A/N
For the wonderful Rennie, here you are. Merry Christmas, darling :) I shall think of Milo as I write this. Especially that video. ;)
Sorry this is going to suck, I don't ever write het.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kyo, or Rennie… do I?
Hurt
It hurt.
Being this much in love with him… the only way I can describe it is that it hurts. Hurting in a good way, though… but… I don't know. I'm not explaining very well, am I? Maybe I can show you.
--
I first found him when he was hurting. And I've always wanted to heal people, make people better… and I couldn't resist him. At school, he always seemed to be hurting, and I always wanted him to feel better. I wanted it to stop. So… he was hurting on the roof, and I… I was a complete prick.
I hugged him.
He freaked, but I thought he was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. The idea… I could so easily just glomp him like that, it always made me laugh. Especially the smoke afterwards – it would tickle his over-sensitive cat nose and make him sneeze for minutes on end, which was always completely hilarious.
And… the beads…
I drew little smiley faces on them.
---
The kisses trailed languidly along the back my neck again as I tried to fall asleep. His hands were so soft, so gentle on my waist gently began to caress me again. I sighed. "Kyo…"
"Hmm?" he murmured into the back of my neck, acting completely innocent. I rolled my eyes.
"We have school tomorrow. I bunked off studying to come hang out with you. There's a test." I shuddered as his hand crept forwards onto my stomach, running circles around my navel. "I need to – oh dear gods – sleep – "
"Hnn. You're no fun." He kissed the nape of my neck again, tongue poking out to draw languid circles around the nape of my neck.
"Stop it," I growled, trying to wriggle away.
"What?" He looked at me innocently, his eyes wide.
"Trying to seduce me." It'll work, I thought. "You have such a one-track mind… ohhh… you're not a dog, Kyo…"
He grinned a tad sadistically. Always a bad sign. "Ohh, bad move," he mock-snarled, leaning forwards and kissing me again.
Oh, sod it.
I pushed back hungrily, feeling him tense with surprise under my hands. I ran a hand through his hair, gripping angrily and pulling him closer towards him. His arms tensed automatically, stopping our chests from brushing. I hated that so, so much, but it was something I had to live with. Something I decided to live with everytime he made love to me.
He brushed my hair, running his fingers through the strands and reaching my neck, running peaceful, happy circles around my shoulder. "Hnn… I love you," he murmured.
I gasped as his hand moved down across my body. "Oh gods, I know. I know. Make love to me again, please!"
He laughed gently, kissing me so softly. His lips were bitten, scratched, stopped from bleeding by the thinnest bit of skin. I hated that he kept gnawing on his mouth, but I never asked him why. The answer scared me so goddamn much that I didn't want to know. His tongue crept into my own mouth, running softly across mine, and I swear, I swear that he had poured molten gold into my mouth. It was so beautiful, so broken, I felt tears on my face. He was crying too, but… it was normal.
Tonight he'd told me of his challenge.
Tonight he'd told me of Akito.
Because tomorrow… tomorrow was graduation.
But… not now. Not now. This was me, and him, in our broken dance, and I didn't want to think of anything but him. My hands gripped in his hair as he softly caressed my neck, hands worshipping my body, moving down, closer, softer, back along my back. "You're so beautiful," he murmured.
"You are too," I whispered, but he rolled his eyes. I sighed, gripping him harder. What would it take for him to believe me? Nothing short of a miracle, probably. I wished I'd met him sooner. He had so much hurt, so much for me to heal, but I knew I'd probably never get the chance. All I could do was be here, with him, for him, even though it would hurt us so goddamn much tomorrow.
"What are you thinking about?" he murmured, and I shook my head. He was looking at me carefully, his eyes boring into me.
"Shh. I love you." I had to tell him. I couldn't stop. I could never, ever tell him that much in words. "Don't stop," I croaked, and he sighed, moving forward and kissing me gently. He pulled me up again, until we were both sitting facing each other. He wrapped my legs around his waist and looked at me. "Don't stop." I could tell that he always hated this part. The muscles in his legs tensed and he moved inside of me.
I bit my lip and he crooned softly in my ear, his hand wrapping around the back of my head. "God," he gasped, and I let my face fall forwards till it was gently resting on his shoulder. I took a few deep, steady breaths, my eyes closing, reveling in the way he smelt, the way he felt, so hot, so gentle, so close beside me. The pain began to move away and was replaced by Kyo.
"Don't stop," I gasped. "Don'tevereverstop." He began to rock his hips and I was lost, so utterly, utterly lost, and god – it felt so, so wonderful. The tears met on our faces as we kissed, clumsily, lost in everything as it flew over our head. I didn't know how much noise we were making and I as sure as hell didn't care. He was moving, and it felt so wonderful, and I was choking, and it was… oh god… my nails raked down his back and he groaned, pushing further, harder, hotter, larger, more, more, and I couldn't stop hurting because it felt so good, so good, so goddamn precious –
He whispered my name and I lost it. Utterly. I screamed, literally, calling his name as loud as I can as pure gold, pure molten gold ran through me and it burnt, it was burning so bad and "IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou – " and it was so perfect, so wonderful, so amazing, so – oh god – ohgodohgodohgod –
We both leapt from our peaks together, our fingers gripping hard onto each other as our backs bowed and cried each others' names, lips moving silently in mantras of "I love you".
And I think I truly knew what it meant then. Truly.
---
It was the hardest thing in the world to say goodbye.
He simply stood there, the remnants of my kisses last night fading on his neck as he was crying. I so desperately wanted to hold him, to touch him, but Akito was standing behind him, and I couldn't. Kyo had told me not to even speak to him – any sign and we would both be so dead.
So I wrapped a hand around my arm and walked away.
---
Akito died.
I could tell he was hurting from this as I pulled him into my arms, but all I could think of when I kissed the top of his head and cried was that the curse wasn't broken.
His might be… but I was cursed with his love.
And I would never, ever regret it.
A/N
I suck so much at het. Shh.
Hope it's okay… Rennie…