All Things Go

by Pietruszkowa

Written as a part of Kummer Summer 2011 Exchange for tangeriney. After graduating high school, Sam takes much needed road trip, hoping to rest and figure some stuff out. Plans change a little when he gets a phonecall from Kurt, asking if he could join.

Some time off, simple as that.
That's exactly what Sam needed. He had just finished high school (his grades good enough, maybe better than he expected; useless anyway) and even if he was pretty sure he was staying in Ohio – he never had big New York or California dreams like some of his friends, or at least he'd never treated them serious – he really wanted to get away for a while. It's not like it wasn't deserved, right? Graduation was still a pretty big thing, even if he didn't go to college. Start of a new life, real life, without Glee clubs or prom kings, where a job wasn't crappy way of supporting family after school, but something done for a living, filling the whole day, hopefully bringing some satisfaction. Everybody who graduated high school deserve at least a little vacation before they get into all this adult shit – and Sam Evans needed vacation more than anyone else.
He might have planned something with Puck or Finn or anyone else, some kind of adventure of their lives, but that wasn't what he was looking for. (He had actually thought trip like this, with all probable highlights, like drugs, alcohol and girls, let's not forget about the girls, made him burst out laughing without specific reason.) He wanted to be alone for the while. This need for loneliness was surely understandable; most of the last few years he'd spend in one room with his whole family. He already felt a little guilty for this leave, his mind was counting all the money he could have earned working instead of running away and all the money he was going to spend on this journey, just like it used to count calories ages ago, in another life, when he still gave a shit about things like that. He needed to assure and remind himself how much he needed this trip not to go insane about every five minutes. He also repeated himself that he would finally do necessary thinking; and this thinking was a big deal. Because Sam was great at ignoring problems and pushing inconvenient thoughts into back of his mind.
His resolution for this trip was to finally deal with his feelings… Or even push them even further away if it turned out to be needed. He wasn't sure yet.
He wasn't even sure where exactly he wanted to go, but he knew for sure he wanted to drive, drive for hours, listen to songs on the radio of the loaned car and maybe reach the ocean and stare at it for few minutes. Ocean is supposed to be a symbol of peace, right? And when he was younger, it seemed like a symbol of whole wide world outside Ohio. It sounded good enough.
So there he was, having some ground – some plan ruined by this one phonecall few days before his planned leave. He didn't even answer it at first. It was his mother who let him know that someone wanted to talk to him while he was busy with his last laundry or something even less romantic.
"Hi, Sam" Kurt's voice was a huge surprise. Especially since Sam thought that "good luck" whispered by him the last day of school (the hug, Kurt's breath on his cheek and the way he put his hand on Sam's arm after he let him go and rubbed it softly, in familiar for them gesture Kurt repeated since the day they met, the brush of his fingertips on material of Sam's shirt as he took the hand away, memory crossed Sam's mind quickly) were supposed to be the last Kurt's words directed at Sam. Like, ever. It seemed like pretty good last words, too. "Finn mentioned that you are going away for a few weeks."
"Actually, I don't even know how long it will take" Sam interrupted without much thinking. "It's this spontaneous road trip kind of thing."
"Not so spontaneous if you planned it." There was something in Kurt voice Sam didn't really like, not the fact that he was joking or trying to be caustic, none of this would actually surprise or worry him, but the other boy's tone seemed weirdly blank. "Anyway, would you mind if I joined you?"
That was something unexpected – paralyzed Sam's mind for a while. On the one hand, the whole loneliness concept would fall apart. Also, even if Sam didn't fully admit it to himself yet, Kurt seemed to be the one of the reasons why he wanted to leave In the first place.
On the other hand, some part of Sam just wanted to agree immediately.
"I promise not to cause you any trouble" boy assured him, since Sam didn't answer him in any way. "You wouldn't even notice me that much." He went silent for a while, but for Sam it felt like he was going to add something. And he was right.
"I guess I just need the same thing you do – because I guess that's what you're looking for – getting away for a while. We may as well do it together and split the costs in two."
"That makes sense" Sam said finally, relived that Kurt found for him the reason to agree. Pretty good reason. "Okay, so I guess we should meet and…"
"No." Kurt cut.
"…No?" That was another surprising thing.
"I just… Agree to everything, Sam, whatever you planned and whatever you're going to do" He assured him. "I trust you completely. Just let me know when we leave."
"There's a lot of decisions, actually… Renting a car, all the things connected with costs, the road we're going to take…"
"Completely and on everything." Kurt repeated before hanging up.

Kurt's presence didn't change much, but at the same time it changed everything. Sam was driving for hours – like he wanted, even if from time to time they'd switched to let the other one rest. He was still listening to the old songs and Kurt never asked him to change the station – in fact, he barley said anything which made everything feel almost like Sam was really on his own. The only times they really talked were the one when they need to consult on the road, petrol level, pee break or night's rest – so far they spend all the nights just napping in the car. Kurt for sure didn't care for his beauty sleep or skincare routines, what made Sam think that whatever made him want to take part in this trip had to be something huge. Sam kind of wanted to talk about it, but he didn't know how to start this conversation.
During breaks – they had at least one long break during the day – he was quickly disappearing to go his own way and never let Sam know what he was doing on his "walks", but he always was back on planned time, safe and sound.
Sam meanwhile found himself thinking too much about why Kurt would even be here and too little on the stuff he actually planned to think about before they left. He wasn't able to concentrate on his future plans or on his own feelings, because everything was coming back to the corners of the other boy's mouth – always down.
Kurt made him feel weirdly uncomfortable and he hated himself for it, because he used to be Sam's closest friend in the world. Of course a lot changed since then, during last two years of high school they drifted apart. Kurt was busy with his little perfect relationship with this Blaine Warbler guy and his big perfect future in New York. Sam was dating some girls… And more girls… And that was pretty much everything he had time after all this extra-work to support his family and being on the football team and in Glee club.
Maybe Sam was avoiding Kurt a little bit. But for sure he never forgot. Red sequined pants were still somewhere in his wardrobe.
Their situation changed a little after about a week. It was a hot, unpleasant afternoon and their car broke down just like in a beginning of some lousy horror movie or cheap porn. Sam's first reaction was panic – it was borrowed car, after all. Second – reminding himself that it's probably no big deal and that he actually can do something about it, as he assured Kurt immediately.
"But you realize that my father owns a garage?" The boy asked few seconds after Sam started checking car's insides. "I may be able to help you."
"I never thought this was in your area of interests" Sam answered.
"It isn't, and I admit I helped him way more with accountancy than mechanics" Kurt got off the car and took place next to Sam. "But still, I'm not clueless." He smiled. "You could be. You always seemed more into your bike than a car." Kurt bumped Sam's hip softly.
The other boy smiled back, not even looking at him.
"My dad is a kind of person who thinks that real man should leave his family house with ability to hunt, repair car and recognize real music, whatever that real music would be." It took him few years to understand that Justin Bieber or Rebecca Black didn't necessarily fall under that criteria. Neither did Bikini Kill, but Sam sang anyways.
"I can't see you killing anything innocent." Kurt confessed.
"Me neither" Sam took a quick look at him. "I guess I failed a little as a real man then."
Kurt gave him a bitter smile. "Fuck real manhood."
Sam went silent for a second, wondering if it was inappropriate. "Uh, I'm sorry." He popped awkwardly. "I don't know if talking about it upsets you with any way. This topic doesn't seem like the best choice. I guess you get a lot of this crap on daily basis."
"Not that much nowadays" Kurt shrugged. "And even if, I learned not to care ages ago." He smiled softly. His face lightened up just like it used to and for the first time in ages Sam saw this thoughtful angel in him again. That's right, Kurt reminded Sam of an angel a lot – even if Kurt himself didn't believe in angels at all. "Life learned me that usually it turns out that even with a dick in my mouth I happen to be more of the man than any of people who likes to repeat stuff like that."
Sam smiled back, wondering how this angel metaphor kept going so well even when he mentioned blowjobs. "Honestly, you're like one of the most badass people I've ever met, Kurt." He confessed.
"Thanks, I guess." Kurt looked over Sam's arm to check how he was doing with a car.
"May I… ask you something?" Sam wasn't sure if he liked this sudden lack of distance, so he was grateful when Kurt moved step away. "Since we, you know, started talking?"
Kurt gave him a weird look; one of his eyebrows went up a little bit.
"You can always ask me things. We are friends."
"I know, but…" He stopped for a second, looking for right words. "Last few days were really silent and…"
"What is it, Sam?"
He took a deep breath. "What exactly happened two weeks ago?" He asked. "You know, when you called me, you wanted to go with me on this trip… But why?"
Kurt didn't answer right away. His eyes went down to the ground and for few seconds they just stood in silence.
"If you don't want to talk about it…" Sam started.
"Blaine and I…" Kurt took a deep breath. "I guess I can call it arguing, but it's not really accurate."
"Did you two, like, broke up?" Breathing suddenly felt incredibly hard, like there was something heavy on Sam's chest. He came back to engine.
"I'm pretty sure it's over" Kurt answered, putting his sunglasses on, leaning on the car causally. "It's just… All this planned moving to New York together, all this like-written-in-stone future stuff and acting like old-married couple with no other possibilities, and then it hit me… How do I even know if our relationship was good? It's the only one I've ever had. Maybe it's something more out there, something we weren't able to give each other. Maybe I would never experienced that if I stayed." He sighed lightly. "And if what we had was really good, would I even question that? And now – would I really go away like this, without any second thoughts or regrets, if we were meant to be?" He looked at Sam. "What do you think?"
Sam let out a little laugh. "Don't ask me, none of my relationships was that serious."
Boy looked up at Kurt; his eyes were closed under sunglasses, his face turned to sun, his cheeks flushed softly from the heat. "But I guess that you know when it's… this. The real deal." He took his eyes away from Kurt's face and swallowed hard. "Love."
"You make it sound like you weren't through this with any of your girlfriends. You never felt it?" Kurt asked, slightly surprised. "Not for any of those girls?"
"No" Sam smiled sadly to himself and looked at Kurt once again. "None of the girls."

It was easier since then. They were talking to each other, discussing their plans, they even ate together, and the last seemed somehow like a big deal. Soon they decided that they really needed to stay at some decent place, sleep on some (not necessarily decent) bed and take long showers. They came back to life from this weird limbo they were stuck in for last few days – and life had its needs. The closest cheap (enough) motel they met on their way turned out to be pretty crowded, even if also pretty shitty; the only available room for two had a double bed. Sam assured Kurt that he totally doesn't have a problem with sharing bed with him and he would be upset even by the slightest suggestion of having any (as later Kurt let him know, he didn't even planned asking about it; but maybe he was just teasing Sam).
But as soon as Kurt disappeared in the bathroom (previously politely asking Sam if he needs to pee, because, like he said, "washing off all that dirt from the road may take a while") Sam started to have doubts if staying in one bed with Kurt was a good idea after all. These thoughts were stupid, of course they were – Kurt and Sam were friends. And their friendship was blossoming again, for the first time in years. Also Kurt finally loosened up a little after all this break up with Blaine or whatever that was. But Sam couldn't help this heavy, unpleasant, nervous feeling in his stomach every time he thought of such a lack of distance between him and another boy… For seven hours at least, probably more.
He tried to ignore this, he really tried his best, but that didn't change the fact that his heart fluttered every time Kurt's hand accidentally brushed against his when one of them was driving or every time Kurt looked over his shoulder at the map.
He had to admit to himself: this kind of feelings was one of the reasons why he should have said no when Kurt asked if he could join. Sam had a big mess in his head, mess which included being sexually confused, and Kurt's presence didn't help at all.
Sam laid down on the bed and considered for a second falling asleep right away – but then he heard Kurt's voice from the bathroom, suggesting that maybe they should go out. Grab a drink, relax for a while, eat something decent.
"…You know, since we're not driving for a while" he finished. "What do you think, Sam?"
Boy swallowed hard. "I think it's a great idea."
He hoped he sounded convincing.

They have found some bar; food wasn't great, but it didn't seem like they were about to get sick from it, there was a lot of loud people smelling like cheap beer and cold sweat and there was a terribly loud music, which didn't exactly fit into taste of neither of them. It finally felt like vacation.
The situation was a little awkward for them; they never hanged out like this before, even with the rest of Glee club (the closest thing to this were probably parties in Rachel's basement), leave alone this kind of activities without some other people, just Kurt and Sam. They were friends, but their friendship usually came down to helping each other, spending time at home, definitely not sitting in bars and drinking, with Sam watching his every sip, hoping he won't get too drunk and end up doing some drunk confession about his feelings towards Kurt. His fears were strengthened by the fact that he wasn't exactly sure what his reaction to alcohol would be; he hadn't gone drinking in a long time.
All of this made them a little uptight and Kurt seemed reviled when some girl tried to pick up Sam. The blond barley noticed when his friend left their table, but he noticed the moment when Kurt's violet shirt (no matter how weird would be noticing this shirt or lack of it in the first place) disappeared from the bar.
That was the first moment when he actually looked at the girl who was talking to him: she was attractive, young, maybe a little older than him. Probably his type. Because he liked pretty girls, right? She wasn't wearing too much. She was just being on her holidays; looking for fun. And Sam was pretty sure that her idea of fun wouldn't sound fun to him at all – maybe only because Kurt left like this, without a single word, maybe because Sam was hopeless romantic, maybe because her boobs seemed to stare at him. He had no idea what exactly was a problem; but there for sure was some problem.
"Sorry," he said quickly, interrupting her in a middle of the sentence. Sam stood up and simply walked out of the bar without any explanation, leaving the girl (Tracey? Jean? He had no idea what her name could have been) confused.
"Hey, what's up with that?" He said as soon as he appeared on the street. Kurt turned around, clearly surprised to see him.
"I think I have better question: what's up with that, you following me?" he asked with a little grin; Sam was unsure if it was directed at him or if Kurt only smiled to himself. "Seemed to me like you two needed some time alone."
"Seemed to me like we two, you and I, are traveling together." Sam answered, taking two big steps to catch up with him. "And you don't split with your fellow-traveler like that… No matter how pretty the girl is."
"You don't need to sacrifice your fun for me, Sam." Kurt took a look at him, but his eyes were empty. Sam's head crossed the thought that maybe during this conversation with random girl the memory of Blaine came back into Kurt's mind… What caused wondering why thinking about Blaine would be Sam's reaction at all. "I'm all good. A little tired, that's why I left."
"It's not sacrifice." Sam assured him. "It wasn't really fun… Besides, I'm spending time with you."
"Yes, you do – and you do spend time with me mostly because I joined in last minute… Ruining your time alone… Or whatever it was supposed to be." The other boy reminded.
"It doesn't change the fact that I'd rather be with you than some random girl" Sam answered quickly, wondering, if it doesn't sound weird, and then added: "I like your company. Even if we get awkward sometimes… Like tonight."
Kurt smiled. "Your company is alright too."
Sam smiled back.
"You know, I'm pretty tried, too" he said. "We should just go back to the motel. Use some sleep as long as we have bed."'
The other boy just nodded. His eyes suddenly seemed a little less empty in the light of street lamps.

The night seems incredibly long and Sam is still fully awake when Kurt turns around in his deep sleep, face to Sam; he also turns to Kurt, even if he knows he's definitely not supposed to, especially with all this confusion on his mind.
It's like all his body desperately wanted to get a little closer to his friend, and lying face to face turns out to be not enough, because he still feels this desperate need to touch him, to get even closer. His attention is caught by the smallest things – the shadow of Kurt's lashes on his cheeks, of the way his lips are softly separated in his sleep, his bangs which went down on his face, making him look undeniably younger and even more lovable. His barely visible freckles on porcelain complexion.
Sam closes his eyes, afraid of noticing all the other details to admire, but it doesn't help in any way, actually, it makes it worse: because Sam can feel the heat from Kurt's body even clearer, he hears and feels his calm breath on his cheek and he can smell his scent: nice, clear and delicate, but at the same time pleasantly manly. Sam swallows hard at turns his back to Kurt and he doesn't know what he wishes more: to dream about Kurt this night or not to dream about him.

It got easier with time. They stopped in motels more often; Kurt didn't want any more drastic lacking of hygiene or damage of his look. They got more comfortable with each other, on every level, starting with jokes in the car, through peeing in the presence of another, ending with sharing the bed, completely casually, what caused weird looks in small towns and friendly smiles ("woo, out and proud. Keep it up!") in some bigger cities. Soon, hanging out together in bars and clubs didn't seem so odd anymore. With every evening like this the amount of the alcohol Sam allowed himself to drink raised – to the point when he wasn't careful anymore.
And that was what lost him; or maybe saved him.

It's the middle of the night, with bright moon on the sky; they are drunk, both of them, they are making some comments about summer nights and attempts to sing; they are way too loud. They are very joyful and very alive – they are very young and that might be the first night since high school when they feel like this.
It's a relief.
Sam suddenly pushes him against the wall. It doesn't really hurt, actually, he's quite gentle. Kurt looks at him, surprised, and for few seconds they just stare into each other's eyes, breathing heavy, their faces close, noses almost touching.
Suddenly the corners of Kurt's mouth go up in a little smile and the tension is broken; Sam smiles back and his whole face lights up a little.
"Hi" he says, and no matter how weird this line is, it seems fully appropriate.
"Hello" Kurt answers.
They both lean into the kiss at the same time. It's soft and gentle and feels different from all the other kisses Sam ever given or received – maybe it's just an alcohol, but he doubts that, because he feels butterflies in his stomach and bubble gum in his mind and it feels great, better than seeing Avatar for the first time. The kiss ended, but they don't move and their eyes are still closed.
"Wow" Sam whispers and Kurt feels the touch of his mouth ghosting on his again as he speaks.
He smiles and puts his hand on Sam's cheek softly before he kisses him again. His hand is moving down to other boy's neck and then back again to run through his shaggy hair as he licks his way into Sam's mouth. The blond feels conflicted; on the one hand he's incredibly overwhelmed by all feelings Kurt gives him at the moment, he's barley even moving under Kurt's touch, his heart is racing and head is spinning, on the other, something inside him just screams for more, even if he's not completely sure what that more may be.
"I want you" he says quietly and it feels like a load off his heart.
"Okay" Kurt answers with a voice which sends shivers down Sam's spine.

Next morning, Sam woke up naked. Well, almost naked. He had his socks on.
He also had terrible headache and felt weird burning in his ass. He ran his hands through his face and opened eyes slowly to realize he's lying in motel room bed, and, most important, he's not alone in it. He covered his mouth, like he was trying to help himself from screaming. And then everything came back to him – well, maybe not everything, but big part of it, including the things these mouth and hand were touching last night.
This first kiss. Pretty incredible kiss, to be honest. Entering the motel room. Taking clothes off in about twenty seconds. One minute max. Kurt's body, thought crossed his mind as he bit his bottom lip softly and closed his eyes, even if the boy was lying right next to him. He didn't really realize how often this image had to appear in his dreams before, he always tried to ignore this kind of thoughts.
Touch. Lots of touching and kissing and every kiss feeling even more awesome than previous. Even if they got all naked and stuff, it didn't feel like there was a pressure on them doing anything. Everything felt fun and… right. Kurt kind of let him decide. He didn't bring them any further until Sam clearly asked for it. And Sam, as he reminded himself right now, asked for a lot of things. "I want you", "take it off", "touch me", "I want you to fuck me" too. How heterosexual of him.
He smiled softly to himself at the memory of Kurt kissing him sweetly, asking of his sexual history and himself admitting his virginity.
And then he reminded himself what was afterwards.
And then he realized he wouldn't mind the reprise of this. Not at all. He would probably ask for it, actually. After all this asking he did last night one other request wouldn't hurt his pride that much. If he had enough balls to admit what he wanted, at least.
Sam opened his eyes again and looked at the boy sleeping next to him. Kurt was turned face to Sam and his hand was close to Sam's side, so he assumed that it Kurt was touching him when they fell asleep. His breath was calm, his lips slightly separated. Few days ago there were laying in similar position. Only, you know, dressed. Sam figured that he didn't want Kurt any less than back then; he actually wanted him even more.

When Sam came back to the motel, Kurt was already packing the car, getting ready to leave.
"Hi" he said as soon as he laid his eyes on Sam. "Uh, I, had to check out before ten. I hope you don't mind. You've been away for quite a while."
"I don't mind at all." He assured him. "I just took a little walk, I'm good." He explained himself and then realized he really had no reason to. "Can we… go?" He asked before making things even more awkward.
"Sure" Kurt nodded quickly. It probably took less than a second – for sure not enough for Sam to open the door - before he changed his mind. "No, wait" he stopped the other by grabbing his arm. "Can we… talk about last night?" He whispered.
"You don't need to keep your voice down, Kurt." Sam answered bitterly. "It's not like there's anyone we know" Boy realized he tried to change the subject.
"Oh, so I should keep my voice down if there was anyone we knew?" Kurt raised his eyebrow softly. The idea of Sam's shame was understandable, but it didn't change the fact it was also irritating. Especially with this tone.
"I'm not exactly running around with rainbow flag, if you didn't notice, Kurt." Sam grit his teeth. "Can we just…" He waved his hand into car's direction.
Kurt put his chin up in provocative manner. "Sure" he answered and entered the car. "How's your ass, by the way? You're not too sore, I hope?" he asked, his voice up, just to be a dick.

"I just want to let you know that I'm fully aware that some people forget which genitalia they like when they are drunk," Kurt said finally after about an hour of a ride, his nerves already calmed down. "So I…" he started, but didn't finish. He turned his head to Sam and just looked at him for the while; Sam wasn't sure if he blushed under Kurt's sight.
"I guess…" Kurt started again and then sighed. "I'm sorry if you're sorry." He said finally, with a little shrug, trying to sound completely casual, even if Sam was pretty sure Kurt felt as much unsure as he did. "Maybe you planned losing your virginity to some nice girl on your wedding night."
Sam laughed. Kurt looked at him again and Sam couldn't help to notice that the corners of his mouth went up in a little smile.
"Sorry" he said, not taking eyes off the road. "It just seems ridiculous to mention losing virginity on wedding night in… situation like this."
"You could call it by its name, you know." Kurt straightened his legs, like he felt need to move his limbs.
"It just seems ridiculous to mention losing virginity on wedding night after you fucked me last night?" Sam corrected himself, lifting his brows slightly.
"Thank you."
"You're very welcome."
Neither of them was sure what exactly this situation was. Sam was supposed to be awkward, Kurt was supposed to be angry, but all about their tones suggested that they are just making snarky jokes and it wasn't serious, life-changing deal at all. For few minutes none of them spoke. Sam decided that conversation probably is over and focused on the road; that's why hearing Kurt's voice again was a little shock.
"Okay, enough." He sat straight, completely serious. "I really want to talk about it. Stop the car, Sam."
And he did. It took another few awkward moments of silence for any of them to speak again. Sam was running his fingers along the steering wheel casually. Kurt was looking through the window – the weather this day was nothing like the first day they talked. The sky was cloudy and the air was thick. It felt like coming storm. Weirdly appropriate to their current moods.
"You kissed me" Kurt said finally. Sam looked at him.
"And you… put your dick in my ass." He answered, trying to keep his bitchy mask with "whatever" tone on. "I kinda see bigger damage for our friendship right here."
"Only because you asked for it" Kurt reminded him. It seemed like he let walls go; it was just Kurt and Sam couldn't stay indifferent about it.
"Only?" Sam repeated, smiling lightly. "Okay, I feel offended – I'm sure there were other reasons."
Kurt smiled back – sweetly and honest - and Sam felt his heart skipping the beat.
"Can we stop joking?" He asked. Sam nodded, licking his lips nervously.
"It seems like about time." He said, leaning heavily on the seat, turning his face to Kurt. For few seconds buys were just staring at each other.
"Are you gay?"
This question always caused weird things. Something like an alert all over Sam's mind. Back off, abort mission, change the subject.
"Can we go back to it later?" He managed. That was some progress. On the other hand, after last night, everything sounded stupid anyway.
"That's a pretty basic question, Sam."
Sam. He always liked the way Kurt pronounced his name, calmly and softly, like he was comforting someone. It was one of many things which made Sam a little sick in completely cool way.
"Please."
"Fine." Kurt shrugged. "We make jokes about it, does it mean you're okay with it? Not like I used you or something?"
"You definitely didn't use me." Sam assured him. "Like you said, I asked for everything." Then he reminded himself. "Don't you have a boyfriend or something?"
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Please." He looked down for a second. "I thought I made it pretty clear that Blaine and I are over; both to him and to you the other day, when you asked about it… On the other hand, as I know Blaine, he might not fully pay attention."
Sam smiled, stopping himself from letting a little laugh out. It wasn't appropriate moment. "You said you… Didn't know if you were missing something in your relationship with Blaine," he said quietly, carefully picking words. "Do you know now? Not after having sex with me, well, not necessarily, more like after all this journey we're having."
"No. Yes. Maybe." Kurt took a deep breath. "I know I can definitely do better. And I'm glad to I acknowledged it."
"Good." Sam answered shortly. Better, he thought. It would be nice to be something better for a change. Not something like 2nd choice. Not something like only choice. Something picked from two options; something better.
The silence was lingering again; it started to rain and they heard the first thunder; still far, far away.
"I don't know if I'm gay, Kurt." Sam said finally, looking at the other boy again. Blond swallowed hard and kept going. "But I know that I've never felt anything even close to the feeling I had when I kissed you for the first time." He licked his lips nervously, staring right into Kurt's eyes. "And I know you're the only person, no matter gender, who I ever…"
He stopped for a moment again. The storm was getting more serious; drops were falling at car's roof, creating small symphony with humming of the rain.
"…loved."
They've heard another thunder, a little closer this time. Kurt didn't say a word; he just stared at Sam.
"I guess that makes me Kurt-sexual then." Boy tried to make a joke, but he didn't get any smile in answer of whatsoever.
After another second of silence Kurt slowly leaned in, like he wanted to kiss Sam. He stopped himself, though, and kept his face millimeters from Sam's, looking right into his eyes. Sam leaned in even more, pushing their foreheads together.
They breathed heavy for few seconds, their hearts racing, they themselves not sure if it was torture or maybe a pleasure – being about to kiss and feeling all this intimacy – while being completely sober and aware of consequences.
And then Sam closed the space between their lips.
And It felt like butterflies all over again; kiss went deeper and deeper and it still wasn't enough, just like last night. Sam cupped Kurt's cheeks into his hands and brushed their noses against each other, like he wanted to be even closer to Kurt.
After a while he finally let him go, to take a breath. They heard another thunder.
"How did it feel without an alcohol?" Kurt asked, smiling, even if Sam heard slight scare in his voice.
"Terrible" Sam joked and Kurt bumped his shoulder warningly. "Fine, incredible." He took Kurt's hands into his own, petting them gently with his thumbs.
"I think I'm ready." He said quietly.
Kurt just nodded. He didn't need any further explanation.