Making Friends

by Tanya Reed

This is my first Castle story. I've been wanting to write one for a year, but it's always hard for me to get started in a new fandom. Anyway, I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle. This story is for fun and not for profit. ABC owns everything Castle.

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The park was quiet this time of year. Snow and cold kept many people away, but not Kate Beckett. She sat on a bench so familiar to her that she imagined her body had left a dent in it over the years. This was her special place, the place that she came to think.

Her face was already rosy and her fingers already numb-despite the gloves. She ignored these sensations as she pondered the past week. It had been filled with highs and lows and some weird spots in between, including a very strange conversation with Lanie.

Contrary to popular belief, Kate had not been jealous. How could she be when Kyra was so likable and Castle had seemed so wistful? Still, her feelings on the whole episode were mixed and mostly unclear. How had Kyra known the right things to say that first time they had talked as two people instead of cop and victim? How much truth was there in the observations Lanie had gleefully shared? Could Kate ever forget how Castle looked when he was completely vulnerable? So many questions whirled around in her head, making her emotions so much harder to decipher.

She wasn't any closer to understanding her own thoughts when a familiar voice reached her ears.

"Detective Beckett?"

She looked up to see the object of her thoughts watching her intently. Castle's expression was welcoming and slightly playful.

"Are you following me, Castle?" she asked with feigned malice.

"No. I met a friend here. Seeing you is just a bonus."

A corner of her mouth quirked up slightly.

"So," he asked, plunking down beside her without being asked. "What are you doing here? Aren't you a bit far from home?"

He was right, in a way. The park was quite far from her current home. This hadn't always been true, however. Her first apartment, the one that constantly smelled like food, was just a couple of blocks away. That's where she had been living when desperation had driven her to this peaceful park bench. Back then, she had needed somewhere to run to where she could sift through dark and painful thoughts. Countless hours had been spent there with a Richard Castle novel clutched in her hands. That simple bench knew the torment that had led her to seek professional help. It also knew the pain she had felt when Will chose his job over her.

Of course, she didn't voice this. She just said, "Thinking."

He looked at her, amusement twinkling from his eyes. "What were you thinking about?"

She studied his face for a moment, feeling a slight frown come to her own. Though his eyes were smiling, the rest of his features said he really wanted to know.

"You," she admitted.

The smile moved from his eyes to his mouth, and his cheeks dimpled. "Really? Are we doing anything dirty?"

Kate felt color come to her face, and she wished she had something to shove in his mouth. She rolled her eyes and turned away.

He sobered, and, from the corner of her eye, she saw his face change.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked.

"No." She shook her head, knocking dark strands over her forehead.

"Did I do something?"

She looked at him again, saw concern. A part of her glowed, knowing she was finally visible again.

"It's just that...I was thinking over the past week. About you and Kyra."

His face stilled and became emotionless. Despite the chill she felt from him, she decided to go on. She had something she wanted him to hear.

"When you were with Kyra, you changed. Everything else in the room vanished for you. Furniture. Walls. People. It was as if no one except Kyra existed. I was so used to you...I don't know if I'm saying this right..."

Some of the animation came back to his face. He sounded surprised when he asked, "Were you jealous?"

"No," she answered truthfully. "Not jealous. Not really, though Lanie was sure I was. I was more sad than anything. It made me very sad to watch the two of you together. I guess this was for two reasons. For one thing, no one has ever looked at me the way you looked at Kyra. They never have, and they probably never will. I'm not the type of woman who will ever have someone love me so much that I'll still have his attention over a decade after we break up."

He cleared his throat before asking softly, "And the other thing?"

Her eyes fell to her feet so she wouldn't have to look at him.

"I was...am, I guess...so used to you seeing me, really seeing me, that when you stopped seeing me—when I disappeared—it hurt. That's stupid, isn't it? The fact is, even though you were standing right there, I suddenly missed you. There was a wall between us. It was as if the past year had never happened. I was just someone you might have thought about basing a character on, but I wasn't real to you. I felt as if I were being left out, as if I didn't matter—as if I had never mattered. Worse than that, I felt invisible."

"Detective Beckett...Kate..."

She still couldn't look at him. It felt foolish to admit how sad being invisible to him had made her.

After a pause, he said, "I'm sorry I made you sad. It's the last thing I ever wanted to do."

"It's okay," she replied, finding her smile. She peeked over to see him looking slightly ashamed. "You didn't do it to hurt me. You did it because you were hurting. You care a lot for Kyra, and she'll always hold a special place for you. It says a lot about you that you loved her so much."

'Besides," and now she faced him because this was the most important thing that had come out of this for her. "I discovered later that you consider me a good friend."

"How?" He was searching her eyes.

"Because you didn't lie to me. About anything. I was afraid you would."

"Lie to you?"

"Yes. Do you remember when you came in and told me..."

"Are you talking about meeting Kyra on the roof?" he asked. "You already knew about that."

"But you didn't know that when you told me. You could have pretended it hadn't happened."

"I thought about it," he admitted.

"I know. But you didn't. Despite the fact that you knew I'd be angry, and that I'd probably yell at you—I mean, there is a precedent—you still told me."

"I had to."

"I know. Something I've noticed about you is that you are very careful to be almost completely honest with anyone you really care about. It's something I really admire about you."

His eyes widened as he pretended to be shocked. "There's something about me that you admire?"

Kate punched him lightly in the leg, but her smile grew. "It had to happen sometime."

"So, I guess this means you like me."

She shrugged. "I might."

"And somewhere along the way, we must have become friends."

"I guess we did."

"I wonder how that happened." He surprised her by throwing his arm around her shoulder and pulling her into a hug.

"I didn't say we were that friendly."

He just chuckled and gave her a squeeze.

"I mean it, Castle. Remember, I have a gun."

As she said this, she couldn't keep a straight face. Her chuckle mingled with his, and she suddenly felt peaceful.

Her whirling thoughts stopped spinning and settled into peace. Everything was suddenly crystal clear to her. The important thing, what it all meant, was that a lot could happen in a year. Somehow, without her knowledge, she had made a real friend. And he was definitely a friend worth keeping.