This was my first (read: atrocious) fanfic. I found it, and edited only slightly. Seriously, it's pretty awful, but I decided to post it anyway (for the lulz). This is also my first appearance as "The Bard". I do not own Dragon Ball Z. I do own a few ringtones and the entire uncut series on tape, the kind that make a picture for each saga. All the licensing and stuff belongs to Akira Toriyama. Honestly, though, why would owners of stories pen fanfiction? They could just put it in the show, or make a movie. Sheesh.
FANFIC-Y GOODNESS
It was a blindingly bright and sunny day. So bright, in fact, that the Bard told the sun to knock it off. The sun obliged. It was a regularly bright and sunny day. Good. Let's begin our tale…
Vegeta: Yes, let's. I haven't got all day, Bard.
Chill, Vegeta. Anyway, in this fic, as in all others, Vegeta and Goku were raining in the gravity room and the mountains respectively.
Goku: Wait…which mountains? Mount Fuji, the Alps, Castor and Pol-?
Just stop, Goku. I'm trying to tell my story. It's just some random mountains.
Vegeta: A story? Ha! Some story you've got here…
Would the both of you quiet down for a moment?! Maybe then I could actually start my tale and get somewhere.
Goku: Let's do it! I wanna see what happens!
Vegeta: …Very well. Make it snappy, foolish artist.
Thank you. As I was saying, Vegeta and Goku were training. As they trained, instead of dropping in exhaustion, their power levels just kept growing and growing. (AN: Oh, sweet lord…over 9000. You may kill me now…) Even though they were fairly far apart in the world, they each could feel the other's rising power. Both Saiyans were getting rather excited at the thought of their impending sparring session.
Goku: Why would I get excited? I'm so much stronger than Geta…
Vegeta: Why…you…!
Boys, calm down. Goku, stop trolling on "Geta". It's not nice. Besides, you absolutely love to fight.
Goku: Whoops. Sorry, Geta. By the way, what's "trolling"?
Vegeta: Stop calling me that ridiculous nickname, Kakarrot! You too, Bard.
Drop the ki ball, Veggie-boy, or I'll turn this fic into an angst and kill you at the end. I'm the author here.
Veggie-boy: What?! Don't change my name! Fine…
Good boy.
Vegeta: …I'm a prince, for Kami's sakes…
Prince of a bit of space dust.
Goku: Ouch. That was harsh, dude…
Vegeta: How dare you call yourself a bard! I have more writing talent in my little finger. You ridiculous Earthling, you are no bard!
You wanna write this fic?
Vegeta: …
Anyway…no…wait. Let's make a deal. If you guys don't interrupt me for another 100 words, I'll give you a cookie.
Goku: Oooohh…! I want a cookie.
Vegeta: No deal. I don't want your stinking – mmph!
Yes, Goku, you just keep him quiet, and you'll get your cookie. My hundred words start with the next sentence.
Goku: …Come on…
Alright, so…where was I? Oh, yes… When Goku just couldn't hold back his excitement, he teleported to the gravity room, where he could feel Vegeta's power level rising still. Goku cheerfully activated the opening mechanism to find it locked. His shoulders drooped in disappointment. How was he going to challenge Vegeta if he couldn't even get inside with him to speak? Goku put his ear to the door to see if he could hear anything inside. He heard nothing. The gravity room couldn't be locked from the outside, which was admittedly kind of stupid. Where or what could Vegeta-
Goku: COOKIE, Bard!
Vegeta: Ah, thank the gods! I can finally breathe!
One, two, three…one hundred words. Wow. Goku, you could have let him breathe.
Vegeta: Well, I guess now you know you can't be vague with a moron like Kakarrot.
Goku: I want my cookie.
Thank you for that, Prince Vegeta. Here you go Goku. Enjoy.
Goku: Chocolate chip…nom.
Shall we continue?
Vegeta: Bard! Where's my cookie?!
I thought Saiyan princes didn't whine…nor do warriors.
Vegeta: But…Kakarrot…
Here. Take this one. I was gonna eat it, but I'll feel bad.
Vegeta: Just don't forget that I'm a ruthless Saiyan warrior and prince. Nom.
While they're stuffing their faces… Where or what could Vegeta be distracted by? Little did Goku know, Vegeta also had his ear pressed against the door.
Goku: Weirdo.
Vegeta: Hey!
Shh. Get back to your cookies. Anyway, Vegeta knew that only Goku could own ridiculous power he felt on the other side of the gravity room door. His eyes narrowed. Darn that Kakarrot and his enormous power. How could an idiotic third class warrior like him possibly be so much stronger than a Saiyan elite?
Vegeta: Kakarrot cannot beat me! I could crush him like a bag with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back, Bard!
I could crush you with the right words in this story, Prince Vegeta. Be quiet. Let's see…Vegeta's shoulders slumped as well. Of course, it's not like their ranks mattered much anymore. There were only two full-blooded Saiyans left in the Universe. As far as Vegeta and Goku knew, anyway. Being part of an endangered race, Vegeta could feel the weight of the thought bearing down upon him-
Goku: Hey, this is supposed to be a funny story, right?
Vegeta: You're slipping into angst, Bard. Wake up!
Thanks, boys. Whew. Yeah, so…um…endangered species. Whatever. Coolest last members of an endangered species ever.
Vegeta: Continue the story, Bard. This is taking far too long.
Where else do you have to be? The actual series is finished.
Veggie-boy: Do you realize how many fanfictions there…did you change my name again?!
Mon Dieu. Vegeta, if you don't be quiet, I'll throw some citrus into this fic, and only you and Goku are characters here.
Vegeta: Wha-?! That's disgusting! Base acts with…with…Kakarrot?!
Yep.
Vegeta: Why…why would I do that?! We are sworn enemies! Bard, I think you're pulling things out of your-
I thought you were aware of "how many fanfictions" there are.
Vegeta: I would never…good gods!
You know that, and I know that, but people have…interesting imaginations. And they want to ja-
Goku: Hey, what's "citrus"? Are you writing about oranges? And what's "base acts"?
Vegeta: Ah! Uh…Kakarrot…
Well, you see, Goku, when a man and a woman love each other very much…
Vegeta: It's what happened when you and Chichi made your offspring, idiot!
Goku: Oh! That…um…how would two guys do that?
Vegeta: Bard. For the love of all that is mighty, continue your stupid story. And please, ix-nay on the ash-slay…
Goku: Bard, I think Vegeta's lost it…
No, Goku. He's trying very hard to be nice…to both of us.
Goku: But, Vegeta…I still don't understand how two men can-
Vegeta: La la la, I can't hear you!
Drop it, Goku. You're too innocent to learn about that.
Goku: Okay…
Vegeta: Ignorance is truly bliss…
Good gourd…I can't even remember where I was… I think I'll just say that Vegeta opened the door. Looking down at Kakarrot, who had tumbles into the room in his surprise, Vegeta crinkled his nose. Kakarrot was so strong, yet so stupid. Vegeta had shown that he was flexible yet strong on the battlefield, strategizing against his enemy, using their own attacks against them, managing to turn the tables at the first sign of trouble. How could this idiot still beat him in battle? Goku smiled up at the older Saiyan.
"Hey, Vegeta! What's up?"
Vegeta: Gods, this story drags! Screw you, Bard. I'm leaving. And no blasted cookies can make me stay.
What? Hang on! You can't leave. I'm the author; I say who leaves.
Vegeta: I'm leaving anyway.
Goku: I'm kinda bored, too. Everyone knows I'll win the fight anyway.
Goku, what did I tell you about trolling? Both of you stay in my story.
Goku: I still don't know what that means…
Why do you guys want to leave?! The story's just starting to pick up. If you guys hadn't distracted me, then I would have been able to write it faster. Besides, Goku, it was going to end in a draw…
Vegeta: What?! A draw?! I could easily win over Kakarrot any day!
Goku: Aw, Bard, you just gave away the ending.
Vegeta: Well, at least we can finally leave.
But…guys…
Vegeta: There's no reason to hear the story if we know the end. You truly must be the absolute worst bard ever.
No more cookies for you.
Goku: You guys should be nicer to each other…
Vegeta: Never! I am a Saiyan prince! I'm not "nice"!
You know what…here's one more cookie for you two.
Goku: I love happy endings. Nom.
Vegeta: Whatever…nom.
I suppose that's the end, then.