Author's note: I wrote this fanfic in 2010, practically to make fun of the poetry professor Oak writes and what Gary kind of tries to mimic in that one Diamond & Pearl episode. Watch out for bad humor and stupid yaoi cliché of arguing about who's gonna be the bottom.
Nightmare Poetry
"Believe me, Dawn, Gary's not a poet", Ash said, holding his cup of coffee with both of his hands and staring at Gary. Dawn just giggled.
"I am what I am", Gary said just for the tease, leaning against the back of his chair.
Ash frowned. "You're definitely not a poet."
"How do you know?"
"You just aren't."
"Should I write you a poem?"
"No!"
Gary chuckled. "It would turn out interesting, don't you think?"
"I don't want to hear a poem you write to me", Ash murmured. "Plus, wouldn't it ruin your oh-so-masculine image?"
"A true man is able to be everything a lady wants him to be", Gary said proudly.
"If you mean Dawn by saying 'lady' –"
"I meant you."
Ash blushed violently. "Shut up!"
"Their fights are always interesting to hear", Brock told Dawn. "They just can't behave like normal people when they're around each other."
"That's not true!" Ash snapped.
"We get along very well, don't we, Ashy-boy?" Gary smirked.
Ash just blushed.
"Oh your cheeks, they're burning red; should I carry you to the bed?"
Ash blinked. "What?"
"I'm worried if you caught a cold", Gary explained.
Ash's blush deepened. "A-hmm."
"Which I can't understand", Brock continued, "since they actually like each other –"
"I don't like him a single bit", Ash murmured.
"Best of friends 'til the end!" commented Gary.
"Not quite", said Ash.
"I think we all know the relationship between you two", Brock smiled viciously.
"What?" Dawn asked curiously.
"I admire Ash, he's number one; if numbers are counted from hundred to none."
"Stop it already, Gary!"
"C'mon, tell me! What is your relationship?"
"As the sun is bright and hot; Ash's smile, it seducts me – not."
"Are you two a couple?"
Ash froze and stared at Dawn for a long time. Dawn looked back, waiting for an answer.
"I wouldn't buy a diamond ring, but I'd say this is damn wild thing", said Gary, smiling widely.
"Shut up, Gary."
"Aww, that's so cute!"
"You too, Dawn."
"My dear, be a man, don't be so shy; because I can prove it that you really are a guy."
Ash hid his face behind his hands. "Somebody please kill me."
"Here's a suggest you can't let pass: I'd like to do stuff with your –"
"SHUT UP!"
"Sorry, Ashy, I couldn't help it", Gary smirked without a hint of regret in his voice.
Ash didn't answer.
"Ash? You aren't angry, are you?"
Still no response.
"Hey, it was a joke!"
Ash growled something incoherent.
"Pardon? I didn't quite catch that."
"...a couple..."
"Huh?"
Ash sighed heavily, turned around to face Gary and said: "Did you have to make it that clear that we're a couple?"
Gary stared at him. "Brock already knew and Dawn was just excited. What's the big deal?"
"How about – you left no questions about who's the bottom?"
"Oh, that", Gary chuckled. "I think they would've guessed it anyway – hey! Ash!"
Ash had turned his back again. Gary cried out. "Ash, don't be childish. I was just joking, okay?"
Ash didn't even move.
Gary sighed. "What can I do to make it up? Should I go buy you an ice cream? Or a hamburger? Just something? Anything?"
Slowly, just slowly, Ash turned his face. He glanced at Gary carefully, thinking about something.
"What's with that look?" Gary asked, suddenly feeling nervous. "You have something in mind?"
"Anything?" Ash asked with a vicious smile on his face.
"I, uh", Gary mumbled, "maybe. It depends on the task."
Ash smiled cruelly. "You be the bottom."
Gary blinked. "What?"
"You be the bottom", Ash repeated.
"Hell no!" Gary shrieked. "It's your thing."
"You be the bottom and I'll forgive you for now."
Gary stared at him as if he was waiting for the other boy to cheer out he was kidding. Ash just stared back.
"You aren't serious, are you?" Gary asked.
Ash smirked.
"Oh god, so you really are serious."
"Yup."
"I – uh – isn't there any other –?"
"Nope."
"Ash, I really don't think –"
"Then, good night."
"Ash! You're not playing fair!"
"For once it's me who's not", Ash stung.
"What if I just – eh –"
"Yes?"
Gary sighed and buried his face in his hands. He stayed like that for a while before peeking at Ash through his fingers.
"Does it have to be right now?"
Ash grinned widely. "So you're agreeing?"
"It looks like I have no choice", Gary muttered.
"You promise? You promise to be the bottom for once?"
"Do you have to say it over and over again?" Gary complained. "Yeah, yeah. I promise. Are you happy now?"
"Very much. Now, good night."
"That's cold."
"I want to sleep, so just shut up."
The next morning, all four of them were having breakfast in the hotel'sdining room. Ash was in a good mood. Gary was cranky. Dawn and Brock were obviously curious.
"Last time we saw Ash, he was totally pissed off", Dawn said. "What happened?"
"We made a little deal", Ash cheered.
"Oh", said Dawn. "What kind of deal?"
"I wouldn't buy a diamond ring, but I'd say this is damn wild thing", Ash repeated one of Gary's poems from the last evening.
"Stop right now", Gary warned. "It's nothing, so shut your mouth, Ash."
"At least I don't think he's going to act a poet anymore", Ash said. "Right?"
"Whatever", Gary murmured.
They all ate in silence for a while, before Ash turned to face Gary.
"By the way, Gary... You know what? I wouldn't have forced you. You agreed faster than I thought."
Gary stared at him. "What?"
"But now you've already made a promise", Ash smiled. "I'm looking forward to it."
Gary's eyes widened with shock. "You little motherf–!"
Dawn interruptedGary before he could finish his sentence. "C'mon, guys, tell me. What are you two talking about?"
"I don't think we want to know, Dawn", Brock said, seemingly guessing the subject.
Ash savoured each of his following words: "I heard a promise I can't let pass; I'm going to do stuff with his –"
"SHUT UP!"