A/N: So after watching Skins Fire I couldn't fight the urge to write something to get me through the awful feelings that were swimming around in my head. Naomi is legitimately my favourite TV character of all time, I was so excited that she was coming back for Skins 7 and now I have to watch her get sick and most likely die, its terrible! The only consolation is that I have a feeling tomorrows episode is going to showcase some amazing acting from Lily and Kat, and maybe things wont end so tragically! Optimism right! Anyways this will probably be a 2 parter, I tried to add in scenes from the preview for tomorrows episode and add in some lines from the teasers that were released. Enjoy!
To say Emily was surprised at the reaction, or lack there of, from her girlfriend when she came bouncing through the door to surprise her was an understatement. She threw herself into Naomi's arms catching the brunette of guard and interrupting what appeared to be a serious conversation between her and Effy.
"Emily," Naomi said, looking nervously at Effy for a moment before meeting her girlfriends eyes" You're here."
"Surprise!" Emily blurted out excitedly," I've got a week's break so I decided to come and surprise you."
"Well you certainly did," Naomi replies, finally starting to have the reaction Emily was hoping for when she came bounding through the door," Fuck, I've missed you."
Emily was then pulled towards Naomi, her lips quickly finding her girlfriends for the first time in months and fuck did it ever feel right to be back in Naomi's arms again. In fact it felt so right that it was making Emily consider even further not continuing on with her internship and just staying here with her girlfriend, where she so obviously belonged.
She hadn't wanted to say anything to Naomi but life in New York was becoming harder than she had imagined. She felt like she wasn't getting anywhere with any of her mentors and she wasn't even guaranteed an actual job after it was over. Emily couldn't help but wonder if her time wouldn't be better spent back in England putting her foot to the pavement to carve her own place in the photography world. It didn't help things that Naomi was so far away and had seemed quite out of it lately. The first couple months she was gone they spoke at least once every two days by skype but as time went on Naomi seemed to be floundering further and further. She was forgetting the times when they were supposed to be speaking more often than not, and when they did speak she seemed to always be stoned. Quite frankly Emily was starting to get fucking worried about it. And the worrying about Naomi paired with the stress of her internship was making life more difficult in New York than it had to be.
"I've missed you too babe," Emily whispered against her lips.
Effy clearing her throat finally broke Emily from her lust filled stare at her girlfriend. She realized it was probably pretty rude to jump on Naomi without as much of a hello to Effy but could anyone really blame her? Six months with no proper sex and with Naomi looking as good as she did at the moment, it was a lost cause really.
"Well I'm off," Effy said, getting up abruptly," Give you guys some time to catch up on things."
She pinned Naomi with a look that Emily didn't quite understand, even more strange was the way Naomi didn't meet her eyes for a moment afterwards.
"Welcome home Em," Effy said, opening her arms for a brief hug from Emily," See Naomi I told you Emily didn't like chasing the hot dykes in New York, she definitely prefers useless stoners like you." She added as she pulled back from the hug.
Emily's head snapped to look at her girlfriend who was blushing a shade of red Emily hadn't seen on her face in a while and she couldn't help but laugh a bit.
"Aww babe," Emily said grinning and wrapping her arms around Naomi's neck," Were you worried about me?"
"Fuck off," Naomi muttered in the tone that Emily knew meant that she was embarrassed to talk about it but it was true.
"Effy's right, who needs "hot dykes" when I have this waiting for me at home," Emily assured Naomi, looking her up and down briefly, biting her lip.
How Naomi could have been remotely worried was beyond Emily, seeing as she knew exactly how hot the body was that was currently clad in a cute but bulky cardigan sweater. No one else could compare, no one else had ever came close if Emily was completely honest.
"Back all of five minutes and already taking the piss," Naomi said through a light laugh.
"Oh and Emily," Effy said from the doorway before she disappeared," Naoms said if she didn't get some fanny time soon she was going to combust, I'm sure you can take care of that."
With that Effy waved and left the flat, shutting the door behind her.
Emily looked back at Naomi, her temperature suddenly skyrocketing as she thought about how long it had been since she had been able to physically be with Naomi, since she had been able to touch and taste her, since she felt Naomi coming with her fingers buried deep inside her. Sure they had tried other things while she was away, and while it was better getting off with Naomi talking to her on the phone or watching her on webcam, nothing would ever compare to the real thing. Suddenly Emily felt like she would combust if she didn't get some fanny time right now. So she pushed Naomi backwards towards her bedroom, pushing their lips together, the words of the Ed Sheeran cover of Pony floating through her head as she pushed Naomi onto her bed and kicked the door shut with her foot
Your body, every single portion, I'll send shivers up and down your spine, and fluids flowing down your thigh
When Emily woke up sometime later she was quite surprised to find herself alone. She was looking forward to waking up next to Naomi, it was one of the things she missed most when they were apart, but apparently her girlfriend had other plans. She pulled back the covers and padded across the room, searching through the dresser until she found a large shirt of Naomi's to pull over her head. Looking back at the bed she couldn't help but replay the last couple hours in her head.
Naomi had been so desperate, so needy, and Emily wasn't complaining at all because it meant that Naomi spent quite a bit of extra time drawing out every touch until Emily couldn't take it anymore. But she just couldn't shake the feeling that something was off with Naomi, like the way she whispered "I love you" after coming down from her own high with such emotion, like she was worried she would never get to say the words to Emily again. Or how she had tears brimming in her eyes. Naomi was never one to cry after sex, no matter how intense it might have been. In fact Emily had only seen her get overwhelmed with emotion like this exactly twice in her life, once when she was laying everything on the line for fear of losing Emily in Freddie's shed and once when she was trying desperately to remind Emily of how much she loved her before everything blew up in her face.
"I love you…don't forget it though"
A thought came rushing into Emily's head before she could stop it, Sophia, a voice in the back of her head whispered, way back then was the last time she had witnessed such unrestrained emotion from Naomi.
"No," Emily scolded herself," Don't fucking start that shit."
They had been together for 4 years since then and Naomi had been nothing other than fucking lovely, she had given Emily no reason to doubt her and Emily wasn't about to start now. It was probably just the long distance thing; she had to remember that it was hard on them both and not just her. That made total sense for the slightly strange way Naomi was acting. With that she pushed all unpleasant thoughts out of her head and went through the flat in search of her girlfriend. She found her predictably on the roof, a cup of coffee in her hand and a fag dangling between her fingers.
"Hey," Emily said gently, attempting to not startle Naomi as she had her back turned slightly to her.
"Fuck," Naomi turned around quickly," You weren't supposed to wake up!"
Emily couldn't help laughing at this taking in Naomi's startled expression.
"You know I don't sleep well without you," Emily pointed out.
"I just needed a quick smoke and then I was going to come back to bed, I think we've earned an entire day of cuddle time with all that we've missed out on yeah?" Naomi grinned.
"No worries Naoms," Emily made her way over to her girlfriend and allowed Naomi to wrap her up in the blanket she had draped over her shoulders to combat the slightly chilly wind," Actually I could do with a fag, do you have an extra?"
"No!" Naomi exclaimed," They're bad for you Ems, toxic really, you could get sick."
"Oookay," Emily drew out, not really sure what was provoking such an extreme reaction from Naomi," In that case you really shouldn't be smoking them either."
She felt Naomi shaking her head against her shoulder and could have sworn she heard her mutter something under her breath that Emily couldn't really make out.
"What was that?" Emily asked
"Nothing," Naomi assured her, burying her face in Emily's neck, placing kisses on the bare skin that rested there," Lets go back inside yeah? It's a bit too cold out here and we've got a nice warm bed to get back into."
"Sure," Emily agreed, allowing Naomi to pull her inside the flat, letting the warmth of Naomi's body surrounding her when they got into bed drown out any lingering thoughts about Naomi's slightly odd behavior that were swimming in her head.
Things got even stranger after that first day. Emily was expecting a full week of her and Naomi spending every single moment they could alone, making up for lost time and stocking up some memories to get them through the next couple months that Emily would be away for. But instead they had spent barely any time alone, with the exception of sleeping, in fact they had spent more time with Effy than anything. Which was a whole other story, the knowing glances between Effy and Naomi, the way Effy kept dropping subtle hints that her and Naomi should talk and "catch up on everything" and the way that Naomi would quickly change the subject whenever Effy did drop these hints, it was starting to fuck with Emily's mind.
By the time Emily's last day in London rolled around she was barely able to contain the nagging voice in the back of her head that was shouting that Naomi was hiding something. It was nearly impossible for her to not compare it to the last time Naomi was hiding big from her, Sophia, Emily thought bitterly. Naomi was showing all the sure fire signs, irritability, avoidance of any sort of deep conversation, pleading looks for Emily to just leave it alone; It was like Emily had been transported back in time 4 years and she fucking hated it. This shit wasn't what she expected when she flew here, she was looking forward to a week of near constant sex with Naomi and hopefully talking about their future, but instead she got isolated Naomi who seemingly wanted to spend as little alone time with her as she possibly could.
Take her last night in London for instance, before she had to leave for New York again early in the morning, what did her and Naomi end up doing? Having a weird dinner with Effy and her "boss", and Emily used the term loosely as she was pretty sure they were fucking or at the very least something else was going on there. After an awkward dinner, in which he kept making toasts to how grown up and together Effy was (obviously he didn't know much about her past) Emily helped Naomi clean up the dishes and they headed to bed. Naomi hushed any attempt she made at talking with her lips, pointing out that it was their last night together for a while and they should make the most of it. Emily couldn't argue, in fact it was one of the only things Naomi had said in the past week that had made complete sense, but Emily couldn't help but wonder if Naomi was now using sex as an avoidance technique as well. She didn't have much time to dwell on it before Naomi's lips were making their way down her stomach slowly causing her to lose all ability of rational thought.
The next morning Emily woke up to hushed voices coming from the living room, pressing her ear up to the closed door of Naomi's bedroom to hear them better.
"You have to tell her," Effy said, sounding angrier than Emily had heard her sound in a while," She deserves to know."
"I will," Naomi replied sounding equally irritated," Now just isn't the right time."
Emily pulled away from the door quickly, tears filling her eyes despite her best efforts, her stomach felt like it was up in her throat and she didn't know what to think. It wasn't a question anymore, Naomi was definitely hiding something from her, Emily couldn't believe this was happening all over again. She shook her head slightly, trying to clear all the racing thoughts from her head that were showing her flashes of Naomi with some random faceless girl. She didn't have time for this argument right now, she had little over an hour before she had to be at the airport and she for the first time ever was thankful for the space that would be between her and Naomi before the end of the day. She needed time to clear her head and figure out if she was over reacting before she confronted her girlfriend.
Just then Naomi's head peeked through the door catching Emily's eye.
"Ready to go?" Naomi asked," Oh Ems don't cry, its only a couple more months, we can handle it."
"Right," Emily murmured into Naomi's neck after Naomi wrapped her arms around her," It'll be okay."
"Course it will," Naomi said steadily," I love you."
"I love you too," Emily replied honestly, because she really did; no matter how much it hurt at the moment when she wasn't sure if Naomi had fucked everything up again," I'll be right out."
A couple minutes later Effy entered the room dressed in work attire.
"Hey Em, I've got work so I'm saying goodbye now," Effy said through her characteristic smirk," I'll miss you, god knows Naomi will be a lonely sap until you get back, constantly crawling into bed with me because she hates sleeping alone."
Emily mustered a small smile but it wasn't fooling Effy who was looking at her expectantly. It was nice to know some things never changed, Effy was still able to read people as effortlessly as she was in college.
"Naomi is hiding something from me," Emily stated, daring Effy to contradict her.
"You can't ask me this Emily," Effy replied, all traces of her smirk now absent from her face.
"Please," Emily pleaded
"You need to hear it from Naomi, but I swear to you it isn't what you think," Effy assured her," Look I've gotta go, have a safe flight, and promise me you'll talk to Naomi before you fly off the handle."
"Thanks," Emily said, feeling slightly better with Effy's assurance," Bye"
Naomi held her hand all the way to airport security, kissed her gently and pressed her forehead against Emily's as she whispered how much she'll miss her, how she loved her and that she would be waiting by her computer for a call as soon as Emily got to her hotel from the airport. It was all a blur really to Emily, her mind was somewhere else, trying to figure out if she had been imagining all of Naomi's weird behavior or if it had been real, she never could think straight when Naomi was around.
But after a long flight alone with nothing but her thoughts Emily couldn't come up with any other explanation than that Naomi was cheating on her again. She went through every possible scenario of what Naomi could have been hiding from her but nothing else made sense. The longer she sat thinking about it the more the anger built up inside her, by the end of the flight Emily had convinced herself that Naomi was sleeping with half of London.
"But why would Effy lie to me?" Emily said to herself when she got back to her hotel room," What would she have to gain from it?"
All of a sudden it hit her like a freight train, knocking the air completely out of her lungs as she fell back into the couch.
Naomi was cheating WITH Effy
"Jesus fucking Christ," Emily thought, how hadn't she figured it out before!
The weird vibe hovering between Naomi and Effy the entire time she was there made complete sense to her now, and of course Effy would tell her that everything was fine because she was involved in it too. Fucking hell she even admitted that Naomi frequently slept in her bed while Emily was gone, that was as good as an admittance of guilt as far as Emily was concerned at the moment. This was it, Emily was finally at the end of her patience, and she needed to talk to Naomi now.
Emily opened her laptop and dialed Naomi's number, her hands shaking as she allowed her anger to take over her entire body. Even Naomi's smiling face appearing on the screen didn't calm her down like it usually did when she was angry with the brunette.
"Hey Ems, how was the flight," Naomi said, the movement of the little image of her face moving slightly out of time with the audio Emily was hearing," Is everything okay?" She added when she noticed the look on Emily's face."
Emily laughed humorlessly, she couldn't believe Naomi had the balls to ask her that when it was clear everything was about as far from okay as it could be.
"What the fuck do you think Naomi," Emily fired back," Why don't you tell me."
Naomi was silent for a minute, obviously running all the possible things through her head that she could have done to piss off her girlfriend but she was coming up blank.
"I thought everything was fine?" Naomi said unsurely
Sure Emily thought, everything was just peachy for Naomi wasn't it now that Emily was gone and she could go back to fucking Effy behind her back.
"So you're not hiding something from me?" Emily shot back, feeling somewhat satisfied with the way Naomi's face dropped," There you go, finally figuring it out."
"Look I'm sorry I didn't tell you, it's just that it isn't an easy thing to bring into conversation," Naomi pleaded.
"And that's an excuse?" Emily spat angrily," I can't believe you're doing this to me again, you promised you'd never hurt me again!"
Naomi went to speak, to apologize again but then she stopped, looking at Emily with a confused expression.
"Wait, what do you mean again?" Naomi asked.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Emily thundered," Have you forgotten about the last time you cheated on me with some slag!"
"Emily what the fuck are you talking about," Naomi cut in," I'm not cheating on you, I would never do that to you again, I love you more than anything."
If Emily hadn't been so worked up that she was well past rational thought she would have picked up on the change in Naomi's tone or the determined look on her face.
"Well you did it once before, and I'm out of the country and you've been shacking up in Effy's bed, what do you expect me to think."
"Are you having a fucking laugh," Naomi shook her head in disbelief," You think I'm fucking Effy?"
"Well you're hiding something from me and it was the most logical explanation I could come up with," Emily replied, some of her anger dissipating as she took in the look on Naomi's face.
"Screw you Emily," Naomi spat," You have no fucking idea."
"Screw me? Screw you Naomi," Emily said angrily," If you aren't fucking Effy then what the fuck are you hiding?"
"You want to know? Fine," Naomi growled," I have cancer, fucking cancer Emily! So you're little assumption was wrong."
Emily felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room, she looked at her girlfriends face for some sort of inclination that she had heard Naomi wrong, surely she couldn't have said what Emily had heard.
"W-what?" Emily stammered
"Are you happy now?" Naomi said wiping furiously at the tears that had unknowingly began to leak from her eyes," I can't fucking do this with you right now, I have to go."
And before Emily could muster up any sort of reply Naomi's face had disappeared from the screen as she ended the call. Emily didn't move, just sat there staring at the space where Naomi's broken face had just sat on the screen.
Cancer…chemo…surgery…death
All kinds of terrible thoughts were racing through her mind, this couldn't be right, Naomi couldn't have cancer, she was so young and it just wasn't fucking fair.
She closed the laptop and blindly walked towards the bed. Not bothering to get undressed, she crawled under the covers and curled into the fetal position. As the weight of the situation finally hit her Emily broke down completely. All she could think about was how not only did she accuse Naomi of cheating on her, she also wasn't there for Naomi through any of this. She kept picturing Naomi alone and terrified at the doctors, getting the verdict and having no one to talk to about it, it was all just so wrong.
Everything was momentously fucked up and there was nothing Emily could do about it.