Just because this is my first fanfic doesn't mean I hate criticism! Just review. I don't care if it says my story is horrible, as long as it says why.
I don't own Yin Yang Yo. Chances are, I never will. Even if I did, I doubt I'd change much.
Prologue
The Ultimate Moose Fighting Dojo was the best martial arts school in the town, and everyone knew it. There were only two dojos in town, and it was easy to see the difference. Ultimoose's had at least thirty elite students, while that Woo Foo place had only two. Well, one, after today.
Swords, staves, and other weapons lay neatly on the racks scattered around the gym. Florescent lights lit everything with a cold, bright sharpness. The white tile floor was clean and polished. All the students were in their usual red-and-white uniform, sitting in a cluster near the back.
Ultimoose himself stood facing the group. He looked quite threatening today, with his metal horns shining from the lights. Next to him stood a blue rabbit, the new kid. He wasn't in uniform, nor did he have the signature hat. After all, it was his first day. He wouldn't get anything until the proper ceremonies were done.
"I would like you all to welcome Yang to Ulimate Moose Fighting! Hoo Ha Hoo!" Ultimoose's horns blew tongues of fire into the air, displaying his name.
"Hoo ha wha?" the students responded, and little puffs of smoke puffed from their hats. Yang looked like a worthy student, even though he'd been stupid enough to train at that Woo Foo dojo. He might rise near the top of the class in a few weeks.
"As in Ultimate Moose tradition, Yang will have his initiation beating now."
The master gave Yang a little push towards the group, then took a few steps back.
"Initiation beating?" Yang questioned. He let out a bellowing laugh. "You really expect these guys to beat me up?" A few students winced. Confidence like that did not go unnoticed. He really knew how to fight.
"Anyone want to give him his Ultimate beating? Hoo Ha Hoo!" Ultimoose offered, blowing more fire from his horns. All the students remained still. Not a single one of them puffed any smoke. They had a chance to be beaten themselves if they faced the rabbit. That kind of humiliation could only be described with one word: girly.
A student near the back of the group silently fumed. What, were all these ladies too scared to go up against a Woo Foo student? He'd barely had any training, and the training he did get was very poor. That was it.
The student raised his hand. Everyone turned their heads to look at the golden retriever. He was one of the better students, but even so, everyone was surprised. He wore the usual uniform, except for one difference. His helmet gleamed bright gold. He was one of the first students to enroll at the dojo, and he had already taken the oath. His hat could even make his name appear in fiery glory, but he only made smoke when around the other students. He didn't want to be a jerk and show off.
"Very well, Max," Ultimoose responded. "Let the initiation begin!"
All the students got up, spreading out and pushing the weapon racks to the side. In just fifteen seconds, the gym was cleared, and all the students were standing against the wall. One of the students took a bamboo staff off a rack and threw it to the brave dog. Max calmly reached up and caught it, whirling into a fighting stance. The staff pointed directly at Yang's heart.
"Oh please," Yang said. He took out his own sword and whirled it. He stopped, showing how it magically changed into a staff. "This should be over soon." After all, that dog's stance was pretty weak. It looked threatening, yeah, but one push could knock him over.
Yang leaped at his opponent, brining his staff back to strike. "Chi Hoo…" A metallic robot arm grabbed him by the ears. "Wha?" Ultimoose's robotic horn-arm jerked him closer.
"No weapons for the newbie," he stated. Another arm latched onto Yang's staff and plucked it away. "The point is to get Ultimately beaten. Well, in you go."
The robo-arms tossed him back into the empty center of the gym. He did a face-plant, but he still stood up. He rubbed his face, then got into a fighting stance of his own.
"Okay, let's see what you got!" he shouted, still smiling. With or without his sword, this would be a piece of cake.
Max immediately leaped towards Yang, sweeping his weapon sideways so he could crack it against the rabbit's head. Yang rolled his eyes. Max landed right next to him, swinging his staff.
Yang grabbed it with one hand. However, he didn't expect Max to pull a trick. Before he knew it, the staff whirled in a complete circle, with Yang still holding on. He slammed into the ground. His own gasping breaths seemed too loud as his nose pressed against the floor. He felt a foot on his back.
Max snickered gleefully. "Any of you ladies scared of this bunny now?" he said to the other students. A few of them looked away, completely embarrassed. Maybe this rabbit wasn't so tough after all.
Yang moaned. This guy wasn't half bad. But, he still didn't have his stances right. Max had one foot planted on his back, which meant that he had only one foot on even ground. He squirmed a little, looking sideways to make sure he knew where it was. Putting all his force into it, he delivered a solid kick.
Max took a dive as his foot was pushed out from under him. He tried to support himself using the staff, but it slid on the smooth floor and rolled a few feet away. He landed on top of his opponent with a thump.
Groaning, Yang dragged himself out from under the golden retriever and pushed himself up. Max was so startled he didn't try to stand. Yang reached out and grabbed the end of the dropped staff. Max rolled onto his back just in time to see Yang driving the end of the weapon into his ribs. He doubled over in pain.
Yang whacked him like a hockey puck, sending Max to the other side of the room. There was barely enough time to get up before the staff connected with his shoulder. He just fell back down again, leaving time for a few swift cracks on his back.
Ultimoose had had enough. A robotic arm snaked out from the inside of his horns. Max found himself being lifted by the scruff of his shirt. He got pulled closer to Ultimoose, almost enough to see his eyes bloodshot from anger.
"Only a girl would loose their weapon like that!" Ultimoose yelled. "He didn't even know how to fight!"
"Well, considering he just beat one of your star pupils, I would say he could," Max pointed out.
"Silence! Since you are obviously so girly, I hereby ban you from the Ultimate Moose Fighting Dojo! Hoo Ha Hoo!"
Ulitmoose's horns didn't flame up because they were holding someone. No student puffed any smoke, and they probably wouldn't have even if the fire did appear.
Ultimoose kicked the door open, and Max was promptly thrown into the middle of the street. He picked himself off the asphalt, rubbing the pointy grit off his hands. The door slammed with a bang, ending his time at the dojo.
Max casually glanced up at the large front window. The students had all gone away from the sides of the room, except one. Yang was still standing there, watching Max with a giddy smile. He suddenly realized that he had been spotted, and ducked back into the room.
Max gritted his teeth. He stomped over to the sidewalk before a car could come. This was not fair! He'd been at the top of the class, and this Woo Foo loser comes in and gets him banished from the dojo? It was a Woo Foo student, one who shouldn't be respected enough to take his spot in the class.
He began to walk back to his house, staring at the sidewalk. His uniform was still on, but a little dirty from his collision with the road. His hands stung from smacking the pavement so hard, and that spot he got jabbed in the ribs still ached. Worse than that, his golden horns on the helmet got bent, and he could hear a hissing sound coming from it. All the gas that powered the flames was slowly escaping. It was useless.
Why did that Woo Foo rabbit beat him anyway? Max had a weapon and superior training. Yang only had his own fists, he didn't know how Ultimate Moose Fighters fought, and he'd had horrible training…
Or had he?
None of the students at the dojo could have pulled off stunts like Yang did. Either he was taught pretty well, or he was very lucky. Max turned around, looking at his old dojo that was almost out of sight. The only way to find out was to watch Yang fight again.
And, of course, the best way to do that would be to spy on the dojo later.
Thank you for making your way through the entire prologue! I'm aiming most of my parts to be this long, and once I start the chapters going, I should have one out every few days.
All I want is a review that has reasons. Don't just say "OMG, it was AWESOME!" or "OMG, that was the worst writing I've ever seen!" Actually tell me why you liked/hated it. Constructive criticism is an author's bread and butter.