This is my first story I decided to post on FF…Hope you like, REVIEW! Even if it sucks lol.. xD!

Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight...

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"O Blackbird! sing me something well: While all the neighbors shoot thee round, I keep smooth plats of fruitful ground, Where thou may'st warble, eat and dwell." - Lord Alfred Tennyson

Chapter one: Blackbird

BPOV

The song "Blackbird" was playing on the radio. By this point in my life I've probably heard it, oh, about a thousand times. Approximately.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly.

Into the light of the dark black night.

I listened to the soft melody stifle the air around me- smothering me with the weighted memories of the event that occurred, on this day exactly five years ago. I walked to my radio, and pushed the button off.

"So…?"

"Yeah?" I said. I knew what she was going to ask me. It was the same question she kept pestering me about since the end of the last school year. And the answer was always no.

"Do you want to go?"

"Alice," I sighed, "Why would I want to subject myself to the humiliation of a particular group of people that find my presence entirely intolerable?"

I mean, who in their right mind would?

Alice, apparently.

She pouted, jutting her lips out while batting her lashes at me, "Please, Bella. I mean we never go. And stop being a smart ass. It's just a party and you're on your happy pills so, what's the worst that can happen?"

I laid back on my bed, glancing up at the glow-in-the-dark stickers on the ceiling.

"Fine," She huffed crossing her tiny arms across her chest, "You can stay here, but I am going."

I watched her as she stood up and took a dress bag out of her the overnight bag she had packed. She laid it on my bed as if it were Jesus himself; carefully unzipping it to not get the zipper caught in the fabric.

I smiled when she held up a short black dress with a tight fitted bodice and a sweetheart neckline. The skirt was sheer and tiered, reaching a few inches before the knees.

"Is that what you're going to wear?" I asked her, biting into my bottom lip.

"No, I actually bought it for you but, since you don't wanna go. I guess I'll just have to-"

I snatched the dress out of hand before she could finish, "Damn, do you always have to win?" I asked and winced when she began jumping up and down, screaming like a banshee.

"Geesh, Al, can you tone the wailing down?"

"Here are the shoes I bought to go with them," She handed me a pair of suede peep-toe pumps.

"Oh, and I didn't know if you wanted to wear tights or not, so I brought them anyway."

I smiled, thanking her because I was sure that I'd loose circulation in my legs without them.

"Now, go take a shower so I can do your hair and makeup," She shoved me in the direction of the bathroom.

Taking as long as possible without having to face the wrath of Alice, I stripped off my clothes and step into the shower. I sighed feeling the water sooth my skin. Maybe going out would be a good thing. Sure as hell beats staying here and wallowing in my own self-pity. And I was done wallowing.

Days earlier I had gone around pretending that this day wouldn't have an affect on me. Alice had done everything in her power to distract me, but she was failing miserably. It wasn't her fault that this time of year sent me into a state of depression and melancholy, but I guess that's what Prozac is made for.

I had given her a way out, suggesting that she go with Angela or someone. She had finally broken down and admitted that she was scared to leave me alone. I told her that I wouldn't do anything stupid and, I hadn't done...That in months. Not since I started seeing my new therapist anyway.

Alice had me prepped in thirty minutes. She spent the first twenty crimping and curling my hair in a style that she called "punk rock" and the last ten applying the contents of her Mac makeup kit to my face.

"Okay, you can look now," she pulled me up towards the mirror.

"You really did your self in this time, Al," I smiled. My face looked like something straight out of teen vogue. My eyelids were rimmed in black, which she explained to me as a smoky eye. I watched amused as she applied a soft pink gloss on my lips. She finished off with adding some foundation to my cheeks and forehead. I was surprised they made a tone white enough for my skin tone. I bet they named it Albino.

"Go so I can get ready," She pushed me out.

"Why the hell are you so pushy today?" I asked a tad bit annoyed.

She shook her shoulders, "I'll be ready in ten," she said before shutting the door.

I slipped on the dress and the tights, grabbing a leather jacket from my closet knowing that it would probably be chilly. The heels were cute, but they were an accident waiting to happen. I slipped my feet inside my flip-flops; opting to wait until we got there before I surrender to their torturous ways.

Alice was done in record time: clothed, primped, and ready-to-go.

I thought my dress was short, but Alice's put it to shame. It looked more like a shirt than a dress. It probably was, but only Alice could pull it off with her short stature.

Jane wasn't home so we didn't have to worry about coming up with a story as to where we were going and when we'd be back, as if she cared. But like a good girl I left a note on the fridge letting her know that we'd be back by one.

Mike's house wasn't too far from where I lived, in the upper-class part of town. It wasn't hard to miss seeing that Alice lived down the street from him, not to mention the high level sonic waves echoing from the threshold. Alice parked her BMW at her house, and we walked the two blocks there.

"Isn't this exciting Bella?" Alice said.

"Um, no. What are you doing?" I asked.

"Savoring the moment," she replied.

I rolled my eyes, "Don't you think you're hyping this up a bit?"

She shrugged, ignoring me.

To tell the truth there was nothing about Mike Newton's parties that I found remotely thrilling. It was just a bunch of high school kids getting high and ingesting more than twice the legal limit of alcohol. No one was scared of getting busted knowing that Mike's dad was the chief of police, no one at the station had balls enough to bust the chiefs house. We walked up the driveway, which was packed with cars, and up the steps to the front door. The base of the music sent vibrations through my body, echoing in my chest were my heart was.

The door swung open and a very tipsy Mike stood before us, cup in hand.

"Wow. Alice, Bella," He shouted over the music; I wanted to smack the dirty smile off of his face, "come on in."

He stepped aside so that we could enter. His house was massive, with two Victorian staircases winding up the entryway. A chandelier the size of my car hung from the ceiling.

Mike came up behind Alice and me, wrapping his hands around our waists.

"Why I have to say, you two look rather dashing." I gagged as the smell of alcohol rolled off of his tongue.

I removed his hand from waist and gave him a curt smile, "Thank you."

I grabbed Alice's before I was forced to karate chop Mike.

We walk to the punch, and Alice pours herself a cup. I'd rather drink my own urine than drink a cup full of mystery juice at Mike Newton's party. Although I read somewhere that you could actually survive on your on urine being that it's ninety-five percent water, before you get dehydrated from all the sodium. Not that I would attempt that or anything.

"Bella," I turned to see Angela standing behind us.

"Hi, Ang," I yelled over the base, smiling.

"You're here," She clapped her hands together "I thought you weren't coming?"

"Well, we weren't, but I pleaded Bella into submission."

"Where's Ben?" I asked her.

She shrugged and blushed, "Over there" she pointed over to the room to our left where Ben was chatting to a group of guys.

"So, why are you standing here talking to us?" Alice squealed, "Go talk to him."

"I-I can't."

"And why the hell not?" I rolled my eyes when Alice placed her hands on her hips and pouted.

"Guys like Ben, aren't interested in girls like me. I'm n-,"

"Shut up!" Alice screeched over the music and I'm forced to cover my ears.

Alice pushed past the people waiting inline for the bathroom. Shoving us in as the last person leaves.

Angela reminded me a lot of myself. Our ineptness and insecurities were similar, but she was a lot less socially challenged than I.

I watch curiously as Alice emptied the contents of her clutch on the counter, forcing Angela onto the toilet and began to apply the makeup to her face

"Ang, you're really pretty and you're smart and funny and if Ben can't see that then...fuck him."

"Really, you think so?" she smiled.

"Yes!" I winced, "Just ask Bella."

I nodded encouragingly, "You're amazing Ang."

Her smile widened, "Thank you Bella."

"Okay, almost done," Alice slid the scrunchy out of her hair, "Shake it," she ordered.

"What?"

"Your hair, Ang, shake it."

Angela greatly flipped her hair back and forth, and by the time Alice is done with her, she looked breath taking.

"Now, I want you to go out there, walk right up to him, and ask him to dance."

Her eyes grew wide, "What! No, no, no. I can't do that."

"Yes you can and will."

I watched Alice pull her out of the room, ignoring all the ticked off people in the line grumbling about the time we'd spent in there, and straight up to were we had stood before.

"Go," Alice orderd.

"Okay, okay, I'm going. Wish me luck, Bella."

"Good luck," I smiled receptively.

"Ohhh, I love playing cupid," She shrieked and I rolled my eyes.

We watched Angela walk right up to Ben; his eyes widen drifting up and down her body. Soon after, we watched them walk to an adjacent room.

"Wow, I can't believe that worked." I said, astonished.

"Me either."

"What, I thought you said-,"

"Yeah, well. I say a lot of things Bella," She gave me a devious smile.

"Well come on don't just stand there. Let's dance."

I smirked, thinking of the first time I'd met Alice.

"Whatcha doing?"

I jumped, causing the paint to spill all over my new jeans and the picture I had been painting. My tongue hit the roof of my mouth. I glanced up to look at the culprit who had disturbed the blissful mood I'd had created.

"Nothing," I said, squinting my eyes from the sun.

"Oh," she plopped her small body on my blanket, "I'm Alice."

"I'm Bella," I said, wishing she'd go away, but not wanting to be rude.

"Oh, I know."

"How?" I asked.

"It's a small town, word gets out."

I nodded, closing my eyes. I missed home.

"So, what grade are you in?" She asked.

I sighed. Alice looked to be in about third grade as she toyed with one of the pink ribbons tied to her pig tales.

"Sixth," I told her.

"Oh, me too."

"Really?" I wasn't sure whether or not I believed her.

"Yes…Do you wanna be friends?" She asked.

"Um. Sure," I smiled and she squealed.

"So, what are you painting?" She leaned over my shoulder.

"My house."

She snatched the paper out of my hand, "That doesn't look like Jane's house," she informed me.

"I wasn't drawing her house. It's my old house… in Phoenix."

I watched her eyes grow wide, "Ohhh, duh! That's why there's a cactus in the yard."
I nodded and her smile widened, and she giggled.

"What?" I said.

"I think were gonna be good friends."

I returned her smile.

Me too.

"Wow, I'm spent," Alice breathed wiping the sweat from her forehead, "Hold my drink, I have to pee."

We had spent the last ten minutes, gyrating our hips on the dance floor. I knew we looked crazy, but I didn't care. That's the thing about Alice; her very spirit was just intoxicating. You could either love or hate it-people tended to lean more towards the hate it side. If they thought that of Alice I wondered what they thought of me. Crazy, Isabella Swan, with her panic attacks and mood swings.

"My, my," I turned to see Jessica and Lauren behind me, "Well, look Lauren; it's the little freak Bella."

Lauren snickered and I turned back around.

Just ignore them, Bella.

"Wow, you look good Bella," Lauren mocked "I mean when you're not on the floor, screaming and shit."

I don't know why I let them get to me, it's not like they now me. My eyes stung, but I refuse to cry in front of them. Just remember what Esme said "Don't let people have power over you."

"Shut up," I said, but it is just above a whisper.

"Whatcha' say Bells?!" Jessica continued, "You know it's rude to not look at someone when they're speaking to you."

She's loud and the whole room stopped and stared. There words stab at my chest, but when I pushed pass them to leave, Lauren blocked the doorway.

"Where are you going, to the bathroom? So you can carve yourself?" She ridiculed in high-pitched tone.

I knew people knew about what had happened two years ago in the girls bathroom, but most would only talk about me behind my back. But for some unfathomable reason, Lauren and Jessica set their life mission to make my life a living hell.

I felt a tear slip, and it only fuels them more, "Awww, don't cry Bells, we weren't serious," Lauren smirks. Bitch.

"Bella?" I heard Alice's voice, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Jessica and Lauren stumble at the same time.

Alice probably reached up to their shoulders, but they were practically shaking from her voice. She's tiny, but piss her off and she'll screw you over.

"You weren't giving Bella any trouble, right guys?" People were still watching and I planted my gaze on the wood floor boards.

"God, no. We're just talking."

"Yeah, well I guess the conversation's over."

I don't look at them, but I glanced up in time to see them retreat through the doorway Laruen had just blocked.

It would be an understatement to say that Alice's expression was irate.

"Why, do let those bitches talk to you like that Bella?"

When I don't answer she sighed, talking my hand.

"Do you wanna leave?"

"No, it's okay if you want to stay," I told her, but she insisted that she was too pissed to enjoy herself. I felt kind of bad, she'd been talking about this for months and I had to go and ruin it with my antisocial tendencies.

Later, I explained to her that I am truly sorry, but she says not to worry about it. She snuggled into my back, and we spent the night whispering, until I fall asleep. I said a prayer just before I do, praying that God would take my problems away.

It was a dark and bitter Monday night, not an anomaly for phoenix. I sat in the back of my dad's beat up '91 Corolla, humming along to an old Beatles song that was playing on the local radio station. I counted the trees as they whizzed by 550, 551, 552…I had given up on trying to understand the heated argument brewing in the front seat. Counting trees: an old habit of mine I had created many years ago to distract myself from their frequent front seat fights. 553,554… This argument had been about moving somewhere or possibly seeing about something. They spoke in cryptic little messages purposely leaving me out. The number five hundred and forty-four was the last thing that passed through my head as we made impact. I felt the searing pain of the seatbelt tighten around my chest as I lurched forward with a sickening crunch. I heard a disgruntled grunt from my father who had been sitting directly in front of me and a sharp scream from my mother that was suddenly cut short. Everything went black.

When I opened my eyes I had miraculously made it to the curb, having no recollection of how or when I got there. It definitely hadn't been too long, because the navy blue Corolla had burst into flames maybe 200 or so feet way from where I stood. Instinctively, I had begun to run, specifically towards the blood curdling screams escaping from our ignited vehicle. Knowing deep down in the bottom of my heart that there was nothing I could do. They were gone. Darkness began to envelope my sight, narrowing in from the edges, until all I could see was the bright orange light of flickering flames from hell. I welcomed it.

Later when I had read the police report, it said that they had died on impact and a passing car had found me there. I was the one screaming.

~*~

It was my first day of school in Forks. I had to wear my old clothes from phoenix, because Jane had "forgotten" to get me new cloths. My head hurt and it was pouring outside.

"Jane?" I called upstairs, "I think it's time for school."

I didn't want to go in her bedroom; she had brought a man home last night and his car was still parked out front.

"I'm coming!" She snarled down the stairs.

I sighed, and went to sit on the sofa.

Okay, got my lunch? Check.

Took my pills? Check.

Look decent? I glanced down assessing my wardrobe, check minus.

This was going to be a long day.

That's when I saw him; for the first time since the accident. The image flickered in my peripheral, a boy about twelve; my age.

His hair was the same shade of red, very bronze like; his eyes, green and glossy, just like I remembered. He had tiny freckles around his jaw. He stared at me and I returned his gaze.

Before I could have spoken he vanished, blending with sound of Jane descending the stairs.

A panicked voice jousted me out of my sleep, "Oh God, Bella," I blinked my eyes, but they are cloudy and wet, "Oh my god, are you okay?"

"Alice?" I glanced up confused.

"Oh, Bells, you were doing so well. What happened?" Alice cooed into my ear.

I scanned the room, but I only see crimson. Blood.

"Why is there blood on the floor?" I asked incredulously.

"I called the ambulance," I heard Jane's voice say.

She is standing by the door, her arms crossed, and a disgusted look plastered on her face.

"I hate blood," she informed us.

"Then leave!" Alice screamed; it hurt my ears.

"Alice, what's wrong? Who needs an Ambulance?"I asked worried.

"You do sweetheart," I felt her arm support the back of my neck.

I tried to wipe the blood from my palms, but the flow won't stop.

"I'm tired," I heard myself speak.

"No, you need to stay awake until help gets here," Alice said.

I nodded my head slightly, and I kept my eyes open until the paramedics got there.

They loaded me into the back, and I insisted that I won't leave unless Alice came, but she told me not to worry and that she'll follow us in her car. At the hospital, Jane filled out paperwork at the nurse's desk and Alice is in my bed, under the covers with me.

"Alice?"

"Yeah?" I can't see her face, but her voice is filled with concern.

"I'm sorry...I-I honestly don't remember doing it, and I wasn't mad or anything. I'm a fr-,"

"Bella, Don't," She cut me off, "Don't you ever say that word. Ever."

Rarely did she use that tone with me and I knew it usually meant business.

"Did you hear me?" She turned, staring intently.

"Yes," I nodded that I understood.

"Good," She huffed lying back on the bed.

I sigh drifting into unconsciousness, enjoying the scent of her strawberry shampoo and the smell of "hospital".

Alice woke me up when the doctor came, and boy was he something to look at.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Cullen." He extended his hands to me. My mouth literally hit the floor when I got a good look at him. He couldn't be a day over 30. He had short blond hair that he had combed back. His face was angular, with clear grey eyes.

Wait, Cullen. Like Dr. Esme Cullen, but she didn't have a husband, especially one this hot.

"Dr. Cullen? Like Esme Cullen?" I asked.

He lowered his eyebrows, "Yes, she is my sister. How do you know of her?"

"Well, she's…um, my….uh…doctor," I finished lamely.

He nodded understanding; it was embarrassing enough having to admit that I had a shrink.

I watched him curiously as he jotted something down on my chart, "Are you taking any medication, Isabella?"

"Bella," I correct him, "Yes, um, Prozac."

He nodded jotting down something else.

"Well can we go now?" Jane snarled from the lounge chair.

Dr. Cullen glanced up surprised, "Well, none of her wounds are deep. And they missed all of the important arteries. So yes she is free to go. The nurse will get your release forms."

Alice, who had practically clung to his every word smiled and purred, "Bye Dr. Cullen."

I rolled my eyes at her.

"What?" she shrugged innocently, "Can't a girl try?"

I shook my head.

"Come on, get your shit and let's go. I'll be at the front desk," Jane stood and stomped out of the room.

"I swear, I'll kill that bitch," Alice spat venomously.

I shook my head, "You can't. Then I'd have to leave."

"Damn, you're right. Can I kill her when you're eighteen?"

I shrugged. "Sure."

~*~

Alice stood, rummaging through my closet.

"Wow, I seriously have to get you more clothes."

"No, you don't. I don't need anymore clothes."

"Well, why is it that I can't find anything to put on you?" She kicked the pile of clothes on the floor.

"Because you're being too picky," I scolded her, "All I need is something that will cover up all the scars."

"Fine," She huffed, "You can wear this." I watched her place a pair of black jeans and a black turtleneck on my bed.

"See, was that so hard?"

She shot me a sour look, "Yeah, whatever."

I pulled on my clothes and she drove us to school.

"You sure you want to go to school? We can skip and go to Seattle."

"No, Al, I'm okay. Really," I lied.

She nodded, although I knew she doesn't believe me.

First period biology went by fast; no one said anything to me, as usual. I sat in the far back, invisible to the world, drawing cacti on my assignment. Mr. Banner said something, but I don't care enough to listen. My eyes wondered out the window, imagining a world where I wasn't such a freak of nature. I was glad Jessica and Lauren weren't in this class, I don't think I could've mustered enough strength to endure their banter.

I jumped as the bell rang, signaling that it was time for the next class. On my way to government I heard the latest gossip. It appeared that Forks high has four new students, probably bringing the grand total to two hundred and three.

I had Alice in Gov. and she rambled, giving me the details she had acquired from Megan who works in the main office.

"Well you know the hot doctor you saw like two days ago?" she continued before I answered, "Well he's got three really hot adopted sons: Jasper, Emmett, and Edward. Oh, and there's a girl too, Rosalie. Emmett's big. I mean gimundo huge, but not in a fat kind of way. More like sexy-hot-I-wanna-fuck-your-brains-out-football-playing-funny-boy kind of way. Or at least that's what Megan told me. She had him first period. Oh, and Edward's cute, but he's a lot smaller, but he's not my type. He's like a red head or a bronze-head. Rosalie's pretty, but she looks like a complete bitch. I bet we'd make great friends. Jasper, oh my god, Jasper is a god. He has like long-ish blond hair that reaches his shoulders, but not too long. I think it's naturally highlighted, because I don't seem him as the type to do that. So hands off," she warned.

I sighed, "What ever you say Al."

Like any of them would be interested in me.

I don't think I caught half of what she just said.

"Ms. Brandon?" Mr. Jefferson called, "Please stop talking."

This caused the entire class to snicker; everyone knows Alice never stops talking.

I don't see any of the Cullens' in the hallway or in any of my classes. I didn't even see them at lunch even though the school only has two lunch periods, one for lowerclassmen and another for upperclassmen.

I don't usually buy into the hype and gossip of Forks high, but thinking about this helped me keep my mind in other places.

By the time English rolls around, I was certain that I probably wouldn't have class with them.

When I walked into the door, I am shocked into a stump.

It's him

The boy, oh god, it's him; the bronze hair the green eyes. It's him!

The only thing that kept me moving was the fact that Alice was about to dismember my arm by the way she yanked on it.

"That's him," She squealed pointing at the blond.

But I didn't look at him, my eyes bored into the back of his bronze head.

This is a dream

Bella, this is a horrible dream and you need to wake up. Oh god, I'm probably carving myself up like a pumpkin right now.

I heard Alice's dull murmuring in the background, but I wasn't listening. My ears were pounding the sound of my pulse drowning out everything else.

Thump. Thump.

I tryed to shake my self from my stupor. Wake up, Bells. Come on, you can do it.

Maybe this isn't a dream. Maybe it's just a mirage like all the other times I've seen him.

Mr. Masen said something about Maya Angelou and a caged bird, but I am too far gone to even begin to comprehend what he's saying.

My lungs hurt; they felt damp and sticky like when you put on a wet shirt.

Breathe Bella.

"Are you okay?" Alice whispered.

I shook my head adamantly and ignored her.

While I drowned out Mr. Masen's teaching I gazed at Edward. I knew that was his name, because Alice clearly pointed out the Blonde as Jasper. He's really tall, like over six feet, which I could tell from the way his body was folded in his chair, but he's more solid and defined than lanky. His hair was a dark amber color and the skin on his face is sun-kissed, but his hands are pale. I'm drawn to his eyes: Big and green. I'd compare it to the color of fresh cut grass. They complement the tiny random freckles scattered on his cheeks; he had really long eyelashes. The more I watch him the more I relaxed; I concentrate on his jaw.

He glanced up and catches me watching him. I drop my gaze immediately, blushing as I do. When I looked up, he's still watching me. His eyes, intent and burning into mine with…curiosity? I blushed again. He tilted his head to the side, like a confused dog, before his head snaps back to the front.

"What was that?" Alice whispered from my left.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been staring at him since he walked through the door. You like him don't you?" She asked snickering.

I glance over at Edward, only catching the far corner of his jaw.

"Drool much?" Alice said.

"I was only checking if he was still watching me!"

"Protest much?" She snickered.

"Yeah whatever."

She folded her arms across her chest smugly.

I want to tell Alice the truth, but I know how crazy and psychotic I would sound.

Hey, Al. Um, you know how I take meds for my self-mutilating tendencies? Well I don't really do it on purpose, It happens when I'm sleeping in the middle of the night. And when I wake up, I find sharp objects in my hand and wounds on my body. Oh, and while I'm doing this, I dream of a mysterious man, who calls to me and appears in different locations and he looks a hella-ova-lot like Edward Cullen.

Yeah, that's not going to happen.

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