Chapter 1

Dibs

Blood Gulch. A box canyon in the middle of nowhere, where for some reason, two teams decided to build bases. Nobody knew, but then again nobody really cared., Private Emil Castagnier, the unofficial leader of the Sylvaranti Blue Team, ran into the Blue Base and made his way through the corridors. As he approached the medical ward, he could hear an almighty din of crashing, thumping and blarging.

He spotted Mithos Yggdrassil, the medic he'd hired, standing in the passageway. "Hey Yggy, what the hell's going on in there?"

"Castagnier, everything's fine." Mithos reassured, putting the pad away. "The patient's just resting."

Emil cringed as he heard a loud smashing of bottles in the ward. "It doesn't sound like he's resting."

"That's not Irving." Mithos corrected. "That's our new arrival. He's got a lot of energy since his first feeding."

Emil grimaced and looked like he was about to hurl. "Lloyd fed the baby? Oh dear god."

"Actually, Sage was kind enough to donate some blood. You know what they say, it takes a village."

"How'd you get him to agree to that?"

"It's amazing what Sage will do if you promise him a cookie and a glass of orange juice."

"He hates needles."

"No needles." Mithos assured. "It turns out, if you just expose some bare skin, the little guy digs right in! It's like a miracle to see nature at work."

At that moment, Genis came staggering out of the ward, no armor on, and leaned against the wall. "I feel dizzy…"

Emil looked up and saw that his blue teammate was looking very pale. "Um, is he gonna be okay?"

"Irving's kid drank half a gallon in one go, isn't that cool?" Mithos giggled. "I think he's gonna be a linebacker, or a vampire… or a vampire linebacker! That'd be crazy."

Genis pushed himself upright and then glanced woozily up at the ceiling. "Oooooh…"

"Anyway blood is pretty important." Mithos continued seriously. "So Sage is bound to have some side effects like dizziness, or nausea, or sensitivity to light-"

"I think I'm going to stop standing up now." Genis slurred then he slumped to the floor.

"Or passing out." Mithos finished.

"Castagnier, if I die, I want you to have my orange juice." Genis whimpered.

Just then, there was another loud crashing noise followed by an even louder "Blargblargblargblargblarg!"

"How can Lloyd sleep with all that racket?" Emil cried out.

"Sleep?" Mithos asked puzzled. "He's not sleeping, he's in a coma."

"Alright, that's it." Emil growled. "Get out of the way. I'll take care of this."

"I can't feel my torso." Genis moaned.

"I don't think so." Mithos retorted, stepping in front of Emil. "A newborn is really susceptible to infection and disease, and cuddling. I only wanna expose it to as few people as possible."

"Yggy, don't worry, I'm not gonna give it a cold. I'm just gonna go in there, step on its neck and shoot it in the head, because that's how I roll."

"Well, now you're definitely not coming in." Mithos insisted. "And I think we're gonna send back your shower gift too."

"I'm still laying here." Genis whined. "Why won't anyone help me?"

"I tell you what." Emil scowled, ignoring Genis's pleas. "I promise to wash my hands before I destroy the abomination of nature, okay?"

Mithos folded his arms and shook his head. "Sorry."

"Dude, seriously, you can't keep me from going inside my own base."

"Castagnier, don't make me pull rank on you."

"Rank? What the fuck?" Emil cried out. "You don't outrank me, I'm a Captain!"

"No, you're a Private with a dead Captain." Mithos corrected. "The last time I checked, that makes you a Private, with a dead Captain."

"My body… is trying to die." Genis moaned.

"Okay, fine." Emil snapped. "Then we're both Privates, you don't outrank me."

"No." Mithos retorted. "I'm Medical Super-Private, First Class."

"That's not a real rank."

"Yes it is."

"Since when?"

"Uh, since I sent them a letter every day for four years requesting that promotion."

"They promoted you for that!? You haven't even used a weapon!"

"Leadership isn't about firing bullets and stabbing people. Leadership is about being able to tell others to fire bullets and stab people."

Genis rolled on to his back. "If I've been bitten, does that mean I'm going to turn into one of them?"

"Shut up, Sage." Emil snapped.

"Blaaaaa-."

"Shut up, Sage."

"-aaaarrrgg. Don't let me turn."

Suddenly there was a loud whooshing roar followed by a crash so loud the ground shook and Emil and Mithos were thrown three feet into the air.

"What the hell was that!?" Emil gasped.

"I didn't feel anything." Genis murmured.

"I'll be right back." Emil yelled to Mithos, running back up the passageway. "Don't feed any more of our soldiers to the alien!"

"Okay." Mithos called back. "But I can't make any promises."

"Don't leave me with the horrible doctor." Genis shouted weakly.

"Oh shut up, Sage." Mithos said irately.

"Now he's cursing at me."

Outside the Base, a great cloud of dust had covered most of the canyon, hiding the airship that had crash-landed right in the middle of Blood Gulch.

With a fit of coughs, the Sergeant Kratos Aurion of the Tethe'alla Red Team emerged from the dust, clutching his shotgun. "Sheena, status report."

"Um, an enormous thing just fell out of the sky and landed on Presea, Sir." Private First Class Sheena Fujibayashi said.

"Are there any other injuries?"

"No Sir."

"You sure?"

"I think so."

"Are you sure? No one accidentally got shot in the face when someone else's shotgun just accidentally went off during the incredible distraction of a spaceship crash landing, purely by coincidence?"

"Uh, I don't kno-"

"No one dressed in orange?"

"I'm fine." Private Zelos Wilder muttered, stepping out from the settling dust cloud.

"Sorry, Sir." Sheena said.

"Oh damn." Kratos grunted, glancing his gun. "I really need to adjust the sights on this thing."

"What about Presea, Sir? There's no way she survived that." Sheena sighed and bowed her head sadly. "I'll miss her like a sister."

Kratos nodded glumly. "I'll miss her like… well, like someone I knew but that I don't really want to reflect on how deep our relationship went."

Just then, from the ship, there came a series of loud metallic noises.

"Wait a second." Sheena cried. "Do you hear that? It sounds like tapping."

"All I hear is you guys talkin' about your feelings for Presea." Zelos replied with a grimace, brushing the dust off his armor. "And I have to say, I'm not really comfortable with that."

Sheena stepped closer to the ship and then heard the tapping. "Listen, there it is again."

"You're absolutely right!" Kratos yelled. "That sounds like Morris Code."

"Um, excuse me Sir?" Sheena cut in. "It's actually not Morris Code, it's Morse Code, Sir."

"Ha, Morse." Kratos chuckled. "That sounds ridiculous. I don't think so."

"Yes. Morse is the person who developed an international code for communicating without audio. Morris was a television cat that sold cat food."

"And that cat was one of our finest military minds. Don't you see? That just means Presea is alive and trying to contact us! Now get to tappin'!"

Sheena rubbed her chin in thought. "Maybe we can lift the ship off of her somehow."

"Great idea, Sheena!" Kratos cried out. "I've read reports that people can get enormous strength in stressful situations. There was one woman who lifted a car off her baby."

"You want me to call Presea's mother?" Zelos chuckled.

"Don't make me angry, Wilder, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry." Kratos growled. "Now if only there was some way to tap into our inner rage, like that Hulk guy. You know, there's never any gamma radiation around when you need it."

"Well." Sheena suggested. "What if we tried getting into the ship and lowering the landing gear? That might raise the ship-"

"Or." Kratos cut in. "We could build an army of clones that could lift the ship-"

"I think that the jack in the Warthog might be able to lift it…"

"I could develop a machine that shrinks the ship, or that makes Presea gigantic, or both!"

"Or we could try digging underneath the hull…"

"I got it!" Kratos bellowed. "A levitation ray… I think I have a spare in the base! I'll be right back."

"But Sir!" Sheena called.

"Sheena, there's no time to chat about your crackpot theories!" Kratos yelled, leaping into the jeep. "This is a crisis situation. It's time to save us all, with science!" And with that, he drove off back to the Red Base.

Zelos watched him leave then turned to Sheena with a sigh. "Sarge just drove away with our jack, didn't he?"

"And our shovels." Sheena muttered. "Sometimes I'm amazed our entire platoon hasn't starved to death."

"What the fuck are you guys doing out here, breaking the canyon?"

Zelos and Sheena spun round at the shout to find Emil standing by the ship, sniper rifle in his hands.

"Fuck off, Blue." Zelos snapped. "A ship just crashed on one of our guys."

"What, this ship?"

"No, another ship." Sheena replied sarcastically. "Then that ship left and this ship crashed in the exact same spot."

"Where'd it come from?" Emil asked.

"It's a spaceship." Zelos replied. "It came from space."

Emil glanced at the ship then at the Reds then placed a hand on the side of the ship. "Dibs."

"What?" Sheena cried out.

"Dibs." Emil repeated. "I just called dibs. This is my ship now. Dibs."

"No, it isn't, jackass." Sheena scowled. "We found it first."

"Yeah, but you didn't call dibs." Emil pointed out. "I did… Dibs. See?"

"You can't call dibs on a spaceship!" Zelos yelled. "That's ridiculous."

"Yes I can." Emil chuckled. "Dibs- see? I just did it again. Now get the fuck away from my ship, tomato can."

"Don't call me tomato can!" Sheena shouted, aiming her rifle at Emil.

"Try and take it then." Zelos retorted, raising his own gun

"Um, okay." Emil glanced over his shoulder. "Luna?"

"You bet." Behind Emil, Luna came rolling up the hill and pointed her turret at the Reds.

"Aw fuck!" Zelos yelled. "You forgot about that too, didn't you?"

"Yeah, kinda." Sheena muttered.

"Now step away from the ship, tomato can." Luna ordered.

"Ha ha, tomato can." Zelos laughed.

"You too, lemon head."

"Hey, I'm orange, not yellow!"

Before a smartass response could be made, Emil noticed the tapping noise coming from the ship.

"What the hell is that tapping noise?" Emil asked curiously. "It sounds like Morris Code."

"Morse!" Sheena yelled.

"Luna, if she corrects me again, please make her blow up." Emil ordered the tank.

"Sounds like fun." Luna giggled, swiveling her turret towards Sheena.

Emil listened to the tapping for a while. "Well, what does it say?"

"It says 'tap tap tap', we don't know." Zelos retorted.

"We were trying to translate it when you showed up and interrupted us." Sheena added.

"No." Emil argued. "When I interrupted you, you were standing around doing nothing; just like the last fifty times I interrupted you." He then placed his head by the side of the ship. "Oh, wait, wait, wait, listen! Listen, it says… 'Red… sucks… balls!' Hey look, my new ship can talk, and it knows things." He patted the ship fondly. "That's a good ship."

"It's not your ship." Sheena snapped. "It's our ship. We called it and it came."

"I don't know." Emil muttered, glancing over the outside of the ship. "I don't see any markings on it."

"It landed on Presea!" Sheena yelled.

"That was hilarious." Luna laughed.

"How the heck would that mean- Oh wait, Presea?! The pink girl?!" Emil cried out. "Oh fuck, I actually liked her!"

"Seriously, what's with all these feelings for Presea?!" Zelos shouted.

"You can't have the ship." Sheena proclaimed.

"I'm not asking for it." Emil retorted, folding his arms. "It's already mine, right Luna?"

"Actually, I kind of like it." Luna murmured, turning her turret to look at the Pelican. "I think it is mine."

Emil whirled round to stare at the tank. "Hey are you okay?"

As Emil and Luna began to argue, Sheena turned to Zelos and whispered in his ear, "I think there's something wrong with the tank."

"Yeah, I noticed." Zelos hissed back.

"I've got an idea."

"Whoa, okay, hold on a second. Before you get too deep in to this, let me remind you that we don't exactly have a good track record when it comes to our plans and that tank."

"Come on, Zelos, I think the tank's malfunctioning."

"Well, only one part of it has to function for me to get turned into a cloud of orange mist."

"Okay." Emil comforted the tank. "Just be cool."

"I am cool." Luna said. "You be cool."

Just then, Kratos returned in the Warthog, disembarked and ran up to his team. "Bad news, fellas; I couldn't find that levitation ray, but I did find the remote control to the-" He stopped talking when he spotted Emil and Luna. "Hey, what's going on out here?! Whaddaya think you're doing, you lousy Blue?"

"I'm just trying to figure out what the deal is with this spaceship." Emil replied.

Quickly Kratos ran forward and placed a hand on the ship. "Dibs!"

"Too late." Zelos and Sheena said at the same time.

"Dammit!" Kratos yelled, stamping his foot in the dust. "Why do I ever leave you two to guard anything? Everybody knows about the International Dibs Protocol, and the No Takebacks Accord."

"See guys." Emil chuckled. "This is our ship. And by ours, I mean mine and my…" He turned round to look at Luna, just in time to see her drive away. "…eighty ton… friend…"

"Bye, everyone." Luna called as she disappeared over the hill.

Emil gulped and turned to grin sheepishly at the Reds. "Uh…"

At once, Kratos pointed his shotgun at him, and Zelos and Sheena whipped out their assault rifles.

"I'm gonna be right back." Emil said quickly and made a hasty retreat back to Blue Base.

"Hey Blue." Kratos called, placing his hand back on the ship. "You know that ship you called dibs on? Well I got next, hah! Now the ship is mine again!"

"Excellent strategy, Sir." Sheena cheered loyally.

"Jesus, remember when we used to solve problems with violence?" Zelos sighed. "Ah, the good ol' days…"

At the Blue Base, Emil made his way back down the passages until he came across the slumped form of his blue teammate. "Sage, where's Yggy?"

"Yggy left." Genis slurred. "He took the baby for a walk. It's growing up so fast. It seems like just yesterday he was born."

"Well, actually, that's because he was born today, like an hour ago."

"We need to cherish these times." Genis moaned. "I wish I knew how to scrapbook."

Emil then looked to the medical ward. "Where's Lloyd?"

"Still in a coma." Genis replied.

"Great." Emil sighed. "Lloyd's out, Luna's on the fritz and now Yggy is babysitting. Sage, if we survive the next five minutes, I'll be fucking amazed."

"I'm fine by the way." Genis called weakly as Emil ran outside again. "Don't worry about me…" He shivered. "I'm so cold."

Back in the canyon, Kratos turned to his two remaining Privates. "Ok guys, let's see if we can get this thing moving. I was thinking about our discussion earlier and-"

"And you decided to use one of my ideas?" Sheena asked hopefully.

"Of course not!" Kratos bellowed. "I've got a new much more realistic plan for lifting the ship. If Presea is underneath, all we need to do is enrage her to the point where she can lift the ship and our work is done. Now quick, help me think. What would make Presea furious?"

"I don't know." Zelos replied with a shrug. "Have you tried sharing your plan with her? That'd probably do it."

Kratos knelt down next to the ship. "Hey Presea, I was back at the base reading some of your fashion mags – they said that pink is no longer the new black! Turns out black is the new black, and pink is the old black, which is now white! And it's after Labor Day; you know what that means…"

"Oh dear God." Zelos groaned.

"Also we needed to do some minor rust repairs on the Warthog's drive train." Kratos continued. "The bad news is that the only lubricants I could find were your imported hand creams! The good news is, the jeep now smells of lilacs, rusty metal lilacs."

Zelos pinched the bridge of his nose. "This has got to be-"

"This doesn't seem to be working." Kratos sighed as he got to his feet. "Alright, time for Plan B."

"Right." Sheena said. "We'll break into the ship and see if we can raise it-"

"No!" Kratos cut in. "Plan B is to try to induce superpowers in Wilder. Sheena, get my jar of radioactive spiders out of the Warthog. Come here, Wilder, I need to borrow your neck."

But suddenly, just as Kratos stepped away from the ship, there was a loud creaking and the Pelican shifted slightly.

"Did you just hear that?" Zelos cried out.

"Plan A is working!" Kratos cheered. "Quick Wilder, get me a list of the latest celebrity break-ups! Sheena, help me out!"

Her original plans forgotten, Sheena ran up next to Kratos and yelled, "Hey Presea, I hear they canceled daytime television!"

"Hey, Presea!" Kratos then shouted. "Command called. They rejected your new definition for fire in the hole. They're gonna stick with the old one."

"Oh Presea." Sheena added. "I heard that the Winter Olympics is gonna focus even more on snowboarding next time!"

"I can't take this." Zelos muttered. "I'm gonna go watch some football."

"Wilder's been using your paisley thong as a slingshot!"