When people talk of death, they always make it seem like some horrible thing, one that's incredibly painful or something. It probably isn't, just human nature makes us all exaggerate.
I remember my grandmother's death. It was about five years ago, when I was only a little first year. As soon as I had gone home for Christmas that year, my mother had told me with frightened eyes that her mother was dying, and had driven me straight to the hospital, not even letting me drop my things at home first.
It was really scary at first. My grandmother was pale and frail looking, not at all like the vibrant, healthy person she had been.
"Grandma, what's wrong?" I asked, inching forward. She already looked dead. Her warm brown eyes were all red, and there was a dribble of blood at her chin. She coughed, and more spurted out of her mouth.
"It's all right, Cho. I'm moving on," she said in a weak whisper. Her English was perfect, even though her parents had immigrated to England.
"But I don't want you to move on!" I cried, tears already beginning to leak out of my eyes. I wiped them away, annoyed. "I want you to be here, with me!"
My grandmother and I had always had a close relationship. She had lived a few houses down from us and since I had no brothers and sisters to play with, my parents had always taken me over to see her.
When my parents were there, watching us, we would act all polite and quiet, just talking and reading and doing things like that.
But when they left, we went absolutely wild. Her house was huge, and we would always slide down the banisters together. I sometimes worried about her, since she was a lot older, but she would scoff at me and say I was only saying that because I was scared, just like a child.
She had the spirit of a child. Her days were fun and carefree, and she never got mad at me for making a mess. I guess that was because she was the same way. Her room looked like it had been tossed around by a tornado, clothes, artwork, books, pens, paper, and almost anything you could think of just thrown all over the floor. She liked it that way. Said it made the room more cozy.
Sometimes when I went over, we would spend the whole afternoon in her garden. She had hundreds of plants in there, and all kinds of birds and forest creatures would come by and visit, snacking on the seeds she left for them. She and I would watch them, sitting on lawn chairs, sipping lemonade.
She always had the most interesting scent. Every time I went over, I would always give her a giant hug, burying my face in her dress and breathing in. She smelled of sunshine and rain, with the minty smell of leaves.
I always suspected that she loved nature more than anything. She wasn't one of those people who stayed home and baked cookies. Every moment she had, she spent either in her garden or the forest behind her house. We had gone on long hikes, her pointing out all the plants and animals to me.
A light pat on my hand brought me out of my reminiscing. I looked down at her and felt a shiver passed through me. She was as pale as a ghost, and as fragile as a china doll, like someone you could break with a snap of your wrist.
"Cho, don't worry about me" she sighed lightly. "Death isn't as bad as you think. It's just the next stage of living"
"But I don't want you to die!" I sobbed.
"Oh, Cho" she said fondly, "someday you'll understand."
I didn't say anything.
"Cherish your life Cho. It'll present you with many great things later on. Hold on, and fight with every bit of strength you've got."
Those were her last words to me. When I awoke the next day, I learned that she had passed away in her sleep. She was buried in the forest, with the nature she loved so much.
I went back to Hogwarts after New Year's and went on with my life, tucking her memory into a corner of my heart. I quickly got over her death, just like she had told me to. I joined the Quidditch team, and had the time of my life.
That's how I found Cedric. It was during a game, when we were both only little second years. The match had ended a tie, the first ever in Hogwarts history. Somehow we had both grabbed the snitch at the exact same time.
Right then, I had felt a strong bond with him. He must have felt it too, for he turned and smiled at me. We were inseparable after that. Every moment we could, we spent with each other.
I remember a time during third year just before our exams. I was incredibly stressed out about them, even though I had done just fine the past two years. I had wild mood swings, sad and depressed one minute, bursting with wild and hysterical laughter the next.
He had taken me somewhere to try and calm me down. I had objected at first, worried about the strong winds that were blowing that day. He just smiled that secret smile of his, and told me that it was all part of the plan.
Hand in hand, we walked outside. He took me through a part of the Forbidden Forest, past a river, and through so many fields that I lost track. I was beginning to get tired.
"Cedric," I whined, "how much longer is this going to take?"
He turned and gave me a cheerful grin. "Only a bit longer" he replied.
The blustery wind was getting stronger, and it almost lifted me off my feet. Now, I had to struggle for each step I took. The wind fought me every inch of the way.
"I don't think I can take much more of this" I gasped, as the strong breeze blew me over.
Cedric gave me a hand and pulled me up, with trouble. "Luckily, you won't have to. We're here"
We were on the edge of a small but rocky cliff, overlooking yet more fields. The wind here was stronger than every, and I had to hold on to Cedric to keep myself upright.
"What's so special about here?" I asked him breathlessly. The climb had really taken a lot out of me, and I plopped down on the grass with difficultly, ignoring the dust that was blowing into my face.
He pulled me up again, a secretive smile on his face. "Just watch," he said. "You'll like this, I promised.
"How will I like this?" I argued. "You pulled me out of my nice calm common room, so I could experience this wind? It's making me cold, even with this bright June sunshine."
"Cho, don't be a pessimist" he ordered. "Now watch me"
He unzipped the light sweatshirt he had brought with him, and pulled it out like a parachute, his hands holding the sides. Then, with one last look at me, he jumped off the cliff.
I screamed. And ran to the edge, looking for him. It wasn't that high up but what if the rocks had cut him up on his way down?
Looking around for him, I was on the verge of hysteria. So naturally, when I felt a tap on my shoulder, I was so surprised, I almost fell off the cliff myself. Steady hands grabbed me just as I was stumbling at the edge.
I looked up and saw Cedric floating above me, tears of mirth streaking light lines down his face. Slowly he floated down, and stopped laughing long enough to say something.
"Cho, you're hysterical" he gasped, and resumed his laughing.
I whacked him on the head. Hard. "You idiot!" I yelled. "What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?"
He put on a thoughtful look. After a moment, he answered. "Yes"
This time, I laughed along with him. Soon, my curiosity kicked in again.
"How did you do that?" I asked him. "You looked like you were flying"
He shrugged. "It was easy enough. I discovered this place two years ago. My broom had flown away and I was looking for it, and I ended up here. The wind in this place's strong enough to blow you off your feet. And if you know how to control it, it's really fun."
"Let me try!" I said, really getting into it.
I spread my arms out wide, since I didn't have a jacket or anything. I didn't think I would've needed one in June. And I leapt out into the air.
The wind caught me, just as Cedric said it would have. With the wind whipping through my hair, I felt free of all burdens for once. It really was like I was flying.
We took turns flying for the rest of the afternoon. By the time exams came around, I did a little worse than the past two years. And I got yelled at by my parents for it. But it didn't really matter. Once you learned how to tune them out, it was like they weren't there at all.
In fifth year, I was so proud of him when he was made the Hogwarts champion. People all around me made comments, some of congratulations, some of jealousy. As he hurried into the room, he turned and gave me a wink. I knew that was of his way of saying everything would be okay.
I had worried about him in all of his tasks. Something just didn't seem right. No matter how well he did at the end, I always felt like something horrible was going to happen.
On the night of the third task, I had a feeling of impending doom. It was even worse than the other two times. Of course, the first time, it hadn't been that bad since we hadn't started dating yet.
I talked to him about it. I pleaded him not to do it, I knew something was wrong. He had laughed it off, saying that he didn't believe in that sort of Divination. But he was a little worried about me.
"Cho, are you feeling all right? You're usually not like this. What's wrong?"
"Nothing" I replied with a dejected sigh, and returned to my seat. I knew he wasn't going to listen to me. Now I had no choice but to watch and hope that all went well.
I was right, as I learned a few hours later. He came back, a corpse in Harry's arms. Dead.
I was caught in a swirl of emotions. He just couldn't be dead. Not my Cedric. He was strong, he wouldn't die. Not in a silly stunt like this.
I blamed myself, like anybody would. I had known something was going to happen, why hadn't I tried harder to stop him? If I had succeeded, he wouldn't have been dead right now.
Images flashed through my head. His smiling face, laughter shining from his grey eyes. His perfect technique at Quidditch, his ability to make even the saddest person smile. How he had taken me to the very heights of ecstasy, floating above the clouds with me.
All of that was gone now. He was dead.
I broke down in tears, not caring who saw me. People crowded around me, whispering soothing things, but I noticed none of them. I could only think of Cedric.
I sank into a state of deep depression after that. It lasted all summer and into the school year. Nothing and no one could console me about my loss. They didn't know what it felt like. They had never lost someone like I had.
I started drifting farther and farther away from the rest of the world. I lived in a world of my own, where nothing could hurt me. Where all my loved ones were still alive.
The rumors started about then. People started calling me names, the most popular one being "that antisocial bitch". Even my former friends joined in.
So I lived in a world of depression, doing nothing more than I had to. I didn't talk with anyone anymore, but I had no one to talk to. My friends had all gone away at the very moment I needed them most.
I spent a lot of time in my dorm, huddled in the safety of my bed, the curtains drawn shut. I even quit the Quidditch team. I just didn't have the energy for it anymore.
I started drawing a lot, mostly pictures of people. Since society had rejected me, I observed their every movement and captured it all on my notepad. I learned a lot about their insecurities that way. I even thought about using it against them, but decided that I wouldn't sink down to their level.
Drawing became my life. My skills developed more than I would have thought possible. Even in classes, I usually had a pencil in one hand and a notepad in my lap, doodling away. People began to comment on that too.
One day, when I returned from classes, I found my drawings that I had worked so hard on, all ripped and torn, and strewn all over the floor.
I barged into the common room, not caring what I looked like, pieces of ripped up paper in my hand. "Who did this?" I screamed hysterically. It didn't matter what they all thought of me now.
Heads swiveled to look at me, dropping their homework and books. One of the other sixth year girls spoke, a nasty tone to her voice.
"Why would we want to do that, Cho? That's such a horrible thing to do."
I could tell she was being sarcastic.
I just couldn't take this anymore. All the unfairness and cruelty in this world...it made my head spin. I hadn't thought this level of torture was possible, until I had experienced it from the ones I thought were my friends. They were backstabbers, each and every one of them.
I ran out of the school and sat down by the lake, huddling to myself. "Oh, why does everything happen to me?" I called up to the sky. Nobody answered.
I blinked back bitter tears, knowing they would freeze in this cold. In my haste, I had forgotten my cloak, but none of that mattered now. The wind whipped my hair up around me, but I didn't care. I was so upset, I was actually considering suicide.
"It'd be so easy" I whispered to myself. "In this weather I could just walk out into the lake and drown and everyone would just think it had been an accident. They would never find out what really happened"
I heard heavy footsteps behind me, crunching into the deep snow. Slowly, I pivoted, wondering who it could be. Wondering if it was just another one of them, coming after me so they could throw more insults at me.
It was Harry Potter. I hadn't thought that he was so close to me. My hair had whipped up and hit him as I turned, and now he rubbed his cheek in fake pain.
"Why're you here?" I muttered.
"I could ask you the same question" he replied calmly.
Nobody should have eyes that green. Out of every single person I know, excluding him of course, everyone with green eyes always had a tint of brown, or grey, in them, giving them a murkier look. But him, his were a pure emerald colour, absolutely pure, also unnatural. Scary, almost.
"Why do you care?" I asked, breaking our staring contest. I turned around. "It's none of your business"
I could hear him move towards me. "Everybody's business is my business" he replied.
"Then you're nosy" I decided, stepping out onto the ice.
"What do you think you're doing?" he asked. "That could be dangerous!"
I gave a bitter laugh and took another step. "My point exactly"
"It's not safe!" he shouted. "It could be thin ice, then you'd fall through"
I kept on walking, ignoring his protests. "And you really think I care?"
"Well, you should! Your life should mean something to you"
At this, I turned around to face him again. His face was set with determination, and he looked so serious that I had to burst out laughing. "Whoever said it doesn't?" I asked.
"So you'll come back onto dry land now?" he asked, relief etched all over his features.
I nodded. "For now" I answered. "Who knows about later?"
He smiled. "Good enough. I thought we were going to have a disaster here. But you do know, I'll have to make you change your mind about later" He came closer and offered his hand.
And that's when the ice cracked.
Sharp, jagged pieces of broken ice tore my skin and released the flow of blood as I fell. The freezing cold water stung my open cuts, and I sank, deeper and deeper.
I had to fight to get to the surface. As I took a deep breath of air, my throat felt like it was being cut with a thousand knives. Already, my hands and feet were beginning to lose feeling.
I managed to grab on to a lose branch, and held myself there, gasping for breath. The water chilled me to the bone, and my wet clothes weren't helping either.
Frantically, I looked around, but Harry wasn't there. He must have gone to get help, I thought. I waited. Nobody came.
I was quickly losing my strength, as my fingers were already slipping from the gnarled branch. Slowly, painfully, I slid back into the water. This time, I knew I wouldn't make it for another breath.
I could hear voices from far away as I drifted into death.
My first glimpse of Heaven was completely astounding. Just as I had heard so many times, those giant golden gates were there waiting for me. I pushed them open, and let myself in. And stood there, dumbstruck.
The first thing I noticed was the music. The sounds were absolutely glorious, the sweet and heavenly voices of the angelic choir blending and contrasting to make a warm and gentle sound. It washed all the impurities out of me, leaving me to wonder what else this place could do.
A boy in a white robe landed in front of me. He looked no older than I did, and his hair looked like spun gold in the luminous sunlight.
"I'm sorry I let you down" he whispered, reaching up and kissing both my cheeks, like the French do in greeting.
I stared at him in astonishment. "Who are you?" I asked, completely confused.
"Oh, I haven't introduced myself yet, have I?" he said sheepishly. "I'm Kyle, your guardian angel."
"You're my guardian angel? But how? You couldn't be any older than I am!" I caught myself at the last minute. "Oh sorry, was I being rude?"
"That's alright," he said. "I'm sixteen just like you"
"You died when you were only sixteen? How tragic"
"No more tragic than you" he said with a laugh.
"How'd you die? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to"
"It was an illness" he answered sadly. "I had some kind of life threatening disease, and they couldn't cure it. No doctor, Muggle or Wizard could figure it out. I didn't have a chance"
"I'm sorry," I said.
I guess he could see the pity in my eyes. "Don't be" he replied. "Life's much better here."
"So you're an angel?" I asked, changing the subject. "How come you don't have any wings?"
"You were my first mission," he said. "I was supposed to help you, and if I did, then I would earn my wings. But I let you down." He looked down sadly.
I shook my head vigorously. "No, you didn't! It was a complete accident that I died. If the ice hadn't broken, I would still be alive right now."
"But the ice did break" he protested. "And it's my fault. If I gotten through to you sooner, it still wouldn't have happened."
We sat in silence. He spoke first, laughing gently. "Here I am, depressing you and everything when I should be showing you around. I'll try and give you a tour of the place, although it's impossible really. This place gets bigger every day."
I followed him around, trying to take in all the information he was giving me. "How do you remember all this?" I asked finally. My brain hurt from trying to remember so much.
He laughed again. "You'll get used to it. Now this is your house. It's where you'll be living. It should be all right, according to your tastes."
He threw open a door, and I let out a gasp of delight. This was exactly what I'd been wanting all my life.
"So I take it that you like the place?" he asked, trying to hold back a laugh.
"Like it? I love it! It's perfect for me!" I replied, twirling around the room.
"Great then. Listen, first thing tomorrow morning, I'll come and get you, since you don't know your way around here just yet. You have to go to angel school" he instructed as he walked back to the door.
"Angel school?" I asked, not understanding.
He turned around to face me. "You have to learn to be a guardian angel, Cho. Just like me. So you can earn your wings, and help the ones in need."
I nodded numbly and he left.
Sure enough, he came around and dragged me out of bed at seven in the morning, and dragged me into his car. I swear, I slept the entire way there.
"You need to learn to get up earlier" he teased.
I yawned and a piece of a fluffy cloud flew into my mouth. I sputtered and gagged. "I just don't get up at eight" I told him grumpily.
"I'll take it that you're not a morning person," he said. He looked happy, a little too happy for that early in the morning. I felt like punching him.
"You're like our instructor, as least" he told me. "She's really nice. I just hope she doesn't punish me too bad for letting you down..."
He stepped on the speed pedal and the car flew even faster, cutting through puffy masses of clouds. I hung on for dear life.
Just like he said, I did like our instructor. She was an angel in her mid twenties, and her name was Stephanie, and she teased everyone a lot. She gave Kyle a good scolding for letting me die, then welcomed me to their little group, while glaring at him. He mock cowered, and everyone laughed.
It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Kyle sat through all of this with me; he had to go through it all again before he could watch over someone else.
A few months later, I was ready to be someone's guardian angel. I didn't even know all that time had passed, it had just been so much fun.
Stephanie introduced some of the children that needed us, and for once, she wasn't her usual bouncy self. And I could see why. Their stories were just so tragic; they were truly people in need. It brought tears to my eyes.
After a while, I drifted off into my thoughts, not listening for the first time since I had come. And even after everyone was gone, I just sat there wondering.
Wondering how some people could mistreat others that way, driving them to the point that they just didn't want to live anymore, just like me. Wondering why there was such misfortune and suffering in the world, all because of the cruel jokes of some.
Wondering why everyone could live like us angels, dancing closer and closer into the golden sunshine, and falling onto soft clouds, edged with silver. Truly enjoying what the afterlife had to offer.
Disclaimer: Things aren't mine. So there, stupid Warner Brothers who're trying to shut all the HP sites on the Internet.
AN: I don't like it from when she dies until that last two paragraphs. I don't like that part. And I can't find a way to fix it. It's taken me absolutely forever to finish it. Tons of revising, and it's still not right. But I only expected this to be 15KB and it's about 23KB. I'm just making stupid excuses aren't I. I'll leave now. Review? =)