Disclaimer: I don' own nothin'! Except me!
Behind the Scenes of Lady Knight: The Movie
Me: So, Kel, tell us a bit about the film.
Kel: It's all about me, Keladry of Mindelan. Really, people, what did you expect?
Me: I meant: What's the plot?
Kel: (happily) I have to be in charge of a refugee camp, chase after them when they're kidnapped, find a cruel guy who kills children to make killing machines, and kill a whole lot of people!
Me: How. nice.
Kel: Yeah, isn't my life great? I'm a lady knight, and the FIRST one! In your face, Sir Alanna the Lioness!
Me: Okay, about the movie.
Scene One: Storm Warnings
Kel: You see the Killing Devices in my dream? That one that we used in most scenes is Roger. Yep, we named it after Jon's cousin. The evil one. Yep.
Me: Lovely.
Kel: But they don't have names in the actual thing, of course.
Kel: The Stormwing that came to my window is the same guy who did the voice of Gollum in Lord of the Rings.
Me: I can picture it: "Startled it, did we, Precious?"
Kel: No. Please desist from doing that ever again.
Me: OK.
Kel: He doesn't talk like Gollum, you freak. He only sounds like Gollum.
Raoul: Yo, homey, Raoul is in da house!
Kel: This is Raoul, acting like he does away from the set. The only time he acts decent is when he's acting. In reality, he's a rapper wannabe.
Raoul: Don' be dissin' da Raoul-man, Homey G!
Kel: Let's go to the next part.
Me: Yes, please.
Kel: This is the Chamber.
Me: Kel, this is your garage.
Kel: Yes, but it's also the Chamber. Scary place, isn't it?
Me: Uh, yes.
Kel: Neal does the voice of the Chamber. He's good at being creepy, don't you think?
Big, Scary Voice: I am not the creepy one. I'm not a Lady Knight.
Me: Kel, how do you feel about lending me a clean pair of pants?
Kel: Neal, what did I tell you about using the Chamber when we have guests?
Voice: Sorry, love.
Kel: You're in BIG trouble!
Voice: Don't hurt me, baby! I love you! Want to go out so I can make up for it?
Kel: Deal.
Me: Uh, is the Chamber hitting on you? Does it want to give you a nice, WET kiss? (Hint)
Kel: I told you, it's Neal!
Me: Sorry, I was so scared that I forgot. And the PISS was scared OUT of me. (Hint)
Kel: There's a microphone and surround sound to make it sound like the voice is everywhere.
Me (and my wet pants): It's very realistic. This film won't be a fish OUT OF WATER in the FX category. (Hint)
Kel: I hated making this scene. I just stood there and talked to Neal. I never got to kill anyone, and no one tried to kill me, and I didn't get to swing a sword or behead anyone with my glaive, or shoot anyone with an arrow, or joust anyone, or.
(Kel goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, as I get increasingly bored.)
Me: (losing patience) KEL! Just get me some darn clean PANTS!
Kel: And after we get you some pants, we'll go to the next scene.
Behind the Scenes of Lady Knight: The Movie
Me: So, Kel, tell us a bit about the film.
Kel: It's all about me, Keladry of Mindelan. Really, people, what did you expect?
Me: I meant: What's the plot?
Kel: (happily) I have to be in charge of a refugee camp, chase after them when they're kidnapped, find a cruel guy who kills children to make killing machines, and kill a whole lot of people!
Me: How. nice.
Kel: Yeah, isn't my life great? I'm a lady knight, and the FIRST one! In your face, Sir Alanna the Lioness!
Me: Okay, about the movie.
Scene One: Storm Warnings
Kel: You see the Killing Devices in my dream? That one that we used in most scenes is Roger. Yep, we named it after Jon's cousin. The evil one. Yep.
Me: Lovely.
Kel: But they don't have names in the actual thing, of course.
Kel: The Stormwing that came to my window is the same guy who did the voice of Gollum in Lord of the Rings.
Me: I can picture it: "Startled it, did we, Precious?"
Kel: No. Please desist from doing that ever again.
Me: OK.
Kel: He doesn't talk like Gollum, you freak. He only sounds like Gollum.
Raoul: Yo, homey, Raoul is in da house!
Kel: This is Raoul, acting like he does away from the set. The only time he acts decent is when he's acting. In reality, he's a rapper wannabe.
Raoul: Don' be dissin' da Raoul-man, Homey G!
Kel: Let's go to the next part.
Me: Yes, please.
Kel: This is the Chamber.
Me: Kel, this is your garage.
Kel: Yes, but it's also the Chamber. Scary place, isn't it?
Me: Uh, yes.
Kel: Neal does the voice of the Chamber. He's good at being creepy, don't you think?
Big, Scary Voice: I am not the creepy one. I'm not a Lady Knight.
Me: Kel, how do you feel about lending me a clean pair of pants?
Kel: Neal, what did I tell you about using the Chamber when we have guests?
Voice: Sorry, love.
Kel: You're in BIG trouble!
Voice: Don't hurt me, baby! I love you! Want to go out so I can make up for it?
Kel: Deal.
Me: Uh, is the Chamber hitting on you? Does it want to give you a nice, WET kiss? (Hint)
Kel: I told you, it's Neal!
Me: Sorry, I was so scared that I forgot. And the PISS was scared OUT of me. (Hint)
Kel: There's a microphone and surround sound to make it sound like the voice is everywhere.
Me (and my wet pants): It's very realistic. This film won't be a fish OUT OF WATER in the FX category. (Hint)
Kel: I hated making this scene. I just stood there and talked to Neal. I never got to kill anyone, and no one tried to kill me, and I didn't get to swing a sword or behead anyone with my glaive, or shoot anyone with an arrow, or joust anyone, or.
(Kel goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, as I get increasingly bored.)
Me: (losing patience) KEL! Just get me some darn clean PANTS!
Kel: And after we get you some pants, we'll go to the next scene.