None of the characters are mine and their talking expressions are also taken from the original text. The text in Italics is quoted from the text, and therefore not mine at all but helps to locate the reader in the story (I hope).
This is an alternate ending to the story which I wrote 3 years ago. I don't write much so I would really appreciate reviews to help me ameliorate my writing. Thank you
(Forget the idea that the island was in fire because I don't take it into account.)
He stumbled over a root and the cry that pursued him rose even higher. He saw a shelter burst in flames and the fire flapped at his right shoulder and there was the glitter of water. Then he was down, rolling over and over in the warm sand, crouching with arm to ward off, trying to cry to mercy. He hit his head on a rock and lost consciousness which soon became sleep, recovering from last night's lack of it.
The hunters found Ralph and made a circle around him. They cried out their ululation code to say they'd found him, and Jack arrived, running, a couple of seconds later.
"Let's kill him!"
"No," Roger said, "Wait! He's unconscious right now so he won't feel anything. Let's bring him back to Castle Rock and wait for him to wake up."
Jack considered this option and agreed.
"Yeah! Let's bring him back. We'll do him properly when he wakes up!"
The boys took unconscious Ralph and carried him up to Castle Rock. There they dumped him in a corner of the cave and left Robert and Maurice to keep an eye on him while others prepared a new fire. As Roger watched the boys build up the fire, he had an illumination.
"Hey! We could burn him alive and then feast on him!"
"What!?" Jack answered, disgusted at the idea of eating a human being.
"Yeah! Like a pig!"
Everyone fell silent, waiting for the Chief to decide. Jack stared at Roger, his expression inscrutable under his painted mask, and then he smiled, a big smile of triumph. He had just found the most satisfying way to kill Ralph.
"Except we won't eat him. This is disgusting. We're not animals. But we'll burn him, oh yeah, we'll burn him."
Samneric looked at each other in horror. They felt sick and terrified at the idea of watching Ralph being burnt to death, and even worse, having to cooperate with the killers. If they refused to cooperate, what would Roger do to them? They preferred no to think of it, but started to feel pain just to imagine what would happen to them.
Jack was very excited.
"Let's build a big fire, real big!" He turned to the twins, "Samneric! Go get some wood!"