Sasuke's Second Thoughts

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. BELIEVE IT! Mild use of bad language.

"You want me to do WHAT?" Sasuke yelled inquiringly at the Sound Four.

"It's quite simply, really," answered Sakon, the leader of the Sound Four. "All you need to do is climb into this creepy-looking barrel while we each take turns carrying you through the forest towards Lord Orochimaru. Oh, and we also have to put you in a near-death state while we lock you inside the barrel. Easy as pie, if you ask me."

Sasuke looked long and hard at the five heads of the Sound Four. (The fact that Sakon had a second head still creeped Sasuke out.) He looked back at the creepy barrel, hoping that it was all just a joke. "Umm, can't I just walk along with you guys?" asked Sasuke. "I don't see the point in travelling around in…that thing."

Winding the clocks back a spell, Sasuke had recently accepted the Sound Four's offer to be taken to Orochimaru so he could be trained to extract revenge against his big brother Itachi. Sasuke believed that the trip would be a brisk run through the forest to Orochimaru's hideout, but upon meeting the Sound Four early that morning, he could tell that something strange was going on.

Tayuya sighed. "Look," snapped the flute woman at Sasuke. "we all had to go through this. It's not that big a deal. It's supposed to grant you…some…enhanced power, or some junk like that."

Sasuke thought for a minute. "So…is this some kind of bizarre hazing ritual?"

"Yes!" answered the Sound Four rather impatiently.

Sasuke peered curiously into the barrel. It looked rather dull and uncomfortable. "Um, there's no seatbelt in this thing. Not even a pillow. If I'm going to be riding on your backs in this hunk of wood, won't I get bruises, or whiplash or something?"

"GET IN THE DAMN BARREL!" shouted Jirobo, slamming the ground around Sasuke's feet.

Sasuke sighed. After spending so much time with Naruto, he was used to loudmouthed, impatient knuckleheads. To Sasuke, the only difference between Naruto and Jirobo were about 150 pounds.

Sasuke stared at Jirobo, obviously un-intimidated by his rage. "Aw, did the big cranky baby not get his nap today?" Sasuke mockingly sucked his thumb at him.

Jirobo's face began to cover itself with large, red veins as steam hissed out of his nose. "ARGHH! JIROBO SMASH!" He lifted his fat arms in the air, ready to hammer Sasuke into the ground like a golf tee.

However, Jirobo's hands were caught by Kidomaru's six spidery hands. "Slow down there, Jolly Green Giant." mocked Kidomaru as he restrained Jirobo. "Remember, Sasuke is our honored guest. Now why don't you GENTLY give out guest his…accommodations?"

With great difficulty, Jirobo managed to calm down. He scooped up Sasuke with one arm and began to carry him towards the barrel. Sasuke chose not to fight back, in hopes of getting this over and done with as quickly as possible. As Jirobo opened the lid of the barrel with his other hand, Sasuke turned his head towards Tayuya.

"Whose brilliant idea was this, anyway?" Sasuke inquired.

Tayuya thought for a second before answering: "Lord Kabuto's."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Why am I not surprised?"

Jirobo dropped Sasuke inside the barrel and closed the lid. Sasuke's displeasure was only heightened once he realized just how dark and uncomfortable the barrel was.

"Hey," uttered Sasuke's muffled voice from inside the barrel. "don't I get a decent in-flight movie in this thing? Or how about a damn sack of peanuts?"

Sakon rolled his eyes at Jirobo. "You fat blubbering idiot. You forgot to knock him unconscious first."

Jirobo cracked his knuckles as he reopened the lid. "Here comes my favorite part."

Sasuke continued to complain. "I mean, did this thing even pass safety inspection? No airbags, no seatbelts, not even a damn cushion, for crying out loud! And how is this magic barrel supposed to-" WHAM! went Jirobo's fist on top of Sasuke's head. To the relief of the Sound Four, Sasuke finally became silent.

Jirobo shut the barrel and steadied it on his back. "Why the hell do I have to carry it?"

"Because," Tayuya answered. "out of all of us, you best resemble a mule."

Jirobo pouted as they set off into the woods. "That's your answer for everything."

Sakon began to ponder. "You know, now that you mention it, this is a pretty dumb way to travel. Maybe we should drop this in Lord Orochimaru's suggestion box."

Stay tuned for Chapter Two, where Sasuke drives Orochimaru crazy. Please review.