Title: Troi's Nightmares
Series: Star Trek: TNG
Pairing: William T. Riker/Deanna Troi
Tags: Nightmares, Dreams, Romance, PTSD, Anxiety, Episode: s04e10 "The Loss", Betazoid
Summary: Deanna thought she had learned to cope with the temporary loss of her Betazoid powers. When Riker leaves the ship for a conference, Deanna's mind begins to unravel. The silent void is watching her. Waiting.
BETA: TheSupernova
It had been four days since Riker left the Enterprise due to a summons by Starfleet command. Apparently, they wanted him to attend a leadership conference of sorts, and he was due to give a lecture. Riker had been sketchy on the details, only promising Troi he would be back as soon as possible.
The timing couldn't be worse. Barely a week had gone by since she had experienced a temporary loss of her Betazoid powers. Ever since, she had been suffering from nightmares; despite having eventually accepted life as a typical human, the experience still haunted her.
She was isolated, and trapped in her own mind; lost in the dark. Deanna would scream into the void, but the darkness gave no response.
Never before had she felt afraid of losing her powers, but now, it was a fear she couldn't shake.
Riker had left almost immediately after those strange creatures had entrapped the Enterprise. He had been worried about her, but Deanna had promised she would be fine without him. This was before Deanna knew just how badly the experience had traumatized her.
Day five, and Beverly ordered Deanna a leave of her duties for a few day's rest. Deanna had quarantined herself in her quarters. Normally, she would have visited the mess hall during meal times, calmly enjoying a hot cup of tea and simply feeling the people around her, reveling in knowing that her mind was once again connected with theirs.
But the only person Deanna wanted to feel the most was gone. Riker's strong, enveloping presence had been cut off.
Without her powers, Deanna's connection with Riker had been ripped from her mind, and she hadn't realized until then just how much she depended on it.
Deanna refused Beverly's help. The last thing Deanna wanted to do was rest, even if the doctor promised a deep, dreamless sleep.
The hours ticked by slowly, and with every passing moment her mind slowly unraveled. PTSD and extreme anxiety were playing tricks on her mind. Deanna's nightmares were now haunting her during the day.
Silence. In brief flashes, no more the seconds at a time, Deanna's memories repressed her Betazoid powers.
Chaos. Riker. Silence. Death. Riker.
Deanna wanted Riker to come back to the ship, to hold her in his arms and tell her it would be alright.
Deanna lay curled up on their bed, crying into the sheets and praying for Riker to return. The void was watching her, playing with her mind and switching her powers on and off. She was beholden to an enemy she could not see.
Riker would make everything all right. He wasn't dead, he was just at a conference. Just because Deanna couldn't feel Riker's presence didn't mean anything. He would be back. He was alive. The void was watching her. Riker was dead. Silence. No, the void was gone. It was just her memories playing tricks on her. Riker was alive.
The sixth day, Deanna woke up in Riker's arm. It was a dream, though. Riker was gone. Only the void held her so tightly. The void.
But the void never talked to Deanna with Riker's voice.
"Sleep now," Riker's void said. Deanna heard the sound of a hypospray. If this was a dream, Deanna would accept it graciously. Riker had Deanna's body curled up on his lap, and was rocking her gently, like a child.
She heard Riker singing an old lullaby before sleep overtook her. This time, she didn't dream.