A/N: Sorry, reposting chapter 1 b/c something happened to it. (I seem to have no luck with this site lol)
Anyway for those of you who may be new to this story, it's based loosely on my life, in Bella's pov.
And check out my other story 'Heart Shaped Glasses' if your a Harry Potter fan.
Disclaimer: Not mine, just the plot, the rest is SM.
Chapter 1:Welcome to My Normal
Blindly, I reached out for my iPod, gently patting the bed until my fingers made contact with the cold, hard plastic. I lightly brushed my thumb over its smooth body, quickly finding the dial and turning the volume up as high as it would allow. My ears were beginning to hurt but I ignored the pain, deciding the headache would be worth it if I could just drown out every other sound for a few hours.
Eventually the pounding music silenced everything, my own thoughts included, as I lay in bed, wrapped in a large throw blanket. I could feel the tension begin to slowly leak out of my body with each song, the frustrations brought on by the day start to dissolve. I allowed myself to just lay there, detached from reality, until after the sun set and I saw my room fall into darkness from behind my closed eyes. It was some time later that I heard a soft scratch on hollow wood, telling me my Ruby was at my door. Slowly I lifted one eyelid, curiosity finally getting the better of me, and glanced at the glowing red numbers on my clock. 8:42 pm. Nearly two hours had past since I had taken refuge in my room.
Reluctantly I turned the dial and heard the music fade, pulling the white buds from my ears I deposited my iPod on my bedside table and shifted my gaze lazily to my right. Curled into my hip was Snickers, sleeping soundly, her dark body hardly distinguishable against my wolf print throw. Smiling, I reached down to scratch the little cat's head, immediately receiving a low purr as she thrust her chin up, angling her body so I could scratch her neck. I began to laugh quietly to myself as she twisted herself in awkward and strange positions, trying to get me to scratch just the right spot.
A loud meow came from the other side of the room, reminding me that Ruby wanted to be let out. Instantly I felt Snickers run over my legs and jump of the bed, her presence earning a low growl from the older cat. The two felines resembled sisters. My cat Ruby, who had recently turned two, was the older sister, quiet and well mannered, forever being irritated by the younger Snickers. My sister's one year old furry ball of energy, who played her part of the younger sister well, endlessly getting into trouble. With a threatening hiss from Ru I threw back the blanket and made my way to the door, opening it only slightly before the two cats bolted from the room. Not even a minute later I heard another hiss followed by a loud thump, some days they got along, today wasn't one of them. Standing in my doorway, I extended my arms over my head and stood on tip toes, pulling my back in a good stretch, hoping to relieve the stiffness that had settled into my muscles. After hearing a few cracks from various places on my body (a habit I just can't seem to kick), I turned my attention to the other end of the house and listened intently. Nothing.
Casually I walked towards the kitchen, pausing momentarily at my sister`s closed door, the soft clicking of keys and low murmur of her voice. So she was on the phone and using my laptop, great. Deciding to leave her with the computer, I would be in bed shortly anyway, I stepped into the kitchen, immediately noticing the lack of footwear by the door. Glancing out the large window by the table I saw that the car was not in the driveway, mom and Phil had left. I shrugged, at least I would`t have to deal with them for, what I was hoping would be, a few hours and turned my attention back to the kitchen. There were still dishes in the sink and the floor had obviously not been swept, among the other things I was intentionally ignoring. Automatically I began filling the sink with hot, soapy water, dropping a handful of dishes in after checking the cats`water bowl, which had been empty again.
`So this is what I come back to`, I thought bitterly, while mechanically washing the dishes. This had become our routine, or should I say my routine. Each night I would check around the house for any chores that were left undone from that day, basically whatever I had not already finished. Since my return everyone had discovered they were magically allergic to housework, everyone meaning mom and Phil. At least Jessie tried to help around the house, even if she failed miserably at it. I sighed, scrubbing one of our large pots, I was a built in maid and bank machine, because after buying groceries, paying my phone bill, student loan and vet bills, then getting anything Jess needed and helping out with random bills, of course I should still have money overflowing from my wallet, ready to place into their open hands. I work at a bakery for crying out loud!
But I agreed to it, I reminded myself almost daily, I knew it would be like this when I agreed to come back. It was something I had decided with my older brother Emmett a little over two years ago, that I would return home to Forks until our little sister, Jessica, has graduated highschool.
The three of us were always unnaturally close for siblings, a bond that had formed because of our parents, and for that I thanked them as much as I cursed them. Renee and Charlie fought daily, they had screaming matches that would last hours, most nights they keeping us awake until the late hours of the morning. We were scared at first, trying to listen to every word that was said, to understand what we did so wrong to have this happen. We soon realized that their fights had almost nothing to do with us, unless we were being used as pawns, they fought about everything, about money and bills, but mostly they would just insult each other until they ran out of words.
Eventually we stopped listening, stopped caring why they were fighting, we become desensitized, and this became our version of normal. We ignored the fact that our father drank too much, that he would come stumbling through the door at random hours after drinking away the grocery money, we began wishing he wouldn't come back. We stopped comforting our mother every time she cried, she was drowning in self pity, and after all the years she wasn't there for us, we let her drown.
We never realized how much these conditions changed us until we were older, we were always more mature then our friends, always understanding things they didn't. Looking back now I can see how perceptive and careful we were, how guarded, even at eight years old. Our childhood was something we rarely talked about, not that there weren't good memories, we had our share of those, it was just easier this way.
Slowly, tiredly, I placed the last bowl in the cupboard, closing the door with a soft thud and decided the rest could wait until tomorrow. Exhaling deeply, I leaned against the sharp edge of the counter top and pulled my hands through my hair. Casually I let my gaze drop to the waist length strand of dark chocolate brown hair that had fallen over my shoulder, noticing the ends beginning to curl. Narrowing my eyes slightly I glared at the curling hair, refusing to admit that despite my many attempts to keep my hair straight, I would always fail. My eyes traveled further down my body, stopping at my stomach when I saw several wet spots on my white tank top.
"Oh well, at least we know I'm consistent." I muttered to myself, irritated that most of the water ended up on me every time I washed the dishes. Inspecting my clothing further, I was rather pleased to discovered my faded blue jeans were not drenched as well, something that was nothing short of a miracle for me.
Taking a moment, I realized just how, well, blah I looked, basic white tank top, my old, faded, 'rip across the back of the leg, just under the ass' ripped jeans, topped off with my fuzzy pink boot slipper (or as I nicknamed them Eskimo slippers). Add that to my 'soon to be fluffy' hair and complete lack of makeup and you have yourself the epitome of sexy.
"Keep this up, Swan and you'll never have another guy problem." I groaned, rolling my eyes and pushing myself away from the counter. Tossing the drying cloth in the general direction of the sink, I walked towards the bathroom at the end of the hall, pulling my hair up onto the top of my head in a messy bun. Flicking the light switch, I stepped into the room and stopped in front of the mirror, resting my hips against the sink. I studied my face for just a moment before dropping my eyes and reaching for my toothbrush. I
t was only a few months ago that I all but stopped looking at my reflection, tired of looking at the emotions that were so clearly being displayed across my face. I missed the face that I had left at Dartmouth, the healthy glow, the real smiles, the laugh lines that always seemed to be there, but most of all I missed my eyes. My eyes had always been my most favorite feature, they were this amazing deep brown, flecked with lighter and darker shades, matching my hair perfectly. Everyone would comment on how bright they were, especially when I was telling some ridiculous story, always so full of emotion, like everything about me was put into my eyes for the world to see. They were also what attracted my exboyfriend, Mike Newton, he loved my eyes.
"Too bad he didn't love the rest of me that much." I grumbled to myself, however with the toothbrush that was currently occupying my mouth, it sounded more like "Tu ba e idn loov da res ov mae dat mooch". Not even Mike would love my eyes now, as they were currently in a state of dead, emotionless except for flashes of anger or sadness. The brightness of my eyes had faded dramatically, the color appearing dull.
Dropping my toothbrush into the cup, I turned both handles of the faucet until the water ran warm and grabbed my face wash, pushing the images of my appearance from my mind and letting it wander back to Mike. He was the first person I met at Dartmouth, my first friend, my first boyfriend, my first everything. His blonde hair and blue eyes had somehow found a place in my heart, regardless of how many times I tried to deny it. Needless to say, it didn't last.
My split with Mike had been one of the many reasons I returned to Forks, a fact known by few people. It left me more heartbroken then I would admit to anyone, myself included, so to escape the heartache, I ran.
Somehow I believe I was almost destined to return to Forks, hell, it seemed like everywhere I turned there was another reason to go back. I almost didn't leave the morning I moved to Dartmouth, seeing my sister's tearful face as I walked out the door, I had so many sleepless nights thinking about that face. It was different when Emmett had left for college, he left knowing Jessie and I had each other, while I left knowing she was alone. Emmett and I didn't know at the time just how alone she would be. Hardly two weeks after I moved for college Charlie left, only to come back a few weeks later demanding the house and for Renee to leave. The calls began shortly after, usually Jessie telling us how mom decided to move and that the woman was an absolute wreck. She was turning to Jessie for guidance and comfort, completely ignoring the needs of her youngest daughter.
For two years this continued, almost nightly Jessie would call and Emmett or I would listen to her talk. Renee was depressed, scared, angry and alone, she started dating immediately and going out with friends, too selfish to be concerned with Jess. Charlie was completely absent from her life, which was a bitter sweet moment. She, like Emmett and I, wanted to have no interaction with our father, though it hurt us deeply to realize he wanted the same. He never called on our birthday or visited on Christmas, he just left. Occasionally we would wonder if he even thought about us as we did him, doubtful as it was, he just didn't seem to love us.
Eventually the raw pain turned numb and the name Charlie ceased to spoken. Emmett and I always believed that Jessie was affected more by Charlie's leaving because she looked so much like him, every time she looked in the mirror she was reminded of him. The light, milk chocolate, brown hair that fell just below her shoulder's was the exact shade of Charlie's, her deep sea blue eyes perfect copies of his. Her lean frame had his height, measuring an easy four inches taller then my short five foot three inches. She inherited the same small bump he had on the bridge of his nose, the same long eyelashes. She resembled him perfectly but like everyone else, he had abandoned her. This left her truly alone. It was at the end of my second year when Emmett and I decided waiting for her to graduate from highschool was no longer an option, she couldn't tolerate three more years of this torture.
Knowing what had to be done, Emmett watched silently as punched the numbers of Jess's cell into my cell and pressed talk, preparing to tell her I would be in Forks by next week. I shifted my gaze to him as the phone started ringing, noticing the anger I rarely saw on his face. His chocolate brown eyes, framed by a head of dark curls so similar to mine, were cold and hard, he was furious with himself, with the situation, but powerless to change it, not that I would let him . He hated that I was the one moving back to Forks, that I was dropping out of school and leaving my friends. Emmett believed he should be the one returning home, it was the logical choice. He had just finished his last year at college and could afford to take the time out from school.
Besides my desperate need to put as much physical space between Mike and I as possible, I completely agreed with Emmett, until I had found out just how bad his problem with drugs and alcohol had gotten. As with everything, it was purely recreational at first, just while he was out with the boys or during the game. I was usually so engrossed in my homework and busy with my part-time job that it took a while before I started to notice how many nights he sat around our apartment drunk. Weeks past and the number of empty liquor bottles continued to increase.
It was late one evening, shortly after being fired from his job because he had missed so many shifts, that I found a notice in our mailbox stating we were to pay our last three months rent immediately, before we were evicted. I all but ran up the stairs and threw open the apartment door, screaming for Emmett to explain what the hell was going on. It was his apartment that he let me move into when I came to Dartmouth so I had always transferred my money into his account each month for my share of the rent, to keep things simple. I would have never thought my brother would use our rent money to feed his damn addiction.
I screamed at him for hours, calling him every ugly name I could think of, I screamed until the tears started to fall. Collapsing onto the floor I cried, asking again and again how he could do this to me, accusing him of being no better then Charlie. It was sometime after that, when I had stopped screaming, that he pulled me onto his knee, wrapping his arms around my shaking frame. He whispered apologies into my hair, tears flowing freely down his cheeks, promising me he would change. The next morning I awoke to find myself in my bed, my throat raw from the night before. Quietly I opened my door and stepped into the living room, searching for Emmett but finding a bag full of empty liquor bottles instead.
He's recovering amazingly well, so determined to not be like Charlie, but most of his success is due to his girlfriend, Rosalie. Even though she was about to leave him, she came running back, literally, the moment he called her, admitting everything and assuring her he would remain sober. We forgave him months ago, Rosalie and I, but Emmett still hasn't forgiven himself, something he could never do in Forks.
Reaching for the light switch, I turned it off and stepped into my room, unbuttoning my jeans. Scooping up Ruby, I dropped her on the foot of my bed as I pushed my jeans over my hips, down my legs and walked out of them. Yawning, I reached behind my back, under my top and unclasped my bra, throwing it towards my chair. Pulling back the covers, I slipped into bed and relaxed into my many soft pillows, not bothering to set my alarm. I could feel Ruby walking over my feet, purring quietly as I pulled myself upright and leaned to scratch her ears.
"Night, Ru." I yawned, before falling back into my mountain of softness, breathing deeply, inhaling the warm scent of my bed. I chuckled quietly to myself, wondering how something can smell warm, even though my sheets had somehow managed to do so. Gathering an armful of the heavy covers, I rolled onto my side, exhaling slowly, preparing for sleep.
"Only nine months left." I whispered to myself, as my mind began to go fuzzy, my words spoken more slowly. "Nine months until Dartmouth with Jess and the cats. Then we'll be with Emmett and he can stop being angry with himself and we'll all live happily ever after." I could feel a tiny smile pull at the corner of my lips at my corniness then I gave into sleep.
A/N: Please review, as they will only help me get better! Thanks for reading (possibly again...)