Hello there, unsuspecting person who has had the good fortune to stumble upon my first-ever fanfiction! This is just a short bit of something I wrote. It's intended as a multichip fic, I just want to gauge to reaction before posting any more.
I am one of those tragic souls that refuse to believe that TSCC is over and who will forever ship Jameron. This bit here is a little angsty, but it does get better.
Remember this is my first ever fic, so please be nice and review. I totally welcome constructive criticism. Not to sound like I'm pleading for reviews, but...I'm sure they'll make me write faster ; ) Anyways, here it is.
Sometimes
Chapter 1.
Sometimes it's hard to remember.
Sometimes it's hard to forget.
Sometimes he doesn't know which he prefers.
She's metal, but she's so soft.
Would her skin feel real; if he touched it? Her hair... would it be as smooth as he imagines it, remembers it? Of course it would. She's perfect.
She's perfect, and in that way she couldn't be more inhuman. It makes him forget, and it makes him remember.
He hates it, hates her... sometimes. Its better, healthier, to hate her. He knows it isn't logical to hate a machine.
It takes effort. Sometimes he slips; he'll smile at her, look at her. He'll flinch when Derek starts calling her names.
She isn't perfect, though. She is damaged. Her body, her hand...her mind. That's what they don't talk about, more than anything else. There are many things they don't talk about.
He stopped talking to her long ago. It makes it easier.
His life has always been composed of rules, designed to protect him, and those around him. What is it to add some more?
Don't look at her. Don't speak to her. Don't think about her. Do not, ever, touch her. It is a mantra that he repeats over to himself; along with others: she doesn't have a soul, she can't feel, she can't love.
She kills without remorse or guilt. She kills even without the intention. Because that's what she is designed to do. And machines are nothing if not efficient.
She is a constant. She is a machine with set tasks to perform. He knows her mission, her programming, knows the way she works, the way she operates.
But sometimes she surprises him.
It shouldn't be possible for her to do that.
All it takes is a look, too fleeting to be planned. A question about ethics, of no relation to her mission. A hand reaching out to change a radio station, as if she cares.
That is all it takes, and then... everything he tells himself loses its unquestionable truth.
She can turn his world upside down without a thought. Do thoughts go through that far-too-pretty head of hers? Can she do more than analyse? Can she reflect? Can she imagine or create?
He tells himself that she can't.
What are they fighting, if she can?
She can't feel. He knows this.
But sometimes...
That's all folks! Well for now- it's up to you. Review and tell me if I should continue. I promise actual John/Cameron interaction in future, and a storyline. And it's not all angst.