Blind
by Layniebleargh
Recently I have been too concerned on personal issues and a raging battle was formed inside me. I always believed in myself, and I have a rather high opinion of my capabilities. I have started dreams to realize and projects to materialize, and certainly not one of them is this issue currently being debated upon our, the Hyuuga clan's, household.
"I have faith in Hinata. I believe the time is ripe to pass the position to her." my uncle argued, keeping his composure despite the thickening air of impatience.
"Wait a minute, but isn't young Neji a better candidate?" an elder piped in, glancing at my direction. I couldn't help not to show any facial signs of hearing him, although I am quite embarrassed to seem greedy. I turned with an apologetic face to Hiashi-sama, while asking for a right to speak.
"Honda-sama, I am quite baffled by your suggestion, though not surprised at all. Hiashi-sama and I had a private little talk just a while ago, and I'm afraid I have to turn down the offer."
"But why?"
I shrugged a informally, whilst muttering, "I just have my own reasons. Hinata-san deserves to be the head. After all, I'm a branch family member, ain't I?"
"Fine, but doesn't she need more time?"
Uncle Hiashi frowned at this, and responded immediately. "She'll be fine. She's in proper age after all."
Fifteen weeks afterward, the passing ceremony took place at one of the grandest Hyuuga hall ever. The most important figures attended, and they all bid Hinata-san good luck. However, all of them also murmured as of an afterthought that it would've been a lot better if I got the position or wait for Hinata to reach her prime. I just shrugged their questions off and resumed watching my cousin from afar.
"Hey Neji." a familiar voice called. I turned around to find Tenten, who stubbornly agreed to wear a kimono earlier after being lectured through and through that she'll stand out in pants, patting a chair beside her. I automatically sat down beside her, crossing my arm.
"What brings you here?" I asked monotonously.
"Can't you get a bit warmer? I am an ANBU captain, and this is what I get?" she asked jokingly. "Anyway," she dropped to a serious tone, "I have gathered an interesting information for you."
Well, what Tenten said by then wasn't interesting at all, but rather alarming. Who would call an assassination attempt 'interesting'?
"Neji, I don't know how I can thank you." Hiashi-sama said sincerely, grasping my shoulders with fatherly pride. "You saved our princess."
"In exchange for my sight?" I mused, but I kept the thought to myself. Uncle would be distraught the moment he hears it. The better moment to inform him would not be now.
You might be surprised why and how I came to being blind. Actually, the assassination attempt wasn't something to joke about, for the enemy was one of the seven swordsmen or samihadas - the group Zabuza and Kisame belonged to. Anyway, the fight went from furious to ferocious, and before I knew it, I can no longer see. Everyone at that time thought it would be temporary, or I'd much like to say they hoped. My sight, in fact, wasn't a bad price to pay, after all, I got to kill the enemy by myself, protect Hinata, be praised among the whole clan, and awarded utmost honor by the village. When Sakura announced the news tearfully (I felt her tears, I can't see anymore) to me, I took it readily and calmly, as if expecting it.
"Neji, I'm sorry." she said, sitting by my bed, checking my wounds.
"Don't be."
"You do not want to be pitied ain't you?"
"Of course not. Who would want to be pitied? Only a weakling would."
I felt Sakura's mood lighten a little. "You really are strong. Too bad you would not be available just in case of war."
"Who says I won't be? This brain is ain't for nothing." I smiled weakly as I heard Sakura laugh.
"You're going to tell Hiashi-sama?"
"Not now. This will be a major shock for him. He loves his dear nephew too much."
"Oh really?"
"He actually loved to the point of giving away the clan headship to me, considering his unique and unwavering affection and belief towards his daughter."
"Why did you refuse?"
"I want a more private life. Besides, Hiashi-sama has voluntarily given me utmost authority if I have something to say or impose. He even proclaimed me higher than the elders and himself. Only Hinata may disagree, that only if I'm willing to be bent."
"And here I am, asking myself just moments ago how come Neji let it be not to be the clan head."
"I did not ask anything from Hiashi-sama. He has given me power by himself."
Yes, it is true. My uncle treated and considered me as his true, legitimate son, and he loves me a great deal. After he heard my condition, he instantly made it to the point that I should still be treated well and respected, that I will remain most powerful in clan and that my opinion would always matter. Hiashi-sama, now, is a second father to me. I guess I do not want him to be distressed, that is why I put on a calm façade when I learned about my blindness. I continued to fight for life and be happy, for him, my clan, my village, my friends, and most importantly…
"Tenten?" I inquired, feeling familiar hands upon my shoulder. I am in a quiet villa in the middle of the Konoha forest, living by myself. After my wounds healed, Tsunade-sama suggested a retreat for me, so 'that Neji can recover and be alone for awhile'. Though Hinata-san and Hiashi-sama drops by occasionally, the hokage permits no one else to disturb my peace. How I wonder why on earth she let Tenten see me…
"I'm glad to see you, Neji."
"Why are you here?"
"You want to be by yourself?"
"It's not that—"
"Please Neji, let me be with you. Just a moment, please?" I can feel Tenten shudder. Her hands are shaking.
"Tenten…"
"I-I… Neji, I feel responsible for what happened. Sorry…" Something warm and wet fell upon my cheeks. Tenten's crying. "I should've gathered more information… You could've been more prepared…"
I did not speak. I listened closely and patiently, like a teacher to a student.
"I-I hate seeing you like this, Neji! I really do! It reminds me t-that I-I a-am w-weak…"
"Well, comparing us, you really are…" I said sarcastically. "Tenten, you know you're not weak. You're ANBU captain."
"That's just a position. Not all captains are strong."
"I'll prove to you I'm right." I challenged, suddenly throwing out my blanket and flinging kunais to her direction. Instinctively, she dodged all of them.
"Neji! What do you think you're doing?!" Tenten reprimanded, alarmed.
I smirked, although I couldn't see her. "Training like always."
That day ended quite memorably. It turned out my offense has only wavered a bit. I landed a couple of strikes, and avoided a hundred of weapons and armaments. Tsunade-sama banged in my bedroom about half an hour after Tenten and I started sparring, nearly fainting at the sight of her best ANBU captain fighting blind. She lectured Tenten for three hours, saying how reckless Tenten was and that she only allowed Tenten in to apologize. Tenten was later punished (she was obliged to teach academy students for a whole month and fetch sake for Tsunade for eighteen weeks), and she shouldn't come to me for six months.
After Tenten's visit, nothing eventful happened. Day after day slipped… at morning Lee or Gai-sensei would bring me fresh fruits and food for lunch, at afternoon Hinata-san or Hiashi-sama would have tea with me. Sometimes Sakura drops by, checking my condition and cooking nutritious meals for me. Else, I spent my days meditating and my nights reflecting. The silence brought me incessant, disturbing thoughts, although I loved the serenity of a peaceful environment. I retreated to coldness, and the old Neji resurfaced. My humor seemed to be blown by the wind, and I was often frustrated. At nights, I would remain awake as nightmares came whenever I doze off. By morning, I would be dead tired, and once I tried to strangle Lee for being too loud. Lucky for him, I couldn't see his neck. I lost my purpose in life. An empty shell.
I feel that I am of no use anymore. I feel angry, the others propelling their lives forward while I am stuck midway. I blame my recklessness, having attacked the enemy like that, sacrificing my sight for Hinata. I started to loath and envy Hinata. She is the cause of my despair, and while she's enjoying herself as clan head, I am to remain inside the villa, shadowed and away from everyone. I feel detached from them.
My attitude change disturbed Sakura. She begged Tsunade to let me be back at the village, but the hokage firmly refused. 'It's necessary for Neji to truly understand and accept his situation, and he has to face it alone. If not, frustrations will only consume him later on. He's the type of guy who prefers to operate alone.' Sakura conveyed to me what Tsunade said to her word per word. Kindly, she muttered that Tsunade knows what's best for me and Sakura just bid me strength and good luck before leaving for her night shift. I decided to hate Sakura since.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Don't come in." I said crossly, not bothering to find out who the visitor is. Nevertheless, the visitor ignored my statement and went ahead to enter my bedroom, where I am still meditating.
"I haven't seen you in half a year… and that is the first thing you'll say?"
I relaxed myself as I heard my visitor speak. Something about her is familiar, although I couldn't tell which…
A kunai went zooming only to miss my right ear by mere millimeters. Now I know my visitor.
"Tenten. What brings you here?"
"Am I not allowed to?"
"From what I remember, Tsunade banned everyone except my family, Gai, Lee, and Sakura."
"Well, she lifted the ban. Since I'm a fellow teammate, a friend, and a sparring partner of yours, I'm allowed now to visit you anytime."
"Darn."
"What did you say?"
"I won't repeat myself."
"You've gotten cold, you know. Sakura told me."
"Darn her."
"Watch what you're saying. She only cares, you should appreciate that she's still cooking for you."
"I did not ask for that."
"Ungrateful moron. Jerk."
I sighed deeply. "Tenten, out. You're grating on my nerves."
I heard a small murmur of disappointment and heard the door shut. I breathed a sigh of relief, and suddenly a pair of hands grabbed me and forced me up.
"You're going out with me, Hyuuga Neji. Whether you like it or not. Time to quit feeling sorry for yourself."
And just like that, Tenten sped me out of my room, the villa, and out into the cool night air. I felt her let go of my arm, and I seized the opportunity to run. To where? Who knows. I just ran, and ran, and ran. Until I felt arms wrap around me.
"Neji, please stop. You've hurt yourself enough. You've gone through enough pain. Let go, Neji. Please… be back to the Neji I know. The gentle, laughing Neji."
My shoulders slumped. My knees turned weak. Turning around, I started to strike Tenten.
"That's right. Vent all your anger and frustration to me." Tenten said, letting every blow land and refusing to fight back.
That day, I began to heal myself. Like a reader tired of reading the same page over and over, I turned a fresh new page of my life. It is refreshing, starting again, feeling renewed. The meaningless days are no more. I find purpose once again in living. Life doesn't end when something turned out not the way you wanted, or when a handicap took over. I'm not the only person experiencing such, and I certainly won't be the last. There are still things for me to do, things to fulfill. The people who love me, moping around is a bad way of repaying them… I want to be with them soon… now.
"I'm glad you came back, Neji."
"I've got business to take care of." I replied, smiling. How I miss being happy, and being with her, the only woman who can make me come… home.