Hermione: Honestly! Haven't you even READ Hogwarts, a History? It clearly states that Hogwarts does not use lightbulbs. There are rules about it, you know. WHERE do you think we would get all those lightbulbs, year after year? It really doesn't make sense."
Snape: "Potter! You're screwing them in wrong!! What did I say about twisting your wrist to the right? Fifty points from Gryffindor!"
Percy: "Well, I'm actually writing a report on this for Thursday; it's appalling how little people know about the number of people required to screw in lightbulbs. I really believe, and of course so does Mr. Crouch, that it should be along the lines of three or four, but I've seen people trying to attempt it on their own, with absolutely no Ministry help! Really, we must examine the theory, come up with the ideal number and regulate it...it really is of utmost importance...Mr. Crouch trusts me, of course..."
Dobby: "It's already done, sir! Dobby though you might like it to be changed, sir! Was Dobby wrong, sir? Bad Dobby--ouch--bad Dobby--ooh!"
Ron: "Whatever Hermione said is completely wrong. I don't agree with her at all. Actually, no! She's the smartest person ever! Whatever she said is completely right! Couldn't have said it better myself. Actually, no. I could have...actually...no...I'm confused..."
Dumbledore: "I'm not sure if you're ready to know that...you should find it out for yourself, in your own time. Have a sherbet lemon."
Hagrid: "I could do it meself...uhh...you wouldn't tell if I just...sped it up a bit would ye?"
Fred and George, "How about you give it a shot? We'll just watch from a safe distance..."
Mr. Weasly: "Hold on...isn't that a Muggle artifact that uses elektricy? I mean, elkrictity? That is, elascticity? Rather, uh...elektracitity? How fascinating..."
Mrs. Weasly: "Just keep them away from my husband, dear. He does tend to get a little over-excited about these things."
Filch: "PEEVES!!"
Oliver Wood: "Right. So, gather around the diagram, people! So, first you take four people, which I've called squadron A, and they walk over to this position, which I've called Quadrant A. Then Squadron B goes to Quadrant C, grabs hold of the lightbulb, and immediately switches places with squadron A, moving though Quadrant D, of course, and without stopping, continues on to Quadrant B, which puts them in the right place for Squadron A to take control of the lightbulb...!"
Uncle Vernon: "Harry! Change the lightbulb! AND NO...YOU-KNOW-WHAT!!!"
Dudley: "Mummy... the lightbulb burnt out, and I can't...play my playstation!!! Make Harry ch-change it !"
Fudge: "Well, now, this is a very complex question, but let me assure you we have Ministry officials dealing with it as we speak. This is not a cause for worry, not at all."
Moody: "Why did it burn out? You have to pay more attention! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!"
Draco Malfoy: "Well, I can't do it! My arm hurts!"
Sybil Trelawny: "A lightbulb burning out is a strong omen that whomever is nearest will soon be decapitated by a blunt object. Potter was nearest, weren't you, you poor dear? No? I meant to say whoever was nearest whose name started with an H. Potter, you poor dear. Well, I'm afraid that only an odd number of people can replace it, since an even number would cause the world to explode within the next year, but anyone who replaces should watch out, because it is bad luck...Potter, why don't you give it a try? You poor dear..."
Gilderoy Lockhart: "You can read all about lightbulbs in Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to Muggle Household Appliances. Why it was only last week when I, to great personal risk of course, changed one of the nasty buggers myself. No, I know you're shocked...but there's really more to me than my dashing looks..."
