The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters is filing for bankruptcy. Just a mad drabble from my mind after watching TV.
Business Lessons TV Taught Me
"TV, the last refuge of the bored," Pietro quipped as the Brotherhood boys sat around the couch to watch television. "Can I have the remote?"
"NO!" Everyone shouted.
"Why not?" Pietro asked.
"Because the last time we let you have the remote it exploded," Todd gave him a look.
"Yeah channel changing fast is one thing but not at ninety miles per second!" Fred snapped.
"First of all it was only approximately seventy five miles per second," Pietro pointed out. "And I said I was sorry and replaced the remote out of my own pocket!"
"Didn't you zoom over to the Big Buy in the next city and steal it?" Pyro asked.
"I put it in my pocket to carry it over here didn't I?" Pietro snapped. "Therefore it came out of my pocket!"
"Pietro we all agreed that Lance would be the official channel changer today," Fred told him. "As accordance to Brotherhood House Rule Number 37 paragraph 3, article nine which says that all Brotherhood members will have equal time with the TV remote."
"Except for you because you've been banned from holding it for at least three months or we need a new one," Lance said. "Whichever comes first."
"Just change the channel already! All there is are commercials!" Pietro pouted.
"Sometimes commercials are more entertaining than the shows," Todd pointed out.
"And now a message from AC Finney," An announcer said. "We've lasted over a hundred years and now we may not even last a hundred days unless we get some decent sales and turn things around."
"Case in point," Todd pointed.
"Look we know we made mistakes," The announcer's voice took a more pleading tone. "Everybody makes mistakes. What's important is that we learn from them. And boy did we learn from ours!"
"Methinks there is an air of desperation here," Pyro blinked.
"Just come back to AC Finney," The announcer cried. "Please come back! Please, please come back! Our jobs are on the line here people!"
"Better change the channel," Lance sighed.
"Hold on," Pietro stopped him. "This is just starting to get good."
"You want us to beg? Okay we'll beg! We're begging here!" The announcer was even more frantic. "We have absolutely no pride left!"
"Considering their stock market prices they don't have much of anything left," Todd quipped.
"You follow the stock market?" Pietro looked at Todd. "Since when?"
"Since I saw the movie 'Too Big to Fail' and watched 'The Apprentice' marathon a couple weeks ago," Todd said. "You know between those two shows you learn a lot more than you would in some business class."
"Please! Please come back!" The announcer sobbed. "I don't want to lose my job! Please come back! We have a nice shiny new logo and everything! What more could you want?"
"Lesson Number One: Don't tick off the customers by saying that they don't know how to shop," Todd spoke up. "Number Two: never get rid of coupons."
"Hey you already know more than some CEO's," Fred spoke up. "You could run a company."
"Run it into the ground," Pietro smirked.
"Like that makes a difference anymore?" Todd pointed to the TV.
"Touché," Pietro shrugged. "I stand corrected."
Lance changed the channel. "Let's see what else is on."
Next was a news program. "I'm Brad Boswell here with Morningstar Enterprises CEO John Salvagewell," A good looking anchorman was talking to an equally good looking man in a business suit at a news desk.
"Hello Brad, nice to be here," John Salvagewell grinned.
"Mr. Salvagewell you are the chairman and CEO of Morningstar Enterprises which of course used to be one of the country's leading companies employing millions of people and several different companies from banking to electronics to Guppy Gill's Happy Fish Market," Brad spoke.
"Actually Brad that is no longer true as of five minutes ago," John Salvagewell spoke. "I just got a text that I've been fired. I guess they didn't like the way I ran the company."
"Well you did take one of the most successful companies in America and ran the stock into the ground," Brad blinked. "You made several terrible investment choices that cost the company billions of dollars and according to my notes you lost the rights to Guppy Gill's Happy Fish Market in a poker game."
"Yeah I made a few bets I shouldn't have," John Salvagewell shrugged. "Last time I bluff while holding a pair of deuces. Live and learn Brad. Live and learn. On the up side I'll have more time to practice my golf swing."
"Lesson Number Three," Todd rolled his eyes. "It doesn't matter if you win or lose as long as you get what's yours."
"And people call us criminals," Fred folded his arms in disgust.
"But there is no need to worry Brad," The former CEO waved. "Everything is going to be fine."
"So people have no reason to worry and the company will soon be on its feet?" Brad asked.
"Oh no the company's tanked," John Salvagewell told Brad. "It'll be bankrupt within a month. All the employees will lose their jobs and half of the investors are gonna take a huge loss. But I've got company severance package that will not only keep me in the one percent for years, it'll put my kids through college!"
"Uh…" Brad blinked.
"I even got lifetime season tickets to the Super Bowl for only a few months of work! Golden parachutes rock baby!" John Salvagewell whooped.
"I'm changing the channel again," Lance groaned as he did so.
"COME BACK! PLEASE COME BACK TO AC FINNEY!" The announcer from before was pleading. "WE NEED MONEY! PLEASE GIVE US MONEY OR WE'LL DIE!"
"Now that I think about it Toad, a company might even last longer with you running it than with some of these CEO's they've got now," Lance remarked.