Tryin' to get control

Pressure's takin' its toll
Stuck in the middle zone
I just want you alone
My guessing game is strong
Way too real to be wrong
Caught up in your show
Yeah, at least now I know

-Perfect Illusion; from Lady Gaga

Kendall felt her heart hammering in her chest. Everything felt so confusing, so chaotic. She couldn't make sense of anything. One minute everything was fine, the next. . .

The air felt thicker, heavier. Kendall felt as though she couldn't breathe. It was like everything was closing in on her. Her mind was going a mile a minute, her breathing was becoming terribly labored. Panic, fear, anxiety — those emotions were swirling in the air, tangling together in a way that was almost overwhelming. Kendall felt as though she would faint, that was how strong those emotions were.

Looking at her hands, Kendall felt as though she were looking at someone else's. It felt foreign, even to herself. Was that the right explanation? Furrowing her brows, Kendall felt her jaw clench and her teeth grind together. The bloodstains on her hands were blotchy and dark. They were drying, making Kendall's olive skin look tainted. The young girl felt nauseous. That's not how it was supposed to go. Not in the slightest.

-0-0-0-0-

It felt like yesterday, when it happened. Kendall can remember it vividly. She can remember every emotion, every fine detail. But every time she did remember, all those raw feelings would resurface. They'd cloud her mind and fog her judgment. Kendall's parents tried therapy and doctors and medication — nothing worked. It felt like nothing would ever work. The day it happened, Kendall had only been thirteen. She'd gone out in hopes of having a good time; it ended on a completely different note.

"You're thinking about it again."

Kendall was snapped out of her thoughts, her brown eyes going to the source of the voice. Standing — or rather sitting — just a foot away from her by the campus garden was Charles Xavier. The older, wheelchair-bound man ran a special institution, where he'd bring in gifted students to pursue their education there. For Kendall, it was very different compared to what she'd been accustomed to before.

"I can't help it," she responded, her tone sounding dull and almost lifeless.

"I understand." Maneuvering himself over to where Kendall sat, Charles placed a comforting hand on the teen's shoulder. Ever since that day, she isolated herself from those around her. It was a kind of coping mechanism, one that was hurting her in the long run. "But I want you to understand this, Kendall," Charles said, "isolating yourself from others won't fix what happened. The best way to handle this is to move forward."

"I'm trying."

Nodding, Charles let out a quiet sigh. "Yes, you are," he claimed. "Why don't we go inside? Lunch is almost over, and you wouldn't want to miss Ororo's class, would you?"

With a hint of a smile on her face, Kendall shook her head. Ororo's class was one of her favorite. It was one of the only classes the teen maintained an A in.

"You go on ahead, Kendall," Charles said, gently nudging her forward. "Class is about to start soon. I'd hate for you to be late."

With a small and appreciative smile, Kendall stood from the bench she was sitting on and went back to the institute. The school itself became a second home for the teen, being a place of comfort. Even when her emotions got the better of her, Kendall felt a sense of belonging while residing at the school. It was nice that Xavier decided to build dormitories into the school, allowing students to gradually become familiar and at ease. For Kendall, she really did enjoy being able to live on-campus. It gave her a different environment, the opportunity to look beyond what happened. Sadly, those little moments of remembrance still hit her from time to time. It wasn't easy, but Kendall was beginning to look for healthy ways to adjust.*

That's what matters, right?

-0-0-0-0-

Charles remembers, rather vividly, the day he first saw Kendall Salazar. It was a couple months after the day. At the time, the young girl was only thirteen, but he wouldn't have known that. The expression on Kendall's face was beyond how any child should look. Her brown eyes were dull, almost lifeless. Her olive skin seemed paler and her curly chestnut brown hair was noticeably unkempt. Charles found that to be concerning. At only thirteen, Kendall Salazar looked as though she had aged years. It was a heartbreaking sight.

Now Kendall's parents noticed an immediate change in their daughter after what happened. They noticed how she isolated herself, for starters. That was the first red flag. From what Charles had been told, Kendall used to be a very social young girl, having plenty of friends to hang out with. Afterwards, she'd barely make an effort to get out of her room, let alone get out of bed. Forced trips to therapists and doctors did nothing to improve their daughter's condition. Charles had contacted the Salazars in hopes of being able to provide a solution.

Kendall's situation had been severe, from what Charles had gathered. Her emotional stability was hanging on a thread. Her mental state was deteriorating at an alarming rate. And while Kendall's parents meant well, their methods of trying to handle their daughter's health wasn't working. It was making everything worse. The teen had greeted Charles with hostility, wanting nothing to do with the older man. He greeted her with compassion and understanding. While the circumstances she found herself in were unfamiliar to him, he did understand the uncertainty and anxiety she felt. After experiencing something so traumatizing, then developing abilities is not an easy feat. It's exhausting, it's confusing. So, when Charles displayed his solution, Kendall's parents were open to it. The teen herself was not. It took a lot of convincing.

Needless to say, Charles was ecstatic when Kendall agreed.

-0-0-0-0-

Stability was something Kendall never had in her life. For starters, she had to grow up witnessing her parents' toxic marriage. It was obvious the teen's parents no longer had feelings for each other; if they ever felt for each other to begin with. Constant screaming and fighting was a common thing in the Salazar household, something Kendall had grown to hate. She had grown up petrified of her parents, wondering what would set them off. Her father's temper was unpredictable, her mother's mood swings were off the charts. The teen would hear things being smashed, doors slamming — anything that could make the most damage or noise was always done by her parents in the heat of an argument.

Having to witness the toxicity of her parents' marriage always had Kendall wondering. If her mother hadn't gotten pregnant with her, then maybe the marriage would've ended sooner. Kendall knew that was a harsh thing to think about, but she had to wonder if it was true. Her mother got pregnant at twenty, got married a month later, and was forced to become a mother at a young age. It wasn't an easy transition, having to become a mother so quickly, but it had to happen.

Kendall's father, on the other hand, didn't adjust to fatherhood that well. He'd go out with his friends, partying and doing whatever he wanted. All the while, his new wife and daughter were at home, wondering when he'd come home. That was the one of the first red flags that the marriage was destined to fail.

Everything that happened after that is history. One more child and countless fights later, Kendall's parents decided to divorce. In all honesty, the teen couldn't imagine why her parents chose to stay together for so long. Was it because of their kids? Or was it because of something else? It was hard to say. From what Kendall could tell, her parents didn't seem to care too much about her or her brother. That was how things were in the Salazar home. By the time the teen turned twelve, her mother filed for divorce against her husband. Once her father found out, he was quick to leave. To this day, Kendall still doesn't know where her father lives. Does he have a girlfriend? A new wife? Does he have any new children? Kendall wanted to know, but he only made visits when he absolutely had to. Her mother wanted sole custody and her father could've cared less. That was how Kendall felt, at least.

But before the divorce could even be finalized, it happened. The day that changed Kendall's life forever.

Quite possibly the worst day of her life.

(A/N):

I know this might not be the best chapter, but hopefully you guys can overlook that. Also, sorry for not having this chapter up sooner. I'm currently taking summer classes, and I'm behind on a lot of homework so I'm trying to catch up on that. Add my job on top of that, and it's a mess of things I'm trying to finish while writing this. Oh well. If you've got constructive criticism, don't hesitate to leave it. I'd love to know how I can improve my writing for you guys. Tell me if there's something that's unclear and/or could use some polishing.

Nothing in the MCU belongs to me. All I own are my OCs, my subplots, and the clothes in my closet. If you've got ideas for OCs or subplots, PM me or leave a review. I'll add them in as soon as possible.

While I know this story is set in the first Thor movie, I will have the X-Men universe cross over with this story, plus any future Thor/Avengers fanfics that I write. Just as a head's up for you guys.

Be sure to leave a random fact on anything you've learned recently. Or it could be something you've known for a while.

Thanks a bunch.

Georgia Dominguez