Atrophy
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and characters belong to Square Enix.
The twittering of birds caught Leon's attention and he looked up, seeing baby birds in a nest just above his head. Straggling brown feathers dampened with humidity and sweat and dirt.
He lifted his hand to the beak of one small, stringy chick and it shied away. He remained immobile and gradually, it moved closer to his fingers and hesitantly nudged his nail. Leon's mouth twitched slightly and in one fast swoop he seized the small body tightly in his hand, flung it onto the ground and promptly crushed it with one foot, hearing a faint chirp and crunch of hollow bones beneath his boot as he ground it into the dirt.
There was a brief twittering from the remaining birds in the nest – one less sibling, which meant a little more room and a little more attention for all of them. Leon wiped his shoe on the grass and slung his bag over the other shoulder. Cloud was a little further ahead, checking his watch worriedly.
They'd known each other for a fairly long time. Leon had just entered the rebellious world of adolescence when he'd met Cloud.
He'd entered the grungy garage in search of old car parts, or any machinery that was now considered junk. He'd only come in here a few times before and although the owner was rude, coarse and unhelpful, he usually found what he wanted.
There was a loud crashing noise from somewhere behind the counter, followed by a loud "Shit!" in a voice that Leon was sure didn't belong to the unshaven old man.
"What have you done now, brat?" barked another voice that undoubtedly belonged to Cid. The top of a ruggedly shaven dirty blonde head appeared in the back door and Leon raised an eyebrow challengingly.
"Oh, it's you," Cid grunted. "Hey! There's a customer, get your spiky ass moving!" He disappeared again behind the door and the reluctant sound of a motor started up.
A boy about the same age as Leon stood up from behind the counter, flicking his hair out of his eyes and turning to stare at him. Leon's eyes flicked up and down his body quickly, taking in the dirty grey tank top sticking to a sweaty twelve or thirteen year old body, blonde hair that didn't know or understand gravity and blue eyes that were gazing at him nervously.
"Can I help you?" he inquired timidly.
"Can I talk to Cid?"
"Cid's … busy," came the response.
"He's just in there."
"He's busy." Blonde eyebrow lifted, a pair of blue eyes gazed at him with a little more backbone.
Leon clenched his fist with irritation. This kid wasn't worth it. He was worthless. His fucking voice hadn't even broken yet. But he didn't like it when he didn't get his way.
"Look kid, you've got a pretty face, so don't make me break it. Just let me talk to the old man."
The blonde's eyes widened but he shook his head and put his hands on his hips, trying to look threatening. Leon nearly laughed. Nice try, midget.
Nothing explained how he'd somehow run into Cloud every other day following that. He eventually got so fed up with it that he did bash the blonde up. Sent him home with a torn lip, some showcase bruises and a fractured wrist. Cloud had sworn at him, threatened him. Revenge or some rubbish like that. The two had quickly become enemies.
Still didn't explain how they'd grudgingly become friends in the end. Leon didn't understand it. He didn't understand it at all.
Didn't explain how they'd become flat mates during university. Didn't explain anything at all.
He watched Cloud smile at Aerith, say something and laugh lightly. Charity work? No, Cloud genuinely liked being in her company. That poor retarded Mongoloid with her long brown hair and droopy eyes and lazy smile. Down Syndrome or something like that. Why did Cloud even bother with someone like her? All she did was simper and giggle and plod along on her podgy legs.
Cloud glanced backwards at him, smiled and then turned back to Aerith and laughed again. Leon's gaze hardened and traveled downwards. Cloud was oblivious, really. He spent all his time smiling and helping people and talking to nice girls. He had no idea. No idea what Leon would like to do to him.
Wouldn't you like to tell him? Wouldn't you like to whisper hotly in his ear as you pin him against the wall? Wouldn't you like to fuck him through and hear him cry out?
Leon was in no way a fag. No sir. They disgusted him. What sort of man looked at other men in that way?
Cloud was different. Cloud was attractive in a way that defied gender discrimination. Cloud was an exception. Besides, Leon looked at girls too, so that balanced it out and made things alright.
His eyes traveled down the curve of Cloud's back, down the curve of his backside, his legs, back up again …
"Hey man." Seifer had appeared at his side. "I'm all out of meth. Can you gimme a hand?"
Funny, how Seifer had that habit of appearing whenever it suited him or whenever he needed something.
Leon slid his eyes away from Cloud and gazed at Seifer. "No. Fuck off."
Seifer's brow furrowed and he kicked the dirt, spit downwards at Leon's feet. "Fuck you man! Thanks a lot. Thanks for that. Real mate."
Leon offered him a cigarette.
"Fuck, man! Like that'll make up for it." Seifer accepted nonetheless and lit up himself, blowing smoke out the corner of his mouth. "Ogling pretty boy again? I thought you woulda jumped him ages and ages ago. What's stopping you?"
Leon didn't answer.
"Shit, what's jumped up your ass today?" Seifer looked at him incredulously. "No, wait, I don't want to know. Tell me when you've done the gay fucker. See you round." And he was gone again, just as he pleased. Prick.
Leon turned back to Cloud, who was now approaching him. The blonde sniffed the air and his eyes met Leon's, but neither said anything. Leon knew that Cloud hated him smoking.
"I'm going home," Leon announced flatly, but paused at the sight of Cloud's suddenly widening eyes and horrified but suppressed gasp. His gaze followed Cloud's to the mangled mess of feathers and dark shiny bits of organs.
"Oh, that. Must have been a cat or something. Horrible, aren't they?"
Cloud swallowed. Forcing himself to look away, he nodded. "I'll see you later at home."
Leon took profit of Cloud's absence to use the last of his crystal meth. Damn straight he wasn't going to give any to Seifer, he hardly had any left now. Enough for one more day if he was lucky. Cloud had found the speed carelessly 'hidden' in his room a few months prior.
"Leon, why do you do this? It's damaging you. Please stop."
Yeah, Leon didn't buy speed anymore. He squirmed uncomfortably remembering Cloud's hurt gaze. He'd kept his promise.
But damn, Cloud didn't know what damage he'd done. Crystal meth was so much more expensive. Leon knew his finances were not going fabulously. He didn't turn up to work anymore. Couldn't be bothered. Spent a lot of time out with his friends. Good times.
Like last week. They'd sorted that Thai restaurant out right. What the fuck was the owner thinking, setting up an Asian restaurant in the middle of his suburb? He snorted, remembering the message they'd scrawled across the building. That'd teach the foreign cunts.
He shook his hair out of his eyes and laid back on the floor. The carpet needed a clean. Cloud usually did the cleaning but … Leon had insisted he take a break.
"You're always doing that. Just let me for a change, will you?"
Grudgingly, Cloud had accepted, but Leon had never got around to actually doing any housework of any sort. Cloud was the one who usually did most of it. In fact, Cloud did mostly everything around the flat. He'd have to ask the blonde to throw in a blowjob with the next lot of chores.
'Fuck … can't get off now …' Drained of energy, Leon let his eyes roll back and his fingers absently traced over the bumps in the carpet. Definitely needed a clean. Would Cloud realize that he hadn't done any housework?
His eyes rolled back and he hyperventilated a bit, allowing the dizziness to accelerate his escape into dreamland. The sunlit patch of carpet slowly shifted across his face, eventually disappearing with the dark of night.
Leon woke with a start. Shit, what time was it? He looked at the clock hanging above him. Almost on cue the sound of light footsteps and a tinkle of keys alerted him and he sprang to his feet, hurriedly brushing his hair through and rubbing his face to get some blood going through.
"Hey, sorry I'm late, Aerith wanted to show me her new fish and … y'know, it kinda took longer than I thought it would … " Cloud trailed off, seeing Leon reading a newspaper on the couch.
"Whatever," Leon muttered. Cloud could do what he liked. He didn't care.
"Are we going for drinks then?"
Leon closed his eyes momentarily, letting the throbbing in his head swallow him. He couldn't handle a hangover along with this. "I'm not going."
Cloud blinked, fidgeting. "Um …"
Leon's eyes flicked up catching Cloud's, and the blonde blushed slightly. "I'll go for dinner by myself then."
'Whatever,' Leon said to himself silently. Asshole. He should probably go with Cloud. The kid would be feeling lonely. He'd want company. Leon.
"Well … see you later, then," Cloud concluded, looking doubtfully at Leon, who didn't respond.
The door clicked shut and Leon sat up, staring at it. It amazed him, how Cloud was so … forgiving. God's little messenger. All smiles.
It sickened Leon. One day somebody was going to take advantage of the blonde's selflessness. Leon growled to himself and lit up a cigarette. He could always air the apartment out later. Cloud wouldn't notice.
He spent the next few hours flicking through channels, stopping at one stage to watch some dark haired girl tearfully kissing her boyfriend. Tch. She must have been completely oblivious – why the hell would the guy even put up with her weak hysterics unless he wanted to give her a good fuck? Essentially the only thing a woman was good for. They complained too much, were too emotional, they demanded too much attention. Girls never realized they were just being used, deluded cunts.
Leon looked down at his clothes. They were tattered and needed a wash. He needed to buy new clothes. Where had all his money gone?
No, but he remembered. He couldn't afford to eat these days. Cloud didn't know because Leon had taken every precaution to ensure that nobody could find out. He didn't need sympathy or charity from the over-generous blonde. One day somebody was going to take advantage of Cloud's selflessness.
That was why he couldn't go out for drinks. Not like he needed it anyway, he was already high.
Panadol. That'd work. Panadol killed the headaches and got him high too. Double jackpot! That stuff was gold … he loved whoever had created it. It was cheap, too.
Maybe Cloud had some. Leon was all out; he didn't buy that shit anyway. Last time he'd gone to a pharmacy they'd tried to get him to buy some fucked iron tablets or something that some doctor had apparently prescribed him several months back. Fuck that. He couldn't afford that fancy shit and he didn't need it. Who cared what some jackass doctor thought.
He stood in front of Cloud's bedside table, pulling open the drawer and sorting through the contents. It was a little messier than he would have expected Cloud to usually be. A tissue box, some jewelry, hair wax … hello, Panadol.
Really, one day somebody was going to talk advantage of Cloud's selflessness – he just let people walk all over him.
There was a loud knock at the door. "Leon, you there?"
Leon groaned. Fuck that Zell.
"You're in there my pretty. I can smell you," sneered Seifer's laughing voice. "Come on, we're taking a night out!"
Leon closed his eyes and swallowed three Panadol tablets. He took a deep breath. Well, it was only those two, and Cloud wouldn't be back for a while.
"You fucker, can't you shut up for one moment? You're gonna wake the whole fucking apartment block."
"Like the whole place would be asleep at this time of the night."
The door slammed open and Leon glared out. "Keep it down." Zell stared at him and Leon spat at him. "What?"
"Shit man, you need to sleep more," Zell said in awe, taking in the dark shadows around Leon's eyes and his pale, distressed complexion.
"Whatever."
"Come on, let's go," Seifer snapped.
"Oi, check this out!" Seifer yelled out to him. Leon glanced over his shoulder. "Hm?"
Zell gave the dog a good hard kick and laughed as it yelped and collapsed on the floor. "It's crippled, man. An old dog … blind too probably." He bent down in front of it."You can't see me, you sad old cunt, can you?" He flicked a pocketknife open in front of its eyes and waved it. "You can't fucking see that, can you?"
"Hey, give me that." Leon snatched the pocketknife out of Zell's hand. "Didn't you know you could poke somebody's eye out with that?"
"Sounds like fun," Seifer commented.
"Nah, watch this," Leon smirked. He pinned the mongrel under one of his boots, squeezing it against the ground tightly. It whined and made pathetic attempts at struggling but Leon didn't budge. He bent down and grabbed the dog's hind leg, and in one swift motion had sliced through the tendon in the back of the leg.
"Now it's crippled," he stated, satisfied with the piercing, pained crying now coming from the pitiful animal.
Zell stared at the blood coming out. "Woah, look at that …"
Seifer shuddered a little and looked at the tendons behind his own knee. "Can't imagine that happening to me. It'd hurt like fuck, man."
"Course it would."
Leon gave the dog another kick just to feel its solid mass against his foot. "Shut up, you mongrel." Take the pain. Deal with it.
Pathetic sod.
The dog managed to drag itself away from the laughing boys who were now sitting on crates talking, into a dark alley where it collapsed in a heap of garbage that had spilled from an upturned Dumpster.
"Hey, let's go drinking."
Leon sighed. He didn't want alcohol. He felt better after the Panadol but he'd probably had enough drugs for tonight. But … who cared? He'd wake up trashed tomorrow and Cloud would take care of him. A small smirk pulled at his lips and he smacked Seifer over the head. "Good idea."
"Cloud!"
Cloud turned around to see Sephiroth a few steps away. "Oh, hi."
Sephiroth reached where Cloud was sitting and leant against the back of his chair. "Having dinner?"
Cloud nodded.
Sephiroth seemed to mull things over and then asked, "May I join you for dinner?"
"Hm? Yeah – sure …"
The older man looked at Cloud carefully. "How are your studies?"
"Good."
"And Leon? Where is he, anyway?"
Cloud let his fork rest on the table for a moment, hesitating briefly before answering, "He's good. He's at home."
There was a flicker in Sephiroth's eyes but he continued to chatter idly as they ate dinner, keeping the conversation away from anything that might be happening at home.
When they were finished he offered to walk Cloud home. Cloud said that it was very kind and he'd be pleased if Sephiroth would do that.
There was something about Sephiroth's courteous manner that made him wonder. Well, in contrast to Leon … people often asked him why he was friends with Leon. Sometimes Cloud asked himself that too.
He certainly understood why it seemed strange. Leon was … Leon was Leon. Okay, Cloud admitted, he was not the most refined human on the face of the earth. He wasn't refined at all. In fact, Leon was … why was it that Cloud could never think of the right words to describe him? He could think of a million things that Leon wasn't. He certainly wasn't polite or thoughtful or kind or disciplined or virtuous or sophisticated, no, none of that.
He blinked, to see Sephiroth's face looking into his. Sephiroth chuckled. "You were a million miles away, just then."
"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry …"
"Don't apologise. Anyway, you're nearly home. You can relax and let that brain sort itself out."
"I probably do just need some sleep," Cloud admitted.
"Hm." Sephiroth smiled and then took Cloud's arm unexpectedly. "Look at this."
Cloud nearly stumbled over a pile of rubbish that had been strewn about the alleyway and caught his foot in something soft. A quiet whine floated from the darkness and Cloud started. "What the –"
The dog's leg had bled where it lay and the dark sticky pool of blood was covered in flies. The snapped tendon had split and fur was matted into the wound, the dog's tail weakly flapping against the ground.
Sephiroth bent down, carefully avoiding the mess of frenzied insects that reeked of blood, and pointed to the hind leg. "I don't think anything can be done. Even if it heals, it probably won't heal correctly. She'll be crippled for life. "
Cloud saw it, saw it blindingly clearly despite the murky shadows of the evening, and felt his stomach contract and force its way up his throat. He turned around and vomited onto the ground, puking into an empty cardboard box.
Not taking any notice of Cloud's obvious discomfort Sephiroth continued, "It would hurt, don't you think?" He peered closer at the wound, waving away the flies to get a better look.
"That's disgusting," Cloud choked.
Sephiroth looked at Cloud's distressed face. He smiled inwardly to himself. It amused him to no end to see Cloud like this. In strife. He laughed out loud inadvertently at the silly play on words and Cloud stared at him. Sephiroth smirked widely. "It is rather. You wouldn't like to see it done to somebody else, would you?"
Cloud regarded him with wide eyes. "What?"
Sephiroth had always been a little weird, but being the forgiving and overly generous being he was, the blonde had readily accepted this. However, now it was getting scary.
"Seph – Seph, I don't understand … what …" Cloud trailed off, as if he really didn't want to know.
Sephiroth looked at him in the eyes and faked surprise. Fairly well, too, even if he did say so himself. "What? You didn't know? Leon did this."
Cloud's eyes grew so large that they could have fallen from his head and he backed away. "No, Leon couldn't have … no, what are you – Leon wouldn't!"
The silver haired man didn't say anything, simply looking at Cloud, expressionless, still being entertained by Cloud's antics but not showing it.
Cloud shook his head. No, Leon wouldn't. Not something like – like –
Would he?
"No," he whispered, more to convince himself than anything. "He wouldn't …"
Sephiroth was enjoying this immensely. Nothing pleased him more than to play with Cloud's head. The silly boy really thought that everybody was 'good' deep down. That was one of his many faults. But he liked Cloud all the more for those faults.
Sephiroth pretended to become concerned. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize this would upset you so much. I should have recognized that. Let's get you home."
Cloud stared at the dog. He couldn't take his eyes off it. Leon wasn't perfect, nobody was, but he couldn't have gone that far. Leon wasn't like that.
Leon would be at home.
Cloud closed his eyes momentarily. He didn't know if he could face Leon just now.
"Cloud," Sephiroth called from at the end of the alley.
The boy hurried away from the dog, trying not to feel its begging eyes on his back.