This fic has been a year in progress, and could not have been possible without the group effort and support of countless people. So thank you so much to the following:

Rox, Twi, Mala, Jodie, Icey, Mega, and so many others

This fic is coauthored with Kari

Chapter 1: The Road Less Traveled

Axel was restless. He felt like there were gears turning all around him, like everything was changing, but he couldn't tell if it was for better or for worse-he couldn't even tell what direction they were spinning. There was a roiling movement to the atmosphere but somehow Axel just felt stuck, like all that motion had trapped him in the middle and he couldn't get out lest he be torn apart.

Roxas knew now, what Xion was, what Xion was capable of, what she'd been created for… Axel wasn't sure what he'd been expecting-Roxas was a smart kid, after all, it wasn't like he would have stayed ignorant forever. The problem now was what to do about it. At this rate, he was going to lose both of them, and he didn't want that. He wasn't sure he could handle that.

He had to get out of his room. He had to move-had to do something. He was tired of sitting on his hands and being a good boy, doing as he was told and waiting for the right time. It was never the right time for these sorts of things.

Axel had never liked the empty sound of the hallways in The Castle That Never Was. The way their boots clicked against the cold white floor always sounded too hollow, echoing unsettlingly in the air. It was appropriate, he guessed, given what they were, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

"Axel."

Roxas' voice sounded empty too, and that was new. There was something heavy and turbulent in the boy's tone, and Axel turned slowly to glance at him. Roxas' face was dark, pulled too tight, and Axel marveled again at just how human the kid could look. They'd done nothing but argue the past few days and he hated it. He hated fighting with Roxas, he hated that dark look on Roxas' face… He almost wished he could believe he actually did hate it, instead of just remembering things he had hated once upon a time and summoning the same practiced scowls and muscle-memory pacing.

"Hey, Roxas," he said, finding his voice finally, and Roxas' blue eyes were pleading. Why did that look always make Axel's stomach do somersaults?

"Did you find Xion?" the boy asked, and Axel fidgeted.

"Like it'd be that easy," he said. "Even I'm not that good."

"I guess you're right." Roxas lowered his eyes and looked for a moment like he wanted to say something more, but then closed his mouth instead.

Axel had pondered once or twice that expression about an elephant in the room. He had seen elephants and he couldn't imagine trying to cram one into a room, let alone ignore it once it was in there, but he was beginning to understand the point behind the idiom. This elephant was staring both of them in the face but neither of them would acknowledge it. Roxas had too many questions, and Axel didn't want to answer them…

No, that wasn't right. He wanted to answer them; what he didn't want was for the answers to be what they were. He didn't want to lie anymore. Imagine that! Axel had spent so much of his life lying to everyone-himself included-that he wasn't even sure he knew how to be honest, but he wanted to try. He just wished there was something less painful to try out being honest about.

"Did you know all along?" Roxas began then, cautiously, as if trying to figure out what angle to attack from. "Have you been keeping the truth from me from the beginning?"

Axel refused to flinch. No more lies. "Not… not from the very beginning," he said haltingly, and Roxas' eyes narrowed.

"How long, then?" he asked.

Axel rubbed the back of his neck. "I can't remember, exactly."

"Can't get that sort of thing memorized, huh?"

For an instant things felt normal again-there was that sassy tone in Roxas' voice, a hint of a grin on his lips, like those days on the clock tower. What Axel wouldn't have given to have those days back now.

There was a beat of silence where Axel just held his gaze, and then the familiar old feeling was gone.

"Axel, who am I?" Roxas asked, and Axel wished the kid would have asked him anything but that. He didn't want to lie to him anymore-refused to!-but how could he answer that? "Xion and I are 'special'," he continued, shaking his head, "but The Organization has been trying to destroy me, right?"

Axel nodded. "Yeah," he said, averting his eyes, "that's right."

"Because I'm expendable now that Xion's copied my power?" Roxas' voice was thick with a kind of indignation Axel wished he could have joined him in. "Did you want that too?"

He met Roxas' eyes again, something fierce in his expression, but he couldn't make his tongue work. Of course I didn't want that! his mind screeched, a flicker of that coveted indignation flaring up in his heart. How could you think I wanted that? We're-

"We're best friends, aren't we?" he finally managed to blurt out, the words falling clumsily, rote, from his mouth, and Roxas glared at him.

"Are we?" he asked, and reached out suddenly to grab a fistful of the front of Axel's coat. "If we are, then just be honest and tell me what you know, Axel!"

Axel found himself musing on how angry Roxas seemed, rather than what he was angry about. The indignation bled into something like jealousy, and Axel found himself wanting to scoff. If all he could think in that moment was how enviable it was that Roxas really did seem to have a heart, then wasn't that proof enough that he himself had none?

Maybe everything he'd done was a mistake after all. Maybe being in the Organization was a mistake. Maybe Castle Oblivion, and his plans with Saïx, maybe everything had been a mistake. … Was his entire life as a Nobody a mistake he could even fix?

"Who am I, Axel?" Roxas demanded, and Axel forced himself to look at him. "Xemnas said that Xion and I are connected by 'Sora', but I don't know what that is! Am I the same as Xion? Am I nothing but a puppet, too!?"

He shook his head, not even bothering to try and disentangle himself from Roxas' grip. "You're different from Xion," he said quietly, and Roxas bared his teeth.

"Then-"

"Stop, Roxas," he interrupted. "I mean it; it's for your own good you don't know. The truth isn't going to make you feel any better."

"That isn't for you to decide!" Roxas shouted, letting go of Axel's coat and tangling his fingers in his own hair instead. "I want to know the truth about myself! Why am I here? Why can I use the Keyblade? Don't I have a right to know who I am?"

Roxas genuinely looked as though he was on the verge of tears, and that flutter of envy undulated through Axel's blood again. As cumbersome as emotions were, he would have done anything to feel as guilty and contrite as he wanted to feel right then.

Roxas shook his head. "Axel, please, I have to know," he said.

That's just it, Axel thought, I can't tell you. I don't even know where to begin. And more than that, if he explained that he was Sora's Nobody, what if Roxas took the same path as Xion? What if he threw the Organization away, became a traitor? If Roxas left, Axel couldn't keep his promise to Xion. If he broke his promise, after everything he'd already done, there was nothing in all the worlds that could save him. He would never be forgiven, let alone be able to forgive himself.

The trouble was, he had a feeling (heh… a feeling) that it was already too late.

"Roxas, you've just got to trust me," he said, and Roxas looked up at him, betrayal and pain in those big blue eyes of his for the most fleeting of moments, and then the anger, the sadness… everything just fled his expression, leaving behind the cold, unfeeling mask he had worn that first week they'd met. Somehow that hurt more than the look of betrayal.

"I can't," Roxas said, and Axel was sure his stomach had just dropped to his knees.

"Roxas-"

"How can you even ask me to trust you anymore?" he said, shaking his head and taking a step back.

"Roxas, wait-"

But Roxas just turned his back, a complete rejection of Axel's words. "If you won't give me the answers I'll go find someone who will," he said, "and that's the person I'll trust."

Axel's voice died in his throat as he watched Roxas stalk down the hallway, the empty sound of his footsteps echoing off the walls. He reached out, like maybe he could grab the boy's shadow and drag him back; he racked his brain for the words, the right words, the words that would change things, fix things, but no words came.

His arm fell back to his side as Roxas vanished down the hallway, and Axel sagged where he stood. No, this wasn't how it was supposed to go. This wasn't the way things were supposed to be!

… This wasn't the way things would be. Axel had lost too much already to the darkness, he wasn't going to lose anything-or anyone-more. He was sick and tired of giving up the things he cared about because of someone else's agenda.

Closing his hands into fists, Axel turned on his heel and stormed down the hall. Maybe everything up until now had been a mistake, and maybe there was no way to fix all the mistakes he'd made, but he couldn't just not try. Axel was many things but a quitter was not one of them, and if it meant taking a few risks to save Roxas and Xion from the Organization's plans then so be it. He owed them that much.

His mind was going a million miles an hour now, lining up pieces and rearranging tasks that would need to be undertaken. No doubt Roxas was already blazing his way toward the exit; he didn't have much time to take care of things here before Roxas left for good. All he needed was one more shot-just one! He needed one last chance to make this look good, and if he blew it this time then they were all going down.

It was a good thing Axel wasn't prone to folding under pressure.

Hurrying down the stairs in the main foyer of the castle, he spied a familiar mane of blue hair and set his jaw.

"Saïx," he called, and the other man paused in his steps, turning to give him a long-suffering look.

"I'm a bit busy at the moment, Axel," he said tersely; "can this wait?"

"That's my line," Axel said, and Saïx lifted one eyebrow. Axel sort of flapped his hands in the air-a pleading gesture. "I'm saying, I just need a little more time," he said.

"Pardon?"

"I know I could get her to come back if I just had a little more time."

Saïx's eyes narrowed and he folded his arms.

"All our plans are falling down around our ears, Roxas is destroying Dusks inside the castle hallways, and you're asking me to make allowances for a traitor?" he asked, and Axel's expression hardened.

"I'm giving it one last shot whether you approve the mission parameters or not," he said, and Saïx just sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Fine, do as you like," he said, turning, and Axel felt a grin slide, unbidden, across his lips. "It's not like you ever listen to reason anyway. Just make sure you get it right this time, or I won't be coming to your rescue."

"Like you've ever come to my rescue," Axel muttered under his breath, and Saïx exhaled audibly.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a second traitor to deal with."

"You won't be able to stop him," Axel said, and Saïx paused, but didn't turn back around. Axel set his teeth. "Obstinacy and lies won't sway him, you know that, don't you?"

"I take it you know this from experience."

Axel flinched. "I figured I'd save you the trouble of trial and error," he replied. "There's no way you'll be able to do anything to stop him."

"What would you have me do, then?" Saïx's words were thin, quiet, contemplative, and Axel shook his head with a scoff.

"Just do as you like," he said, and then was gone with the whoosh of a corridor before Saïx could respond.

Chapter 2 should be up shortly, as it and Chapter 1 are very closely linked.