I thought I wouldn't be able to access Fanfiction in China. I really did. I mean, the government has blocked YouTube, Blogspot, and Facebook, so why wouldn't Fanfiction be blocked? That's a pretty big distributor of information, if you ask me, but the Chinese government apparently thinks it's perfectly fine, because here I am, logged in and ready to post this. Oh, and if you're one of those waiting for my next Bleach update, I can't upload that from over here because those files are not on my laptop. Meh.

And now, without much further ado...

How FMA Should Have Ended

Ed tried very hard not to laugh when he saw hohenheim hanging upside down in the black thing's stomach. After all, wouldn't you want to laugh if you saw your father's head looking at you upside down from its position in the middle of some being calling himself "Homonculous?"

Ok... maybe it wasn't that funny... But "Homonculous" sure did look chubby where Hohenheim was sitting. Like he had a plethora of water-weight.

Ed almost started laughing again. At least he would have if he hadn't been so worried about Al. Part of him wished Al would come back to the armor so that they could work together and defeat that stupid, eye-covered blob. The other part of him wished that Al would take as long as possible to come back. He didn't want his brother to have to go through this, plus if Al didn't show, no one would have to go through this... whatever this was.

What the hell did they mean by sacrifice?

Why did they need five sacrifices when they were going to sacrifice all of Amestris anyhow?

Ling/Greed started being... Ling/Greed. Mei suddenly jumped into the picture.

Al's soul returned.

The next few moments passed like a blur (A/N: not really... I'm just too lazy to write about them).

Black arms reached out and grabbed each of the five selected alchemists. The lunar eclipse was beginning.

Ed struggled to get free. Al. Mustang. Sensei. Hawkeye. Falman. Feury. Havoc. Braeda. Armstrong... both of them. Granny. Winry.... Winry! He said good bye to the people most important to him.

Then–

"ARGH!"

Ed felt himself hit the ground. What the...

"No... No! Don't! I beg of you!" Homonculous pleaded with a being Ed could not see.

He wasn't sure what had the doorway to hell so scared, but whoever it was must have been the scariest being alive....

CLUNK. WHOMP. CLANK. CLASH. CLASH. BAM. CLANK.

The black villain fell to the ground as he slowly dissolved away. "Noooooo!!!! I'm meeeeeltiiiiiiiiing!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ed and Al sat up. So did Colonel Mustang and Izumi. Only Hohenheim actally stood.

With "Father" gone, the portal to the real truth had been opened. They all had their lost... body parts back. Not one person there had seen that one coming.

They all stared in shock at the new hero on the scene. The tiny figure breathed in deeply and blew smoke out between her lips as she held her cigarette in her right hand and an obnoxiously large wrench in her left.

Suddenly, she turned and looked right at the Elric brothers.

"Ed. Al. Dinner's at six thirty. Don't be late."

Pinako took another draw from her cigarette and walked away.

---

You people have no idea how badly I wanted this to happen. I mean, how awesome would it be if Pinako just randomly walked in and beat everyone over the head with a wrench? Unfortunately, Chapter 103 - 105 happened and all of my dreams were dashed. But this is how it should be. I'd love to have Riza come in and shoot the crap out of some people, and I'd love to see Mei do something cool and I'd love for Greed/Ling to just do something incredibly stupid and Greed/Ling-ish, but you have to admit that Pinako would just about make the series.