I own nothing in this story. Characters are not mine. This is fairly graphic slash; don't read if you're easily offended. But then, if you hated slash, you wouldn't be watching Alexander, right? Reviews are greatly appreciated.
Sacrifices
Alexander sat in a great mahogany chair, watching his lover slept. Fire crackling from the fireplace and his lover's face had never looked any more mysterious. Smile graced the hard-chiseled face. One could know all about his lover and yet understand nothing. One saw him as loner; always sitting a little away from the crowd, looking at them with dry-tired amusement and his eyes brimmed with hidden wisdom. One saw him as a weakling, sharing and giving his heart so carelessly; pain and sadness always hovering on his face.
But Alexander saw much more than that. He saw his lover as an untainted and untouched from the clandestine evil that lied within his court. As cruel as he knew he might sound, he was glad his lover opted to be in the crowd but wisely enough to never join them. The only pain he wished to see in his lover's bright blue eyes was the pain caused by him. That was because he knew where he stood and how he could amend it. He didn't say it was easy for him to do so but at least he could always say the right words.
His lover was never weak. If any, he was much stronger than Alexander would ever be. He suffered under the harsh militant training, he bore the sharp wittiness of Aristotle's, in his opinion, ancient philosophies and his lover had endured the heart-breaking pain at his marriage, which had ceaselessly awed him. If Alexander were blessed with an immortal life, he would never forget the choking words and the tear-brimmed eyes of his lover the night of his wedding day. To Hades with his duty to bear an heir, for if this was the price of ever holding a child of his own, he would never set his eyes on Roxane! He would heed the advices and waited until he arrived safely back in Babylon before taking any legitimate wife to sire a legitimate son as his successor.
Alexander's eyes caressed every hard curve of the sleeping man in front him. Whilst during the day, he was cool, grim and tense; now, he looked so peaceful in his sleep. Dark brown hair tousled in careless abandon; strands of them plastered across his sweaty cheeks, evident of their reckless lovemaking. Naked chest, adorned with angry love marks, glistened as shadowy lights of fire danced rhythmically across it, tempting the very soul of him. Flaws from previous battles perfected him and Alexander would never want him any other way. His passion remained hidden beneath the collected feature and only he was allowed to witness it. And when it was unfold, his lover was beautiful. Inside and outside.
He missed him. Even when he was this close, the feeling never lessened, the aching never eased and the emptiness kept demanding for him to fill. Alexander knew it wasn't his desire that was begging him. It was the longing of having his lover's calming presence, hearing his whispering teases in the dark and sharing their youthful dreams as they always did in Pella and Babylon. Such precious moments were hard to hold these days. Envious eyes and malicious tongues were everywhere and Alexander certainly wished no enemy be made towards his lover.
But even as they never made any of their affection known to public; even as Hephaestion tried to remain inconspicuous among the crowd; even as Alexander tried to turn his group away from his lover by trying to be interested in others; even as they barely filled each other's bed these days, Alexander knew Hephaestion had already his own enemies, trying to take his place beside the king. Countless dreams he had, dreaming of Hephaestion's death in the hands of his own people. And Alexander had known the true meaning of fear.
He didn't know whether his lover knew about this. About the enemies and the troublesome dream that plagued his peace. But Hephaestion was wise. His pale eyes were able to penetrate and to gauge the political uneasiness among his crowd. If his lover knew any of this, Alexander knew he would never confide what he thought as something as insignificant as this. It sometimes irked Alexander to no end when his lover would carry Alexander's burden and yet refused to share his.
For some one who was soft-spoken, Hephaestion was the most stubborn man he had ever met.
He heard his lover sighed dreamily and instantly his senses were drawn toward it. It was as if the time stood still and his breath stopped as he watched his lover was brought back from deep slumber. Strong arm reached out for the space he had vacated earlier, so he could indulge himself with the view of his lover, and when he couldn't find what he was searching for, eyes blinked almost panicky before a pair of blue eyes made their appearance. It only took his lover a few seconds to locate him.
Deep breathes exhales quietly, relieved, but Alexander's intent eyes never missed them. "…what are you doing there, Alexander…?" The voice was husky and soft. Alexander smiled at the voice and he savored it.
"…watching you…" he returned, matching his lover's tone. And his eyes turned even more intense.
Herphaestion blinked and then flushes crept up to his cheeks. Pushing away strands of his hair from his face, he bit his lips indecisively before curving a smile. "Is there anything left for you to watch?" Alexander could hear his lover's attempt to be teasing but he couldn't ignore the subtle insecurities in the question. He couldn't really blame for his lover's doubts for this was one of the rare nights where they managed to be together. And it had been so long for them.
Alexander left the chair and crept back on the massive bed. He loved doing this to him. He loved to be one who was allowed to witness the moments of weakness and to soothe the fear. He loved the feeling of being needed by his lover. The man was so independent sometimes that Alexander was afraid he might not need him anymore. But right now, he was vulnerable and Alexander wanted to shelter him with his love.
Kneeling beside his lying lover, he reached out to touch the thick hair. He looked down intently at his lover's face and said, "…everything… I have everything I wish for when I'm watching you."
He watched his lover's lips moved soundlessly. Various emotions played in those pale eyes, but love shone the brightest. Alexander's heart squeezed in unknown happiness.
Closing his eyes apologetically, his hand went up to cover Alexander's hand that was playing with his hair. "…I should have never doubted you… forgive me, Alexander…"
The king knew words were unnecessary and so, he told the man beneath him with his lips. He covered the mouth and met with no resistance as he tried to gain entry. He felt his lover's hands slid down from his chest to his hard planes of stomach, before the knot of his robe's sash was untied. Feeling the frontal part of his body exposed, Alexander shifted his position, so he lied on top of his lover, pressing deeper both of his mouth and growing arousal to his lover's.
The robe was never been taken off. Each of his lover's aggressive movement was slipped under robe, concealing the evident of his untamed and yet hidden fervor. Alexander didn't care about angry marks that surely showed in the morning; he permitted his lover to do everything to assuage both of their insecurities and lusts. And he returned the acts with equal fierceness. Each bite and scratch would become a mean of insurance whenever both of them felt too disconnected from each other.
Harsh breathings amplified in the silent tent. Alexander looked down to his lover, taking his time to study and memorize each of his lover's curve and dent that formed the haunting face. He could see his lover was doing the same but he was using his shaking fingers. Alexander felt the unchanged love that he always had felt whenever they shared the night together. And it was that same moment he knew that if ever Hephaestion abandoned him for death, his vengeance would be swift before he followed him to Hades itself.
"…Hephaestion…" he whispered. "…If you die, I will follow you…"
His lover swallowed in untold happiness as he always did no matter how many times the same words were uttered. "…Alexander…" he whispered back; his voice was shaking every time. "…And I you…"
It was the ritual. Alexander didn't know what started it. Perhaps it was when they have the taste of their first battle that they realized that they were not invincible at all. Perhaps it was when they have the first touch of political evil that always threatened to take Hephaestion away. But one thing for sure, the ritual strengthened their bonds even they were unable to consummate their love as often as their screaming desires wished them.
And then, Alexander reached out for olive oil and began to persuade his lover's opening for him. His lover's impatient sounds and the feel of both of his legs wrapped around his waist wantonly brought a soft laugh to Alexander. It was a heady feeling to know he had equal hold over his lover. He fingers delved deeper as he showered his kisses along the bruised neck upward to the spot beneath his ear. Slowly he brought himself to the slicked opening and put in the head before he stopped completely.
His lover gasped at the feeling of being stretched to his limit. His gasps turned into distress sounds, displeased at Alexander's sudden still. Trying to make him move, his lover sank his fingertips at his back and tightened his legs' grip around the waist. Alexander responded nothing towards his blatant invitation but instead, he could feel Alexander's hand had moved to his hip to stop him from impaling himself and his mouth was smiling against his neck.
"…I… fail to see… the amusement… of this…" his lover breathed heavily, perspiration beaded upon both of their foreheads and chest.
"…you'll see… my Hephaestion…" Alexander promised before another smile graced his face.
His lover tried to snort but it came out as breathless moan as Alexander shifted a little bit. "…if this about… another trick that… that damned eunuch of yours… taught you…"
Alexander tightened his grip at his lover's hips. "I bedded him and Roxanne for the sake of duty. But you, my dear Hephaestion, it is my love for you that lure me to your bed."
Groaning in self-ashamed at his endless jealousy, his lover turned his face away and closed his eyes. "…I'm sorry… I can't help feeling like this lately…"
Alexander would be lying he said he was unpleased by the jealousy showed by his lover. It was nice to realize they both shared the same feeling. So, he forced his lover to look at him and when he did, Alexander allowed him to see his lusty smirk. "Then, perhaps a punishment is in order…?"
The kohl lined eyes widened and his mouth dropped opened. As always, Alexander was drowned in those pale eyes. How easy it was for Hephaestion to enslave him and it humbling to know his lover had never used the power. "…Punishment…? Alexander…what do you mean-"
The golden haired king never let the sentence to be finished as he swiftly pulled his lover's hips towards him, impaling him to the hilt suddenly and at the same time, his teeth sank into the spot beneath his lover's ear. The unbelievable feeling of Hephaestion surrounding him overwhelmed him and the taste of his lover's blood brought the sense of power that he hadn't managed to feel during his quest to conquer Asia.
The next word choked at the back of his lover's throat as erupted cries replaced it. The blurred line between pain and pleasure was being boldly manipulated by Alexander. He felt he was being ripped apart by Alexander's sheer size and he could barely felt the pain on his neck for it was empowered by the incredible sensation of abrupt filling. The overpowering pain was dangerously changing to pleasure and when Alexander moved, his head was spinning from the tumbling sensation.
With his mouth still biting and licking the warm blood, Alexander moved. This was the only moment in his life where he had moved without his head ruling his body. Only with his lover, he had let go all his burdens and responsibility and permitted his body to move with utter abandon, trusting his lover to be able to take all he had to give.
Hephaestion threw his head back; he arched his body meeting Alexander's; his legs locked around Alexander's waist; his pale blue eyes glazed with lust and passion; his breaths were heavy. One hand gripped Alexander's broad shoulder and the other reached blindly for the headboard. Once his position was secured, he let himself being swept off by the turbulence of Alexander's love-making.
Every breathless gasp and every escaping cry was encouraging sign for Alexander that his lover had already found the pleasure from his rough entry. He yearned to give more to his lover. He wanted to give something unforgettable to him. Every minute passed brought them closer to dawn. And then Herphaestion would leave his tent and Alexander would not know when he could be with his lover again after tonight. And until their next meeting, Alexander wanted his lover to remember this night if his bed was too cold for him to bear.
The joining lasted forever and when climax hit them, it nearly drove both of them off the edge of consciousness. Alexander released the tender skin from his bite and possessively claimed his lover's mouth, swallowing the remaining cries. He kept himself inside Hephaestion, while his mouth was sharing the copper taste of his lover's blood. The passion was slowly receding but the kissing did not. If any, Alexander wanted this night to continue, wanted this lovemaking to continue.
Hephaestion recognized the desperate feeling. Yes, he knew it so well. He had felt itduring Alexander's wedding; he had felt it when Alexander was kissing Bagoas; he had felt it when he gave Alexander his precious ring. That was why even Alexander was slowly robbing his life breath away he let it. His lungs were demanding for air and yet he pulled Alexander closer, offering his mouth to the man on top of him.
This love would make them alive and then killed them. This love had been the one to set him and Alexander free and Hephaestion knew this was the same love that would keep them imprisoned. This love had made the eight years of Asia conquest bearable and then would make their life a pure hell once they arrived at Babylon.
And Hephaestion knew if he were to do it all over again, he would. He would do it without a moment of hesitation.
"Hephaestion…" Alexander gasped in horror when he finally released him as his lover gasped for air.
The said man tried to smile reassuringly before another wave of spasm hit him. "Alexander…" he said once the coughing was over. "…I'm alright… don't worry, my Achilles…
A pair of fair eyebrows drew together in concern as Alexander looked down, intently searching truth for his words. "Did I hurt you…?"
His lover smiled and chuckled. "After you heard my screaming just now, you asked me if you hurt me?"
Guilt lifted easily from Alexander's heart and he returned his lover's smiles. "It was that good, isn't it, my Hephaestion?"
Smile turned into laughter when he saw his lover rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Luckily for me, I don't have to sit on a horse tomorrow," Hephaestion teased. "I don't think I can ever sit again after this."
"I can give you something softer to sit on," Alexander said suggestively and the smile widened when he saw faint flushes tainted his lover's cheeks.
"Can you promise me it will keep on feeling soft?" his lover challenged, unwilling to let Alexander had the last word.
Alexander smoothed the damp strands from Hephaestion's forehead, smiling at his lover's uncustomary lewd comeback, before he said, "I was referring to cushions, Hephaestion. I don't think they will suddenly grow hard if you sat on them."
Again his lover gaped and this time the flushes were no longer faint. "You… you…" he stuttered. "You are a bastard…" he finished lamely.
Laughter erupted from the man on top. Alexander probably couldn't defeat his lover in any hand combat but when it came to words, he lost every time. Kissing his lover's forehead, he said with unstrained affection. "And yet you still love me."
Huffing slightly, Hephaestion returned the kiss. "I have no say to my heart's choice."
"Then, I'm glad your heart favors me." Alexander whispered before he rested his head on Hephaestion's chest. Sleepiness started to consume him as his lover's strong heartbeat lulled him.
A strange aura of comfort and contentment settled the usually troublesome king. The sounds of his lover's strong healthy heartbeats secured him. Everything about Hephaestion comforted him and for that he knew that he was really his Patroclus.
Once he was sure his king found some serenity in his arms, Hephaestion looked up to the tent. Their journey was already heading back West and the closer they were to Babylon, the nearer he felt he was meeting the Death. He couldn't imagine why he was feeling like this, especially when they were heading home, not to another outnumbered battle.
Hephaestion was not blind. He was certainly not dumb. He was around this dirty, twisted political tactics for so long, it sickened him. He might be unwilling to join the crowd, keeping his careful distance, but whatever evil thoughts and feelings circulated within them were carefully noted by his watchful eyes. He was venomously hated by some people for the undivided affection King Alexander gave to him. And he wouldn't be surprised if Queen Roxane was one of them.
Her husband abandoned her bed for another man's bed. And the said man was not even beautiful or popular as some of Alexander's court members were. If Hephaestion were Roxane, he would be insulted and after all these years without even a child to bless this union, he had no doubt the anger and insult turned into dark and dangerous vengeance. Years of following her husband, watching him fell farther from her and closer to him would do that. Only he didn't know for sure whether the vengeance was done based on unrequited love or something else.
Love was something Hephaestion could relate to. It was 'something else' that worried him.
He didn't fear for his life. He always believed his destiny and purpose in this life was to help, to support and to guide Alexander achieving their dreams. He had succeeded fairly. It satisfied him deeply when it was he who brought Alexander back when the king was too lost in his dream and ambition. And now the journey was over, Hephaestion knew his destiny was drawing to its end too.
No, he did not fear for his life.
…He feared for Alexander's…
He feared for Alexander's life once he was gone. There would be no one left around him to speak the truth without angering the king. There would be no one left around him to boldly hold him back and talked some senses whenever Alexander lost it. And there would certainly be no one left around him to whisper reassurance at night when vulnerability arose. What were left were the people who thought Alexander was invincible, invulnerable and flawless.
But what feared him the most of the unthinkable vengeance that Alexander would bring upon if he indeed died in the hands of people Alexander had labored to protect all these years. Hephaestion tightened his protective hold over his precious king at the unpleasant thought.
He prayed he would be granted time to think this all over and took appropriate steps. For what and why, he didn't know. But even though Alexander had whispered oath of following him once death took him, Hephaestion knew he couldn't let Alexander do that. He was the king whilst, he was merely a shadow that follow the man until he conquered the sun. And then, the shadow would vanish.
Alexander's destiny lied somewhere greater than merging with his path and even in death; Hephaestion would make sure Alexander found his destiny.
"…Granted me time…" Hephaestion whispered in the dark. "…For my destiny has not yet over… for Alexander still needs me…"
He closed his eyes and continued his painful prayer. "When Alexander doesn't need me anymore… when he is the man of his own… I will hand over my life willingly because it is only then, my destiny is completed…"
Unable to fight the pain that was building in his chest, Hephaestion rested his chin gentle on Alexander's head, spooning the larger man as much as he could using his leaner body. "…grant me strength to let Alexander go once the time had come…"
"…and then I'll ask from you no more…"
A/N: It is too graphic? Should I continue? Or should I never write anymore Alexander fics?