So, um, yeah, this was not exactly what I had planned on writing next but the damn idea would not shut up so here it is.
This story's got quite a long history actually, I had the idea about a year and a half ago actually, but decided to give it as an idea to another person in Squint's Summer Fic Exchange Challenge, but then came 'Wicked and the Attack of the Badfic Author' and Moonlight simply would not go away until I wrote her into another fic so here it is. As I just mentioned Moonlight my wonderful, beautiful, sexy and long named Sue previously appeared in my parody 'Wicked and the Attack of the Badfic Author' but it is not necessary to read it to understand this fic. It also draws references from 'my immortal' commonly known as the worst fanfic ever, google 'my immortal fanfic' it's well worth the read but yet again not necessary for understanding this fic.
Updates are probably going to be weekly, as I'm currently excitedly writing all of this, but it's still subject to change.
A big thanks to Crazybeagle who read over this for me and helped me name Fiyero's unicorn (yes you read that right), Bang You're Dead who listened to me rabbit on about this and told me I was crazy at regular intervals and Wicked is My Crack for letting me use the idea – I still really hopes she completes her story :)
Disclaimer: Unlike most parody sue authors I do claim Moonlight, I'm quite fond of her actually, she's my little pet – although I still prefer my kitty by far. I don't however own Wicked, but given how much this story destroys the canon I'm not sure how much of this Wicked could be claimed by Maguire or Schwartz...
"My. Hair. Is. Greasy! My hair is greasy!"
Elphaba rolled her eyes, "If you think deafening me with your squeals will make me tell you your hair is even more luscilicious than usual you're clearly delusional," she replied simply, "look there's your boyfriend maybe he can give you the complements you desire."
Fiyero grinned up at them from the cafeteria table although neither he nor Elphaba dared to quite meet each other's eyes – the events of the day before still lingering on their minds, "Hey, Galinda what's up?"
"Fifi! It's tragic! My hair is horrendifyed and I washed it this morning!"
"I really can't see any difference Galinda, you look just as beautiful as ever."
"You're always beautiful Miss Galinda," echoed Boq.
Nessa scowled, "You know, I think it is a little greasier than usual."
"Thank you!" Galinda exclaimed, waving her hands melodramatically, "Something is wrong!"
"Come to think of it I think I'm getting a spot," Nessa said, her voice now less bitter than puzzled, "something odd is happing to us. Perhaps a curse, perhaps…"
"Hormones?" suggested Elphaba.
"Well I thought I looked even sexier than usual this morning," added Fiyero quickly.
Elphaba rolled her eyes.
"So did I!" piped in Boq.
Fiyero looked at him, "You were never sexy."
"Then why did it look like I had grown a six pack over night?"
"But… you… Munchkin… six pack… impossible…" Fiyero spluttered.
"No really," Boq assured him.
"But that's not pos…"
"Can you boys quit staring at each other's chests until you're in your own dorms? I'm trying to eat he…" Elphaba trailed off as she realised the entire room had gone silent and everyone was staring at the girl who had just entered. Unexplained anxiety building up inside her she too turned towards the door.
A sexily beautiful girl mystically floated into the room. Her beautiful, sexy, glistening, ungreasy, luscilicious, sexy thigh-length, strawberry blonde hair flowed gracefully behind her like freshly spun pure gold thread if it was a million times more pretty and a billion times more sexy. She did not wear the Shiz uniform because she was too sexy for that but instead a beautiful flowing dress that sparkled sexily with fishnets which showed off that she was sexily thin enough to be anorexic (but wasn't) and that she had sexily big boobs. She looked like a combination of Amy Lee and Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth. As she gracefully danced towards them she sparkled like Edward Cullen in the sunlight but much more sexily and it made her look even more beautiful. Her glowing orbs looked like multicoloured violet limpid pools.
She smelt like fresh roses on a fresh spring day, combined with that really posh perfume (you know the stuff film stars buy), and freshly baked bread and chocolate and doughnuts and that good McDonalds smell and like the breeze on a summer's day and like what Bella smells like to Edward but better and sexier and more beautiful.
The entire room looked at her, speechless. Finally Fiyero found his voice, "Wow!" the rest of the boys nodded in synchrony.
Still staring at the newcomer in awe Fiyero walked up to her, got onto one knee and then sung her a well sexy song (which just happened to be as long as your mine – no one noticed how out of context it was) then he said in a sexy British accent that he had never had before "Pray tell me what is your name fair maiden?"
"Fair maiden?" Elphaba muttered when she had regained the ability to speak again.
The girl giggled, her musical charms making all the small animals in the Shiz wood run in and start dancing around her, her pet florescent pink sparkly unicorn looked through the window, "My name is Moonlight Indigo India Glitter Sparkles Moonshine Glimmer Diarrhoea Silver Golden Mary Enoby Eagle Sunrise Slytherin Dee Belle Raven Edwina Alice Vampyre Pixie Wolfe Goodness Trixiebelle Tinkerbelle Violet Ariel Dawn Dusk Noon New Moon Tara Eclipse Twilight Smith but you can call me Moonlight for short! I'm the most popular girl in the world and stunningly beautiful and the Queen of the Kingdom of Eternal Moonlight!"
"I love you, Moonlight Indigo India Glitter Sparkles Moonshine Glimmer Diarrhoea Silver Golden Mary Enoby Eagle Sunrise Slytherin Dee Belle Raven Edwina Alice Vampyre Pixie Wolfe Goodness Trixiebelle Tinkerbelle Violet Ariel Dawn Dusk Noon New Moon Tara Eclipse Twilight Smith!" declared Fiyero passionately, "Will you marry me?"
"OMEC, YES! Fiyero! YES!" Moonlight shrieked, "For we are soul mates destined to be together from the dawn of time, we are like a pair of swans who will die without their true mate, we are like a kiddies jigsaw puzzle with only two pieces that fit together really easily, we are like two halves of a friendship bracelet except we are a loveship bracelet, we are like a cookie cracked in half then put together again!"
At this point Galinda, her hair (like most of the other girls in the room) damp with grease and face bursting with spots, burst into tears and Elphaba, feeling rather nauseous herself (she had suddenly taken the appearance of what she thought she might have looked like if she was a baddie in a movie someone had made about a girl who had squashed her sister with a house and then set out to kill her), escorted her out the room.
However, they did not run fast enough to miss Moonlight's tinkering sexy shrieks of, "Why yes of course I can marry you too Boq! I spoke to the Wizard just yesterday and he said I could marry as many people as I wanted!"