Usual disclaimer all canon Harry Potter belongs to JKR this is my little mind trying to make sense of a tortured character
I Wish This Was Someone Else's Story
Life always seems to slip away. Even if you live everyday to its fullest it seems to fly by too fast. It's when you sit down and contemplate it that you realize what you have done right and wrong. People say you learn from your mistakes. But you don't, you make the same mistakes again. Then you sit and reflect on them and the good times. I remember growing up. I remember the happy times. Yes even I have had happy times, although to look at me and listen to me you wouldn't think it. But even the bitterest of people had good times. I had them when I was young.
Even I, Severus Snape was young once. Up until I was about 4 my family were the only wizarding family in the village. We lived ironically enough in the village of Snape. We lived in Snape manor, the largest house and grounds in the village. My family had lived there for years and I was the heir to the vast estate.
One day though another family moved into the house nearest ours. They had a little boy too. His name was Kenny. We used to play together everyday in though grounds of the manor. They were huge. We were best friends and you couldn't separate us, if you found one of us the other wasn't far behind.
***Flashback***
"Sev?" Kenny asks hanging upside down from the oak tree.
"What Ken?" I reply.
"Do you like Caroline?" he asked climbing down.
"What Caroline Carrington? Eugh! She's a girl!" I say making a face.
"Well then why did you kiss her the other day? I saw you!" he taunts.
"I didn't!" I say as I get up and run after him.
***End Flashback***
We shared everything from first kisses like that to first girlfriends. We knew we were on own, I mean we had friends but we were different, we were wizards. I remember the day we both got our Hogwarts letters. We were so excited.
**Flashback**
"SEV!" Ken is shouting from the end of the garden path. "SEV! Wake up!"
"I am awake what the bloody hell do you want?" I call from my bedroom window.
Ken is waving a piece of parchment in his hand and jumping up and down.
"Go check the mail!" he shouts.
I run downstairs like a tsunami and franticly search the breakfast table for mail. There it is an envelope bearing the Hogwarts crest. My address written in emerald green ink on the front.
Dear Master Snape
We are delighted to inform you that you have been accepted to attend Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry…..
"MOTHER!" I yell form the morning room. "Mother its here! My Hogwarts letter! Its here! Mother!" I run from room to room.
"She is upstairs master Severus," squeaks our house elf.
"Thanks Carpus." I say as I dash past him.
My mother is walking out of her bedroom, buttoning up her robe jacket.
"What is it Severus?" she asks as I run towards her.
"Look mother! My Hogwarts letter its here!" I say waving the parchment in front of her.
Smiling sweetly she takes it and reads it.
"Oh well done darling. Well we must wait until your father gets home and then you can tell him." She says and hands me my letter back.
Ah my father. Yes well I don't really like my father. For one thing I never see him. No I come to think of it the last time I saw him was last year on my birthday. He works for the ministry, I think. Well he is always away.
**End Flashback**
Hmm my father? Most of my memories exclude my father. He was never there. I always remember it being mother and me in that large house. Of course we had the house elves but they weren't much company. I really didn't know what my mother had married my father for, I do now of course. Money, status and protection. He was powerful and rich and no one dared cross him. Much like Lucius Malfoy is. I was never allowed to have Ken round to the house incase my father arrived. My mother was more than happy for me to be friends with him but my father hated muggleborns and non pureblood wizards. He thought them scum. No wonder he turned to the dark side. Turned? No I don't think he turned I think he always had been that way and now there were others like him. But my mother seemed all wrong fro him. She was sweet, kind, beautiful and fair. Nothing like my father at all.
Well I couldn't let Ken in the house. I couldn't even go shopping for our school things with Kenny because my father insisted on coming with us. He had stridden through Diagon Alley like a tall bat and looked down his nose at everyone.
**Flashback**
"Hurry up Severus." My father barks at me.
I'm dawdling again. I hate shopping with him. I hate doing anything with him. I hate him. How can my mother stand him? There she is walking arm in arm with him smiling and waving at the people she knows. There he is striding through the street like he owns it. Nodding importantly at the people he knows, or that know him. He carries that cane. I hate it, so creepy. That foul serpent head on the top, silver and shining.
"Ah Kratos. I didn't know you were going to be here." My father says to a blonde hair man.
"Malus. Yes we got Lucius's Hogwarts letter this morning." Kratos Malfoy said patting his son on the shoulder.
I hate Lucius Malfoy too. He is so slimy and smarmy. He always gets what he wants and my father wishes I was friends with him. He is usually invited to our house for me to play with.
"Ah Lucius." My father says smiling. "You and Severus will be going to school together. I do hope you and he will be in the same house. Slytherin, of course." He says proudly. "Severus come and say hello to Lucius."
I walk forward slowly, dragging my feet and stand in front of my mother. She puts her hand on my shoulder.
"Hello Lucius." I mumble as stare at my feet.
"Mr. Snape could I possibly come to your home after we have finished shopping? And try out my new racing broom with Severus?" Lucius asks politely, ignoring me.
He always does this he knows my father wants us to be friends, actually I think he wants Lucius to be his son.
"Yes Lucius I think that should be ok." My father says as he lets go of my mothers arm.
"Aurelia can you carry on shopping with Severus? I have to talk to Kratos about something."
My mother nods and smiles. "Nice to see you Kratos." She says and walks towards Flourish and Blotts.
We get all my new school books and some extra ones that I wanted, mainly about Quidditch but a few on potions. I find them fascinating.
"Sev!" someone shouts from behind me.
It's Ken. My stomach sinks, if my father finds me talking to him! I shake my head at ken and look towards my father, who is striding down the street slowly and gracefully talking to Kratos Malfoy. He doesn't understand and runs over.
"Hey what have you got? Seen this?" Kenny starts saying excitedly and begins rummaging in his bag.
"Severus who is this?" My father asks as he walks behind Kenny. "Oh it's the Andrew's boy." My father looking down on Kenny from his full height.
"Oh darling, come and look at these brooms." My mother calls sensing trouble.
My father didn't move. Kenny's mother sees my father looking down at her son and briskly walks over. She puts her hands on Kenny's shoulders.
"Mr. Snape, good afternoon." She acknowledges in clipped tones.
My father didn't answer he merely glares at her and turns around to my mother, his cloak billowing as he does so, brushing against Kenny. He strode over to my mother and left me, standing in the middle of the street looking sheepishly as Kenny. His mother looks sadly at me and then at Mrs. Andrews and Kenny smiling apologetically.
"See you later." Kenny whispers and walks off.
I joined my parents at the window of Quality Quidditch Supplies. They had some great brooms in here. But I knew first years weren't allowed brooms at Hogwarts. Maybe I could persuade them to get me one just to use when I got home. Anyway Lucius had a new broom; my father wouldn't want me to be bested by him.
"Severus? What do you think of these brooms darling?" my mother cooed pointing to the shooting stars.
"Please Aurelia! The boy can't have them they are so cheap. Now look at those boy." My father nods his head in the direction of the new Nimbus 1000 range.
I saw them in 'Which Broom?' last week. They look superb! My eyes widen and I look at him. Is he going to buy me one? He walks inside the shop. The owner immediately swoops down to him.
"Ah. Mr. Snape so nice to see you. What is it your wanting?" the owner gushes.
My father points to the pile of Nimbus 1000's.
"Oh no sir you don't want one of those. I have the newest and best ones on the market right now. White Zephyrs! Fastest yet. So new they haven't even had reviews written about them." The owner says in hushed tones to my father. "I kept them so you could be the first to buy one." He grins.
My father smiles in a superior way and nods. The owner hurries to get the broom and wraps it before bringing out to my father. They exchange money and then my father turns sharply and leaves. I go and collect the broom and follow him and my mother.
"Aurelia, take Severus for an ice-cream of something. I have some things I need to attend to." My father orders when we have all my school things.
My mother nods and ushers me towards Florentine Fortescues ice-cream parlor as best she can with the armfuls of bags.
"Oh this is ridiculous isn't it Severus?" she asks me smiling and then charms all our shopping to become the size of a match box. She puts all of them into her hand bag and points to an empty table outside of the parlor.
After we have ordered I pull my wand box out of my robe pocket. It is my favorite item that we have bought today. My wand! I have waited 11 years for this! It's smooth and is ebony with dragon heartstring.
"Are you excited?" my mother asks just when our ice-creams magically arrive in front of us.
** End Flashback**
I loved my mother. She made my childhood bearable and Hogwarts helped too. Like everyone expected I was placed in Slytherin and so was Lucius Malfoy. Kenny was put in Gryffindor. This was just the beginning of the awful process of our separation. Because even due to the house difference we got to see a lot of each other. Most of our classes were with Gryffindor house and then there was the library. We could meet in the library and work or laugh together. He was the today's equivalent of Ron Weasly except his best friend wasn't in his house. He had a female friend in his house that was a lot like Miss Granger and although I hate to admit it I was much like Mr. Potter is. Except Mr. Potter's best friend got to live.
**Flashback**
"So Severus you are best friends with that mudblood?" my father spits at me from his desk.
He is bent over his desk writing a letter. He doesn't even look at me.
"Yes I'm friends with him." I say determinedly.
I'm fed up of him putting down Kenny and praising Lucius.
"Well let's see if we can change that shall we?" he says as he melts green sealing wax on to the letter. "You're coming with me tonight. Now your 17 its time you found your chosen destiny."
I glare at him. I know exactly what is going to happen tonight. I have seen the pale skin on his left forearm. I have seen what marks him.
"I don't want to be part of your sordid group!" I shout at him, as I walk to the door.
The door slams before I get to it and I turn to see my father facing me with steely grey eyes and his wand raised.
"You are my son! You shall do as I say! You have been destined fro this since you were born into this family!" he says in a deadly whisper.
"Then I wish I had never been born to this family!" I yell back.
"As do I!" he replies coldly.
The door opens and bangs against the wall and I feel a strong force pushing me back through the door. As I get out of the room the door slams behind me.
~Some Time Later~
I hate this. I hate the fact that he is one of them! I hate the fact that he is my father. I hate sitting here in the carriage with him. He never goes to these ahem 'functions' without his carriage. Personally I would prefer to apparate.
"Now Severus, take that scowl off your face. Your going to enjoy this." He says smirking at me.
I don't respond.
"You're going to enjoy this." He repeats more forcefully. "Aren't you?"
I just sit there and stare out of the window. Suddenly I feel every trouble and fear and doubt disappear and I feel like I'm wrapped in cotton wool and nothing matters. In my ear is a little voice saying, 'say yes. Just say yes. Say yes.'
He has tried this before. I concentrate and my mind argues with the voice. "No! I won't say it no!"
"No!" I shout at him.
"Insolent little brat!" my father spits at me and glares at me with his 'wait until you get home boy', looks.
The carriage came to a sudden halt. I look out of the window into a dense wooded area. There are lights shining on the trees from a building but I can't see what it looks like.
My father gets out of the carriage and stands back from to come out. I sit there and stare out of the window.
"Severus!" my father spits, "you're making this harder on yourself. Cooperate now, or I'll make you pay later." The venom in his voice could kill.
Slowly and clumsily I get out of carriage and stare up at the house in front of me. Its big and dark, lights shine through the windows but only serve to make it look more imposing. I follow as my father walks up to the front door, his cane tapping and cloak swishing.
"Good evening Avery. I trust all is planned?" my father queries brushing past the doorman.
"Yes Snape, just through there." He says gruffly and points through the door to the right of the hallway. "Who's this?" he asks roughly jabbing a podgy finger in my direction.
"My son." My father says without turning round and without any emotion.
I walk past Avery the doorman and follow my father through the door. The room is fairly large and decorated in dark mahogany and deep emerald green with silver ornaments and oddments. A large group of men are in the room sat in chairs forming a circle around the centre, were a man is standing, talking to them.
"Malus Snape, I trust you are well. Who is this you bring to me?" the man asks seeing my father enter.
My father bows and then stands erect.
"Master, this is my son. You said you would like for me to bring him to a meeting." My father said to the man.
I keep looking transfixed at the figure; he is not really human, malformed. His face is like that of a snake and he gives off an aura of power, the air in the room is almost electric with it.
"Ah yes a new, member." The man says walking towards me. "Yes I can feel he will be useful."
I recoil as he gets close. This doesn't stop him, he walks over and points me to a chair next to a figure I recognize. Lucius Malfoy. He is looking at me through his steeling grey eyes and smirking at my obvious fear. I sit down and look at him.
"Welcome Severus." Lucius whispers into my ear.
"I might have guessed you would be in a gathering like this." I spit at him.
"You are to be a member now too." Lucius smiles superciliously and turns his full attention back to the figure in the centre of the room.
"I shall now initiate the new members tonight. Step forward Lucius, I lord Voldemort call upon you." Lord Voldemort turned to Lucius.
Lucius got up and walked forward, his emerald robes settling around his form. Voldemort take Lucius' left arm and holds it straight out in front of him.
"Do you swear to remain faithful to us and not hesitate to carry out your duty?" Voldemort says and stares straight into Lucius eyes.
"Yes master." Lucius reply's not breaking the stare.
Voldemort pushes Lucius sleeve and pushes it up to reveal perfect pale skin. Voldemort takes out his wand and touches the skin on Lucius' forearm and Lucius flinches in pain. A thin wisp of smoke rises from the point of the wand and the smell of burning flesh is in the air. Lucius is fighting with the pain and it shows in his face. Moments later it's done, the ordeal is over. Voldemort drops the arm and Lucius grabs the place on his arm were the wand point was.
"There Lucius, see that mark, that tells you what you are and it tells others, reminds them who controls this world." Voldemort says proudly.
'Strange,' my minds says as I watch, 'strange how we have to meet in secret and keep hidden from the rest of the world if it's us and him who control the world.'
I don't have time to ponder this thought as just hen Voldemort turns his attention to me.
"Severus come forward." Voldemort hisses.
I stay sat, stubborn and refuse to move. A floating feeling descends on me and I lose all thoughts, it's nice to just float here. "Get up and walk to him" a voice says in my head. I get up and walk to Voldemort, he takes my arm and asks me the same question as Lucius and again the voice in my head appears, "say yes just say yes." This time my mind thinks it's a stupid thing to say. "no." I say to the voice, "I don't want to say yes." It argues back.
"No!" I hear myself shout these last words.
"No? You defy me?" Voldemort hisses in a deadly voice.
I look at my father and see a look of loathing and disgust cross his face as he looks at me.
"You do not want us as your enemies." Voldemort hisses in my ear, the grip he has on my arms is excruciating.
He throws my arm towards me and points his wand at me. I feel my body filled with pain, raw pain coursing through my vein. Every inch of my skin is on fire, my insides are being grated against something and my head feels like its being compressed. Then its gone, I am lying on the floor in the centre of the room and the death eaters around me are smirking or laughing.
"Now? Will you join us?" Voldemort asks leering at me.
I nod and get up from the floor. I walk up to him and hold my arm out.
"Do you swear to be true to us and to carry out your duty as and when asked?" Voldemort says gripping my arm tightly again.
I nod and he pushes my sleeve up. He points the wand tip at a flawless piece of flesh on my forearm, where it touches it burns into my arm and smoke rises from the tip. Drawing a design on my forearm he concentrates hard. I try not to show pain, my face doesn't convulse and I don't flinch I just stare at my father. He is watching me, waiting for me to show emotion, so he can sneer at my weakness. Well I'm not going to give him that satisfaction. Soon the ordeal is over and I am allowed to return to my seat. I can see Lucius rubbing his forearm.
"Now all our new members are initiated we can get on with the … ahem … festivities." Voldemort sneers looking at me as he does. "Some of us assembled here think it perfectly normal and acceptable to associate with mudbloods and muggle born's." He is staring straight at me. "Well I don't."
I can hear the sounds of struggle from the back of the room. Shouts came clearer and the voice I heard was familiar in my brain.
"Get off me! Let go!" the voice yelled getting closer.
It sounded so familiar but I had never heard that voice sound so terrified and angry at the same time. I had a feeling I was never going to hear it again…
…… to be continued…..