I've been trying to write this since iLove you premiered but I have zero time. Luckily I have most of this written already so this will get updated pretty quickly. As always I own nothing. Dan Schneider is the man. Enjoy! Comments and reviews are always welcome.
Samantha Puckett entered the Shay's apartment without knocking, as usual. Carly saw her from the fridge and a grabbed a second can of peppy cola for her friend who was not seated on the couch. She clicked on the TV, Celebrities Underwater was on.
"What's up?" Carly asked, muting the TV as she sat next to Sam. Sam shrugged and took a sip of her soda.
"Nothing much, got into another fight with my mom." She said, her eyes never leaving the screen. "Ha ha, look at Molly Ringwald struggle. She's such a nub!"
"A complete nub!" Carly agreed taking a sip of soda. "She used to have decent movies and now she just does stupid shows about teen pregnancy…I mean seriously!"
"Uh huh, tell me about it?" Sam laughed, the fight between her and her mom was long forgotten. She sat there for a few more minutes before realizing something, or rather, someone, was missing. "Hey, Carls?"
"Hmm?" asked Carly thoroughly distracted at the sight of Ryan Seacrest trying to get out of the pool but failing miserably.
"Where's the nub?" she asked , taking another sip of her soda.
"Oh, he's on a date." She said quickly, her eyes widened as she realized what she'd said. " Um , I mean, he's um, eating on a date with his crazy lunatic mother." She tried to cover. Sam chuckled.
"Carly, relax it's okay, we're cool now, remember it's been a little over a year since we broke up. I'm over it now. Don't worry." Sam said soothingly. She was lying, but she wasn't about to worry Carly with her stupid nub problems.
"You sure?" Carly asked timidly.
" Yes ma'am, indeed I am." Sam said in a southern accent. Carly laughed.
"Okay," she smiled at Sam. She was happy Sam and Freddie had finally worked things out after the weird break up.
I can't believe he actually moved on. Sam thought while she absentmindedly traced the rim of her soda can. Carly's laugh brought her back to reality as she snapped her head up to the TV. Ryan Seacrest had fallen into the pool again.
"What a nub!" she scoffed.
"The nubbiest!" Carly agreed.
"So…" Sam said, wanting to get back on the topic of Freddie and his date. She wanted to know more. Carly looked at her and waited for Sam to propose the question.
"Who's he out with anyways?" She asked casually. Carly shrugged.
"Who knows? I don't know, that's for sure! I'm sure he didn't come over here asking whether she liked stripes or plaid or whatever." She said whimsically. Sam chuckled, remembering the time he went on a date with Melanie and wasn't sure what to wear because he thought he was going on a date with Sam.
"Oh man, it's Melanie isn't it?" she asked looking at Carly for an answer. The minute Carly's smile faltered she had gotten her answer.
"What? No? Why do you say that? Pshh no!" Carly said awkwardly. Sam half smiled.
"You were always a terrible liar Shay, still are!"
"No it's not Mel—" Sam gave her a pointed look. "Okay yea, but he told me to promise not to tell!" she said quickly. Sam's heart dropped, he didn't want her to know because he knew how much it would hurt her inside.
"It's okay. I'm happy for them. It's good that they found each other. Melanie's had a thing for Freddie since forever. And it was about time Freddie liked her, she's so well groomed, and doesn't smell like ham, and goes to the dentist twice a year!" she said that last part like it was a bad thing. " I mean who does that?"
"What, goes out with your twin sister?" Carly asked, thinking she still wanted to talk about Freddie.
"No! Goes to the dentists twice a year?" she asked exasperated. Carly chuckled and rolled her eyes.
"Um… everybody, it's normal!" Carly smiled at her friend. Sam's mouth formed an "o".
"So, you're okay with all of this?" Carly asked, Sam seemed okay but you could never predict how Sam would react.
" No! She's a maniac!" she exclaimed. Carly exhaled, finally Sam was acting like herself again. "I mean, is Ms. Prissy Pants that worried about getting a cavity that she has to go twice a year!" Sam just wouldn't get over it and Carly rolled her eyes and reached behind the couch where she kept the spray bottle for when Sam and Freddie would fight.
She sprayed Sam in the face three times. " What was that for?" she asked quickly.
"Listen to me! Are you okay with Melanie and Freddie going out?" she asked slowly, making sure Sam heard and understood every word. Sam wiped her face on the couch cushion.
"Yes. I'm happy for them." She said, her voice sounded happy, but her glowing brown eyes told a different story.
"You're slipping Puckett, now come tell mama what's up!" Carly cooed. Sam rolled her eyes.
"First of all, I'm mama, no one else is. And secondly, I am fine, okay Shay so just chill." Carly could tell Sam was getting annoyed with the subject and decided to let off .
Sam got up from the couch and started heading towards the stairs.
"What are you doing?" Carly mused.
" If you'll excuse me, I'm going to make sure we have everything ready for iCarly rehearsal tonight." She said quietly and jogged up the stairs. Something was definitely wrong, Sam never offered to get things ready for the show. She was never even early for a show, but Carly gave her some space.
"Hey hey people!" The door opened quickly and Freddie walked in. He wore a pink polo shirt and some new dark wash jeans. "Like the new threads?" he asked modeling them a bit. "My new girlfriend bought them for me." he said cockily. Carly's eyes widened in horror, Freddie was dating a Sam Puckett look alike, literally! Did he want to die?
"Did she do your laundry or something? " Carly asked eyeing his pink shirt. Freddie rolled his eyes.
"Where's Sam? I want to hear what she has to say about her my new look." He sat on the couch.
" I'm going to get her just wait here." She told him. "Sam?" she called as she walked up the stairs. Sam poked her head out of the studio door.
"What? Who's here?"
"Freddie, he just got back from his date and he …." Carly couldn't stop laughing, "he's wearing this hideous pink shirt that Melanie bought him. Come downstairs, you have to see it!"
"No thanks Carls, I'm sure he looks just as dorky as always." She said quietly as she fiddled with a rope hanging from the ceiling.
"What are you doing?" Carly asked curiously.
" Mama is ," she grunted as she pulled on the rope revealing a giant raw pork roast dangling from it. "Relieving some stress." She said wiping some sweat off her brow.
"Where did you even get the frozen pork?" Carly was so confused.
"Your freezer, we were going to use it for an iCarly bit anyways so it was already in here, I just decided to put it to good use until the show." She said giving the meat a solid punch.
"Hey! We have to eat that ham later!" Carly complained.
"Good, then it will be nice and tender." Sam said, punching it two more times.
"um…ok then." Carly shook her head not wanting to deal with the ham situation right now. "So Freddie's downstairs, don't you at least want to say hi?"
"Nope, not really." She grunted and hit the ham again, harder this time, her knuckles turning red.
"Sam, you're not acting like yourself, this isn't like you!" Carly exclaimed, " Well… this is," she said gesturing towards Sam's violent demeanor towards the ham. "But everything else isn't you, you always say hi to Freddie, even after the break up. Are you okay? Really okay?" Carly sat in a bean bag chair next to Sam and her makeshift punching bag.
"No, I'm not. I'm acting the way someone would act when they found out that the person they have loved for a long time is going out with your worst enemy." She said, her voice dripping in sadness.
"Sam, then why don't you tell him? I never understood why you guys broke up in the first place!" Carly said honestly.
"It's really complicated Carls, I just want him to be happy. And he's obviously over me, so there's nothing I can do. It's just he's dating Melanie. He could have chosen from a million other girls. I mean, he's a nub, but he's a cute nub…he could have anyone." She said he last part a little quieter as if she were ashamed to think it. "But he chose her!" she said, the softness of her voice turning into anger.
"Maybe he's dating her so he can—ooh cupcakes!" Carly eyed the tray of about 100 cupcakes on the table, red velvet her favorite. Sam chuckled at her friends cupcake obsession, surprised she hadn't noticed them earlier.
"Yea, I made the Gibster bring them up this morning." Sam said punching the ham again, " You know for the flying cupcake bit"
"Wait this morning? Like when I was sleeping?" Carly picked one up and licked some frosting off.
"Yup, I needed help carrying them so he came along." She said nonchalantly.
"How did you even get in?" Sam was about to answer when Carly shook her head, " Never mind, I don't want to know." Sam shrugged and head butted the ham.
"So anyways," Carly tried to get back onto the real issue on hand, " Maybe he's dating her so he can realize how icky she is and go back to you," Carly said optimistically.
"Nah, I don't think so , it's been a year…if things were meant to work out between me and Freddie it would've happened already." She said dejectedly. Carly sighed, she had never seen Sam like this, she never called him by his name, she always made reference to a zucchini or some sort of pasta when she called him. But this was serious.
"Knock knock," came Freddie's voice from the door, " Can I come in?" he asked a calm smile on his face but a worried look in his eyes.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sam screamed as she started violently punching the ham until her arms tired.
"What's going on here?" Freddie asked, slightly amused.
"She's …uh…tenderizing the meat." Yea, that was it…nice save shay, she thought to herself. Freddie snorted.
"Yea, sure."
"Hey! I'm tenderizing the meat, ok? If you have a problem then you can just leave." She yelled and pointed at the door. This was the first time she'd gotten a good look at him with his new clothes. Her mouth twitched in disgust at his shirt…what was Melanie doing to him?
Freddie held his hands up in defense, and to plead for his own innocence. He looked at Carly.
"Yeesh, what's her problem?" Carly just smiled at him apologetically, not really sure of what to say.
"My problem is that you look like a daffodil!" she exclaimed grabbing the half eaten cupcake out of Carly's hand and smearing it onto his shirt.
"Hey! Sam , what the hell was that?" Freddie never lost his cool, but when he did, things got intense.
"Oh, wow…ok…we need to stop using food for the iCarly bits." Carly mumbled to herself. "Alright, Freddie, why don't you go home and take a hot bath and calm down. And try to get the cupcake out of your shirt. I'll stay here and calm down crazy," she said gesturing towards Sam, "And I'll call you about rehearsal later."
"But I came over here so we could start rehearsal a little earlier," Carly looked at him confused as she walked him to the door.
"Well you see I wanted to be home tonight so me and Melanie could video chat before bed." He said with a smile on his face, he was thinking about his Melanie. Sam got hold of another two cupcakes and was about to throw them when Carly interjected.
"Sorry, bye Freddie, see you later!" she shoved him out and slammed the door in his face.
"Did you hear that?" Sam asked chucking the cupcakes at the ground. Carly cringed, two perfectly good cupcakes gone to waste.
"Yea, I'm sure the loons from Troubled Waters could have heard it from the way you two were screaming." She said with a chuckle.
"He wants to be home to video chat with her. That used to be our thing, I taught him all the fun stuff you could do while video chatting," Sam huffed with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. Carly rolled her eyes.
"God Sam, that's gross!" she said elbowing Sam in the ribs lightheartedly.
"But I guess it's their thing now!" Sam said bitterly. Sam groaned and plopped down forcefully onto a bean bag chair, " What am I going to do now?" she mumbled. Carly put a comforting arm around her friend. " I'm sure we'll figure it out. We always do."
Carly got up and went to Sam's bag. "What are you doing?" Sam asked looking up at Carly.
"You'll see," Carly said with a smirk on her face. She pulled out a sock and whipped it around like a pair of numchucks. " Alright, come on, hit me."
"I can't hit you." Sam grumbled. Carly gave her a weird look.
"Why not?"
"Because you're a girl?"
Carly chuckled and playfully punched Sam on the shoulder. " And you're not?"
"Meh." She answered waving her hand as if dismissing the question. " Besides, what will hitting you solve? I'll just be hurting my best friend…one more person I've hurt."
"What are you talking about?" Carly asked whipping the sock around slowly.
"The night we broke up, in the elevator…" Sam spoke as if Carly was there in the elevator with her that night.
"What about it?"
"I hurt him Carls, I hurt him bad. He loved me you know? First time a boy's ever loved me." she said quietly, her voice quivering slightly.
" I'm sure he still loves you…I mean you're one of his best friends…he can't just up and stop caring about you." Carly reassured her.
Sam just shook her head, she wasn't going to accept that answer. She sprung up from the chair and started walking towards the door.
"Where are you going?" Carly asked, surprised by Sam's mood swing.
" I've got to take care of some things …call the nub and tell him crazy's calm now so we can rehearse." She opened the door ready to walk out.
"Wait Sam, what's going on? Wait Freddie has a video date with Melanie." What had gotten into Sam?
"Call him anyways , tell him to get his nubby butt over here to rehearse." She exclaimed grabbing her keys.
"Wait but Sam-" Carly said exasperatedly, but Sam was already down the stairs. "Don't hurt the poor boy!" she yelled.
"No promises." Sam shouted back before slamming the door shut.
Well...what did you think? Chapter 2 should be up very soon. oh, and I don't hate Molly Wringwald or Ryan Seacrest I just needed something to write for that part haha.