Amor (Love)

AU in which Anna was never turned into a monster, but she was indeed separated from Kratos with only Noishe and Lloyd. What might have come to pass, had things turned out so differently?

AN: Everyone makes Anna into this really strong, hard-headed person. But when I think of Anna, I think of a passive/defiant person who doesn't give in but doesn't raise a scene. She does know when to quit, however. She's calm and serene and sweet, not a fighter by any means. I figured Lloyd got his hard headedness from his father and Anna was the patient one. So… Anna's not weak, she's strong in a fragile way.

Prologue: hinc illae lacrimae (hence these tears)

"It's so silent in these woods at night."

Anna whispered the words, but Kratos heard them. She followed him blindly, even though she clutched the sleeping child closer to her chest with each step into the darkening forest. She trusted him implicitly, she had since before Lloyd was born, but even she could not summon faultless courage in dark, cold woods.

She was hardly an adult, only seventeen now, and she'd had no choice but to place her life in this man's hands. This mercenary, this angel. "How much farther until Iselia?"

Kratos was kind to her, and she loved him. Noishe had always liked Kratos so Anna felt obliged as well. After all, he was the one who made sure she and her child never ended up back in Kvar's hands. "About an hour now, just a little longer Anna, and then we'll have a warm bed to sleep in." He tried to sound optimistic for her, because he loved her with the same blind devotion she showed him. She was a breath of fresh air, soft-spoken and polite to a fault, yet her determination demanded admiration, for she had always stood firm in her decisions.

So they continued on in silence, except when the child awoke, crying. Then Kratos took the boy named Lloyd and held him close, pointing through the canopy to the stars that lighted the midnight path, and he whispered, "Do you see the stars? The stars that watch over you?" And the child settled, happy in his father's strong and sure arms, content to be with them no matter what.

As the minutes passed, Kratos heard nothing save the heavy breaths of his tired wife and soft pants as his arshis, Noishe, kept her company. Everything seemed calm enough but still he refused to lower his guard. The last think Kratos wanted was to be caught unaware before getting his family to the safety of the town's gate. He wanted to be as far away from these haunted woods as soon as possible. He took no chances for his wife's safety.

Time passed slowly. She did not know when it happened, or how, but everything played out in slow motion. Kratos spun about and pushed her and Lloyd away just as arrows rained down from above. One sliced his arm but none hit her or Noishe. Instantly desian after desian emerged from the woods, bats out of the hellish nightmares she had dreamed the first weeks of freedom. Time had eased her fears, but now they returned as the largest group yet attacked.

Her husband, whom she adored with all her heart, fought bravely, but even he with his angelic powers could not stand up before so many. They were forced to retreat, Anna and Lloyd always behind Kratos and Noishe, who fought just as bravely as his master. Further and further they retreated, pushed closer to the cliff's edge.

She stumbled, "Kratos!" the cry rang out desperate over the clashing swords. The angel turned and saw the young woman, no more than a girl really holding the now awake but silent child in one slender arm, the other reached out toward him with her cry. She fell, her skirts a swirl and a flutter, her brown hair spread about in the appearance of a true, fallen goddess.

She fell. With that child clutched to her chest as he watched Noishe plunge over the edge after them, and it all went dark from there.

A rich, deep, and hearty laughter, a warm feeling and something spicy in the air, the comforting weight of a creature on her legs.

Anna's eyes opened, staring unseeingly all around. The place in which she had slept was humble, but warm and softly scented with spices and the tangy-metallic smell of metal. A rough, home worn quilt covered her and on top of that, Noishe slept on her legs. She reached out weakly to pet him and the dog-like creature opened his eyes, staring mournfully at her. He whined piteously.

It attracted the attention of the stout man who had awoken her with his warm laugh. He came to stand beside her, "Ahh, you're awake now, are ye?" His accent was odd, Anna thought she'd never heard such an odd accent ever in her young life. "I was worried, when I found ye, the boy cryin' and the dog whinin' the saddest song I ever heard. Ye were out for a few days, but all the danger's passed now."

She nodded her thanks, then turned to see Lloyd standing there on his unsteady toddler legs, staring at her with big brown eyes. She smiled shakily at him, and he smiled back, big and content. "Mama!" He cried, flinging himself into her arms. "I was scareded, all da big men an dada fightin' and… and… I was scared!"

Anna wrapped her arms around him. "Shh." She whispered, "It's all right now Lloyd, I'm okay, and so is Noishe. This nice man helped us, and he took care of you and Noishe, didn't he?"

The child stood back and turned his large brown eyes onto the stout man before them. "Yeah! Mr. Dirk gave Noshy an' me some tasty soup! He was nice."

Anna nodded to her son but spoke instead to her beneficiary, "I thank you, Master Dirk, for caring for my son as well. I'm eternally grateful." She tried to sit up, but the large pile of dog on her legs made the feat impossible. "Oi, get off Noishe; my legs are asleep."

The dog turned big brown eyes on her and whined again, then he hopped off and ran outside. Anna stared after him for a few minutes until Lloyd explained, "Noishy's sad, he misses dada."

"Oh." She remarked lamely, rising to her feet and straightening her rumpled dress. The dress Kratos had bought for her, with it's long white sleeves and blue embroidery with a purple silk sash, her favorite colors. She stretched and brushed past Dirk and Lloyd, following the protozoan.

Noishe sat on the bridge crossing over a small stream, his head on his oversized paws. He whined when he saw her, but did not raise his head. Anna sat beside him with a sigh. "I'm sorry. If he hasn't come for us by now he must believe we are dead. I'm sure Lord Yggdrasil has taken him back to Derris Kharlan. Whatever the case, we are alone and we have to be brave. It's just you and me raising Lloyd now."

Another whine, followed by two soft yips. His tale wagged once.

Anna laughed. "I know, I hurt too. I think it's best we go back to Luin, even if it is close to…" she trailed off, gazing into the sparkling water. "Anyway, I know my brother still lives there. Lloyd will need a father figure." She sighed again, this time heavy with all sorts of burdens. She wanted to cry, but thought she had to be strong, just like him. "I wish it wasn't this way. I just want Kratos back with me. I just want him to hold me and tell me how much he loves me. I want things to be the way they used to, walking from one end of the world to the other." She sobbed weakly into Noishe's green fur.

"I want to him to come find me. He should be more powerful than that stupid angel. He should be able to come rescue me, but he can't, and he might as well be dead." Noishe nudged the crying girl softly, because even though she had born a child, she was still just a young girl. "I'm sorry. We should go, it's no use crying when we have a future to face!"

Dirk blessed them with gifts on the day the three left his home. To Anna he gave a bracelet that she could wear along with her exsphere, and a sack of gold. He gave them a set of fine leather worked saddlebags that had been customized to fit Noishe, and plenty of food for the trip. Anna had nothing to return him, but she promised that she would someday repay her debt, and the company set out.

They didn't travel alone, for fear of monsters. A caravan found them one night and offered them protection as far as Izoold. At Izoold, they stayed for a few days when Anna fell ill. She went to visit the local doctor and discovered something that seemed both a miracle and a curse; she was pregnant.

When she recovered, they left with a different caravan, one bound for Hima, and then Luin. While it was not uncommon for women to travel, it was uncommon for an unmarried woman to bring a child, especially a pregnant one. There were questions asked about the father, and why she traveled. Anna hastily replied that the father had passed away and she was traveling home to live with family.

Of course, few believed the story, and even less as they neared Luin. People knew Anna there, they remembered the sweet priestess initiate who had dedicated herself to the goddess Martel. They remembered how she'd taken vows of chastity without any regret for what it meant, and how she'd smiled in service of her goddess.

They also remembered the desians. They remembered how the group of priests teaching children outside the town had thought they were safe, but the desians took every last one of them. Even Anna, who had tried her hardest to protect them.

So they formed their own conclusions, that Lloyd was the child of a desian, and that Anna's unborn child was also a desian babe, but she loved them anyway. It was the story Anna held, because it was easiest for her, and after a while she erased her memories. She forgot about Him, the one who set her free. All Anna recalled was purple feathers and the gentle touch of an angel.

They returned to Luin, and she gave birth. Her child, a daughter, was stillborn. She cried, and died a little, day by day. Some people said it was the trauma of what had happened to a once free spirited young woman, and some said it is what happens to everyone, but eventually, Anna began to lose her mind.

And then, fifteen years passed by…

Spaz. I'm terrible. The angst-y goodness wasn't due to start for another few chapters. To explain what happened, they were attacked in the woods, caught unaware while traveling to Iselia. Anna fell over a cliff and Noishe dove after her. Kratos lost the fight and was taken to Derris Kharlan, believing Anna to be dead. Anna was found by Dirk who nursed her back to health and gave her a bracelet which Lloyd wears later in the story. Anna traveled with several caravans back to Luin to live with her brother and his family. Along the way, she invented an alibi she actually began to believe, consequently, Lloyd believes it too.

Anyway, the next chapter is actually the first because it starts fifteen years later with Sheena. Yes, this will be a Shelloyd fic, but there will also be a Colloyd splash too. I'm not sure when the story will end, but it will go all the way up to the Tower of Salvation the first time, at least, that's where my notes end. .

Chapter One: Semper Idem (Always the Same)

Lloyd is the hotheaded, noble minded son of the former priestess Anna. He's good with his hands and even better with a sword. All he wants is revenge against the desians, who he blames for his mother's illness. He'll do anything to protect the defenseless and help the Chosen.

Sheena is a mysterious woman who appeared seemingly out of nowhere and nearly caused a riot in Luin. She claims she was attacked by bandits and fled to safety here, but it's a sketchy story at best. Her honor won't allow her to leave until she has repaid her debt to Lloyd and all of Luin.

The two have only just met, and they stand miles apart, but things are getting interesting in the once boring city of Luin…

Lockea