Sick Day
Summary: Twenty-four hours and a million problems: Sakura discovers the perils of attempting to care for one sick, highly delirious Uchiha Itachi. / ItaSaku / non-massacre /
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. *Sad face*
Prologue
Sakura couldn't breathe.
Not when there was an overly warm male body lying next to her—with two lithe, steely arms wrapped intimately around her, holding her firmly against the aforementioned male body; soft, rhythmic breaths being exhaled lightly against her ear, almost imperceptible in their fleetingness; and black, silken hair brushing teasingly against her pink cheek, the tickling sensation bringing a rosy hue to her face.
So really, it was hardly a lack of air that was the cause of her sudden oxygen shortage, but rather the predicament that she had quite suddenly, through no fault of her own, found herself in.
If she had it her way, she wouldn't have been in this less-than-proper position at all.
Hell, if she'd had it her way, she wouldn't have gotten out of bed yesterday morning despite the persistent knocks of her two idiot friends who were completely to blame for this ridiculous mess. But after five hundred miserably failed attempts at extricating herself from the unyielding and admittedly warm embrace that she had been ensnared by, she hadn't had much choice but to surrender her fruitless struggle and contemplate how much her life truly sucked.
Really though, Sakura scowled to herself as she turned her head minutely to glare at the sleeping person beside her, who knew this person would be so clingy in his unconsciousness?
For Haruno Sakura, for all intents and purposes, was currently being spooned by none other than her insufferably genius, impossibly perfect, and annoyingly handsome team captain: Uchiha Itachi.
Twenty-Four Hours Earlier
When Sakura woke up that morning, she just knew something bad was going to occur.
Never mind the fact that it was a Saturday, and not only that, but one which, for the first time in months, was not packed full of risky A-class missions, hectic shifts at Konoha General Hospital surrounded by lecherous patients and grumpy old biddy nurses, or certain annoying blonde friends eager to drag her from club to club looking for unsuspecting men to prey upon.
It was just one of those days when the very instant one's foot touches the floor after climbing out of bed, you might as well climb right back in and hide yourself from the misfortunes you are sure to experience.
To any living, breathing, flesh-and-blood human, the concept of a BAD DAY is not a foreign one.
And for the petite pinkette, she was getting those Certifiable Bad Day vibes—the ones where your clothes don't seem to fit right, your favorite mug accidentally slips from your sleepy hands and shatters into a thousand pieces all over the kitchen floor, the stupid coffee maker won't work (which requires at least ten minutes of intensive shouting and angry swearing at the useless thing), and you open your cupboards to try and rustle up a decent breakfast only to find that it is majorly lacking in anything edible with the pitiful exception of a few cups of instant ramen (clearly Naruto's doing—she really needed to stop letting that boy in her house unsupervised) and a bag of flour.
Yep, Sakura clearly knew that something ominous was lurking in her immediate and not-too-distant future. She was hardly a superstitious person by nature, but after wearily plopping down in a kitchen chair to peruse the morning paper and then ending up on the floor a moment later when the chair gave way under her, she couldn't help but wonder what else would follow.
Which was probably the reason why she was hardly surprised when a loud, frantic knocking at her door revealed none other than a wildly grinning Uzumaki Naruto and wide-eyed Uchiha Sasuke with what seemed to be an unconscious Uchiha Itachi limply supported between them.
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"Sakura-chan, good morning!" Naruto waved the arm not wrapped around Sasuke's brother at his best female friend, his ever-present smile growing impossibly bright at the sight of her. Sasuke merely gave one of his little anti-social nods, which in Sasuke-language translated into a hearty "Good Morning".
Sakura didn't even bother to credit his greeting with a response, instead choosing to stare perplexedly at the boneless form of Uchiha Itachi draped over the arms of her friends. Really, she felt there was only one appropriate query to be made in a situation like this.
Slowly she raised her uncomprehending gaze to the deceptively innocent faces of her two boys.
"What. The. Hell?"
Naruto and Sasuke took a simultaneous step backwards, wisely stepping out of reach of Sakura's fists. Never let it be said that Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke didn't learn from past experiences, particularly ones involving their violent female teammate.
"S-Sakura-chan, don't—"
Pointing a finger at the limp Uchiha heir, she hissed, "Why the heck are you showing up at my door, at seven o' clock in the morning on my day off no less, with my team captain looking like he's been force-fed poison?"
"Sakura. He's just sick, nothing more."
She glared at the younger of the Uchiha brothers who had just spoken, his monotone voice grating annoyingly on her ears. "And you immediately thought to bring him here? What's wrong with the hospital, huh? You know, the place you go when you're sick, rather than using the house of your innocent teammate?"
Really, this constant treatment of her home like an emergency room had to cease. And dammit, by hook or by crook, it was going to stop now. She didn't mind healing Naruto or Sasuke or Kakashi-sensei in the times when they would appear in front of her door bleeding to death, but she drew the line at acting as a sick ward to sadistic ANBU captains.
Especially ones whose greatest amusement in life was to incessantly mock/tease/torture/and otherwise just act insufferably towards her.
Sasuke sighed impatiently, shifting from one foot to the other as he supported his aniki's dead weight (lithe and slim Itachi may be, but damned if he wasn't heavy). "Look, Sakura, I would have just left him at the house, but Naruto and I have to leave for our mission today, and neither of my parents are home."
"So?"
He rolled his eyes, in that special sarcastic way only Sasuke could achieve. "So I couldn't just ditch my sick brother at home by himself."
"He's twenty-two, Sasuke-kun," Sakura snorted. "I think Itachi's old enough to take care of himself. Also, remember that hospital thing I was talking about? Works wonders on sick people, I hear."
Her firm stance on the matter elicited loud, irritable grumbles from both of her boys.
"Sakura, you're being unnecessarily annoying—"
A thin, pink eyebrow raised at her friend's words, her lips lifting in a wry smile. "My, my, you certainly have a unique way of asking for my help, Sasuke."
Naruto stepped forwards a little, trying to keep the peace between his two friends. The mulish look in Sakura's eyes told him she was preparing to punt them both out the door—with all of the chakra force she could muster in one foot. "Come on, Sakura-chan, we're already late for our mission. Just take the teme's brother, work your magic, and then kick him out on the doorstep!" Naruto suggested cheerfully, bright blue eyes pleading with her.
Sakura determinedly turned her head to the side, desperately avoiding Naruto's swimming puppy-dog eyes. That always got to her, damn it!
"No," she said sternly, proud of herself for the hard tone of her voice. This was one time when she had to refuse to be swayed from her position. "Absolutely not. Aside from the fact that it's my day off, something I haven't had in a very, very long time, I can't just work my magic, Naruto." She sent an exasperated look at the two medically-oblivious shinobi in the room with her. "I can heal broken bones and mend cuts easily enough with chakra, but you can't do that with illness. That's something the body has to accomplish all on its own, got it?"
From their confused looks, they obviously didn't.
Sakura inwardly scoffed, shaking her head at their cluelessness. Geniuses.
"Sakuraaaaaaa-chaaaaaan," Naruto wheedled in a voice that dangerously approached whining. A vein throbbed in Sakura's forehead, as her eyes squinted at him dangerously. "C'mon, just this once, I promise! Don't you love us?"
"Whether I love you or loathe you doesn't have anything to do with this, Naruto." Sakura folded her arms firmly, green eyes uncompromising. "Besides, aren't you worried at all about leaving me cooped up in my apartment all day with a guy under thirty?" The sly look she leveled her two boys with could only be called femininely subversive. "Usually you cause a huge fuss about anything like that."
Naruto clearly hesitated for a moment, blue eyes widening as he suddenly recalled that indeed, unconscious though he may be, Itachi was a healthy, prime specimen of a shinobi and Sakura was an innocent, seventeen-year-old girl. "Well, normally we would…but…" He trailed off uncertainly.
Sasuke seemed to have difficulty restraining himself, and finished the blonde's sentence with a smirk. "Che. Believe me, we have nothing to worry about."
Her eyes narrowed in the blink of a second, her demeanor switching from irritated to perilously riled. "Oh really?"
"Aaaaah—It's not that you're not highly appealing and attractive Sakura-chan," Naruto inserted quickly as he felt Sakura's killing aura elevate a few hundred miles, shooting a disgusted glare at his tactless Uchiha friend. He gave an aimless wave of his hands in an appeasing gesture. "Just that since we know for sure the teme's brother's not at all interested in girls, we figured you'd be safe if we left him here!"
She raised an eyebrow, and felt a momentary stab of pity for her poor, defenseless captain (even if he wasn't so poor and defenseless, because…this was Uchiha Itachi they were talking about. He was really anything but). "Naruto, Itachi may be many things, but it's kinda cruel to accuse him of being a hormone-lacking robot."
There was a yelp as one irritated Sasuke smacked the Hokage-wannabe across the head. "Idiot." He sighed, turning his attention onto his amused female friend. "Look, Sakura, it's basically a proven fact that Itachi-nii has never, will never, and can never show romantic interest in anyone. He just doesn't have the drive for it."
"You're saying your brother was born without a sex drive?" Sakura asked, grinning. "You have a lot of weird theories about your brother Sasuke-kun, and I can't say I disagree with all of them, but this one takes the cake."
Naruto smothered a snicker behind one of his hands not involved in propping up the unresponsive Itachi.
"I'm not saying that," was the uncomfortably mumbled reply, Sasuke's disgruntled face clearly communicating that he would like nothing more than to steer away from the topic of his elder brother's sex life. "Just that unless it has something to do with torturing, training, or missions, this guy is just not interested."
Years of seeing various females getting the old brush-off from his aniki were quite obviously playing in his mind. He winced as he thought of the dozens of poor Uchiha clan girls who had thus far tried and miserably failed at capturing his elder brother's attention. Sasuke cleared his throat. "So, you'll be safe, you can take care of my brother while we're on this mission, and we're heading out. Now."
One affirmative glance at Naruto and the two boys immediately sent the limp Uchiha flying into a surprised Sakura's arms, who reacted instinctively to catch her unconscious captain before he made contact with her floor.
After all, she really didn't wish to deal with the thousands of raging fangirls that would be after her blood should she allow Uchiha Itachi's flawless face to be disfigured.
"H-hey!" She spluttered, trying desperately not to drop Itachi on the floor and attempting to make a grab for her two smirking boys at the same time. "I never agreed to this, damn it!"
"Thanks Sakura-chan!" Naruto waved merrily on his way out the door as he wisely danced out of reach of punching distance. His happy smile was tinged with a slight shadow of fear at the murderous rage beginning to seep into the pink-haired girl's expression. "We definitely owe you one!"
"Naruto, don't you dare-!" She began frantically, arms already straining at the effort of supporting a grown man. Sasuke was already slinking out the door. "Sasuke, wait, I can't-!"
The dark-haired boy paused, and for a moment Sakura was filled with the wonderful notion that he was actually going to take pity on her poor soul and choose somewhere else to dump his brother.
However, in typical Sasuke-fashion, he quickly crushed those fledgling hopes.
"I don't think I need to remind you you're holding the future of the Uchiha clan there, Sakura." He nodded briefly towards the unconscious body Sakura was struggling to hold. "So a few things: Itachi's allergic to tomatoes; don't give him onions cause they break him out in a rash; pain meds are a definite no, he really doesn't react well to them; my mother usually gives us rice porridge for things like flu, so I recommend trying that out at some point; oh, and make sure you don't use any of those cooling patches on his forehead, they give aniki headaches."
Sakura's green eyes swirled in bamboozlement as she tried to take in the rapid-fire instructions that her friend was spewing at her, seemingly forgetting that Sakura, unlike him, was not a little prodigal genius and therefore did not have a conveniently photographic Uchiha memory. "A few things!" She snarled at one of her so-called best friends. "Sasuke, you—you—how am I supposed to remember all that!"
Her indignant outburst was merely rewarded with a cool stare. "Stop whining, you'll be fine. We'll probably be back in a day or so." Almost as an afterthought, he added, "Thanks, Sakura."
And with that, he departed, leaving a blankly staring Sakura alone in her apartment.
A moment passed.
She glanced down at the aforementioned future of the Uchiha clan in her arms.
"I'LL GET YOU BOTH FOR THIS ONE DAY, YOU JERKS!"
In honor of Itachi surviving for yet another chapter of Naruto, I wrote this little drabble-y intro thing. After all, Itachi gets to be the damsel in distress sometimes too, right? XD
I thought it would be cute to have a fic detailing the twenty-four hours in which Sakura attempts to care for her sick captain…with a thousand problems and disturbances along the way, of course. This is Itachi and Sakura we're talking about after all. Even unconscious he's perfectly capable of causing her trouble.
I'd love to hear feedback on the tentative idea for this fic; otherwise I'll just leave it as a oneshot and up to your creative imaginations :)