A/N: This is my first serious attempt at a fanfic, so be nice! Thanks :)

It was halfway to midnight, but Severus didn't feel like going to sleep. He lay awake in bed, listening to the snores of Timothy Mulciber in the bed next to his. Since this afternoon, the tiniest sound made his ears throb, and the fact that Mulciber wasn't exactly the kind of person who could snore softly didn't help.

It had been a very depressing day. He'd got top marks for his potions essay, but when he walked out to take it back from Professor Slughorn someone had tripped him and he landed face-first in a puddle of spilt potion. It made his nose grow bigger and bigger, until he was staggering from its weight. Everyone in the classroom had laughed at him, including Professor Slughorn, which was not encouraging. The professor had given him the remedy in a trice from his stores, but there was no remedy for the humiliation Severus had suffered.

For the rest of the day, people in the corridors stopped to stare at him and whisper to their friends. It got worse when, after lunch, Potter and his bullies ambushed him outside Charms class and gave him "ears to match that hooter of yours, Snivellus Snot". When Professor Flitwick found out he set it right at once, but the ringing in Severus' ears hadn't stopped since then.

Even Lily hadn't given him a second glance when he passed her on the moving staircases. This fact made Severus more miserable than all the rest, though he couldn't have said why.

The truth was, he was not big in the looks department, and up till coming to Hogwarts he hadn't really cared about it. Here everyone just took one look at him and thought he was a slimy git. (Maybe sometimes he got upset and snapped at people, and he had done awful things to other students in the company of the Death Eaters. But not on a daily basis. At least, not as daily as Potter and Black. More or less. Anyway, it never stopped Malfoy from being popular.)

It was so shallow, so insulting, that a pretty face got more friends than a sharp mind. Fine, so his hair needed washing, and his nose was more than average size – and not even a very good shape, to be honest, but so what? He had the best brain Hogwarts could boast since… possibly even the Dark Lord himself. Filthy nails and pallid skin shouldn't matter next to that. Right?

Severus snarled and hit his pillow. Who was he kidding? Lily could never love someone as wretched-looking as him. Not while that Potter was around. Potter, with his stupid smooth untangled hair and stupid perfect fingernails and stupid proportionate nose shape…

He sighed gustily, turned over and tried to get to sleep. When he found that this did nothing to block out the sound of Mulciber's snoring, he gave up and cast a Silencing Charm on him. He could take it off in the morning.

At breakfast, Severus still felt miserable. Potter and his cronies were leering in his direction again. Severus thought he caught the word "nose" and turned back to his cereal in disgust. His mood was only slightly improved when his best friend, Delilah Maybelle Malfoy, sat down next to him. Delilah, or Delia, was Lucius Malfoy's younger sister, and had the same long white-blonde hair. Unlike the older Malfoy, though, she possessed striking violet eyes.

Currently, Delia was giving him a look which made Severus distinctly uncomfortable. She clearly had something up her sleeve and was going to spring it on him in the nastiest way possible, like she often did. Severus just hoped that this time it wouldn't involve dancing chamberpots and troll fingernails.

"Alright, Delia, what horrible scheme do you have planned for me this time?" he asked grumpily.

Delia gave him her most innocent look, eyelid-batting and all. "Whatever makes you say that, Sevvy?"

Severus cringed. "For the last time, don't ever call me Sevvy. Makes me sound like some sort of bloody Muggle car."

Delia cheerfully ignored his comment and said, "Well, I have noticed the way you've been mooning after Lily Evans…"

Severus tried, and failed, to pretend that this was not, in fact, what he had been doing. "Don't know what you're talking about," he mumbled. He was painfully aware of the fact that Terrance Nott was giving him and Delia an odd stare.

"I'm sure you don't," smirked Delia. "Only been her best friend for ages and ages, and never said a thing…"

"Shut up, Del!" Severus hissed. He crossed his fingers and hoped Rodolphus Lestrange or one of the others wouldn't notice what the female Malfoy was talking about. The absolute last thing he needed was for everyone in Slytherin to know about it. He lowered his voice and muttered, "Alright, fine, maybe a bit, but I –"

Delia, on the other hand, didn't seem to empathise with his need for discretion. "I knew it! You'd look such an adorable pair together."

Grinding his teeth and trying not to lose it completely, Severus enunciated, "If you do not stop this conversation instantly, I will Silencio your mouth shut."

Delilah just pursed her lips and said, "Fine. If you don't want my help just say so." With that, she turned her attention to breakfast.

It took several moments before the sentence clicked in Severus' head. "Help? What, with… with Lily?" he whispered.

"I thought you said you'd Silencio my mouth shut?" Delia said through a mouthful of toast.

"I didn't know – thought it was one of your harebrained plans – almost got us expelled – room full of chamberpots –" Severus said, in between eating his cereal. It was fifteen minutes to the start of class.

"Oh, yes. That. But I meant that I have a plan to help you and Evans get together!" Delia gave a huge smile, only slightly marred by the bit of preserve staining her upper lip. "Meet me in the Common Room after Transfiguration. I should be able to work on it during our free period."

"Work on what?"

"You, of course!"

"No way in Azkaban, Delia. The last time you tried to fix my nose it ended up looking like a corkscrew. Thank goodness Madam Pomfrey never asks; it must be the only way she keeps her sanity." Severus polished off his cereal and reached for the pumpkin juice, only to find that Nott was giving him a shrewd stare.

"What?" he asked, annoyed.

Nott simply replied, "Actually, you could do with a spot of nose Transfiguring. I think I saw a spell for it once."

Delia clapped her hands together. "Terrance, you'll help me, then?" she asked, grinning like a madwoman.

"I guess so. I haven't had a chance to practice high-level charms for a while." Nott smiled briefly, then went back to his porridge.

Severus buried his head in his hands. After Transfiguration, he decided, he would go and hide in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom until both of them went away.

A/N: Like it? Hate it? Review please!