Tapes
By: AndiKaneUnderwood
I'm going to apologize in advance because I don't have synesthesia, nor do I know anyone who does. Hopefully, I did it justice, but if I didn't please tell me.
AU: Alpha/Beta/Omega
Cora Jensen: Alpha (enhanced emotions)
Jessica Davis: Alpha
Hannah Baker: Beta
Tyler Down: Beta
Justin Foley: Omega
Tony Padilla: Omega (Cars)
Alex Standall: Omega (absolute pitch, sound to color synesthesia)
His time in the hospital had changed him.
Alex used to be somewhat confident and bluntly honest to a point. At one point, he was even somewhat selfish.
Then Hannah Baker died and he got the tapes and suddenly, the world was flipped because he finally understood that his actions had an effect on other people.
He regretted making that stupid list, wished he could go back and erase the time that had taken, take it from the time stream and crumple it do dust. Go back and change his mind, even. He wished to Hell, he'd never made that list.
He was so upset with his own actions, that fucking list that started everything, he figured that if this started everything for Hannah, he didn't deserve the life he was living.
Alex was at one point, not a nice kid, but after Hannah's suicide, he learned.
13RW~13RW~13RW
When he woke up in the hospital, he was told he's attempted suicide, but even as black words floated across his mind, Alex simply couldn't wrap his head around the idea, what in the world had happened to make him try to kill himself.
Seriously, that kind of stuff disgusted him, what the Hell had happened?
Little pieces started coming back, flashed of Hannah's face, of her voice, of looking at himself in the mirror and seeing the dead-eyed look on his face.
Hannah's name was once a bright yellow and a vibrant red with white flashes here and there. Now there was only dark blue and empty black.
Alex wished he could remember what happened. He didn't remember the tapes, didn't remember his attempted suicide, Hell he barely remembered the past month.
As he talked with Cora, his only visitor in the hospital the first couple of weeks he was awake (besides his parents), he understood more and more about what happened and a little why he's tried to kill himself, but mostly he still didn't understand.
He didn't understand a lot, but when he asked and begged and pleaded for Cora to tell him more...
Well...
"Cora?" Alex asked groggily as he woke up, voice still thick and soft from sleep.
"Alex, hey," Cora offered him some water, which he took gratefully, "Do you need anything?"
Alex twitched his hand and Cora found a blunt pencil and some paper. She held it up and when his eyes lit up a little and he slowly nodded, she handed him the pencil and held out the paper.
His writing was shaky and nowhere near as small or neat as it had been before, but it was legible and that was what counted.
He took his hand away from the paper and let Cora pull it back to read what he'd written.
"The tapes?" she asked.
He nodded, slowly so as not to upset his still aching head.
Cora bit her lip, then looked him in his bright blue eyes and sighed. Alex knew what she'd say before she spoke a word.
"Not today, Alex. When you're better, okay?"
Alex twitched the hand holding the pencil and Cora held out the paper again.
You mean when I'm not so fucked up, is what Alex meant to write, but he got frustrated with it after 'when I'm not' and had to stop.
Cora looked at the paper curiously for a good seventeen heartbeats (Alex counted them to remind himself that he could still do things on his own, like tell time, count, or spell) before she understood. "'When you're not so fucked up'? Is that what you were going to write?"
Alex nodded, so painfully slowly.
Cora gave him a sad smile. "No, Alex. When you're out of the hospital, when you're back at school, when you can handle those tapes again. You didn't do so well with what was on them the first time, I don't want you trying to do something else like this. I promise, I'll let you hear them again, okay? Just not while you're still like this."
Then she patted his hand as he gave her what little bit of his smile he could, accepting her promise, determined to make her see it through.
That was the last they'd talked about it until Alex went back to school.
13RW~13RW~13RW
Alex stormed up to his room as fast as his damn leg would let him. His parents continued to talk downstairs, not even stopping when he slammed his door shut.
He remembered when Cora would come over daily to help him with physical therapy or speech therapy.
Thinking about those days only made him angrier, not helping him calm down like they were supposed to.
Alex yelled as he threw things around and swiped his hand over his dresser and nearly fell when he lost his balance.
As he sat against the wall against his bed and began to cry, he wished Cora* where actually here, because she'd know what to do if she where.
Instead, as he cried, he pulled his phone from his pocket and sent the Alpha a message, a beg, a plead, one more time.
He saw the speech bubble pop up, then go away and he knew she was thinking about asking him why, but had rethought it. Eventually, he got a message back, around fifteen minutes later, after he'd cried himself out and thought more than once about calling Tony (whose number he'd recently gotten for when he couldn't reach Cora) for a ride over to Cora's house.
It wouldn't be the first time he'd shown up crying and unannounced and Cora's parents knew the situation between their daughter and Alex.
The text Alex got back said only one thing. Soon. Alex began crying again, this time out of relief because it meant he'd finally know what happened.
Another text came though. Coming over? Staying home?
Alex sniffled and sent back, Staying.
As he got ready or bed, he got one more text from Cora, a reminder that he needed to stay with her that weekend, then nothing for hours.
He laid down on his bed and waited for sleep to claim him, if it would. He still had trouble sleeping.
He rolled over and looked at the clock. 12:24
Alex hoped Cora got the tapes to him soon.
He rolled back over and curled up on his side, sniffling.
Almost three hours later, his phone chimed with a text message.
Alex reached over, hoping it was Cora.
He saw fourteen audio files. One message from Cora, The tape.
Another message. Be careful. Please.
Alex hovered his finger over his phone's keyboard. Promise.
Then he paused. These tapes had caused him to try and commit suicide. Did he really want to listen to them?
Was he sure he could handle it.
One more message. I'm still here. Even if something happens, I can still protect you.
He smiled and sighed. He breathed in, out. Steeling his nerves, he made his decision.
After all, if Cora was here, he'd be okay.
Alex clicked on the first audio file and began to listen.
*So, in the Alpha/Beta/Omega AU, there's literally like two Omegas in the high school (Alex and Tony) and one Alpha (Clay/Cora) so while Tony is Scent Marked by his family, Alex doesn't have anyone for stuff like that, so Hannah introduced Cora and Alex as a possible solution. Cora offered out of courtesy, and when Alex accepted, she made sure it was okay with his parents, and became Alex's Alpha until he found the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It's become a permanent thing.