Title: The Perfect Black.
Disclaimer: No. Just no.
Pairings: Only the brotherly kind. Not incest.
Rating: PG-13(ish)
Warnings: sibling rivalrly, some language.
Summary: Snippets of Sirius over the years from the first day of Hogwarts to when Sirius finds out Regulus has died.
A/N: There are a few things in here that I want to say. First off, this mostly concentrates on Sirius/Regulus' brotherly relationship. I like to think that since Regulus realized in time what a dick wad Lord Voldemort is, he might wish for his brother to be by his side again. And, I've given Sirius a nickname. If you don't like it then I am terribly sorry, But it just fit. I also tried to kind of incorporate the Lily/James relationship. Only a line though. But there is a bit about Sirius and James friendship.
This my take on Sirius' relationship with his parents and brother. The idea came to me when I heard the song Perfect by Simple Plan. It seemed to fit Sirius' life. So here it is.
And the song is Perfect by Simple Plan.
Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according
To plan?
-
"Sirius! Get down here, or you will miss your Hogwarts Express" The voice of Walburga Black carried through all the walls up to the attic where Sirius was hiding, a few minutes before he left this house and made a new one at his school. He was finally going to Hogwarts. He looked around his sanctuary, the one place where Walburga Black never corrupted with her disapproval. No, the attic was Sirius's little corner and while he did not know why his mother never came up here, he had never bothered to ask because he knew that doing so would lead to a few well placed slaps with her heavily ringed hand.
"SIRIUS!"
It was time, he decided and with another fleeting glance around the room he left.
Before landing those last few steps that would put him in direct view of his mother Sirius took a deep breath and calmed himself. Blacks did not show excitement, Blacks kept their emotions in check. Blacks were perfect.
When he came and stood in the hallway his father looked at him in a leveled gaze.
"Now remember Sirius, on the train do not talk to Mudbloods and other filth such as blood-traitors. Lucius Malfoy is prefect this year, he will introduce you to those of equal breed and upstanding in society such as us. He will take care of you. Slytherin will have gained an excellent student by tonight." With that Orion Black patted his oldest son once on the back and strode out of the house waiting for his wife and children to join him so they could Apparate to Platform nine and three quarters.
Sirius did not voice the one question he had been itching to ask since the day he receive his Hogwarts letter. What if he wasn't in Slytherin? But, he could not. He was a Black, they did not doubt their ability to be a good Slytherin.
-
Do you think I'm wasting
My time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along.
-
He heard the Hogwart's Express whistling. This was it, he realized.
No more Walburga Black yelling at her son not to prank her precious house-elf and to steer clear away from her obviously more admired son, Regulus.
He was about to climb onto the train when Regulus spoke up for the first time, "Sirius?"
Sirius paused. Even though Regulus was more favored by their mother, Sirius loved his baby brother unconditionally and would without hesitancy go to the ends of the earth to keep him from coming to harm, and Regulus knew that.
"Write to me." That was all Regulus said, but Sirius had understood. Regulus dared not say more in case his parents who at the moment stood a few yards away talking to the Malfoy's, heard Regulus' emotional appeal to his older brother.
Sirius nodded once and boarded the train.
"Goodbye, Mother, Father." He shouted to his parents as the train pulled away while softly adding only so that his brother could hear," Bye Regy."
With that the train sped away leaving behind two haughtily proud parents and a wistful child.
-
I'm never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me.
-
Sirius stood next to James Potter, a boy he had run into while escaping from Lucius Malfoy, whispering plots to prank the school from here to kingdom come when Professor McGonagall said loudly, "Black, Sirius."
Sirius slowly climbed onto the three legged stool and glanced at the Slytherin table. He saw his favorite cousin Andromeda smiling encouragingly at him, while Narcissa and Lucius looked on expectantly.
Ah... the Sorting Hat spoke. Curious. How very curious. You are not like the other Black's that I have sorted these past few centuries. You are ambitious, yes, but also brave and loyal. Most of all you love. How very interesting. You are intelligent. Far more intelligent then Slytherin could ever give you credit for. Ravenclaw perhaps? But no, you are far more fierce and loyal for Ravenclaw. But Hufflepuff won't suit you at all. No humility in you.
At this Sirius cracked a smile. He knew what the hat would say next and while he knew that his parents would shoot him off the tapestry, he also knew that this did not bother him. He longed, wished to be different. Sirius closed his eyes almost in half-prayer when the Hat shouted-
"GRYFFINDOR!"
Utter silence. That is what Sirius heard. No one cheered for him. No one clapped. Everyone looked on unwilling to believe what the Hat had just said.
Sirius chanced another glance at the Slytherin table. Andromeda was beaming. Lucius, angry and Narcissa confused.
Then a solitary high pitched voice rose out from the unsorted first years.
James Potter was clapping thunderously and other's followed suit. Including, Sirius noted, the red-head they had teased on the train. She was glancing sideways at the boy with the messy black hair with a reluctant smile on her face.
Sirius stepped off the stool with a cocky grin and cheered along with the rest of Gryffindor.
Sirius was in Gryffindor. It was perfect.
-
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
-
The next morning Sirius sat at the Gryffindor table joking with his new found friends. James, Remus, and Peter. The four boys were on the verge of a food fight when the rustling of hundreds of owls stopped them. Among the many owls Sirius saw the one he had been expecting and, though he would never admit out loud, dreading. An elegant black owl landed serenely in front of him carrying in it's beak a scarlet envelope.
Sirius continued to stare at it as if the Howler would vanish if he won the staring competition. He reached out and hesitantly opened the letter.
"SIRIUS BLACK!" His mother's voice resonated throughout the packed Great Hall. "HOW DARE YOU BE SORTED INTO THAT FILTHY HOUSE OF BLOOD-TRAITORS! I HAVE SPOKEN WITH THE HEADMASTER-"
Sirius quickly looked over at Dumbledore.
"-HE SAYS A RE-SORTING IS OUT OF THE QUESTION. YOU HAVE DISGRACED THE BLACK FAMILY AND RUINED BOTH FAMILY HONOR AND TRADITION."
"Do not come back for the holidays. You are not welcome in The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black any more." His mother hissed. And with those words the Howler went up in flames.
Sirius instinctively looked at the Slytherin table and saw a smug Lucius Malfoy. So he had been the one to tell his mother of his sorting.
Sirius turned his back on Malfoy and saw the shocked faces of his new friends.
"Bloody hell. It was just a letter." He quipped. " Besides, my mum's a dodgy old bat anyway."
"You aren't worried?" piped Peter.
"Worried? Nah, she'll take me back. She's a bit over-dramatic is all." Sirius shrugged nonchalantly and looked at James. "What?"
James stared at this friend a few moments longer then shook his head," Nothing, nothing at all."
-
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
-
Summers, Sirius decided, were going to be horrible as long as he was in Gryffindor. Nothing he could change about that though.
Sirius had come back from Hogwarts in June to find his parents waiting for him giving him a hard stone cold look. Behind them stood Regulus who had refused to even look at his older brother. This hurt Sirius the most.
Since coming back to Grimmauld Place, Sirius had stuck to his attic and ventured to the lower levels of the house only when Kreacher came to summon him for meals. His bedroom was decked out in Gryffindor colors. He had even changed the colors of his sheets and spreads to red and gold. The few advantages of living in a Wizarding household, he could do magic freely without worrying about being caught by the ministry.
This had caused his mother to go over the edge. Now whenever Sirius was in the room, she acted as if he were non-existent, except during pure-blood dinner parties when she put on a show and made it seem as if they were a perfect non-dysfunctional family.
Sirius snorted remembering the last dinner party. The Blacks, perfect? Sure.
-
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't
Care anymore
They were back at Platform Nine and three quarters. This time with Regulus wearing the Hogwarts robes as well. He would be starting school this year.
Sirius and Regulus had barely said more than a few lines to each other over the summer. Sirius had spent most of his time in the attic and Regulus, well Regulus kept to his own room when asked to by their mother.
This estrangement felt surreal to Sirius, it tore at his heart, knowing that being sorted into Gryffindor was what tore the two boys apart.
Sirius remembered days of summers past when he and Regulus would run up and down the house trying to entangle Kreacher in their silly childish games. When they would go riding on their toy broomsticks when father took them to the abandoned countryside.
Those days seemed a life time ago. Back then had been brotherly affection and an openness that was incomparable.
Now all that was left was cold indifference on his brother's part and wishful thinking on his.
Sirius thought that being sorted into Gryffindor was nothing to be regretful about. Now he was starting to wonder if his brother's cold shoulder was worth it.
Once the train had pulled away from the platform Sirius turned to his brother. "Do you want to sit with me?" He asked hesitantly.
"No," Regulus spat with venom Sirius did not think him capable of. "Wouldn't want to sit with a blood-traitor like you." With that Regulus turned his back on probably the one person who genuinely cared about him.
"Perfect," Sirius muttered, "Just perfect."
-
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothings alright.
-
"Give it up Sirius, whether you like it or not, the Dark Lord will conquer. And all those Mudbloods and blood-traitor filth you hang around will die one by one."
Regulus and Sirius were standing few feet apart, wands pointed at each other. Both equally headstrong and equally vicious.
"Is that what dear old mum has planned for you then? Being a Death Eater?" Sirius cried.
"You lost your right to call her mum the night you ran away and began living with the Potters. You mean nothing to her Sirius, you're just a disappointment. Nothing more. So you can go fuck yourself and any other Mudblood slut you fancy. No more mum telling you what's proper and what isn't."
"At least I haven't lost my sense of morality Regy." He spat the last word. How was it that something that had been a term of endearment for so long could be turned into something cold and nasty with just the right tone. "Nor do I blindly follow the path my parents have laid out for me without a clue as to what is right and what isn't."
-
Nothings gonna change
The things that you said
Nothings gonna make this
Right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
-
"You will see Rius, when the Dark Lord fully reveals himself, you will see for yourself what power he wields and then you'll come running back to us, begging to protect you."
"No, Regulus, you will be the one who'll see when your precious Dark Lord does something to abominable and twisted that even you will cringe and want out. Wait and watch, brother mine, wait and watch. When the time comes, you will want to walk away, but when you try, you'll get stabbed in the back by the very man you so revere now."
Then abruptly, Sirius spun around and strode out the Entrance hall back up to Gryffindor tower. If he had taken even a moment to look back at his brother, he would have seen a flash of pain on Regulus' face while his wand less hand was outstretched almost beseechingly, asking Sirius to come back. But the moment was gone and the other brother slunk away to the dungeons.
-
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
-
As the Inferi were pulling him below the surface into the fathomless water, Regulus saw only one face in front of him. His brother. Once more, with a hopeless hand streched out in frot of him, hoping that Sirius was indeed here to save him, Regulus whispered to no one, "I am sorry, Sirius..."
Then he was gone.
-
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothings alright
-
Sirius started awake and saw the Patronus of a doe in front of him.
Sirius, the doe said, Regulus is dead.
-
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect...