Disclaimer: Only OC belongs to me. All others are Dick Wolf creations. I won't shoot if you don't.

The Captains New Secretary

Dan Ross, Captain of New York City's Major Case Squad, was well aware of his shortcomings. No one needed to remind him that he was new in this office and that he'd never be thought of the same way that outgoing Captain Jimmy Deakins had been. It was obvious and Ross was painfully aware that most of his detectives viewed him as a cross between two of the worst leaders in history, the your pick of who depended on who was doing the comparison. Yet Dan was a good captain, he liked to keep his officers in good health and he wasn't there to win a popularity contest.

At the moment he was sitting in his office eyeing the humongous stack of papers that had materialized in his office over the weekend that had to be dealt with. They were the brainchild of some bean counter in City Hall. Someone who had no idea of what it took to run a precinct and just wanted to feel important. Those damned papers had to be sorted, coordinated, filled out and filed in a separate file cabinet that was taunting him from under the pile. And Ross wasn't the only Captain complaining about this tremendous burden, but no one seemed to be listening to them. The Chief of Detectives was responsible for this mess and he didn't seem inclined to supply any help in dealing with it.

"Captain, there's someone here to see you." Alex Eames stuck her head just inside the door.

"Tell them I'm busy." Ross stated without looking at her.

"I see you got the papers." Another woman said.

He spun around in his chair to regard the woman standing next to Alex with a cold arrogant stare. She sent him back a level look and refused to be intimidated. "Civilians aren't allowed in here without authorization." He told her sharply. "You know better, Detective." He chastised Alex.

"Good. It means the only people we shoot are the ones who work here. We start with horses asses. Anyone come to mind, Captain Ross?" the unknown woman informed him, crisply.

Alex was quick to duck out of the doorway. He wanted to call her back and deal with the smirk on her face, but first he needed to deal with this upstart.

"If you're looking for a job, we aren't hiring. You need to go to…."

"Good, because I have a job." The woman interrupted him abruptly. "And it's sitting right there." She nodded at the files.

"You better tell me who the hell you are and what exactly you're talking about or I'll have you escorted out of here." He glowered at her.

The woman folded her arms stubbornly across her front and glowered right back at him. She refused to look away and she didn't say anything. Son of a – she was daring him to do something about it. He was torn between being absolutely livid and being amused at her daring.

Her words played into his memory and he realized that she had mentioned dealing with that mountain of a pain in his backside in the corner. Had she been sent to honestly help him deal with this? He didn't want to appear weak in front of her and truthfully the entire squad but he acknowledged to himself that she hadn't created his bad mood she'd just received the backlash. As soon as that thought occurred to him, he relented.

The woman was quick. She made the first move. "I probably should have introduced myself, Captain Ross. I apologize. My name is Karla West. I've been sent to help you deal with that pile of garbage and familiarize you with it so you can maintain it after I leave." She walked toward him hand extended to shake his.

Ross hastily stood up. He did have some manners, after all. He could hear his Grandmother chastising him for still being seated when a lady entered the room. "I had not heard that they were sending someone to work on that." He gestured toward the offending pile.

Karla laughed in genuine amusement. "Believe me when every precinct Captain screams bloody murder, somebody is going to hear it. It might take me a few days to get it functioning. I can have it set up in a couple of days for the new forms coming in, but it might be a week or two to get all that mess put away properly."

"What kind of security clearance do you have, Ms. West?"

"It's Miss and I'm fully cleared." She dropped her voice conspiratorily. "Just between you and I, I'm even qualified to carry a gun. Some of the Captains are less tolerant than you are about this mess."

Ross regarded the woman in astonishment, then realized she was pulling his leg. He had to smile. "Point well taken, Miss West. What kind of working space do you need to set this up?"

"A large conference table if you have it, preferably in a lockable room or something the size of two desks put together if that is all the space we can manage and I'll have to pick it all up at night. It'll slow down the process, but that can't be helped."

"I think we can find what you need. Will you need help working on this?"

"No, but……" she hesitated.

He picked up on that immediately. "What? I sense there's a but here."

"This is the part that most people find hard to swallow. I'll need access to your office even when you're not here. I'll need a key."

"No. It's against department policy."

"Truthfully that should be also, but you know yourself that there will be times that you have to leave and I'll be in and out of your office frequently. I can't just wait until you return. You can call the Chief of D's if you need to. He is probably expecting your call anyway. He's been made painfully aware of how unpopular this move has made him in the ranks. Do you need the number?"

"I have it. Would you care for a cup of coffee while I make the call?"

"I'd love a soda, thank you."

Ross gestured for her to go ahead of him out of the office. "Eames, get Miss West, here, a drink. I'll be right with you." He told her and left her standing outside his office. He closed the door and headed directly to the phone.

Alex came over and smiled at the woman. Any one who could stand up to Ross like a veteran was someone she wanted to talk to. "I'm Alex, Miss West." She held out her hand.

"Call me Karla. Pleased to meet you." Karla shook her hand, firmly.

"The breakroom is over here. So you're going to be here for a few weeks?"

"Somewhere in that area. It'll depend on how long this all takes me to get sorted out."

"You must be a fast worker to be able to tackle that pile. Are you expecting a crew to come in to help?"

Karla laughed. "They couldn't pay someone enough to deal with that stuff. It's just little ole me."

Alex found herself liking this woman who was about her same height. It was nice to look at someone eye to eye for a change. She acted like she wasn't any newcomer to a squad room. She looked around but it was more for a layout than the curiosity of a first time visitor. "You've been in a precinct house before?" Alex asked.

"One or two. Never a Major Case though. That part is new."

"You have family in the service, then?"

"No, but they aren't criminals, either. Do they have Diet Pepsi?" she asked

Alex realized she's stepped very close to a line there and nodded. "They do. It's cold too. Unless you'd rather coffee or tea."

"Cold Pepsi, please. I'm not a coffee drinker. I just never could get used to the taste."

"Cops live on the caffeine." Alex chatted jovially.

"Maybe too much. I think the stress is worse if you're also buzzed on caffeine."

Alex eyed the woman. She talked like she knew the inside of the brotherhood, but she didn't act like a cop. "You sound like you know." She joked.

Karla grinned at her. "Don't bother to try to figure it out. You'll never guess it. Oh, what am I saying? That's like asking a kid not to sneak a piece of candy when there's a whole jar on the coffee table. You're a detective. You can't help yourself and you shouldn't have to. Go ahead and dig for clues, if you want."

Alex decided she was looking forward to this puzzle. "So you're familiar with detectives, huh?"

"Detectives make their living putting clues together, or they wouldn't be one. I think of them as cats. Always poking their noses into things just to see what's there." Karla teased Alex.

They were in the break room only moments when Ross bellowed. "Eames, West! Come out here."

Alex saw Karlas face tighten angrily. "Go ahead, I'm going to go to the rest room while I'm here."

"You're… Never mind." Alex said. She went out into the squad room.

"Where's West?" Ross demanded.

"Ladies room." Alex told him.

"I saw her just a minute ago. Why didn't you come out then?"

"I did." Alex said reasonably.

Ross was annoyed. When Karla came out carrying her drink he glared at her. "Why didn't you answer me?"

"Did you call me? I heard someone bellowing, but I'm not a dog or one of your officers, so I didn't answer. I don't respond to being called like that."

Ross ground his teeth together to keep his temper. "Here is the key you requested. I'm told you know what is involved in this procedure?"

"Fully aware, Captain. As the Chief no doubt told you."

"Get this set up as soon as possible. I'll want an update on your progress."

"Hourly, daily, weekly or monthly?"

"Daily will be fine." Her passive aggressive attitude really angered him. He couldn't let it go too far.

"You're the captain." She shrugged and took the key, sliding it into her pocket.

"When are you going to get started?"

"If you will show me where I'll be working, I can start first thing in the morning."

"I would've thought you'd want to start right now. You are already here."

"Nope, tomorrow morning will be fine." Again that maddening passivity.

"Eames, you'll be in charge of showing West…."

"One small detail, Captain. My name is Karla. That is what I answer to. I don't answer to my last name."

"That's how we do things here."

"Not if you want me to answer."

"You're in my house…."

"You're house needs cleaning, Captain. You can call me anything you want, but if you intend to talk to me my name is Karla."

"In my office now."

Karla stood completely still except to take another swallow of her drink. Ross had to nip this in the bud right now, if he was going to maintain discipline. "In this house we do things my way. You are a visitor here to do a job. You will abide by the rules of the department. Are you clear on that?" she kept drinking calmly. He hated that she seemed unaffected by his show of anger.

"English is my primary language. And just for your information, calling people by their last names is a tradition, not a rule. I never learned to answer to my last name so I don't. Please feel free to use it as you deem fit, but I doubt if I'll even hear it. Is there anything else, Captain?"

Ross watched in impotent fury as Karla finished her drink, watching him. He turned to stalk back to his office and carefully close the door, then the blinds.

"You shouldn't have flouted his authority like that." The big man seated across from Alex told her, seriously. "I'm Bobby Goren, Alex's partner." He held out his hand.

"How do you do, Bobby. My name's Dead Meat." Karla grinned at him and shook it. She turned to Alex. "Now, where will I be working?"

This will be a short story with a great deal of discomfort for Captain Ross, but no long term damage. Just enjoy watching someone poke the sleeping dragon.

TBC