once whipped me when he found out I was sneaking away after hours to play poker with the ranch hands…or rather slaves" rolling his eyes "I even taught some of them to read….still to this day I never figured out who was the one to rat me out."

Snowflakes begin to fall faster as they become heavier causing Damon's steely blues to flick to the marble bench taking notice that it's already starting to get covered, but he remains uncaring. "I miss being cold" he whispers "it's the simple things I miss about being human…..right now a human would be shivering wanting to find warmth but I remain completely unaffected" sticking his hand out he catches a snow flake "I feel nothing" he confesses as his fingertip traces the snowflake watching as vanishes in his hand. "I miss feeling the warmth of the sun teasing against my face….I'm stuck in an in-between…..neutral I feel nothing" licking his lips "I wish that could be emotion wise too" he admits thinking back to the happiness he had felt with Elena only to have it ripped away by the damn stupid sire bond "I wish I felt nothing" he grumbles letting out a low snarl "maybe then I wouldn't be hurting this much."

After that little confession he finds himself reaching for his anchor, uncapping the bottle and raising it to his lips taking a long and much needed swig before he sets the bottle down again, frowning noticing it's already half past almost empty "so much for the holiday cheer" he scoffs keeping his gaze set straight ahead "I could be at a party right now….participating in awkward meaningless small talk and catching sight of my brooding brother sending glances at Elena and catching sight of Blondie and Broom Hilda sending me daggers because of how awful I am" throwing his head back he lets out an amused chuckle shaking his head "the pathetic part is I actually want to be there…..I actually want to participate in something normal….but….but I couldn't leave you here alone….it's your first Christmas buddy, after all hell had broken loose and I" trailing off he gives a sheepish grin "no one should be alone on Christmas" he whispers shrugging his shoulders as he casts his gaze towards the ground.

"I don't know if it's this damn cliche holiday…..but" rolling his eyes at how pathetic and weepy he's actually being "I miss ya man…..I love my brother, don't get me wrong….but you" licking his lips "you've been more of a brother to me….you actually put up with my shit….you after everything…..and by everything I mean me killing your wife….and you two or three times, but after it all you still saw good in me Stefan" pursing his lips together "even after everything he still believes I'm a bad guy…..you let me vent to you about you know who" flinching for a moment at just the thought of her "granted you half the time were drunk out of your mind….but it's the thought that counts."

—-

Fishing his Black Berry from out of his jacket pocket he unlocks the screen being greeted by the clock on his phone flashing 12:00 AM, a two missed calls from Elena and one text from Stefan, but he ignores it holding his phone up "and it's officially a new day" he murmurs reaching for his empty bottle as he raises it up giving a mock toast "Merry Christmas buddy…..you're truly missed….and don't worry" rising from the bench he dusts his pants off covered in snow "I haven't forgotten what I promised you" taking a step forward he rests his hand against the marble stone giving it a small pat "I'm still taking care of the kids" offering a weak smile he turns on his heels heading toward the direction of his snow covered car as he parts ways with his fallen friend.

Alaric Saltzman

Was Loved

February 4, 1976