Disclaimer: I do not Gundam SEED Destiny. Good night.
"I am going to kill someone!" screeched Lunamaria loudly enough to rival a banshee. Shinn, who up until then had been enjoying a warm shower, ran to her rescue with a frown upon his face.
"What's your problem?" he demanded in a not so knight-in-shining-amour way. The young man was wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist and was still quite damp from his shower. If she weren't so mad, Luna would have taken a minute to enjoy the view.
"Have a look at this!" she exclaimed, dramatically throwing one of her gossip magazines at her boyfriend's face.
Shinn looked at it.
"Your point is?" he asked blankly, blinking once or twice.
"Turn to page 37," snapped his angry girlfriend.
Frustrated, mainly because Luna wouldn't tell him straight out what the hell her problem was, but also somewhat because he was being forced to read a chick magazine, the raven haired boy did as she said. After violently flipping through the glossy pages, missing page 37 and landing on page 73 instead, angrily re-flipping through the pages and finally finding the cursed page, Shinn screamed.
--XX--
Celebs Weekly, 37EX-MS PILOT SHINN ASUKA CAUGHT SKIPPING CLASSES WITH GIRLFRIEND! By C.L. Editor.
On May 3d of this week, ex-Destiny pilot Shinn Asuka was caught skipping his advanced calculus class at the PLANTs Supreme University on Aprilius One, accompanied by his girlfriend, up and coming runway model, Lunamaria Hawke. It would seem that the young ace-pilot deemed himself to cool for school and decided to play hooky with his gorgeous girlfriend. According to one insider, that's not all they were doing.
"Those two aren't exactly innocent, if you get what I mean," said the insider; "they have no qualms with getting excited in inappropriate places if you catch my drift."
It would seem that with such a beautiful girlfriend always by his side, Mr. Asuka was unable to control his primitive urges and skipped class for some quick sex. The only advice we at Celebs Magazine have to give to our dear Shinn is to stop screwing and start studying!
Photo by H.M.
--XX--
It took a long time for both Shinn and Luna to calm down, and even when they had stopped ranting together, they were still upset. Sometime during their 'angry spell', Meyrin had called, shocked to learn that her sister was such a sex fiend. Not only was shocked at her sister, she was also furious at Shinn, who she claimed was responsible for all this. It had taken a lot of screaming on both sides of the receiver before either the ex-Destiny pilot, or his gorgeous, beautiful girlfriend (to quote Celebs Magazine) could convince the younger girl that the cursed article on page 37 was nothing but a work of fiction. (Well, the bit about Shinn and Luna being sex fiends was, though the skipping classes bit was true).
A little while later, Athrun phoned with wanting to talk to Shinn. Meyrin had told him about the whole magazine scandal and experienced in this domain, the older boy had called with advice. However, being the prideful creature he was, Shinn refused to answer the phone, claiming that his friend had just phoned to gloat. Luna ended up talking to Athrun on speakerphone with Shinn sulking a few feet away from her, naturally.
"Tell him to ignore it," advised Athrun into the phone, "it'll blow away in time."
"Ok…" answered Lunamaria doubtfully.
"Don't let him do anything stupid," added her ex-crush quickly, "tell him that if he really can't it stand he should write a letter to the editor."
--XX--
Dear Editor,
How dare you publish such lies about my girlfriend and I? Hunh? Who is your stupid insider anyways? Did you just make him up? Luna and I are not some kind of crazy sex fiends! And we weren't skipping class to screw either! We were attending a funeral service for our friend! You read that? A funeral! If you had taken the time to even look at that godforsaken picture your photographer took, you would have noticed that we were both wearing black clothes! You bunch of idiots! Oh, and one more thing – Luna's not just some whore, stop depicting her that way! She's not just my girlfriend either, she's so much more than that. Now quit writing lies about other innocent people and go fix your mistake!
More sincere than you'll ever be,
Shinn Asuka
--XX--
The funeral in question was held for Rey Za Burrell who, though he had spent his final days acting like a complete nut job, had been a close friend to both Shinn and Luna and was deeply missed by the both of them.
Luna, of course, did not get a chance to read Shinn's letter before he sealed it and sent if off.
--XX--
Soon after Shinn had sent off his letter, the magazine incident was forgotten. Life retook its normal course and Luna, who had boycotted her favorite gossip source until then, began buying Celebs again. However, this would not prove to be one of her wisest decisions.
It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and Luna had been sunbathing in the living room while enjoying her precious intake of celebrity gossip. She had just finished reading a particularly steamy story about a messy love triangle gone haywire when she turned the page to something that she did not want to see.
"You stupid bastards!" she yelled at the not-responding magazine. "Shinn, get in here!"
The raven haired boy, who had been busy putting away groceries, ran into the living room fearing the worst.
"I thought you told that stupid editor to stop writing stories about us!" steamed Mount Lunamaria, a very active volcano.
"I did!" snapped back Mount Shinn, who was, if possible, an even more active volcano than Mount Lunamaria.
"Than what's this?" demanded the violet-eyed girl, dramatically throwing her magazine at Shinn and giving him a case of serious déjà vu. Not even bothering to let his manly pride get hurt by the fact that he was reading a girly piece of crap for the second time in a month, the young man peeled the magazine off his face and opened it.
"What page?" he asked with dread.
--XX—
Celebs Magazine, 37
LUNAMARIA HAWKE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE? By C.L. Editor.
Anyone who knows of Shinn Asuka and Lunamaria Hawke's passionate love story knows that Shinn is head over heels in love with Luna and helplessly devoted to her. However, does she feel the same? Apparently not. According to one of our sources poor Shinn is nothing but a rebound to Lunamaria who is still hopelessly with her dead lover: Rey Za Burrell.
"It's sad, really," our anonymous source told us, "she's (Lunamaria Hawke) loved Rey since the days she first laid eyes on him, but he's never thought of her as more than a friend. She was devastated when he died. Luna's never said anything, but I know that she only hooked up with Shinn because he was Rey's best friend. I feel sorry for her, but she has no right to mess with Shinn's feelings the way she does."
Luna has yet to admit her feelings to Shinn, but we here at Celebs Magazine suggest that she do it now and move on with her life.
Photo by H.M.
--XX--
Shinn looked at Lunamaria in doubt. She stared back at him skeptically.
"Are we sex fiends?" she asked.
"No."
"Are these people sincere?"
"No."
"Was I ever in love with Rey?"
"…No."
"Think I should write a letter to the editor?"
"No…I mean yes!"
--XX--
Dear Editor,
First and foremost, I would just like to say that I'm a HUGE fan of your magazine and will be until the day I die. But there's something that's been bugging me about your writing recently…you see, for whatever reason, you've been having fun publishing untruthful stories about me and my boyfriend (whom I adore) Shinn. I hate to break it to you, but your sources don't know anything about Shinn or me and are just telling you a bunch of lies. Like, Shinn and I aren't sex fiends – heck Shinn's still a virgin (and I haven't done it since BEFORE we hooked up). And you guys are sooooooooooo way off your mark when you say that I'm obsessed with Rey! Never in a million years could I like like him! He's not at all my type. Like, Athrun Zala maybe, and of course, Shinn, but never Rey! So anyways, could you PLEASE stop writing made-up stories about us? It's starting to interfere with our personal lives.
Always a fan,
Lunamaria Hawke.
--XX--
Yes, it's true; Shinn is still a virgin. Cagalli Yula Attha, if you're reading this, you didn't hear it from me.
--XX--
The next few days went by as if almost nothing had happened, but this time magazine incident did not completely disappear from Shinn and Luna's minds. They became more and more aware of people, photographers mostly, following them. Lunamaria was also stopped on the street once or twice by complete strangers who would tell her off about how she was misguiding Shinn. And Shinn was given sympathetic looks from every gossip girl he saw.
Meyrin and Athrun had both called. Meyrin had been shocked and furious, telling Luna that even if Shinn wasn't the greatest of guys and that she could do way better, she had no right to lead the poor boy on like that. Meanwhile, Athrun had managed to get Shinn on the line and gave him what the younger boy would later call "useless advice." They were both dealt with quickly enough, but the others weren't.
People, friends mostly, though there were a few enemies in the mix, had begun calling the house. Youlant and Vino had both called twice: once to console Shinn on being messed with by some stupid temptress, and another time to congratulate Luna on being a pimp. Arthur Trine from the Minerva phoned and gave the ex-ZAKU warrior pilot a long-winded lecture on how she shouldn't toy with people's feelings before Lunamaria could even get a word in. Mwu or Neo had also dropped a line to tell the young woman not to feel ashamed of herself, seeing as Shinn was doing the same thing to her because, according to the man who had lost his memory, the raven-haired boy was still obsessed about Stellar. (It was probably not the smartest thing to say seeing as Luna confronted Shinn that night and ended up throwing a book at his head – they had since made up). Even Cagalli had taken time out of her busy schedule to call Shinn about the article and gloat.
Yet, as annoying as this all was, the Shinn/Luna alliance was happy as long as their relationship stayed out of the papers, especially Celebs Magazine. Unfortunately for them, our dear Editor, C.L., seemed intent on writing more stories about them. So, to those who knew the illustrious C.L., it came as no surprise when they saw both Shinn Asuka and Lunamaria Hawke on the cover of Celebs. But for the couple in question, it was a different story.
--XX--
Celebs Magazine, 37
SHINN ASUKA AND LUNAMARIA HAWKE; REALTIONSHIP PROBLEMS! By C. L. Editor.
It would seem that though the public loves their relationship, the Shinn/Luna alliance does not. The two of them seem to be going through a rough time…
--XX--
Neither Shinn nor Luna could be bothered to read any further. They already knew what to expect; nothing but a bunch of lies about their love life.
"I can't take this anymore! Why do they keep writing stupid made-up fairy tales about our love life? Who even cares?" ranted the fuchsia-haired girl. "Why do they keep on doing this? Why?"
"Maybe because we aren't giving them anything juicy enough to write about," mumbled Shinn.
"What?"
The red-eyed boy smirked.
"Follow me," he commanded.
Grabbing her by the arm, Shinn directed his girlfriend to the front yard, where he promptly and passionately kissed her for all the hidden photographers to see and take pictures of. Lunamaria, who had been surprised at first, and even a bit embarrassed, placed her hands upon her boyfriend's head and began ruffling his hair, enjoying this spontaneous bit of fun.
How did the old saying go again?
Oh, right.
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
--XX--
H.M., also known as Haww, Miriallia or Miriallia Haww proudly handed over her newest masterpiece to her boss, C.L., also known as Lacus Clyne.
"It's about time those two kissed for the cameras," said the pink princess, observing the photo of Shinn and Luna kissing with a satisfied smile. "I'd call this mission accomplished, wouldn't you?" she asked.
"Oh, indeed," replied Miriallia.
"Well then, I suppose it's time we move on to our new target," suggested the white queen, who acted as the editor of Celebs Magazine during her free time, "Athrun and Cagalli."
--Fin--
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