AN: Continuation of my holiday fluff. Mistletoe, Happy New Year, Roses are Red, Flippity Floppity, and now this one.
April Show- Show Some Effort!
Morgana's plans were always perfect. Except when it came to those two.
Sure, they seemed much more chummy ever since New Year's -less death threats and even having weekly dinners- but the two idiots still weren't dating. They very clearly, to everyone who had eyes and/or ears, needed to be dating. They were terribly, painfully, horribly, obviously in love.
Idiots.
It was time to take drastic measures and that included a surprise shopping trip for Merlin.
Being the young, innocent naiveté Merlin was, he chewed on that cashmere-scarf-promising leash and followed right along. With help from a very enthusiastic Gwaine and a shortcut through a back alley, they were easily able to restrain him –seriously Morgana was stronger than him alone, she really didn't even know why she asked Gwaine along- and blindfold him without problem. Gwaine then held his 'gun' –a banana- to Merlin's back and directed to him to the basement of an abandoned warehouse using a voice distorter….that made him sound like Darth Vader.
Seriously, why did she bring him again?
"Merlin, I am not your father."
"Shut up, Gwaine!" She had to hiss into his ear as he just laughed and laughed.
Merlin, who had originally been quite scared -heart thumping and hands sweating- took a deep breath and sighed, "I know that's you Gwaine." His obnoxious laughter could be identified two rom-coms and a scifi away.
"This is not the Gwaine you are looking for," Gwaine said, holding back another chuckle.
Morgana slapped him. Hard.
"So," Merlin said as they entered the basement and allowed himself to be tied to a chair with little complaint. "Morgana? Can I assume you have a plan?"
"Of course I do," Morgana said and fished for the burner phone from her purse.
"But you won't tell me what it is? Just going to leave me strapped to a chair?"
"Yup," Morgana smirked and pulled out the gag she held out to Gwaine who was still quoting movie lines, now from other films and such. Moron.
"Beam me up, Scotty!" Gwaine finished tying the ropes and went on to the gag. "No! You don't belong in this 'verse! This 'verse ain't big enough for the two of us. I swear by my pretty floral bonnet-"
"Gwaine!" she snapped and he finally stopped. "Move out of the way of the picture."
"The picture?" Merlin tried to ask but it came out all muffled.
She didn't bother answering. She took a photo of Merlin, added a few filters to make him look more pathetic than annoyed and sent it off to Arthur with the demand for a grand –pocket money to someone like him- to be sent to her account, of course. When Arthur transferred the money she would send him the address and he would arrive to the rescue of his PA in distress. Of which she would record every second, for the future generations to see how love confessions are done.
Arthur had been walking away from the local coffee shop when he got the text from the unknown number. At first he couldn't make out what was in the dark photo, half concerned it was another random dick pic sent in mistake –yes, ANOTHER one- but then he saw the ears and he dropped his coffee. He rang the number immediately.
Morgana jumped as the phone started ringing in her hand. "Shit." She held it out to Gwaine who jumped back with his hands up. "You have to answer," she said. "You have the voice manipulator. He'll know mine."
Gwaine viciously shook his head. "I'm not getting enough beer for improv." He looked at Merlin and winked. "Beer for a year."
"Well Merlin can't do it!"
"Why not?"
"Gwaine!"
"Fine, hand it over." He flipped the phone up to his ear and answered in a horribly cheesey 'thug' voice made extra unbelievable by the Darth Vader gasping. "What part of my text you got trouble understanding boy?"
As troubled and desperate as Arthur felt, he did need to pause a moment to let that question sink in. "What do you want with Merlin?"
"I don't want nothin' to do with your boyfriend here." Gwaine gave Morgana a shrug. He'd been watching a lot of westerns lately. "I just want my thousand."
"Just a thousand? Oh. I thought that might have been a typo."
Morgana squeaked and quietly said, "He didn't deny the boyfriend. It's working."
Merlin moaned loudly from his corner.
"What?" Arthur asked, worried at that moan of such obvious pain.
"Um-" Gwaine shook his head. "It's working. The –ah- plan. My evil, evil plan. To take your… thousand."
Morgana slapped him and covered the speaker with her palm. "You sound like a cartoon villain."
Gwaine pushed her away and brought the phone back up to his ear. "Just transfer the money and we'll – I mean- I'll text you the address where you can pick up your pretty little friend here."
Merlin batted his eyes at Gwaine who blew him a kiss, which caused Merlin's eyes to roll beyond redemption.
"Okay," Arthur nodded.
"And no coppers," Gwaine added with a shout, "or else!", and hung up. "Well?" he asked Morgana. She did not look very pleased, arms crossed and hips tilted. "What?"
"You're a moron," she said.
Merlin huffed in agreement –though really he was calling them both morons. Not that he would ever -not if he wanted to keep breathing- call Morgana that aloud.
Arthur was snappy on transferring the money into the vaguely familiar account. Perhaps it was a client that had Merlin hostage? Only, which of their clients would ask for such a seriously small amount of money?
The reply with the address was just as quick and Arthur took off at a run.
Morgana and Gwaine left the room, which left Merlin to yell incomprehensible but especially creative curses into the empty space. He knew the two were waiting close by to see if Arthur would propose or whatever Morgana wanted him to do, so he felt confident they got the implication of his violent mumblings.
"Merlin!" Arthur ran into the room and nearly collapsed at Merlin's feet. "Oh thank god." His hands jumped to Merlin's unconcerned face and probed through his hair. "Did they hurt you? How's your head?"
"I'm fine," Merlin mumbled.
"They didn't touch you anywhere did they?" Arthur continued pushing his hands all over Merlin's body, looking for bruises, causing him to jump when he got too close to the hips.
Merlin gagged on the gag. "Morgana would not touch me there," he tried to say. "Well… Gwaine-"
Arthur ignored him and slammed his arms round Merlin's tied down body, wrapping him up in a tight bear hug. He laughed into Merlin's ear, "You idiot. I hope you know you cost me a coffee. You so owe me one after this."
"I owe you one? Your sister-" Merlin was cut off again as Arthur pulled back sharply and stared at him.
"I don't know who did this to you-"
"Morgana!"
"-but we'll find out, alright? This isn't going to happen to you again. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."
Oh. Well this was unexpected. Morgana's plan was…. working? What?
Merlin just nodded and tried to smile. He didn't dare want to stop Arthur from having a genuine moment of feelings. For all he knew, the apocalypse would start. The feels apocalypse. Feelspacolypse. He needed to be on his guard.
Arthur continued with hands petting, now rubbing his thumbs over Merlin's neck and cheek. "It felt like I had lost you for a moment, not just my double whip mochachino, and I just remembered all these things I wanted to do and I just…I can't believe I never asked. Would you like to go to coffee? My treat. Well, actually your treat first time. But mine after. If you want. What do you say?"
Merlin's jaw was hurting from smiling so hard. He took it back. Morgana was a genius. "Yes," he tried to say thru the gag.
Arthur cocked his head and jumped, as if only realizing Merlin was unable to actually speak. "Let's get this gag- I can't get this off. I have no nails. I'm going to try pulling it over your head."
Up the gag went but Gwaine had tied it too tight and it could barely move, snagging on his top lip. "Ow!"
"Well if you're ears weren't so big!"
"Get the ropes first."
"What?" Arthur jumped again at realizing Merlin was tied up as well. "Oh. Alright. Oh, these aren't actually on all that tight. Are you telling me you couldn't get these off?"
Merlin kicked him as soon as his first leg was freed. "Shut up."
"There I think I got it-" Arthur said finishing off the arms. "Can you get the gag?"
Merlin ripped that stupid cashmere scarf of a gag –of course Morgana would use her promised cashmere scarf!- and started to thank his shining knight in armor, "ARth-", but he was cut off by Arthur lips gagging his mouth anew.
The kiss was that of fairytales. Orchestras burst out into song. Fireworks flashed. People fainted –actually that was just Gwaine. Chocolate rainbows appeared in the sky.
Merlin pulled back with a smile and whispered, "You are an idiot you know that?"
"I just rescued you."
"From nothing!"
"Like you could have gotten out of this by yourself."
"Actually yes! Yes I could have!"
"How hard did they hit your head?" Arthur went back to checking for concussions.
"They didn't even- they didn't-"
Now it was Arthur's tongue gagging Merlin and the metaphoric sights and sounds slipped into the explicit rating.
Merlin shooed Arthur out the front door first, promising to be right on his heels as soon as he found his 'dropped phone'. When alone he stomped into the hall adjacent and yelled at the two giggling.
"Alright, Morgana, I won't kill you for this." She smiled and clapped her hands around her phone. "Gwaine… I'm still debating."
"What?!" He scrambled up from the floor, his apparent fainting spot. "Why me and not her?"
"You two?!" Arthur came bolting back in, because really? He wasn't about to leave Merlin alone for a second. "You- of course it was."
Morgana smiled and made sure to get the final shot of Arthur's red face. "What else are big sisters for?"
Gwen woke up with a start and dove for her phone, dialing Morgana's number.
"What?" Morgana answered with a you woke me too early snap.
Gwen rolled her eyes. "I just had a dream that you kidnapped Merlin and forced Arthur to rescue him from an empty warehouse. Tell me you're not planning to do that for real."
"Of course not, Gwen." Morgana shifted in her bed and glared at the spot where her ropes and blindfold were tucked away. She shifted her gaze around to look for any hidden cameras Gwen may have put there. "You're being silly. Go back to sleep."
"I don't believe you."
"Goodnight!"
"I'm warning Merlin-" Gwen just managed to say before Morgana cut the call short. Gwen made a mental note to text a warning to Merlin for any surprise shopping trips. There was probably nothing to worry about…
Probably.
A/N: For the guest reviewer who wanted the actual kidnapping.