DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO

Let Her In

Shikamaru Nara always had a plan, and by the age of twelve he had a complete flow chart devised in his head of how he was going to spend the rest of his life. Ninja. Marry. Two kids. Retire. Die. To the outsider, it didn't seem like he was going to accomplish much and frankly speaking, he wasn't planning on it either. He wanted to go wherever the natural order of things took him but he didn't believe fate had anything to do with that. In fact, he could never be convinced that the universe, or the stars aligning, could have an effect on his master plan. He was a genius after all, and if there was one thing he had utmost confidence in, it was his own intellectual capabilities. But he had yet to learn that the universe never favoured plans conjured by simple humans, that there were always bumps in the road and that nothing ever really goes the way one wants it to.

After miraculously graduating the academy even with his pitiful grades, he found himself in the arena under the hot stinging sun, facing her- a female ninja from the Sand village. He cursed his terrible luck of always having to deal with girls- troublesome, scary, loud-mouthed girls. And she, with her blonde hair tied in four pigtails and a smug look that never left her face even for a split second, looked like the embodiment of troublesome. But what choice did he have? After facing off in a battle that tested both his physical and mental abilities, dodging her iron fan countless of times to escape from being crushed, he caught her in his shadow, the only asset he had aside from his brain power. With over 200 moves still racing through his head, he decided to forfeit with the excuse that he could feel the energy draining from him. She was stunned, along with the audience, even after he released her from his shadow binding jutsu. He was exhausted, with his netted shirt sticking to his skin with sweat, and his hyperactive friend yapping in his ear about being an idiot. He just wanted the day to end without any more trouble.

One fine afternoon, while waiting for lunch to be served, he asked his father a question that had always bugged him in the back of his mind.

"Why did you marry such a troublesome woman like mum?" he whispered. His father said something he didn't quite understand.

"Every woman shows a gentle side to the man she loves." He thought it was the most ridiculous reason he had ever heard.

Being the only one in his class to be promoted to chunin level, he was assigned to be the leader of his first real mission, with a team of five other trusted ninjas. Their paths crossed again, to his utter bewilderment, this time with her actually saving him instead of wanting to kill him and he wondered how the Hokage even came up with such a ludicrous idea of sending their former enemies- who had planned on destroying his entire village- to their rescue. But all the resentment he felt from being saved by a girl against his chauvinistic beliefs dissipated in thin air, when she gave him a beaming grin after finishing off his opponent. Something inside him twisted and turned and he couldn't figure out why.

She accompanied him to the hospital and stayed with him while his nerves tried to settle, with the impending deaths of his comrades looming over his head. He twiddled his fingers, restraining himself to ask why she was even there sitting across the room, berating him for letting his emotions get the better of him, but he was too consumed in the thoughts of the worst case scenario, of failing his first mission, of not wanting to remain a ninja. She barely knew him and she had already started dissecting his personality piece by piece until he was completely vulnerable and open. Was he that transparent? His father's words didn't help either; they cut through, shattering his safe reality. He was a coward, always wanting to run away or hide in the shadows. That's all he knew how to do. And with his back turned to the older Nara and her, he clenched his fists and swore to protect everyone next time, tears rolling down his cheeks without any resistance.

In the course of the next few years, he had gotten to know her better by being assigned her escort once she became the ambassador to Konoha. And it was only when they started having breakfast and lunch together whenever she was in the village, or when her hand accidentally grazed against the back of his while they were they tried to work their way through piles of paperwork, did he start noticing the little details around him, such as the seasons changing and the flowers blooming. She was definitely troublesome, that was a given- passing snide remarks every chance she got, teasing him, reprimanding him to become a jonin. As much as it irked him sometimes, a part of him was always awestruck by how much command she had over getting things done without wasting any valuable time, of how she never let her emotions get in the way of what she did best. If he was a cloud, she was the wind that carried it.

Then his mentor died, and he shut himself in his own bubble of depression and occasional smoking. Letting the world go on the way it always did but without him being a part of it. He became a shadow, just like the ones he controlled, but a reckless one making rash decisions, which wasn't like him. She didn't approach him, maybe she didn't care. But more than once he had caught her looking at him in a way he had never seen her before. Worry. Sympathy. Concern pooling in those teal eyes of hers that reminded him of the wading waters of the ocean that could cause ships to sink but could also take them to their destination. And he felt a twang of guilt in the pit of his stomach for not letting her reach him, for being so distant and secluded and listless. He got his revenge. He killed the culprit. The deed was done and he wondered if she would ever look at him the same way again. Would she be proud of him for finally taking a step or would she condone such a heinous act of again letting his emotions take over him? But she did neither. She looked at him solemnly and said: "You did what you had to do." And he could feel the gap growing larger between them again. In the next few nights, he woke up after tossing and turning, dripping in sweat and panting. The air coming through the window wasn't enough for him to not feel like the walls were closing in on him. The shogi pieces in the game could not keep his mind focused. Images kept flashing in front of him like a projected screening of his darkest thoughts- his mentor falling covered in blood, the Akatsuki member licking his lips, him trying to chase the man through the forest, an explosion, flames engulfing his enemy. And while he felt like he would choke on his own feelings of rage and hurt, his father was there to pick up the pieces every time he broke down.

Months passed and her trips became more frequent. And the more he tried to avoid having to deal with her banter and witty remarks, the more he realised he craved her gruff voice. Her laugh was infectious, something that crawled inside of him and made its own home and there was no way to get it out of his system. Sometimes he asked her if she wanted to watch the clouds with him at which she would simply scoff at him but then oblige. Lying next to her on the ground as the grass tickled his skin, made him feel safe. The clouds drifted slowly above them and he could hear her breathing close to him, chest rising and falling. It went on like this; sometimes their hands would find each other's automatically, sharing the warmth, and he wouldn't feel the need to withdraw it. Neither would she. He often caught himself staring at her while she concentrated on her work with knitted eyebrows and a jiggling leg, the sunlight pouring in from the window behind her dancing on her outline. He felt something welling up inside of him.

But his peaceful meetings with her- with the occasional back and forth exchange of wits and tactics- didn't last long. The fourth war broke out, taking lives of innocent people caught in the belly of the beast while sacrificing themselves for others- like his comrade, like his father. He found himself entrapped in a dream world where his inner most desires played out in front of him. He saw the two most important figures he had lost, with their loved ones, and realised how impossible it seemed for a ninja to ever live a normal life, with a family to call his own. The plan his naive twelve-year-old mind had constructed was beginning to crumble, and he gave up on the prospect of marriage and family entirely. Surprisingly, he was dreaming about her agreeing with him, and it shook him to the core once he awakened.

When it all ended, when the funeral processions were done and the village was being remade for the umpteenth time, he thought it was finally time to let it out. All the sadness and grief of no longer having a father figure in his life to guide him. But this time, there was no one left to pick up the pieces. His mother often woke up from nightmares of explosions, blood and pieces of flesh of her late husband flying everywhere. Then some time later, she arrived, offering her assistance to help his mother get back on her feet again, buying her groceries and helping her clean the house. Scraping every inch of the house clean meant trying to get rid of as many layers of distress and suffering that had accumulated over the years, driving out all his demons and nightmares. It was spotless. She kept visiting everyday during her stay, and he finally saw something twinkle in his mother's eyes after ages whenever she offered to wash the dishes with her after having dinner together. It was only when the sun was going down one day, the sky turning a bright shade of orange and pink mixed with blue, that he decided to express his gratitude and kissed her. She didn't pull back, didn't squirm, but shared the passion as the wind moved through their hair. It felt surreal, almost like finding a piece of pure happiness in the god forsaken world he lived in.

After two years, his hyperactive blonde friend got married to the Hyuga heiress. He asked her to be his date to the wedding, since by then they had established some form of a relationship. He watched the newlywed couple silently, while she stood beside him, and wondered why he was keeping himself from attaining that sort of bliss in his life. And without knowing that she was watching the happy couple with him, she extended her hand that was formerly folded behind her back, and he took it, their fingers intertwining. It was a silent promise, that even if the world ended or another war broke out, even though they were ninjas and had death and sacrifice hanging over their heads every time they stepped out onto the battle field, they deserved to have something in their lives to remind them that they were only humans, filled with passion. Each other.

Thank you for reading :) Would really appreciate some reviews!