Authors Note: Characters are property of Stephanie Meyer, I do not own them nor do I claim to, this is simply an idea I have with the characters of Twilight.

This is a songfic, each chapter will be inspired by a different song and the title of the chapter is the title of the song.

inner thoughts

spoken words

I never told you.

Charlie walks as quietly as possible to the door, peaking in he can't see Bella, getting anxious he pushes the door open clearing his throat so he doesn't spook his daughter.

Oh thank god, shes still here... of course she's not in that damned rocking chair maybe that is a good thing.

He sees her sitting at her computer, an open email on the screen but its completely blank.

You ok kiddo?

She turns towards him, finally noticing he is in her room.

Yeah, I was just thinking about sending an email.

She looks down quickly so Charlie doesn't see the tears in her eyes.

Not to that boy I hope. Stupid boy, I knew he was no good for my Bells the moment I laid eyes on him, there's just something not right with him, or his family... Alice is sweet though.

Bella winces at the mere mention of Edward, even without Charlie saying his name she knows that's who he is talking about.

No, I'm not sending an email to Edward dad, He's gone, I have to get used to that.

She lies only a little knowing that she will never get used to loosing her family. Even though she wasn't one of them she always thought she would be, and when they left they took that chance with them. Nope now she must slowly grow old and die like any other human.

Charlie winces as she says his name, he can see the pain she is trying to hide but doesn't ask about it.

Ok Bells, well I was going to head up to the reservation and visit with Billy, did you wanna come along? I know Jake has been dying to see you.

Bella turns away at Jake's name and looks back at her computer screen.

No, I'm not up for that just yet. Maybe I will be in a week or two but... not right now. I hope he doesn't start pestering me about seeing Jake, I don't think I can be around anyone right now, especially not another guy who is all over me.

Charlie looks upset for a second but hides it quickly in case Bella turns and looks at him again.

Ok Bells, that's fine. Well I'm going to get going, I'll be home before dinner ok?

She glances at him quickly before nodding and looking back at her computer screen. Charlie shakes his head slightly and leaves, closing her door back as she had it when he came in.

Bella stares at her computer for a while. She hears Charlie get his stuff, his jacket and the dish that he brought home with him last time, she hears the down stairs closet, the front door, and then finally she hears his cruiser start and slowly head down the road.

Why haven't you answered me?

Bella says out loud frustrated that she has had no reply. She sets her fingers on her keyboard then removes them quickly as if something had bit her.

I didn't wanna do it this way.. why did she have to leave with them? Why couldn't she stay with me? Just because HE left didn't mean that they all had to...

She gets up from her chair and moves to her bed, sitting on the edge of it she reaches under her bedside table and takes out her journal. She didn't use to keep one, then she was talking to Angela one day about how she was confused and thinking about stuff too much and it was becoming a distraction.

Angela had suggested getting a journal and writing everything she was thinking down "just to get it out of your head" she said... who knew I had this all in my head... shaking her head slightly Bella opens her journal, it was worn from use since they had left. The spots where it was held under the table beginnning to tear.

Well I guess since I don't have to worry anymore about people being with me all the time I don't have to hide it anymore...

She looks through the first few pages, they are all about Edward, how he is frustrating and doesn't listen and doesn't think she can take care of herself. Then they change slowly, first little bits of Alice appear in the Edward parts, little things like how Alice made him stop treating her like a child, or how she would argue with Edward so that Bella could do something he didn't feel was "safe".

Then a few more pages, more Alice, less Edward. Until suddenly it had hit her like a ton of bricks, about a third into the journal there was the line she was looking for, she stopped and read it over and over, remembering how she felt when she realized it. And there in the middle of the page in big bold red letters.

I LOVE ALICE. It only took me forever to realize that I was after the wrong Cullen. She silently berates herself. Shaking her head as she reads it one last time before sticking it back underneath the bedside table.

How do you tell someone who doesnt talk to you, who you dont even know how to get ahold of them, that you love them?

Bella sits back down at her computer, the empty email sitting in front of her. Surely she can see that I have decided to do something. Unless she's blocking visions of me.

This idea sends new fears down her spine. She shakes hear head, a few tears sliding down her face and makes a new decision. She walks to Charlie's room and grabs one of his ties, walking back to her room she makes sure to think of her plan over and over.

Get everything together, then send the email. She grabs a stool she has in her room and places it under a beam. Standing on the stool she ties the tie around the beam and makes a loop, checking the height to make sure everything will work like she wants. After checking and double checking she walks back to her computer and the empty email. She writes:

Dear Alice,

I miss you sooo much. I guess when he said it would be as if he was never here he had to make you all leave as well. But I can't do this, I know it was not a dream, he was real, you were real, all of you. So I am writing you this one last time to let you know...

I love you. I know it will be hard for you to understand this. I mean I was with Edward before you all left me here, alone. But I dont miss him... I miss you. And I realized sometime shortly after you dissapeared that, well... that I love you.

But I can't live like this anymore, I can't stay in this town that reminds me of you, or this life.

There is a song that makes me think of you all the time. I must have listened to it hundreds of times. The chorus really explains a lot.

I hope you are happy where you are, I miss you. I love you.

Forever yours,

Bella

Bella stands up from her computer after hitting send. She walks to her ipod and presses play, making her way to the stool she has set up she stands on it just as the chorus of the song comes on.

But I never told you, What I should have said, No I never told you, I just held it in, And now I miss everything about you, I can't believe I still want you, After all the things we've been through, I miss everything about you, without you.

As she finishes the last words she puts the loop over her head and steps off of the stool. The tie choking her instantly, she begins to see stars, she can feel her head becoming lighter as the oxygen is cut from her brain. Just before she succumbs to it...

.. she places her foot on her bed and stands up taking in a huge breath of air. Her lungs hurt from the lack of oxygen, her neck hurts from the tie and she has a massive headache. Slowly she takes everything back to its original place, replacing everything but the tie which is now stretched out and ruined.

Oh well I'll just get him a new one. She lays down on her bed, sleep taking her away fast as her body tried to combat the near death experience she just put it through.

Bella feels a cold hand on her throat. I must be dreaming.

As she slowly opens her eyes she can tell that it is night time. Her eye's adjust slowly and she's aware of a certain pale face above her, one with bright golden eyes and black hair that's always just perfectly out of sorts.

Definately dreaming. There's no way that she is here with me right now!

Assuming she is dreaming she sits up and pulls Alice towards her, wrapping her arms around the smaller girls cold body and moaning oh so softly as she feels the coolness against her chest. She notices that her face is just below that beautiful cool neck and she reaches up to kiss the pale skin ever so gently with her lips.

Don't you even think that doing that is going to make me forgive you for what you did.

Alice says as she sits like a statue in Bella's arms. Bella tenses and jerks her head back looking at Alice's face.

Ummmm I would not make her say that in my dream. Wait does that mean? Is she really?

Bella removes her arms from around Alice and pinches herself roughly.

Ow!

Alice grabs her warm hands in her own and looks at Bella questionly.

What is this something you have gotten into the habit of doing? Hurting yourself?

Bella blinks rapidly trying to decipher the words that were just spoken to her.

What? N-no.. I … I mean.. I thought I was dreaming and so you know you are supposed to pinch yourself when you dream to wake up so I thought that if I did I would wake up.

Bella rambles suddenly very afraid of the small pixie like girl in front of her.

And why exactly would you think that this is a dream Bella?

Alice asks as she looks at Bella, really looks at her assessing her health.

She looks terrible,like she hasn't slept or eaten in months. Probably because we all left... stupid jerk of a brother.

She reaches her hand out to move Bella's hair from her neck but stops when Bella flinches at her movement. Letting out an exasperated sound Alice looks back at Bella's eyes

Why is she scared of me? I've never hurt her. I never will. Just as Alice is about to voice her thoughts she sees Bella glance at the computer. Oh that... Alice thinks to herself.

Why are you here?

Bella finally asks. Why now? What happened that made you come back? Did you actually see that today? Are you mad? Do you know that I love you? Where have you been? Why did you go?

Her mind is racing with thousands of questions she wants to ask Alice, but she only voices the one.

Alice looks at her and gently takes Bella's hand into her own, once Bella calms down a little Alice reaches out and moves Bella's hair to the side. She can already see the bruising that is forming from Bella's little stunt earlier.

Why am I here? Hmm, I guess I need to answer her truthfully... something my brother never could do.. Stop Alice, you can't get mad at him, especially after what you are about to say.. Ok, here goes...

Alice takes an unneeded deep breath and lets it out slowly.

I'm sorry.

Alice says as she leans forward and hugs Bella tightly.

I.. I just, I couldn't stand around and watch you die like that. I can't believe you would be so stupid Bella, you could have died. You kept deciding to die.

Alice tries to keep the anger, frustration, and hurt out of her voice but she can't, she just keeps replaying it over and over again, Bella deciding to hang herself, Bella dying because no one was here for her.

Bella sits frozen in place, holding onto Alice as hard as she can.

So... do you love me? Do you know i love you? Were you here already? Did you see me die? You were looking for me.

Again Bella's mind is asking thousands of questions but she asks the only one she wanted to know.

Alice scoffs at her softly and leans back releasing Bella from her hold and looking at her face.

Did she really think that I would not look out for her? Did she think I didn't care? Of course I did leave with the rest of the family, but.. I mean I at least stayed in Seattle where I could be close if she got in danger. But she doesn't know that. Of course I was looking for you. Bella... I'm sorry that Edward

Bella tenses at his name.

I'm sorry HE made us leave, he thought it would be best for you if we all left you here. But I never stopped caring, and I wasn't so far away that I couldn't be here if you were in danger. HE might think that he can protect you from us and our kind by leaving. But who's going to protect you from you?

Alice smiles softly at Bella as she seems to relax slowly during her little speech.

Bella's eyes flicker to the computer again and then quickly back to Alice, worry evident on her face.

Has she seen it? Does she know? Did you get the emails that I sent you? Bella tenses slightly when she asks the question but stares into Alice's eyes intently.

Yes... I got them. Alice looks down away from Bella's eyes as she answers.

Then why did you not respond?

Bella is getting angry, not only was Alice close enough to come to her rescue she had gotten everything Bella had sent to her? Did she not care at all?

Alice looks up at Bella again and quickly makes a decision. In a speed no human posses she leans forward and captures Bella's lips with her own, smiling as she hears Bella moan slightly at the contact.

Bella is in heaven, there is a sensation deep in her stomach, almost like the fluttering of butterflies, her palms are immediately sweaty and her breathing is laboured slightly as she pulls away to catch her breath before instantly moving to catch Alice's lips again with her own. Only to feel Alice's hand on her shoulders keeping her from doing so. Bella pouts slightly and struggles against the hands trying to get closer to Alice.

Wait one second ok? I promise I will be right back. Before Bella has a chance to respond Alice disappears from her sight out the window. Her heart tightens with fear that Alice wont return and she starts to move to get out of bed to go to her window. Just as she does there is a knock on her bedroom door.

Ugh who is that? Wait what time is it?

She glances at her clock just before she opens her door, 6:45pm. As she opens the door she sees Charlie standing with a confused expression.

He clears his throat, Hey Bells, umm... you have a visitor.

Before she can open her mouth to ask who Alice leans around Charlie and goes to give Bella a hug. She turns back to Charlie with her classic grin on.

Thanks Charlie! He smiles warmly at her and looks at Bella.

This that email you sent earlier? Bella blushes slightly and nods not wanting Charlie to hear her voice quiver. He smiles at her and nods. Ok.

He turns to Alice again, Will you be staying the night Alice, seeing as your family no longer stays in Forks?

Alice looks at Bella, Bella shrugs her shoulders with a slight smile on her face.

Thank you Charlie, that would be lovely.

Charlie smiles and nods his head as he turns and walks back down the stairs. Alice turns towards Bella with an apologetic look on her face.

Sorry, I just thought that would be better than trying to hide me in your room.

Bella just nods her head and backs up so that Alice can enter her room again.

Thank you. You know, for thinking of that... He never thought of anything like that..

Bella gets quiet again and sits back on her bed avoiding eye contact with Alice.

How do I tell her? I mean... I thought she said she got the emails, does she know I love her and not her brother?

She looks up finally and sees Alice standing in the same position by the closed door. Bella raises her eyebrow at her and pats the bed beside herself.

Well Bella here goes, tell her how you feel, its your only chance. Alice I...

Alice sits down next to her and meets her gaze, looking into the deep brown eyes she has always loved. She shakes her head slightly to quiet Bella and reaches in her pocket pulling out her phone. She hits a few buttons and then sits the phone on the bedside table softly before taking Bella's hand in her own.

I see your brown eyes, every time I close mine, you make it hard to see, where I belong to when I'm not around you, it's like I'm not with me.

Alice smiles and looks at Bella through the entire song. When it ends Bella reaches out grabbing Alice by the back of her neck and pulling her into a heated kiss. The girls moan at the contact both seemingly lost in the other.

Bella finally needing to breathe slowly backs up and moves to lay down on the bed, pulling Alice with her. As she finally lays down she rests her head on Alice's cold chest smiling and content for the first time in months.

I love you Alice. Bella breathes before she drifts off into a very peaceful sleep.

know Bella, and I love you. Alice grabs the comforter and wraps it around Bella snuggly before wrapping her arms around the taller girl and closing her eyes.

A/N: Review if you'd like, these are stand alone pieces and as such may get kind of lengthy.

Also a quick Thank you to the reviews about formatting. Let's see if this works any better as far as understanding what is going on. I will try and fix all the chapters within the next few days.