Disclaimer: I do not own House, no matter how hard I wish I did. The gods are just too cruel. The characters have just rented the apartment that is my brain and will be staying a while until I kick them out. Damn them and their wild parties. Cameron, stop bonking Chase against the wall! That's the third damn headache you've given me today!
Date: April 12th, 2006 Time: 8:03 am
From: Lisa Cuddy
Dean of Medicine
Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital
To: Greg House; Robert Chase; Allison Cameron; Eric Foreman
Forward: Stacy Warner
Subject: You idiots.
Dear soon-to-be-unemployed Drs.,
I don't know all of what you did to get yourselves sued for malpractice, but you're all suspended for two weeks. Especially you, House. I don't know why I haven't fired you yet; maybe because you're the best damned doctors this hospital has seen. Maybe because without you we wouldn't have nearly as good a reputation. But why ever the hell not, you're suspended. And you've all got restraining orders. You can't come within 50 feet of this hospital in any direction for the next two weeks, so I hope you got everything you'll need out of the office. 'Cause unless you wanna get fired, you're gonna stay fifty feet away.
Stacy, I forwarded this to you because you're their lawyer. You have to keep them in line. Oh, and that whole hearing thing, you'll need to help them lie better. Or Cameron and Chase, anyway. House and Foreman are pretty good liars.
Yours Sincerely,
Lisa Cuddy
Date: April 12th, 2006 Time: 9:41 am
From: Greg House
To: Robert Chase; Allison Cameron; Eric Foreman; James Wilson
Subject: Nice.
Haha.
Pretty stupid of Cuddy to give me all your guys' e-mails. Sucker.
What're you gonna do with your two-weeks off? Spring break! I don't know about you guys, but I'm thinking: Internet porn.
I'm gonna piss Stacy off for the hell of it. She's funny when she's angry. Haha.
House
Date: April 12th, 2006 Time: 12:05 pm
From: Stacy Warner
To: Greg House; Robert Chase; Allison Cameron; Eric Foreman
Subject: I hate you.
Dear idiots,
I can't believe you got yourselves suspended. I believe House is capable of it, but Cameron, I'm surprised. Chase…. You've done it before. Foreman, somehow it's not as shocking; maybe because you've worked with House long enough that his "screw the world" attitude has rubbed off on you. I suppose you can't be around that much jack-ass and not get any on you.
Anyway. Since you can't go to the hospital, you're all gonna have to meet me at Starbucks. I have to teach you to lie better and get the details on this stupid malpractice suit.
Just so you all know, you've just made my life a whole lot more difficult. Especially you, House.
I hate you,
Stacy