Kurama didn't think it was shameful, his sexual drive.
Many were fond of the activity in itself and had healthy helpings of it. Most indulged in the activity alone, toys or fingers...not that it was a preferred method of pleasure. It was just that partners for bed weren't easy to come by. Kurama himself had experienced two exemplary lovers in his life, but that had been during his college days. Though his college days were long over, his suit-and-tie wearing image for the company he worked at did not take away from his youthful looks. If anything had been gathered during his early love affairs, it was that he was a bit wild and gave the impression that he had been with many before, but such was not the case. He was wiser now and could tone down his appetite in bed. But of course, because of this experienced knowledge of sex, he could only please his partners who, for the most part, could not please him.
This was the truth, especially with his last sexual endeavor. Some weeks ago he had a congress with a suave, middle-aged corporate official.
During their rhythm, Kurama had lost himself and made playful movements and moans to indicate that he wanted more, but the official had called him out of his name, something almost all his one-night-stands seemed to do.
Slut
It was said playfully, but Kurama knew his turnoffs and had corrected the man through a panted, "I have a heavy sexual appetite. There is nothing wrong with that." And the man had replied just as breathy, "It's the perfect appetite. I must be working you good then, huh?" And it was then that Kurama rolled his eyes and figured that he had yet again picked a boastful jackass.
"You are, but only because I have to direct you."
The man said he could make him scream with his eyes closed, so Kurama dared him.
The next few minutes were awkward. Kurama gave small pants and hitched breathes to the quickened, yet awkward, speed of his partner's thrusts. It wasn't so much that he was bored, just uncomfortable and going a bit numb from the repeated abuse of one rhythm…
With a low grunt, the man had emptied himself inside, and when he extended a hand to finish Kurama off, Kurama shook his head and tended to himself in the bathroom, dissatisfied and agitated.
These days he slept cold with only his right hand for sinful company. Despite the unsuccessful attempts at climaxing with another, he was growing tired of his toys and fingers. He was hungry for another body. But he didn't want to be met with disappointment. Again.
He frowned at his computer screen. He schooled himself to stop fantasizing about past situations and typed up the last corrections of his thesis for his manager to look over.
The manager.
A stern fellow who always wore black, save for the color of his tie (which was usually blue, but if he was feeling particularly fashionable, burgundy). He was strict but fair, blunt if not rude, and went about his duties efficiently and quickly. He was rather young for the position—no older than Kurama himself. In a strange way, one could call him handsome. He was short for a man—perhaps 5' 4"—his complexion was peach tanned, his nose was long and pointed, and his eyes were wide set and glaring red. Rather petite, he was slim figured, but the cuffing of his dress shirts at his elbow, and the folded down collar at his neck told a story of a man who was quite the athlete.
The manager, even though valuable to the company, was a pain to his fellow co-workers. Many put him under scrutiny—mainly because of his awful temperament. Never the one for mistakes, he ruled with a fiery fist, and the ones who received its burning disapproval was a paper pusher named Urameshi, and a clumsy secretary named Botan. It was still a mystery as to how they were still employed, but Kurama figured it was due to the compassion the man was said 'not' to have. The only ones who seemed to know the manager's sensitive side was…well…whoever gave him the tear shaped gem on his collar. He wore it faithfully under his dress shirt every day. It was a glaring oddity when compared to his strict overall attire. Kurama concluded that it was something personal.
Sighing in quiet relief, Kurama pressed print. He had finished early! Getting up from his desk, he walked to the center of the office floor and saw Urameshi at the printer, steady gathering the papers he'd just finished printing.
With a warm smile, Kurama took the papers handed to him, but frowned when Urameshi didn't let go of the other end. The man was grinning at him.
"You're taking this to the manager right?"
"Of course."
"Well" Urameshi stole a glance around them and licked his lips in excitement, "Mukuro, the head of Alaric Enterprise? She just showed up an hour ago on the elevators. She still hasn't come back down from Hiei's office."
Kurama shrugged, not caring much for gossip, "Is that so? Should I wait to bring these to him then?"
Yusuke put a hand on his forehead and gave Kurama a look.
"It's kind of a rumor—Hiei and the enterprise lady, Mukuro?—can you like, confirm it? Just take the papers, accidently see something, and come and spill the beans?"
Kurama was hardly surprised by the gossip, and even though he liked secrets, he couldn't really say he found this one particularly interesting. It really was a wonder why Yusuke still worked at the company at all.
"I'm not trying to get fired."
Yusuke shrugged with a grin, "Don't be modest Kurama. Everyone knows he'd fire me before you." He laughed and so did a few other cubical workers. Kurama frowned. Was the whole company as childish as this? Making bets of sorts about their boss's affairs and sending others off to see if rumors were true? Kurama didn't like being the one tasked with the work of figuring it out.
Leaving to the elevators, Yusuke, as well as a few other co-workers, stared after Kurama with anticipation as the doors closed.
Well.
The office doors were closed to him but he could hear murmuring through the double doors and decided to peek through the small space allowed. Kurama could see the Alaric Enterprise woman, just a sliver of her person. She was a standing figure with an arm pulling closed her blouse while her other hand was buttoning the front of it. She fluffed her shoulder length hair and turned her back to Kurama's wondering eye—facing Hiei presumably.
"This is hardly ethical."
And then a deep voice.
"It never was."
There was an odd silence. In a neutral tone she said, "The transactions need to be made digitally from now on, I know."
"We always say that."
"Yeah."
Another odd silence.
"I can't keep doing this."
"…"
"Don't send yourself here in place of a messenger."
"I know."
"Then why do you keep doing this? These surprise visits?"
"This was the last time."
"You always say that."
"I can't keep doing this either. I figured this would be the end. So I wouldn't have any regrets."
"…"
"I'm sorry, Hiei."
"…"
"I won't come again. I promise…"
There was a strange stillness to the air as he watched Mukuro stare back into a face probably as hopeful as her own, but then she looked away with a dampened look—her neutrality betrayed by regret and woefulness. The second was a brief one as she smoothed her skirt and picked up a suitcase, a gesture of finality.
There were no words of farewell, nor did she wait for any as she exited the office through a set of doors Kurama couldn't see. When he heard them shut,he didn't know whether or not to enter the office.
The air was anything but inviting and he knew walking in was anything but appropriate. In all honesty, Kurama was curious about the entire ordeal, but at the same time, he did not want to be the one to interrupt the moment—not with papers, not with anything. Disappearing would have been preferable. However...if he didn't deliver the papers at all, Hiei would definitely know that Kurama had witnessed this strange and personal encounter, and if he did deliver the papers—it would be up to Kurama's performance of pretend nonchalance to carry the effect of 'I saw nothing.' He chose the latter.
Right off the bat. Pushing the door open quietly was the biggest mistake. Hiei was standing behind his desk, hands in his pockets, staring with small focus on Kurama. The quiet attention was immediate and Kurama foolishly went along with it. When trying to look indirectly at the man as he brought him the papers, Kurama realized it had been another mistake that seemed to scream that he knew of Hiei's private activities. Kurama was at a loss on how to handle the guilt of Hiei's quiet staring. Placing the papers down on Hiei's desk, Kurama made a fast retreat.
That night, Kurama kept trying to make sense of the events in Hiei's office. The woman from Alaric Enterprise…this Mukuro. How long had Hiei been in a relationship with her? The parting couldn't have been a real goodbye could it? It was every bit personal, but the attempt each had made to cover up their hurt feelings was all too telling of a relationship with far too many regrets to recover. And was that curious shaped necklace not given to him by Mukuro? If so, why didn't she ask for it back? How many times had Mukuro met Hiei at the company building? And had Hiei ever visited Alaric on a 'business' run?
Such information was hardly his business, but he couldn't help getting excited about the confusing charade that was Hiei's personal life. Then he felt it. The sickness of dread. His floor was to meet for a conference in the morning, and it was to be held by Hiei. Kurama still wasn't sure what Hiei planned to do about him—if anything at all. If the man wasn't going to bring Kurama to attention, or lack thereof, couldn't he have simply said, 'Forget what you saw' or 'You're fired'?
During the entire meeting, Kurama stared at the manager's face. All traces of regret and woefulness from the day before were gone. Even though Kurama was glad for the manager, he was not at all comfortable about overhearing something that was inappropriate. Seeing his manager's eyes meet his, quiet guilt overcame him at the memory of witnessing Hiei's unprofessional, and probably even sexual, situation.
When the meeting did end, Kurama was asked to stay behind—to which he did, and with dread.
A few minutes were allowed to tick by as Hiei gathered his charts and papers, allowing clients and workers to be out of the conference room's vicinity, and to have made their ways back to their respected places.
"Kurama" Hiei called distractedly as he went about organizing his papers, "about yesterday. I apologize for that." He finally topped his papers the way he wanted before meeting Kurama's gaze head-on.
"You seemed distracted during the meeting. You're one of my more introspective writers, and to have you out of your element is unforgivable."
Kurama, not sure what to do with the apology-turned-praise, said what he thought he should.
"I'm fine. I won't make a report."
To that, Hiei stared at him passively. Then he closed his eyes.
"The event shouldn't have transpired and I'm sorry that it was you who saw it. If you think to quit the company, let me know, and I shall leave instead."
To that, Kurama didn't know what to say. Nothing simple could smooth what Hiei deemed an unforgivable mistake. Kurama was not someone of high regards, and he was hardly appalled at what Hiei thought grossed him out. To dissuade Hiei of nonchalance was to prove that he himself was a bigger piece of crap.
Kurama stood, no longer having the stomach to sit calmly. He knew, despite his discomfort, that he had to lighten the mood with a good dose of reassurance, no matter how unprofessional it was.
"Really" Kurama began, "I am hardly the role model myself."
"But-"
"It's okay," Kurama shrugged with a soft smile to his lips. "Your mistake is only human."
Hiei's expression went from embarrassing humility to horrified defense.
"It's hardly a mistake. No matter the humanness of it."
"You don't have to make it up to me or anything—I really am so much worse" and then Kurama put his hands in his pockets, knowing that the only way to put the perfectionist that was Hiei to rest, was to present something even worse than Hiei's 'mistake' of having break-up sex in his office.
"I've had sex dates with clientele." Kurama said matter-of-fact, "It's not because I don't trust my sales pitches—but because I like having sex with people I deem attractive." Kurama picked up his folder and stood near the exit before regarding Hiei. He was staring at Kurama—blankly. Kurama wasn't sure if that meant Hiei was shocked or not, but whatever was happening in that mind of his, he was sure it was far removed from his own problems.
"So really, I have no right to judge you." Kurama smiled at Hiei, "Do stop worrying about it."
He left the room quietly, positive that Hiei did not see him as a threat. No matter how irresponsible it was of him to tell Hiei his secret, he had longed to tell someone, anyone really, those things about himself. Now that the information was out there, he felt anxious and a little scared, but he also felt liberated and couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.
Frustrated, Kurama sighed, stirring the few people listening to Urameshi and himself.
"Yes or no?" Urameshi asked again, excited.
"Yes."
The man blinked and put a hand to his forehead.
"Oh god…really? Truly?"
"No."
"Oh, Kurama! Which is it!"
"Yusuke," Kurama gave Urameshi a look, not at all sensing the presence upon them, "We've been at these questions for minutes. For the last time, I don't know." Like a child, Urameshi groaned with his head thrown back in defeat.
"Kurama."
Never had Kurama seen Urameshi so alive with terror. He had a guilty smile on his face. Hiei was standing outside of Kurama's cubical, interrupting the conversation with what sounded like urgency.
"Hello, Sir."
Hiei gave Urameshi a cold stare before he addressed him, "Why are you bothering Kurama? He's hard at work. Isn't your cubical on the opposite wall, there? Go laze about at the mess you call a work station."
Hanging his head, Urameshi scratched his neck, a blush of embarrassment on his face. With an, "I'm going, I'm going" he made his way from behind Kurama's desk, and to his own.
Once Urameshi was a safe distance away, Hiei addressed Kurama once again.
"How much work do you have left to do?"
Kurama blinked, "I'm on my last document."
"Do you take lunch here?"
"I do…did you need something?"
"Work evaluation. I've already interviewed everyone else."
Well, that explained a lot. The anxiety among the workers and the freedom Urameshi thought he had, all seemed due to the easy workday Hiei put forth so that he could do his rounds.
Kurama met Hiei's eyes, to which Hiei averted his. It had been a few days since the conference, and the first communication they had shared since was this strange one. It was obvious that Kurama's statement had made Hiei uncomfortable, and his reaction was beginning to get on Kurama's nerves.
"Can we talk now then?" Hiei nodded, and led them to his office on the upper floor.
He hadn't thought the evaluation would be boring.
It was just a list of questions handed down from Hiei's bosses that asked mundane questions. Occupation? Date of Birth? Department? Medication? Preference? Performance?
Right when Kurama thought he was to end the day uneventful, Hiei had paused on a question. He looked at the sheet for a moment too long, and then looked at Kurama, and then back at the sheet. He then picked up the papers and fixed them.
"That's all. Thank you, Kurama."
Kurama quirked his head.
"What does it say?"
"It's…don't worry about it."
Kurama frowned, got up from his seat, and made his way around the desk to Hiei's chair. The man stood up quietly and stared at Kurama, stopping Kurama in his tracks.
"It's asking about clientele, and if you're using satisfactory methods to make them happy."
A small smile passed on Kurama's face, but Hiei looked lost about what to do, so he did nothing.
"I do make them happy in the end, so I think I do my job well."
Hiei nodded before taking his pen and writing something down in answer to the question.
There was an awkward moment of staring at each other, and then Kurama said, "Do I make you uncomfortable, Hiei?"
No, was the answer, but Kurama knew it wasn't true.
"I have to see you every day, for the rest of my time working here, Hiei. I really don't want you to be uncomfortable around me. If it's about what I said a few days ago, I wasn't trying to disturb you. It was just a truth about me that I thought would put you at ease about your own mistake."
"It did…"Hiei scratched the back of his neck, "It was strange to hear, but I'm not uncomfortable. I just don't know…what I'm supposed to do with the information. I'm trying not to offend, yet I seem to be stepping on you all the time, or at least, that's what you seem to feel I'm doing, isn't it?"
Kurama nodded and Hiei sighed.
"Well," He shrugged, "I'm not. Not on purpose, anyway."
"So you are uncomfortable."
"No, um, I'm not."
"Then what do you think of me?"
"I think," Hiei put a hand on his face, "You're a diligent worker, quiet, and efficient. You make my filing job a lot easier to do."
"And now with this new information added?"
Hiei paused.
"It has nothing to do with work or what you do for me."
"Sure it does. It's clientele. Clients given to me by you. Whom, I decide to sleep with or not. It sometimes makes my work with them easier."
"You make me sound like an accomplice to your misconduct. I encouraged nothing—I was without this information."
"And had you known about it before your mistake?"
They stared at each other.
Hiei shrugged.
"I think I wouldn't have believed it unless you told me yourself."
"Do I really look like such a good guy?"
"No."
To that, Kurama gave a short laugh.
"No?"
"You look like a good liar. Someone who can get whatever information they needed for themselves or this company."
Hiei put his hands in his pockets.
"I never needed to know the sexual extent of your private life…but I thank you for the information. It did cap what I had done, surely. But now we both know something disapproving about the other. It can hardly be called coping."
Kurama frowned in realization. They both really weren't coping well with anything. Hiei, with his unhealthy break ups, and Kurama with his unbalanced sex cravings.
"How do you cope with a bad break up that was never really a relationship?"
Hiei scowled.
"And how do you cope with random love excursions that fail you so often that you end up with multiple one night stands?"
There was an uncomfortable silence, and that's when Kurama crossed his arms. Of course they had judged each other.
"I'm a mess…I'll admit that. But it is my nature, to be sexual I mean. How does that get fixed?"
Hiei shrugged, "Try a relationship for longer than a night?"
"And what say you? What do you plan to do about your broken feelings?"
Hiei frowned, not at all liking that the subject was now on him.
"I don't know. I hear it takes a rebound to get over someone? But I don't like the thought of having to date again. I don't like people."
They shared a look, and then a laugh from Kurama, and a smile from Hiei. Sharing humanness was sad…but who said they had to cry about it? It was fact for them, these flaws, and the notions were just as ridiculous as they were pathetic. They laughed and laughed, until it became apparent that they still had a problem on their sleeves.
"Wow…we're fucked up."
Hiei combed a hand through his hair, agreeing tiredly.
And that's when Kurama felt it. The dread.
He usually felt it when he was at his apartment alone. It was the feeling he got when his partner for the night asked to stay, and he told them no. It was awaiting their explosion or their lack of one. It was disappointment that set into place after sex had finished. It was the space within him that wouldn't close. It was emptiness. He, for once, was able to feel the cold void of his bed…of his apartment…of his body.
Hugging himself, he shivered slightly. Hiei, noticing, asked if he was alright. Kurama smiled.
"No…" and then he picked up his work folder and laughed nervously, "I have to go."
Without an explanation, Kurama was out of Hiei's office in a jog.
Having never felt such a thing at work, Kurama had packed his workstation and went home. He took a shower and then stared down at his full sized bed, dressed save for his pajama bottoms. He simply hadn't put them on, deeming the action unnecessary, and fell face first onto his duvet. His body laid horizontal as opposed to the vertical alignment of his bed. Dragging his head up, he saw his reflection in his room's door knob. His face was stretched the way a magnify glass warped letters. Wide and oval.
What is wrong with me?
The doorbell buzzed. Kurama frowned. As he got up from his bed, he decided his pajama bottoms were a must if he was to answer the door. Upon answering it, he saw a familiar head of black hair.
Opening the door, Kurama blinked.
"Hello…"
With a nod, Hiei frowned, "You're okay…that's good." And was walking to the taxi.
"You're leaving?"
Hiei turned around, his brows crouched.
"Yeah. It's late. I came so I wouldn't regret not knowing about your health. You looked pale in the office." He shrugged, "I'm the boss so…I have to do checkups. And I don't have your number on file."
Kurama was still staring at him—surprised about the ordeal.
"Wait…how long did it take you to get here?"
Hiei hesitated for a moment.
"…half an hour? Maybe forty minutes?"
That sounded about right. Kurama felt guilty...he lived out of the way of his job, and having someone chase him down for that period of time was rude.
"Where do you live Hiei?"
"…on the other side of the train tracks."
Kurama put a hand on his forehead. The train's whistle had started while he had been in the shower. Hiei wasn't going to get back to the other side of those tracks for at least another three hours.
"Come inside, Hiei."
Hiei shook his head, "I can wait back at the office."
"That's a waste of cab fare, and going back to the office for three hours…that's too big a place to be alone in."
"…"
"I'll drive you back in three hours. So please. Just come inside."
Kurama put out his hand, to which Hiei took into his own.
Standing in the midst of Kurama's apartment, Hiei gazed. Kurama led Hiei to his kitchen, a neat and quaint room, big enough for a simple kitchen table. It had roomy wooden cabinets and granite counter tops. Kurama let go of Hiei's hand so he could sift through his cabinets to pull free two earthy mugs and some chamomile tea. Heating his electric kettle, he heard Hiei say, "It's very homey in here."
"Thank you. I take it your place is about the same?"
"Hardly. It's three times bigger than this place, and I hate it."
Kurama's brow furrowed at that, but the kettle clicked off—a sign it had finished heating the water. He poured two cups of chamomile with two teaspoons of sugar and a stick of cinnamon. He handed Hiei the blue sandstone mug, and off they went to his bedroom.
Kurama sat on his orange suede recliner in the corner and Hiei sat on the edge of an ottoman.
"Don't worry. I haven't had anyone here for a few weeks. Everything's clean."
This did nothing for Hiei, for he was still skeptical of the bedroom. Kurama rolled his eyes before turning on his radio to a classical station. For a time, they sat drinking their chamomile, thinking silently. It wasn't an uncomfortable setting…in fact-it was rather cozy and intimate. Hiei, having finished his drink, fully relaxed into his seat and folded his fingers, sitting his chin atop them.
"It's a warm setting in here…it doesn't even feel like a bedroom. More like a living space for small company."
Kurama smiled at the comment. He tucked a loose hair behind his ear and said, "Actually, you're the first to enjoy the space. I usually kick my company out after a night."
Hiei blinked, hardly believing him.
"So you hog the space to yourself?"
"I can hardly enjoy it by myself. It's just a room where I sleep, get ready in, and then leave to work…"
Hiei sat up and looked at Kurama seriously.
"Well…you'll definitely use it more now, right?"
"If you visit. Sure."
Hiei smiled.
After a time of relaxed meditation, Kurama furrowed his brows. He could feel eyes on him. Opening his eyes, he saw red peering at him.
"You have a question, Hiei?"
"…Have you been in a relationship before?"
Kurama thought for a moment and then said, "Maybe I was. I don't think we called it that…but I was with someone for almost a year."
"The client from a few weeks ago?"
Kurama shook his head with a sarcastic, 'Ha!'
"No, no! That guy just kept my bed warm, a sorry job at that."
Hiei gave a smirk, "You're terrible. Then when?"
"Back in college" Kurama was nodding his head, indicating that he knew the time stamp was vague and kind of ancient history. Hiei laughed, and Kurama smiled.
"I think I cared about him…but you can't trust your feelings in college. Even then, I knew it was out of obligation that I was with him. People who slept together had to date—either that or you were a labeled a heartbreaker."
Hiei nodded his head twice, and then he said, "I wish I had slept around a bit before I got with Mukuro."
Kurama quirked his head, "How long exactly were you guys together?"
Hiei let a hand run down his face, "Three years."
Kurama blinked at that, impressed.
"We weren't really an item. I mistook the apprenticeship as an intimate relationship, and then we were together…but we never went on dates. I don't think we even visited the other's house. It was always a hotel or other…" Hiei sighed, "the more I think on it, the more I think Mukuro didn't know what we were either." He took a moment to stare at Kurama and then he looked away. "It was just a fling that lasted too long."
Kurama nodded slowly, putting the knowledge he knew now in the order of his understanding them. Hiei was young, and with such a high standing job too. He was thrown into the business world too fast, had a woman pay attention to him as his first mentor and went with the flow of mistaken feelings…and then three years of undefined affairs happened.
"Well," Kurama put his cup on his nightstand, "Now you're free to experiment all you want." Hiei gave a nod. Then he looked at the time and his eyes went wide.
"It's been five hours."
For a minute, they stared at each other. Kurama crossed his legs under himself in the recliner.
"Do you want to leave, Hiei?"
Quietly, Hiei shook his head. To this, Kurama was relieved. He didn't know what he'd do if Hiei said yes. After having such a warm evening with his boss, Kurama didn't think he could go back to his cold and frigid style of living.
He collected a night shirt and pajama bottoms from his closet and gave them to Hiei. He told him to take a shower and leave his suit outside the door so he could wash them. Hiei did as told.
Kurama went about his room and picked up their tea cups. He went to the kitchen to wash them. He couldn't help but feel jittery about the entire situation. No one had ever stayed at his house so innocently before…it was the movie night he'd never had as a child.
Kurama went back to his room to find that Hiei was dressed as told and looking quite belonging of the room. If anyone else had walked in, they would have thought Kurama was the guest of the apartment.
After that brief note…he noticed the dilemma. One bed. A full-sized bed.
It was big enough for two adults of course, but it left no room for friendly comfort. It really was for two lovers.
Kurama crawled into one side of the bed and then threw aside some covers to show Hiei his spot. Hiei, without hesitation, crawled beside Kurama, laying his head down on the body pillow.
"It's warm…" Hiei glanced up at Kurama with the corners of his eyes. Kurama placed his head on the pillow beside Hiei.
"You can turn around if you want to."
Hiei shook his head. Kurama smiled.
"Okay…let's tell stories."
Hiei gave him a look.
"What are we? Five?"
Kurama laughed, "I've never had a hang out before. I guess I'm excited."
"Nerd."
They laughed again.
It was warm…Kurama had never felt more relaxed in his life than with Hiei right beside him. The gripping cold he had grown so used to had a name now. At first he thought it was sadness…but he felt much too much sadness. Then, he thought, it must be grief. But he grieved much too much and for no real reason. Kurama then figured that he was suffering from the latter's more extreme kin. Despair—a feeling that became a gaping black hole in the pit of his being, opened and sucking in others like a vacuum. He hadn't known when it appeared, but it must have been a gradual take over because he couldn't recall a time that he hadn't felt somewhat depressed.
Warmth was the only cure for him. He thought it was something bodily that needed a bodily cure, but it couldn't be as black and white as that—especially with the man deep in sleep beside him. They weren't touching…just next to the other. He still wasn't sure how this could be. He'd slept next to lovers in the past but never felt right in his skin. Their presence had been a constant nuisance…just the knowing of their being next to him…even with his eyes closed he could feel their heat radiating—their heart beating—their light breathing…
Hiei was all those things, yet, Kurama didn't feel annoyed. It really was a wonder to him.
A grunt escaped the man…and then another. Kurama quirked his brow. Hiei's body heat was becoming a real fire. He was having a restless fit.
Kurama went to tap Hiei's cheek, but the man did not wake. He only stirred, and violently at that. Kurama sat up on an elbow to get a better look at Hiei. The man's brow was crouched and his jaw was tight. Kurama glanced under the covers. He furrowed his brow. Humored.
With a light slap to Hiei's cheek, the man gave a start. He blinked heavily…and then recognition came into his half-lidded rubies.
"…For a minute there I didn't know where I was."
"Neither does this." Kurama poked at the problem and Hiei gave a small gasp. His face, even in the dark, was bright and fevered. Kurama could only find humor in the situation and could not sympathize with Hiei's embarrassment. The man growled lowly, a sound of humility and anxiety. Was it a whine?
For a moment Hiei did nothing. Then his eyes darted from the bathroom to the clock and then he put a hand to his forehead. Agitated. Kurama put an arm across Hiei's waist, stopping the man from fully sitting up.
"Hey!" Hiei hissed, "I'm trying to take care of it."
"Just lay back down."
Hiei's face was a question mark, and then it was tight with annoyance.
"If I just wait it out it'll hurt the next time I go."
Kurama put his hands under the covers and smiled. Hiei stiffened...then bowed his head in shock. He clutched Kurama's wrist to the point of pain and Kurama winced.
"What are you doing?" Hiei whispered, his voice hitching at the last note. Kurama shrugged nonchalantly, "It's late and I know you don't want to get up."
Hiei squeezed Kurama's wrist, making him grunt from the prickling force.
"That's no excuse…this is wrong."
Quietly Kurama stared at Hiei. He closed his eyes…and then opened them to slits.
"You're lonely…how long have you been without touch since Mukuro?"
Hiei's ears reddened and he closed his eyes. He said nothing.
"Just breathe."
When Hiei didn't make a retort, Kurama put a hand on Hiei's thigh. When Hiei didn't move away, Kurama slipped the hand into a leg hole of Hiei's sport shorts. Hiei's face became tight and his jaw was clenched. He placed a hand over his eyes and then buried his head into the crook of Kurama's neck. With small grunts, Hiei withered, and quietly, he gasped. Kurama removed his night shirt to finish Hiei off. They didn't need to sit in spunk if they could help it.
Shuddering, Hiei breathed deeply. Kurama gave a tired smile.
"There. Feel better?"
Hiei gave Kurama his best glare, but it was glassy and hazed.
"Hardly."
Kurama frowned guiltily.
"You were so vulnerable—I had to take advantage."
Hiei cursed.
"You're terrible."
"Say what you want, but I know you needed that."
"I would have been fine in the bathroom."
"No Hiei…you needed touch. Doing it yourself is only a temporary relief. If it means anything, you do seem of better complexion."
"Taking advantage of my loneliness…how can that be justifiable?"
Kurama sighed tiredly.
"I wasn't trying to justify it…I just wanted to make you feel better." Kurama shook his head softly, "You were in a physical relationship for three years…even small memories I've had with a two-week lover can overwhelm me if I'm not careful."
Hiei held himself with contempt. But then he crumbled under the weight of Kurama's knowing stare. He did not cry, no, but the look he held…it seemed much defeated. The black hole was devouring him.
Kurama held Hiei's hands under the duvet and pressed their foreheads together.
Quietly he whispered, "Are you sleepy?"
Hiei gave him a heavy look, "I can hardly believe what's happening. Of course I'm not tired."
"Then…" Kurama rubbed his thumbs over the backs of Hiei's square fingers, "Want to tell stories?"
For a moment Hiei only stared at Kurama, and then, with a heavy sigh closed his eyes and fell impossibly deep into the body pillow. Kurama hit his shoulder and Hiei snorted.
"Don't pretend to fall asleep!" Kurama whispered laughingly. Hiei grunted, as if annoyed, but the illusion fell when a corner of his lips quirked.
"You're strange." Hiei mumbled, but he quieted at the touch of Kurama's fingers in his bangs, combing them gently. Hiei stared at the wrist of the hand in his hair…and then his eyes began to lid themselves.
"What is this..?"
Kurama frowned, "I've never been with someone like this, so I don't have a name for it."
"Hey."
"Hm?"
Hiei closed his eyes suddenly and then opened them—calm.
"Nothing."
To that Kurama's petting paused, but then he resumed combing Hiei's bangs.
He woke suddenly.
When he had fallen asleep, he didn't know. The morning was a baby blue light bleeding through his window. The soft color fell on the empty space beside him. Neatly folded atop the ottoman were Hiei's borrowed night clothes. When Kurama went into the laundry room to recover a tie for his work suit, he found that the clothes he had washed for Hiei were gone from the dryer. Even though the presence was only for a night, Kurama felt the absence of warmth. It was a tremendous weight that had been lifted from him, and the cold hole returned in his spirit and made him feel lighter than air. The feeling of floating, it was not a peaceful experience the way people who meditated described. It was a feeling of drifting, feeling afraid and anxious of what is to happen when the floating stops. It was empty and lost and cold…It was the only way he could describe his despair.
Never had the weight of warmth, a thing Kurama thought he selfishly craved, felt so desperately necessary.
When he got to the company, he was surprised at himself. He had skipped going to his cubical and went straight to the elevator and took it to Hiei's office. Maybe he had read too many books, but somehow he had felt that Hiei would be hard to find-that he'd fail in his trek to locate him in the building. But no. Hiei was right in front of him, having stopped reviewing the digital files sent to him from the other cubicles to stare back at Kurama.
He didn't know what to do or say. He just figured bringing himself up to Hiei's office would solve how he felt...but it didn't. In fact—the whole ordeal was rather silly and mysterious in a way that left him feeling anxious and kind of frightful. Hiei on the other hand didn't look confused. Just patient and expectant.
Kurama put his hands in his pockets and then
He smiled.
"I don't know why I came up here," the truth, he figured, was all he had to tell.
"I thought I was going to ask you questions…but I don't think they have to be cleared up."
Hiei put a hand on the back of his neck and groaned.
"I don't understand it."
Kurama quirked his head at the words.
"I don't know what you're referring to."
Hiei stood up from behind his desk and rubbed an arm.
"How can you lay with people without having your feelings present?" Hiei stared at Kurama in question, but Kurama looked lost on what to say.
"I think it takes a special kind of person to turn off their heart." Hiei picked up a folder from his desk, not so much to fix or read it, but for something to hold onto since he seemed jittery.
"I can never do as you do…"
There was a moment of tense silence—one of thought and wonder.
Kurama gave a sad smile.
"To be honest, I don't know how I manage it. I had thought that it was because I am a cold individual…but I don't think my nature is as simple as that." He watched as Hiei rearranged his desk and said, "I'm not trying to hurt you…in fact…I think you're a special exception. It's very strange to me."
Hiei did not stop organizing stuff on his desk. He shook his head slowly.
"I think," Hiei finally stopped his actions to look into Kurama's unreadable expression, "I think I do believe you. But I'd be a fool to try again, and after so short a time away from Mukuro? It's unthinkable."
Kurama almost asked 'Why is it unthinkable?', but then he understood. He crossed his arms and then tilted his head at Hiei.
"What are you worried about?"
The look Hiei gave Kurama was one of hurt, a look that made Kurama feel incredibly responsible for something he was unsure of.
"You told me you kick people out after a night's stay," Hiei's ears reddened, "And then you touched me. I figured we'd done something sexual and since that seems to be the extent of your tolerance, I thought if I wasn't to leave in the morning, you would wake and force me out."
With a frown Hiei continued, "When I thought of the possibility I figured I could avoid the notion altogether if I left before you woke up."
Kurama was baffled. He knew he didn't have the right to be confused, and he also knew that Hiei had the right to doubt him. But still…this turned a knife in him.
"What about work? What were your plans if I didn't pretend yesterday was an illusion? I'm here in your office now because I've acknowledged yesterday as real. What do you plan to do with me now?"
Hiei fumbled with a stapler, and frowned, agitated.
"What am I to do? I don't want you as a rebound. I don't want you as a friend. I don't want to deal with yesterday's aftermath, but here you are bringing it to my attention."
He looked at Kurama for answers, and to his surprise, Kurama was reddening.
"Do you want me to leave you alone?"
Hiei's frown, if possible, became deeper, and so did the flush to his ears.
"No."
"But you don't want me as your friend."
"Correct."
"You don't want a fling…but you still want me around. Is that right?"
"…Yes."
There was a silence. And then Kurama put his hands into his pocket, thoughtfulness on his face.
"Then how about…we have lunch. And if you think this can work, you can call the final shots."
Blinking, Hiei quirked his head.
"What are you saying?"
"We'll date. If you decide you don't like me, you can call the experiment off. But if you do like me…we'll just keep dating until you deem me worthy of something more or not."
Hiei began to say something, but then his words failed him but then he started again. Then again. Frustrated, he pinched the bridge of his nose. His whole face was boiling.
"So I" he began after getting his bearings, "get to break up with you…and you not with me?"
"That's right."
Kurama didn't believe in a lot of things, but Hiei's face getting that much redder was a nice break in his book of impossibilities.
Coolly, Kurama took strides toward Hiei's desk. When he was a hair away from the desk, he briefly regarded the man before him. Hiei seemed tightly wound—his eyes slightly wide and expectant. His hands were occupied with folders and loose documents. He looked to be having a mild anxiety attack. With a sweet smile, Kurama made his way around the desk. When he was at Hiei's side, he stood still. Hiei glanced at him with the corner of his eyes before turning to face Kurama. With clumsy fingers, Hiei laid the items in his hands down and then held them at his sides. He swallowed.
Reaching out to Kurama, he put a warm hand on the man's hip. When Kurama did not remove himself from him, Hiei placed his other hand on Kurama's arm, pulling the man gently to his eye level.
A loud flapping sound broke the intimate space between them.
To their surprise, Yusuke was standing in front of Hiei's office doors with documents scattered around his figure. His eyes were wide and his cheeks went from pale to a splotchy rose in a matter of seconds.
"I was—I didn't—the papers needed to be here—I—so—um…" Yusuke dropped down to his knees to pick up the documents he'd dropped but a firm command from Hiei, "Don't worry about it Yusuke, just go." Made him jump to his feet, place his hands on his face, and walk out of the office backward.
When he was gone, Hiei ran a hand down his face.
"We'll just see how this date goes…at 8'o clock?"
Kurama pecked Hiei on the forehead and smiled at the man's instant silence.
"It's whatever you want, Hiei." And Kurama pivoted without another word to his boss and smoothly exited the office. He didn't turn to see Hiei's reaction—teasing the man was much too fun this way.
He wasn't sure what he was doing…but he knew that whatever relationship he was building with Hiei needed to happen. Even if it was experimentation on Hiei's half, it was a necessity for him. A fascination of a sort…a degree of care he had never exhibited for anyone prior. He needed this…whatever this was.
Kurama smiled a real smile.
Happiness.
For the first time in a long while, he felt like he was being tethered to the ground.
AN:
So this was very strange to write. It feels kind of preachy...but I really wanted some dumb adult fluffiness from my two favorite yaoi guys ; u ;. It's a sorry excuse and I don't care. I'm glad you enjoyed this if you did, and if you didn't...I'm surprised you made it to the end of this long one shot without quitting in between line breaks. So kudos to you too XD. I'll try to have a chapter up for Forbidden Fruits soon. Later!
PS: Thanks to the guest reviewer who caught my mistakes! I first had this in first person POV but decided that 3rd person was moving the story a little faster. I know my verb tenses are all over the place, but I'll probably catch them little by little as I reread this story. One day this thing will be fixed ; u ;!
Rockleerox93