"It was an Everybody day and an Everybody evening, which was strange for a Nobody like me. I know this may sound normal to you, but to me, well, let me reiterate, it was weird. There were so many shops and so many people, but I did not understand it, the shops all seemed the same, and the people all seemed the same too, like there was some sort of preset idea of how things should be, of how people should act and of how shops should run. How do you make things work that way? And really, do you all come together and decide these things? Your brains must all work in very similar ways… how boring.
Where I am from Everybody is Nobody and Nobody believes in magic. It is a pre-colonial word. I mean, why would you describe something so natural with that adjective? It is like saying armies and war are beautiful, no, where I am from science is the rule, if you have rules at all; personally, I do not believe in rules, but hey, I am Nobody. And Nobody can be everything, anything, so I am Nobody.
And this week, I am in a world full of Somebodys.
So many Somebody's seemed to congregate in this one little space, Diagon Alley, that I had assumed that there was no place else to shop, that everybody had decided to only build this one place filled with the same thing, so that it would be easier to be the same… I was confused, but I was getting used to that, it is a confusing culture to understand. I was determined to find somebody to answer my questions for this very reason. It just so happens that I happened upon them. The perfect people to answer my questions, and since everybody knows them, I assumed they knew everybody, and knew everything pertaining to anything. I find now that I was wrong, how sad.
"Excuse me Miss, I am on vacation, and I simply must ask you some everyday questions and you simply must answer them." The woman, a Miss Hermione Jane Granger, looked terribly amused. I think it was my shoes. Why she noticed my shoes at all, I do not know, but I do not pretend to understand Everybody's. She gave me the 'go ahead', whatever that means. So I asked my first question.
"As an Everybody who knows everybody and everybody knows, kindly explain to me the concept of being an Everybody." Miss Granger looked baffled, I do not know why, my manners were impeccable, but none the less, the culture shock seemed to be working both ways. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, my teacher did say that Everybodys tended to impersonate fish when they could not think of anything to say, but to experience it first hand was fascinating. So I decided not to giver her a chance to answer. Fish are not that intelligent after all, well, most of them.
I turned to the Harry Potter and asked the same question, he too looked baffled, but he looked as though he was trying to catch a fly, or something similar, I respect that, I know how hard it can be, so I did not give him any time to answer either.
Mr. Ronald Weasley actually answered. I did not understand his answer, but I wrote it anyway.
"It's average." Well, that did not explain anything, I do not believe in average, in any shape or form. Though how a word can take a from I do not know, but I am trying to immerse myself in the culture, and my teacher said that once, "Mr. Red-head, why do you believe in being average?" I asked, I thought it was a rather simple question, but Miss Granger did not let him answer, so it must have been harder than I had thought.
"Where are you from?" A standard question I suppose, but at the time I could not remember the name of my home place, so I tried to describe as best as I could, "It starts with an a, in your culture, it sunk, in your culture, it is an island, in your culture." I was going to continue, but Miss Granger cut me off; her manners need work.
"You're not talking about Atlantis are you?" I very nearly leapt for joy, "Oh, yes Miss Granger, your earlier impersonation of a fish does not describe your intellect at all." She seemed to ignore the last part of my sentence, but I had come to expected that, I did mention after all, that her manners are not the best.
Anyway, this seemed to spark a reaction in her, as they say, "How did Atlantis survive sinking? How did the people survive? How has magic evolved there, compared to here?" Mr. Weasley interjected then, really, these British have no manners whatsoever, "'Mione, you do know that the kid is probably just playing a prank right, Atlantis isn't really… real.
I was willing to forget my manners to interject here for a moment, they did seem used to it, so I was not worried about offending them, "Oh, but Atlantis is real, I promise, I live there. And really Miss Granger you should not presume things, you know what happens then." Of course I really do not what happens then, but I presume that she does, "Atlantis did not sink; it was warded away, so of course the people survived. As for your second question, Nobodys do not believe in magic and I am a Nobody."
Miss Granger seemed intent on interrupting again, so I let her, "What do you mean you don't believe in magic? How are you here then?" I think I smiled. That was a funny question; I walked, but I think she wanted something more than that, Somebodys always did.
"Nobodys gave up on magic sometime ago; it was giving us a superiority complex, as you have. No, we are now Nobodys of science, but I think I understand how that could be confusing to you, I mean, I understand that you as a people are a bit behind in your mental development." I know I smiled then, my mom always smiles when she says something hurtful. She smiles a lot.
"You see, your 'magic' affects the brain, and the brain controls everything, I hope you know, mind over matter after all, even muggles can do it. So we studied, I know it is a new concept and all." Here Miss Granger looked offended, and like she was about to interrupt, I did not let her, "My apologies, new-ish concept." That seemed to appease her, because she looked like a fish again, which I think she does whenever she tries to understand something.
"It is kind of like insanity you see, you alter reality with your 'magic' and others, 'muggles' you call them, cannot see it, like in the case of the dementor. If you told them the truth, they would all think you were insane. So you see, it is a science; the complexities of one simple 'spell' are hard to understand, and when you study something unknown, it is called science." I remember taking a big breath here, to continue explaining of course.
"The problem with Everybodys is that you never take the science far enough. You set so many limitations and rules for yourselves; you will never get anything done. You will be stuck here in this poor, poor forgotten age of something; how sad really." I paused, because I knew, I just knew, that they would have questions, not the question I was expecting though.
The black-haired Harry Potter spoke in his magnificent, wizardly, somebody voice, "Why do you keep saying Somebodys and Nobodys, aren't we all somebody?" I just know my eyes were wide, wider than my face. What. An. Insult. "My goodness to all Nobodys I hope not." I paused again, rather sheepish, "Pardon my language. You are starting to rub off on me. Your manners, I mean. I simply say that we are Nobody's because Nobodys can be anything, and you all set rules and limitations, so you cannot be anything, you are stuck with something, now I have more questions to ask you, if you do not mind." No, it was not a question.
"Why is your ministry so lacking? I mean we have armies, special ops. and divisions in everything, as awful as that may sound to you." This time Mr. Weasley decided to grace me with his voice, "What do you mean, kid? We have different divisions, and the Aurors." He really was ignorant.
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I mean different divisions in the divisions, and an army that is not the people who make sure the rules are kept, you call them bobbies, or police. Not that we have any rules to keep, mind you, I think the rules are basic no murdering and do not swim with the geese, they bite. Unless, of course, you are a geese at the time." Miss Granger, as you may expect by now, cut in.
"The proper word is goose, and why would you be a goose?" These Everybodys sure did know how to be stupid, "If I may inform you, I wanted to say geese, thus I said geese." I am ashamed to say that I was being a little sarcastic, "And what is the word you use, multmagus or muti-animagus, well, whatever you call them, we are those, I mean, we can turn into anything, after all, nobody can be everything. We can even turn into other people, what is the word you have, metomorphmagus or something?" They seemed to be thinking about this, because by now all three of the Everybodys were making fish faces. So in conclusion to your question, Nobodys do not have any limitations at all, in any way. I mean we even send training army cadets to the moon. Now, back to my questions."
Now, I shall inform you that I asked many, simple, questions, but all I got was fish face, so I will not tell you them, hopefully a someone will be able to answer them next time I go on vacation."
I smiled at all of the Hogwarts students, "Thank you for letting me tell you this, in your lovely Great Hall. It has been immensely fascinating." I stood up and left, I was back home in seconds. I do so love science.