Authoress' Notes: After all that drama I've been writing for Split in Two, I needed another break. This time, it's a silly little piece of tripe on Professor Snape of Hogwarts. And before all Snape fans kill me, let me make it clear that I do NOT loathe Snape. But still, the way he acts, he just set himself up for this. :D
Snape is copyright to J.K Rowling, and Warner Bros. I am naught but a lowly fangirl.
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Snape took a deep breath, his nostrils beginning to flare at the question asked of him.
"Why am I such a "butt"?" he spat, eyes glaring daggers, epees, dirks, broadswords, at the unfortunate student. "To tell you the truth, I only act that way because that is how I am treated by everyone else… I just know that there isn't a single person around who wouldn't LOVE to see me suffer. Why, even as a student at Hogwarts I couldn't escape the "eight-high" I had been dealt in life. Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and James Potter wanted nothing more than to see me dead and even tried to set a werewolf on me! I narrowly escaped because James chickened out and thought they might get expelled. He only wanted to save himself though! That rotten brat! James also had the nerve to show off his quidditch skills and expect me to be envious and admire him! Although he WAS so much better, it only made me feel in more insignificant and stupid."
"Not to mention ugly, too. I look like a cross between a dollar bill, a prune, and Gina Gogean...green, wrinkled, with a hooked nose and I look like I haven't showered in weeks. The first thing that people usually notice about me is my greasy hair. It's just not fair that every time I shampoo I look like bozo. I've tried Suave, Herbal Essence, White Rain, Pert Plus, No More Tears, Botanical Blends, Head & Shoulders, and even Flea and Tick dog shampoo. But nooo.... My hair still looks like I'd recently visited Priscilla's Poodle Parlor for a trim. So I'm still stuck with big ass clots in my comb every time I fix my hair. The only thing good about the rest of my body is that it isn't as ugly as my face."
"I am also a wimp. I can't beat up a dead pansy. Much less a living one. But lots of people at Hogwarts are wimps, right? It doesn't matter. People are still out to get ME and ONLY ME. I have so many other faults to go along with being a wimp that I am automatic prey for everyone. I try my best to keep an eye on everyone but I've only got eight..."
"I try to swoop and spin and flap but people just pick on me more. AND I LIKE TO SWOOP. It's one of the only things I'm really good at and people pick on me for it! It's not fair that I can't flap my cape without people calling me an overgrown bat. IT'S MY RIGHT TO SWOOP! Every person in Hogwarts has a right to swoop, so why should they all pick on me?!"
"It's hard to get started on the topic of Harry Potter. Like father like son. He has outwitted me in every way possible. It is so rude of him to attack an unarmed man with his sheer luck and cleverness. He has managed to fly a car to school and crash it in to the whomping willow (doing serious damage!), roamed the halls at night at least 10 times, help a convict escape, and he has even attacked me before, and I STILL can't get him suspended for even one day! I keep docking him house points but noooo... the headmaster keeps tacking them back on with stupid stories about how courageous he is! It is so unfair! Everything is unfair! I can't even get his sidekicks, yes, that includes you Neville, expelled! The great Harry Potter will always remain 1 step ahead of ugly, greasy ol' me!"
Snape huffed and snorted at Neville Longbottom, who was looking at him with his round, fearful eyes.
"10 points from Gryffindor for asking!!"
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Snape is copyright to J.K Rowling, and Warner Bros. I am naught but a lowly fangirl.
------------------@------------------
Snape took a deep breath, his nostrils beginning to flare at the question asked of him.
"Why am I such a "butt"?" he spat, eyes glaring daggers, epees, dirks, broadswords, at the unfortunate student. "To tell you the truth, I only act that way because that is how I am treated by everyone else… I just know that there isn't a single person around who wouldn't LOVE to see me suffer. Why, even as a student at Hogwarts I couldn't escape the "eight-high" I had been dealt in life. Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and James Potter wanted nothing more than to see me dead and even tried to set a werewolf on me! I narrowly escaped because James chickened out and thought they might get expelled. He only wanted to save himself though! That rotten brat! James also had the nerve to show off his quidditch skills and expect me to be envious and admire him! Although he WAS so much better, it only made me feel in more insignificant and stupid."
"Not to mention ugly, too. I look like a cross between a dollar bill, a prune, and Gina Gogean...green, wrinkled, with a hooked nose and I look like I haven't showered in weeks. The first thing that people usually notice about me is my greasy hair. It's just not fair that every time I shampoo I look like bozo. I've tried Suave, Herbal Essence, White Rain, Pert Plus, No More Tears, Botanical Blends, Head & Shoulders, and even Flea and Tick dog shampoo. But nooo.... My hair still looks like I'd recently visited Priscilla's Poodle Parlor for a trim. So I'm still stuck with big ass clots in my comb every time I fix my hair. The only thing good about the rest of my body is that it isn't as ugly as my face."
"I am also a wimp. I can't beat up a dead pansy. Much less a living one. But lots of people at Hogwarts are wimps, right? It doesn't matter. People are still out to get ME and ONLY ME. I have so many other faults to go along with being a wimp that I am automatic prey for everyone. I try my best to keep an eye on everyone but I've only got eight..."
"I try to swoop and spin and flap but people just pick on me more. AND I LIKE TO SWOOP. It's one of the only things I'm really good at and people pick on me for it! It's not fair that I can't flap my cape without people calling me an overgrown bat. IT'S MY RIGHT TO SWOOP! Every person in Hogwarts has a right to swoop, so why should they all pick on me?!"
"It's hard to get started on the topic of Harry Potter. Like father like son. He has outwitted me in every way possible. It is so rude of him to attack an unarmed man with his sheer luck and cleverness. He has managed to fly a car to school and crash it in to the whomping willow (doing serious damage!), roamed the halls at night at least 10 times, help a convict escape, and he has even attacked me before, and I STILL can't get him suspended for even one day! I keep docking him house points but noooo... the headmaster keeps tacking them back on with stupid stories about how courageous he is! It is so unfair! Everything is unfair! I can't even get his sidekicks, yes, that includes you Neville, expelled! The great Harry Potter will always remain 1 step ahead of ugly, greasy ol' me!"
Snape huffed and snorted at Neville Longbottom, who was looking at him with his round, fearful eyes.
"10 points from Gryffindor for asking!!"
------------fine-------------