Ice King Is On The Case

by Red Witch

The Ice King is inspired to be a detective again. Unfortunately he tends to commit more crimes than solving them.

The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Adventure Time characters has been frozen over. Just some madness inspired by watching too many You Tube clips.

Ice King Is On The Case

"Gunter! Gunter!" The Ice King bellowed through his icy castle. "Where are you Gunter?"

"Wenk."

"Oh you're right behind me, you silly thing," The Ice King turned around and saw one of his many penguins named Gunter holding onto his robe in the back. He picked up the penguin. "You know what time it is Gunter?"

"Wak Wenk?"

"No, it's about 11:30," The Ice King told him. "But it's also time for another adventure for the Ice King! And you Gunter!"

"Wenk."

"It's Adventure Time! Come on and grab something," Ice King sang off key as he danced around holding Gunter. "We'll go and do something…something. Gunter the penguin and Ice King…The Ice King! The something will never end! It's Adventure Stuff!"

"Wenk."

"Okay so I'm a little out of practice with my singing," The Ice King put the penguin down and put his hands on his hips. "Give me a break! It's late! But not too late for adventure! I know! We can go save the world from some…evil stuff or something."

"Wenk."

"You're right Gunter, it's been overdone," The Ice King thought. "I've got it! Let's go find the lost treasure of Whatchamacallit!"

"Wenk."

"Yeah the lost treasure of Whatchamacallit!" Ice King whooped. "And I know just the place to start looking! Hold down the fort Gunter! I'm going to fly off in my super-secret explorer plane!"

The Ice King made plane sounds as he used his beard to fly. "Off I go! Onward to another adventure! Good by Gunter! Don't wait up for Daddy! ZZOOM!" He flew out the window.

"Wak," Gunter shrugged and waddled over to the Ice King's bed to sleep.

The Ice King of course was oblivious to everything but his own deranged imagination. "Yes here comes the Ice King brave adventurer! Ta Ta Da Dah! But what's this? Oh no! Enemy agents! They want the lost treasure of Whatchamacallit! Not if I beat them in an air battle! ZZZOOM! ZZOOM! RERRRRR!"

A few minutes later outside of Finn and Jake's treehouse….

"What is all the racket outside?" Jake moaned as he got out of bed to investigate.

"Uhhh…" Finn lay in bed turning. "Jake, are you sleepwalking again?"

"It's not me, man," Jake said. "It's coming from outside."

"Outside?" Finn opened up his eyes and sat up in his pajamas. "Please tell me it's an invading horde of demons or something."

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" The Ice King's voice laughed manically outside. "TAKE THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! HA HA HA HA!"

"It's not an invading horde of demons," Jake said as he went to the window. "It's the Ice King."

"That's what I was afraid you'd say," Finn groaned.

"YEAH! HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES! HA HA HA!" Ice King cackled. "YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT THE ICE KING! NEVER! NOT WHILE I'M ON THE CASE! HA HA HA!"

"Oh Glob he's not pretending he's a detective again is he?" Finn moaned as he got up from his bed.

"I don't know what he's doing," Jake told him as he continued watching the Ice King out the window. "Well I know what he's doing. He's flying around in circles making weird noises again but other than that…"

"BADA BADA! BADA!" The Ice King burst through the door. "ERRRRKKK! MADE IT!"

"Just once I'd like to have a week without you breaking into our house in the middle of the night Ice King!" Finn shouted.

"All right boys! We got a mission!" The Ice King crowed triumphantly.

"Yeah, we got a mission all right," Jake pounded his fist into his open palm. "A mission to kick your blue butt back to the Ice Kingdom!"

"Come on guys! This is an adventure! We can go out and do stuff!" The Ice King said excitedly. "Face danger! Hunt for treasure! Maybe pick up a few cute princesses?"

"Ice King, it's too late for us to deal with your craziness right now," Finn groaned. "Can't you just go to bed and we'll kick your butt in the morning?"

"Oh I'd love to sleep but I get these horrible night terrors and bad dreams," The Ice King waved. "Fortunately I forget all about them as soon as I wake up but they really bother me for some reason."

"I am having a horrible dream right now," Jake grumbled.

"Really? Am I in it?" The Ice King asked.

"Surprisingly, yes," Jake glared at him.

"Okay here's the deal!" Ice King clapped his hands together. "We have to find the lost treasure of Whatchamacallit!"

"The lost treasure of Watsa-whosit?" Jake yawned.

"No, Whatchamacallit! Whatsa-Whosit was last week! I think," Ice King blinked. "Oh well that will be the next adventure! This week we're doing Whatchamacallit!"

"You gonna be doing some time in Jake's House of Pain if you don't get out of here!" Jake snapped.

"Now boys we need to have a plan," The Ice King slapped his hands together. "We need to put our heads together to figure out this case! We need….SNACKS! Let's eat!" He rushed off to the kitchen.

"HEY!" Finn shouted. "Ice King no!"

"Get away from our food you mooch!" Jake snapped as they ran into the kitchen after the Ice King.

"Hey this is really good!" Ice King had opened the refrigerator door already and was chomping down on a sandwich. "My compliments to the chef!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jake yelled putting his hands to his head. "NOT MY SANDWICH!"

"Hummpf?" Ice King had half the sandwich in his mouth.

"AAAAAHH!" Jake tackled the Ice King and tried to pull his sandwich from the old moocher's mouth. "GIVE ME BACK MY SANDWICH!"

"RARRRRR!" Ice King held onto the sandwich with his teeth.

"Jake really doesn't like it when you eat his sandwich," Finn folded his arms.

"GIVE IT! GIVE IT BACK!" Jake tried to pull the sandwich from the Ice King's mouth. "Let go of my sandwich man! Finn bro, help me out!"

"I gotcha Jake!" Finn held onto Jake by his stomach and they pulled. "Pull!"

"GRRRR!" Ice King still held onto the sandwich for dear life.

"Man he's got a bite like a bear shark!" Finn panted as they pulled.

CHOMP!

"AAAAH!" Jake gasped as the Ice King chomped half the sandwich and swallowed it. "MY SANDWICH! NOOO! NOT MY DELICIOUS SANDWICH!"

"Mmmmm! Good! Spicy mustard! Just how I like it!" The Ice King licked his face with a satisfied smack.

"WHYYYYYY!" Jake got on his knees and made a fist. "WHYY? Maybe I can fix this…?"

"Let it go man," Finn put his hand on Jake's shoulder. "I'm calling it. It's over."

"Are you gonna eat that?" The Ice King asked pointing to the other half of the sandwich on the ground.

"EAT PAIN YOU OLD PATOOT!" Jake yelled as he leapt on him. Finn quickly followed with an attack on his own.

"YEOW!" The Ice King yelled as he was beaten up by Finn and Jake. "YEEOWWWCH! Don't pull my beard! OW! Come on guys! Ow! Seriously, you guys are really hurting me here!"

"GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE YOU CRAZY JERK!" Finn and Jake yelled at the same time.

"YEOWW!" The Ice King yelled as he was thrown out of the tree house. "OKAY! FINE! I CAN TAKE A HINT YOU KNOW?"

"Since when?" Jake barked.

"I'LL GO HUNT DOWN THE LOST TREASURE ALL BY MYSELF!" The Ice King blew a raspberry and flew away.

"We'd better follow him huh?" Finn sighed in a dejected voice.

"Yeah it's kind of our job to make sure he doesn't do too much damage," Jake admitted. "When did that happen?"

"I dunno," Finn shrugged his shoulders in response.

"Finn and Jake's was a dead end," The Ice King said to himself as he flew. "This meant I had to shake down the usual suspects. And some of them weren't so usual! They were pretty unusual! In fact there's one of them right now!"

"Why do glowing night berries only come out when it's dark?" Ash the Wizard grumbled as he looked around a field. "Man this is a pain. This stupid spell better be worth it!"

"HA HA HA HA!"

"AAAAH!" Ash gasped as his body was frozen in ice. "What the…?"

"So if it isn't Slippery Sam, the underworld's shadiest black market dealer," The Ice King floated down. "We meet again!"

"Ice King?" Ash blinked.

"Okay Slippery Sam! Start talking!" Ice King got in his face. "I know you know something about what I'm looking for! And I also know that you know that I know what I'm looking for! So you know what I know and I know what you know but you don't know that I know that you know! You know?"

"I don't know anything!" Ash snapped. "You're completely mental old man!"

"Playing the old I don't know game huh Slippery Sam?" Ice King snarled.

"My name isn't Sam you old…" Ash began but was hit in the face with a blast of snow. "AGGGHH!"

"Still playing games huh Slippery Sam?" Ice King mocked. "You feel like talking now?"

"Listen you…" Ash tried again only to be hit by a harder blast of snow and ice. This time his long strands of white hair stood on end and his teeth were chattering.

"You wanna play this game Sam? I can do this all night!" Ice King snarled.

"OKAY! OKAY I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!" Ash yelled. "Uh…Uh I sell a lot of stuff to the Shopkeeper Witch! Whatever you're looking for I'll bet she has! Yeah! That's the ticket!"

"The ticket huh?" The Ice King stared at Ash. "Well I'd better punch it!"

POW!

"Uhhh…." Ash moaned as he lay on the ground. He was still trapped in a block of ice.

"HA HA HA HA HA!" The Ice King laughed as he flew away.

"ICE KING!" Finn shouted as he and Jake ran up to Ash almost immediately after he left. Finn was dressed in his usual clothes and carrying his sword.

"Great! The Ice King is beating people up again for no reason!" Jake snapped. "Somebody gotta beat some manners into that dude!"

"Mommy…." Ash moaned before he passed out.

"Dude its Ash," Finn realized who it was.

"Oh. Never mind," Jake waved. "We'll give the Ice King a pass on this one."

"Yeah. But the next guy the Ice King goes after might not deserve it," Finn told Jake. "Come on we'd better follow the crazy nut."

Meanwhile the crazy nut had found his next target. "Mabel's was the kind of place where you could buy anything for the right price," The Ice King said to himself as he floated down to a large thatched shop. "And it didn't matter if it was legal."

"Hey Mabel! Open up!" The Ice King rapped at her door. "Mabel! Maaaaabeeel!"

"I'm not Mabel! I'm the Shopkeeper Witch!" An old green woman with brown leaves for hair, a red nightcap and a long flannel red robe answered the door. "Oh it's you Ice King. What do you want?"

"Mabel answered the door in her hottest red lingerie," Ice King went on. "It was thin and wispy barely covering her…"

"I'm wearing flannel you nut!" The Shopkeeper Witch snapped. "You will hit on anything in a dress won't you?"

"After a little friendly flirty banner I decided to get down to business," The Ice King went on. "Say Mabel what do you know about the lost treasure of Whatchamacallit?"

"My name is not Mabel," The Shopkeeper Witch glared at him. She considered putting a spell on him for a moment then remembered that as crazy as he was, the Ice King was still a powerful wizard. More powerful than her. And more unstable than jelly in a blender on top of a three legged table that had two broken legs.

And he was also one of her better customers. "The things I put up with for profit," She grumbled under her breath. She took a deep breath. "What do you want Ice King?"

"I got it from a very reliable source that you have your hands on the lost treasure of Whatchamacallit," Ice King said. "Why'd you do it Mabel? Was it for the money? Was it for the glamour? Was it just so you could see me again?"

"NO!" The Shopkeeper Witch shouted. "I don't know what you're talking about! Your brain cells have frosted over again!"

"I asked Mabel if I could come in and look around," Ice King went on.

"NO!" The Shopkeeper Witch shouted.

"She said come right in with a come hither look," The Ice King said to himself as he flew right over her into the shop. "She always had a thing for me."

"NO I DON'T!" The Shopkeeper Witch screamed. "GET OUT OF MY SHOP! AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL BUSINESS HOURS!"

"Okay! Where is it?" Ice King rummaged around her store throwing things everywhere. "It's not here. Or here. What's this thing? Never mind! Doesn't go with my crown!"

SMASH! SMASH! THUD! SMASH!

"MY SHOP!" The Shopkeeper Witch yelled as the Ice King carelessly threw things around. "MY MERCHANDISE!"

"Hey! I found it! I found the lost treasure!" Ice King said gleefully as he picked something up.

"Look! Take it! Take it!" The Shopkeeper Witch snapped. "Just get out of here you crazy old maniac!"

With surprising strength she grabbed the Ice King by the ear and tossed him out of the house. "Thanks Mabel! You're a doll!" Ice King giggled.

"GO AWAY YOU NUTJOB!"

"Whoo hoo! I did it! I did it!" Ice King cackled as he flew around the house with the object in hand. "I did it! I did it! I solved the case!"

"ICE KING!" Finn shouted as he and Jake ran up.

"Did he take something from you lady?" Jake asked.

"Nothing worth complaining about," The Shopkeeper Witch snorted. "Just some useless garbage I couldn't sell anyway. I'm more annoyed that the Ice King woke me up and wrecked my stuff!"

"Join the club," Finn groaned. "ICE KING! ICE KING GET BACK DOWN HERE AND GIVE THE SHOPKEEPER WITCH HER STUFF!"

"I don't want it!" The Shopkeeper snapped. "I want to go back to sleep! And if that means giving up some useless junk I haven't been able to sell then so be it! GOOD BYE!"

SLAM!

"Ice King get down here right now!" Finn ordered.

"Okee-dokey!" Ice King lowered himself to the ground. He showed Finn what he had in his hands. "I found it! See Finn and Jake! I found the lost treasure of Whatchamacallit! See! See! I solved the case!"

"Finn isn't that…?" Jake's jaw dropped when he saw what the Ice King was holding.

"Sure looks like it," Finn realized. "Okay Ice King. I'm not even going to ask how you found that. But we do have to take it back to its rightful owner."

"Whaaaaa?" The Ice King blinked.

A short time later…

"Hey Finn, Jake…" Marceline answered the door of her house.

"Hey Marceline!" Ice King waved. Well as much as he could since he was tied up. Jake was holding him. "We're on an adventure!"

"What did he do now?" Marceline sighed.

"He's having another one of his little fantasies again," Finn explained.

"Did he hurt anyone this time?" Marceline asked.

"He beat up Ash," Jake told her.

"Oh, that's okay," Marceline shrugged.

"Yeah but he also ate my sandwich," Jake frowned. "He burst into our home in the middle of the night ranting on and he ate my sandwich that I was saving for tomorrow! He put his pointy freaky teeth on my sandwich! Oh yeah and he terrorized the Shopkeeper Witch."

Finn and Marceline looked at him. "What?" Jake asked. "It was a good sandwich!"

"But there is another reason we came by," Finn explained. "Jake, untie the Ice King so he can show Marceline what he found."

"Hey Marceline! I found it! I found the lost treasure!" Ice King said excitedly after Jake untied him. He pulled something out of his beard. "See? See?"

Marceline's jaw dropped. "Hambo…?" She gasped as she looked at her lost doll in the Ice King's withered old hands.

"Oh so this is your treasure," Ice King smiled. "I should have known." He handed Hambo to her. "Hey why are you crying?"

"Huh? Oh I…" Marceline realized she had tears in her eyes.

"Don't cry Marceline," The Ice King gently brushed away the tear on her cheek. "Everything is okay right? You got your treasure back right?"

"Yeah," Marceline smiled. "I did. Thanks Ice King."

"I like it when you smile," Ice King grinned. "Hot dog! I bet the next treasure I find will really knock your socks off!"

"Uhh…Marceline…" Jake looked at her.

"Oh yeah that reminds me," Marceline says. "Hey Ice King there's this lost princess in my hall closet…"

"Lost princess? Hall closet! Outta my way!" Ice King shoved past her. "Ah! There's the closet! Princess! I found you!" He flew into a nearby closet.

CLICK!

"Hello? Hello?" Ice King called out as Marceline locked the closet door. "Princess? Anybody there? Hey are you the princess?"

THUD!

"No…You're a bowling ball…Uhhh…" The Ice King passed out in her closet.

"Uh Marceline…" Finn blinked.

"We'll let him out in the morning," Marceline told them as she hugged Hambo.