PROLOGUE
Jerry Seinfeld was walking the streets of Lincoln, California with his moon shoes on a cool November night and he was feeling quite eloquent. With crumpet in hand and a smile on his wrinkly, hairless face.
"Quossaunt!" I exclaimed excitedly, spilling my, collectors gigolo mug of ice cold jizzum across the pavement.
"oops!" I said, blushing profusely.
"Oh me oh my! I'm wicked sorry about that Carl!" said Jerry, as he licked up my mess from the filthy, clay street.
"How about I make it up to you, lets head down to Orchid Thai! I hear they have the best and most excellent cuisine in all of the western hemisphere!"
"Do they have lima beans? I HATE lima beans!" I said, livid and turning tomato coloured.
"No way! I'd never do anymeme to displease you my squash!"
And that was it, the beginning of a long, toxic relationship. I could smell the cinnamon scent love in the air, trickling up through my nostrils, pleasing me to my core. We talked for what felt like two hours, just scuttling along at the pace of snails, we were only going a block away, and we wanted to savour the mome.
It was a long passionate walk and we did many bondings.
TWO HOURS L8R
Finally, we were here. Exhausted, jerry smeared his thin sickly mitts across the door, kindly holding it ajar, but only barely enough for me to squeeze-inn. The lady standing at the waitress booth looked identical to my bud Kimmy boy Il, she seated us kindly and dusted off the red leather seats, nobody had been in this restaurant for months. But that was okay. I ordered the beef wellington with a side of smiley face caviar, jerry ordered the cheese pizza with some smiley face french fries (and a sprite). "Lets do it Jerry, I want to make sweet xccbabies with you, right here in orchid thai."
"can i ask you kind of a weird question?" I said.
jerry's eyes widened
"of course uhh anything you want to say, wheezy-poo."
I swayed back and forth, puked out my breakfast, and kissed seinfeld passionately on his liquor liquor lips.
"oh carly, u make my totoro go doki doki"
"oh jerryjerry, I want your jizzum"
Jerry slipped on some sexy music and ripped off his sweaty shirt, revealing his white, white torso.
Carl slipped his fat long schlong out of his shitstained undergrams. Jerry greedily began gargling his wet lizard. He put it deep down his cinco food tube and began singing opera all over his fat cock, vibrating sensually. He began grapefruiting his massive pen island, the succulent taste of 90s nick slime makes jerry wet, sticky, and CERTAINLY very icky. Jerry extended his asshole in a tube-like fashion, going over the back of his head and onto carl's fatty nub. Carl jerked and worked his disco stick furiously into Jerry's seinhood, his cock throbbing and pulsating like a bouncy house full of sexy memes having their way in an orgy of penit-bubber. The tension was too much. He lifted seinfeld up onto the table, and started slapping his ass RAW. Jerry begged, "OH YES, PLEASE, GIVE ME MORE MEMES." Now jerry was beginning to become erect, his small yum rod poking slowly out of his uncut sheath. His glossy red slit was beginning to pulsate with pleasure. Carl had to do it, he had to release his dopamine. He plunged his alaskan bull worm deep into jerry's inescapable suck pit, burning him down into his core, where he'd become so numb.
Schluuurp!
Carl began releasing his pith into jerrys slobbering asshole with the force of a fire-hose.
"My jizzums! My firey hot gooey is spilling all over your tight wad!"
Jerry squirmed with pure pain and delight, spilling his white essence across three rows of tables, his flaming, red hot cum hit the back of someone's skull with machine gun force, blowing their brains out into the kitchen and splattering carl in the face with brain matter and Jerry's hot cumin, already soaked with lube and spit from their sexual misadventures.
"Mm, Spicy" carl murmured, licking his lips and wiping the remaining discharge off his deflated loins.
"Ready for round two?" Said Seinfeld.
"Oh baby, you know it."
He mounted jerry's sweet ass once more, but before he began thrusting, something happened. Something deep in his mind had snapped, broken. It was time for one of Carl's signature paradigm shifts.
Quickly and without warning, Carl began THRASHING at jerry's chest, tearing off all excess flesh. down to the bone he ripped and shredded everything he could possibly clench onto with his tiny 2002 nickelodeon 3d animation teeth. he grabbed viciously at jerry's entrails in an almost animalistic fashion, as if acting purely on instinct.
"why carl guy, why?" screamed jerry chan, as carl tore apart his facility.
"IT GETS ME WET" says carl, his voice shifting again.
but suddenly, carl's anger inexplicably proliferated into the purest form of primal rage. Carl's shirt and overalls tore to pieces, as his muscles were quick ta burs.
carl screamed, "EAT DICK, SHIT-FEILD."
and finished him off with his signature move "the llamapalooza".
jerry let out a groan, "i always liked you when you were angry." then his body went limp bizkit.
carl swore to greyskull. He felt so satisfied and pristine knowing that the sticky wet sein-stain had been cleaned out.
L8R THAT NITE
Carl sat in bed just staring there autofellating at his favorite llama-del-ray poster. carl heard something outside. so he got up and looked out the window of his facility and saw jerry standing there, menacingly.
jerry smirked at carl, "haha. you killed my seinclone, you foolio coolio!
carl couldn't believe it.
"you fucker, you almost had me. I knew there was something fish about your puss yellow blood and plastic organs. i forgot to mention. i have a fetish for jokesters like you."
jerry proceeded to take out his mind-wiping novelty baseball cap and frisb33d it onto carl's round curly haired ginger egg-noggin, and that's all he could remember from the night of June 17th, 1979.