A/N: This is sort of what I feel with my girlfriend. She broke up with me in a... less than kind way, then proceeded to delete many of her online accounts and ban me from the others (though after a few months I finally did get an explanation, and it was then that she went as far as to ban me. Absolutely lovely.) It feels good to be free of all that mess, but at the same time, it sort of hurts, you know? I shared my heart and soul with her, but that meant nothing to her. I am more or less over it- I'm over her. What still hurts are the selfish bits of me, and my ego, I'm ashamed to admit. But, there's something new, something better, over the horizon, I think. I just need to get there.
And find myself a new lesbian lover. (Laughs) That's another thing that goes into the story. I really, really like a girl I know. Since we've both just gotten out of serious relationships, we're going to give it some time, but I hope it works out. She's really awesome.
Heh, enough with my angsty drama. That's only interesting in fics!
I'm sorry this one has so little detail, but it's more for me to get the feelings out than to actually make a good story. (Sorry about that! But don't worry, I have lots of good, juicy stuff coming up, both femmeslash and slash, and I'm getting into other fandoms.) Also, I'm not doing the whole "OMG CRISIS I CAN'T BE ATTRACTED TO A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX" thing this time around. It's fun to do from time to time, but right now, it just feels old and boring and beyond the point. It feels nice to do a story where, finally, the gender of the person isn't at all important- let alone cause for identity crisis- and instead, the person on the inside is important. Yes, that is very cliche. I live cliche, lately. ;) For once, I'm just going to write this out, and I do not care about quality of writing or story-telling or even characterization. This one time, I'm going to say; "FUCK CHARACTERIZATION!"
So here goes the drabble/ficlet! :)
The realization comes to her simply, one day as she's pulling on her blouse for work. No fuss, no drama, no inner monologue, nothing.
This relationship is done. It's like a half-wet band-aid she forgot about. It's time for it to come off.
One half of it will slide off smooth as butter, but the other half will hurt, tearing at her skin. She could ease it by getting the other half wet, she supposes, but that will take more time and effort than she has to spare.
So she decides to talk to him. They haven't gotten too intimate yet- in aspects other than emotion, that is. But they aren't engaged, nor are they even living together. It's the easiest stage to end a relationship at; she's just nipping it in the bud, really.
She takes a deep breath. Then, calm as ever- she is the Ice Queen, after all- she calls him and says she wants to talk, as soon as possible. No, she's not hurt, she's just fine. She just needs to talk, she assures him.
So she goes about everything in the usual way, for a large part of her is perfectly okay with this, and it feels like no big deal. Small enough that it doesn't bear on her conscience.
Actually telling him is nowhere near as simple, however. He's crushed, naturally. That other half of her is, too. She loves... not him, exactly, but still, some things about him.
They go their separate ways. He's too hurt to remain her friend, she knows as much. That's bittersweet for her.
The next few weeks pass normally. She recovers emotionally, gets rid of the guilt and self-consciousness. She even feels ready to move on to another relationship, if the chance should present itself.
And one day, it does.
It seems like the obvious path has been right in front of her this whole time, but she is only just seeing it. Part of her kicks herself for not realizing it sooner; the other part of her is jittery, happy, hesitant- a whole motley of odd emotions, really.
But mostly, excited and eager.
It's as though the sun has set on a long, tedious day, and the sun has risen for a better one.
She realizes that, over the horizon, is Olivia Benson.
Some things have to fall into place first, of course. She's willing to work for it, and she knows it'll take time. Sometimes taking an old band-aid off can hurt, but then you can put a brand-new one on.
A smile appears softly on her face. She feels hopeful, truly hopeful, for the future.